| Why Can't Men Be "Friends" First??
Posted: 8/30/2005 8:22:54 AM | As much as I love the opposite sex, and I most certainly do!! I'm growing weary of dating. It seems every man I meet wants to jump my bones before they even got to know me. Not that jumping bones is a bad thing, but, come on, there's more to two people interacting than sex. Aside from the sex, many of them want me to commit to a serious, monogamous relationship after a couple of phone calls. I'm here for friendship and networking. If somewhere down the line we find we're otherwise attracted, then cool, we can go for it. Heck, I haven't had any bone jumping in a long time.  Still, that's not something I want to do just anyone. I'm a lady. Why can't that be respected? Well... what's everyone else's take on this?? | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/30/2005 8:34:23 AM | I say enjoy the fact they want to jump your bones. Take it for what it is, you are not going to jump them, so don't sweat it.
Take it as a compliment.
One day soon they will just stop. Thats the day you will be old...and reminising back to the good old days.
:)
| |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/30/2005 8:40:13 AM | Then just tell them I'm here for networking and friendship ONLY. Be specific with them I guess.
The ones who don't treat you like a lady are boneheads...don't worry about those ones. Just stick with the winners! | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/30/2005 9:00:00 AM | | maybe you should do them and then they'll be frie..... oh wait.... yeah, ok, we're talking about guys here... ok, never mind | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/30/2005 9:07:45 AM | | whats the problem with wanting to have a monogamous relationship with someone , while being friends and seeing were it will lead | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/30/2005 9:11:40 AM | Because usually when we become friends first we never get to the jumping bones part, Instead we get "we're friends and I wouldn't want to do anything that might ruin our friendship"
 | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/8/2005 7:48:05 PM | | i think that is the best way to go how else can you know if you can have a relationship. and for those who say well we are friends i don't want to ruin that then you were meant to be just friends and there is someone else out there. respect that. there is nothing wrong with a good friend | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/8/2005 8:05:14 PM | | The problem is that some men associate being friends with having no chance to jump your bones and so aren't interested. Tsk.... ;) | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/8/2005 8:05:39 PM | Do it the way you want with somebody who wants to do it that way with you.
Sex doesn't ruin anything, by the way; it's usually possessiveness, jealousy, neediness, etc. that ruins things. | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/8/2005 8:09:02 PM | Hey there beautiful people!!! ....and no men and women cannot really be friends because sooner or later the woman will just think that he is gay (unsure of his sexuality blah!blah!blah!) and this messes everything up unless he is a big time player and providing her the play by play or they happen to be friends with benefits....
Cheerios... | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/8/2005 9:09:40 PM | | I guess this just goes to prove that you can't satisfy a woman. She complains if you just want to jump her bones. And then she complains if you want to have a commited monogamous relationship. If you do become friends first then she'll complain that she doesn't want to risk ruining the friendship. After all this she complains because she can't find a nice guy. | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 6:31:29 AM | Good question...
I myself ask the same thing all the time...Can't we just get to know each other a little bit before we take that step? | |
|
kce33
|
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 6:57:25 AM | now that is a very good question.. first off, I do not date strangers, I have to talk and become friends first before i will date someone.. I don't understand how you can do it any other way, anything else is like blind dates..
yet you read the profiles and they say that they are looking for dating or long term... this is all well and good, but how do they think that they are going to get there if they don't talk and become friendