| why is it like this
Posted: 11/21/2004 8:12:16 PM | Hey guys:
I am really new to this thing and would love to vent for a second, I kow that none of you know me and do not really care about this but I feel this will help me. so here goes. I have recently gotten out of a 10 year relationship with my highschool sweetheart and it ended so suddenly and abruptly that I feel lost and alone. We had been dating for 10 years living together for 8 1/2 years and engaged for 1 1/2 years. I not only lost someone that I loved deeply but I lost someone that I have relied on and had been my best friend since junor highschool. We were not getting along 100% but I thought that we were working on making it better. He came home on a Thursday about 3 months ago and said that he was leaving because he was not happy and he then took his stuff and left ok so there was a lot more to figure out. I found out the following friday that he had flown to Vegas that Monday 4 days after he left and gotten married. How am I suposed to respond or act or feel. I feel so lost and confused. My life makes no more since and I do not even know where to start to try and get it back to normal. Well that is it in a nut shell thanks for listening. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 11/21/2004 8:34:28 PM | | It sounds like he took advantage of a long friendship and played around on the side, considering he married that quickly..Though it hurts real bad, be thankful you had not married him yet. There are too many fish swimming round and I am sure you will land a better catch next time. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 11/21/2004 8:50:34 PM | What he is doing sounds to me like a rebound relationship.
Very seldom do they work, it seems to me most humans need a break after being in a long term relationship to get back to who they are as an individual.
Good luck on your venture.
Todd | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 11/22/2004 8:36:53 PM | I had a similar experience. My opinion is for you to allow yourself to grieve, let yourself go through the stages that will bring you back to normal let yourself cry, get angry, vent to your friends. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT CALLING THIS GUY. You must know that you deserve better. What I had to learn is that we must let go of the person we were involved with and accept they are gone. In my case I had to let go of who I believed my wife was and accept who she had become. I know it's confusing. We have our impressions, opinions or beliefs of who our spouses are. Then they do something that isn't normal, possibly something completely out of character. We then have a tendencey to try and understand why they did it. Next we often find what we think is a valid reason and start to justify their actions. We do this because we don't want to believe the person we trusted and loved could or would hurt us. Get over that. We don't need to be so understanding it only prolongs the hurt. Get selfish for a little while take care of you. You should be with someone who is loyal. Obviously he had been cheating for quite sometime.
You'll be ok, just take your time, keep yourself busy and don't jump into anything to fast. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 11/23/2004 2:35:03 PM | | You have to move on with your life and don't look back.. Your questions will never be answered but that is just something you have to accept. I believe that when bad things like that happen to show us that there is something better and that relationship wasnt ment to be. Be strong !!!! you will survive.. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 11/23/2004 2:53:20 PM | | Sounds to me like he must have been seeing her for a while. He is very ****ed up. Thats what I think. You are a very atractive lady and when you get back on your feet from this you should be able to find a man. I hope that you get threw this soon and your better off. Once a cheater always acheater. Good luck. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 11/25/2004 4:57:11 PM | | NO OFFENCE YOUR EYES WERE CLOSED FOR A LONG TIME.HE WAS PROBALLY CHEATING ON U FOR A LONG TIME.IF YOU DIDNT KNOW WHAT HE WAS UP TO YOU DIDNT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP AT ALL | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 12/17/2004 11:38:56 PM | | Thanks for the words of encouragement Shianna | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 12/18/2004 6:04:54 AM | | I truly feel for you foxy. I dont think its going to be easy for you but try to accept the finality of that relationhip. It is always easier to loose someone through death than from the death of a relationship. 10 years is a long time and that sense of loss that you feel must be very deep. If i were you, I will not try to deny that hurt or that sense of loss. No matter how painful it is, I will take it one day at a time. Just be very careful not to fall into any kind of depression. It will sap your energy and your outlook towards life. Just when the hurt gets so bad, just try to remember that there is always a rainbow at the end of a rainy day. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 12/18/2004 9:07:23 AM | Sorry to hear that my ex just left me for her former ex we werent together that long 8 1/2 months but it still hurts espacialy since we live together. But just take it day by day and unfortualty only time takes the pain away. The way Im combating it is knowing that anyone that could do that to me or (you) is a selfish SOB and dosent deserver US to be sheding tears and missing them. Stay busy meet new ppl I suggest just for friendship and try things in life you never thought you would.
Biz | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 2:51:27 PM | Time does heal all wounds..
trust me i know I walked in on the first love of my life doing my friend at a new years eve party (the year 2000)
IT sucks for a good year maybe even two i couldnt get the visual out of my head but over time and after just going out making new friends and enjoying my life i totally got over him and me and him are actually very good friends now..
it sucks and it hurts.
but it does get better. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 2:59:24 PM | Got Glock? j/k
Try to find the silver lining in the issue...marrying your high school sweetheart although very fairy tale and romantic, does not work out all too well in the end. He would have kept on using you and cheating on you and because you loved him so much you would continue to be blind to the situation and hope that he'd grow out of it. Guys like him hardly grow out of such things, if ever. One day he may realize what he had done to you, but by then you will have grown into a whole new person...a stronger woman who can smell BS a mile away. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 3:43:53 PM | | Keep your friends and family as close as you can. I went through a very simular situation about 4 years ago, it has taken till now to know that I'm ok. People do horrible things. What you are feeling is the death of a relationship, it can be as bad as the death of a person. What you had was real, tangible, and your lifeline. Look at what other resources you have and seek comfort in the fact that you are ok, you are a good person, you didn't deserve this, but none the less, it happened. It takes time to recover, a little (or lot) battered and bruised but still a good person with purpose and a future. It is a shame that there are people in this world like what you just experienced, but there are a lot of good ones. Pity him, he has to sleep with himself every night! Best wishes! | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 4:01:34 PM | They do say love is blind... and it truly is, which is a good thing in general, of course, it made you blind to some other issues.
Without knowing everything about it, it does seem that he had something going on the side, though that may not be true either.
What I can say is this, he did not love you as you loved him, that is more than a bit obvious. I know that you are hurt and hurting, and I can not offer you any kind of solace save this:
He was obviously unworthy of the gift of your unconditional love, and at the very least, you had a clean break. It will get better with time.
Welcome to the forums, please stay, join in and be welcome... we have fun here, and most are friendly and open...
~~Dragon Rider~~
I know it is here somewhere...
Guess I will keep lookin' | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 4:20:45 PM | HI i just wanted to let you know your not alone. I'm going through bascially the same situation
after six yrs she left me for someone else it really sucks and you think it would never happen but it does. Everyday is a struggle but everyday it gets a little better trying to rebuild your life the right way withought trying to make someone happy who doesnt appreciate you. I have to say its actually a relief, no matter how much i loved her. Take care and good luck and feel free to get back to me im sure wed have alot to talk about  | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 5:02:54 PM | Hi...
First of all, sorry to hear the bad news... I went thru a similar, ordeal... Basically, i got married way to young... She was, 19 and i was 21.
At that age, you believe that, you know it all... I believe that, all people go thru several stages of consciousness in life... The first one, being from the time your born too around 4 or 5... The time where, the child see's, what he or she can get away with and with which, parent...
The next one is around, the teen age years... Were you begin to come into your own and want more freedom, so you start to rebel...
The following one, would be around 19 too 21... Where, you think you know, what's best for you... You're finally legal, so you just want to go out and make up for lost time... But, there is clearly not enough experience, yet... Plus, the people your getting advice from, at the time, don't know very much either...? So it's like the blind, leading the blind...?
I realize that, i may have gone a bit far back... But, i'm just trying to make a point, here...?
By the time, your almost in your 30's... With careers, new friends and experiences, etc... Now you a man or a woman, the childish stuff... Starts to wear down a bit and you start to see thing, a little bit more clearly...
It's like walking into a toy store, when you were a kid... And going nuts, for the latest toys... Now, you walk into the same toy store and nothing, interests you... Because, you've grown...
In essence, you and he... grew up and apart, into... two adult's. If it would have worked, by today's standards, it would have been, pretty rare. Atleast, to my own experiences and knowledge, so as not to generalize...
Now, if any of us, would have been living sometime, around 40 or 50 yrs. ago or much longer back... Considering that, the world would have felt much smaller to us all... Small towns, etc... It would have been, more likely to have worked...
Plus, i've noticed that, there has to be several years, between any man or woman... Either, he has to be older or she does... I've noticed that relationships, with the kind of age gap... Usually last's, longer...
And there are other variable, to much for me to list...
All i can say is that, all things happen for a reason... Maybe, this had to happen... So that, you're true love, can walk thru the door, finally... Trust me...! I've seen, quite a bit... Some good and some bad, but everything, has a reason for happening...
You'll see... :)
Gerry | |
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22x
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Joined: 12/12/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| because ...........
Posted: 1/3/2005 5:03:58 PM | yea it hppened to me to a girl i never had one fight with in 6 years....
talk about blank she came home one day told me she screwed around on me
and we are no more ,then she screwed her best freinds man to after they moved in together to support my Ex.how screwed is that since ive heard of 5 more people she screwed and screwed over..........she was so sweet i guess ill never know what happened to her in one nite? love is blind ,deef ,dumb and we all want it Bad, i want to take in some dates to recover
and see if anyone actually is what they say they are? | |
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22x
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Joined: 12/12/2004
Msg: 19 | |
| PS
Posted: 1/3/2005 5:06:14 PM | | i love your morgan / vampire ears and outfit thats wonderful | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 5:25:26 PM | happy new year foxykid ,
sorry to hear about your heart ache but maybe you can draw some confort from these words.
" And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom " | |
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je4mac
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Joined: 12/31/2004
Msg: 21 | |
| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 5:34:53 PM | Steele!
i read you post about why is it like this....i have to agree with you totally....it also happened to me...thought it has been 7 months ago he left...i am still trying to justify his actions...and understand....but it isn't helping....after i read what you said...it all made sence to me...i can't justify it....ONLY they can justify it...so after today...i am not going to beat myself up anymore about it...it is time for me to move on with my life....Thank-you for giving me that inspiration..... | |
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je4mac
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Joined: 12/31/2004
Msg: 22 | |
| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 5:43:31 PM | | thank-you thebiz for your encouragement...i also thanked steele....both have helped to to realize live is to short to beat myself up over a guy that left me.... | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 6:02:21 PM | | Be happy you didnt marry, and you are young. After over 20 years marriage the ex was getting mean and never home. Yes I know that last one to know. I decided to move out. I came home and told him I was moving out that weekend. That was a Thursday, I heard him leave, the next day his truck was there but he wasnt. I moved out with the help of my 17 year old son to help(he stayed with his dad). I heard the next day that on Thursday, him and his girlfriend had flown to Atlanta Motor Speedway to the races. My son covered for him the whole time. He didnt know if I moved out or not when he got back. Its has been 2 years and the hurt is finally going away. I still do not have any trust in males yet. But its coming back a lil bit at a time. I left the North and moved to my family, his were up North. There is hope and I can tell you the hurt does finally leave. But that road to healing is hell. You find out alot about yourself, I sure did. I have always depended on my father, grandfather, the Army then my husband. No I have only myself to depend on and I am doing just great. You just have to believe in yourself, period. | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 7:05:25 PM | | I can relate 100%. Mine was 14 years, 12 of marriage. 3 kids. Lost everything that meant anything to me. Unfortunately I never saw it coming. But I do feel she made the right choice to not be with me, if she didn't love me it was no good. Just wish there had been some warning, or something that I could have done. But it is DEVESTATING, to say the least. Has been a year and a half for me, we are just getting into the legal divorce, and it tears my heart out. But it is better than her being in a relationship she didn't want to be in. I don't think a person ever recovers from being so totally and utterly decieved, let down, and misplaced trust. But at least for me, I have accepted it, and only hope that one day a TRUE love comes into my life and makes it worthwhile. Not everyone is a bad apple. Isn't the end of the world, only seems like it. One day at a time, and it does get easier eventually. Keep your chin up! | |
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| why is it like this
Posted: 1/3/2005 7:54:47 PM | | that had to be a hard thing to deal with, and sometimes you will never get the answers or at least the ones you want, sometimes thats worse. good luck and try to remember when one door closes another one opens | |
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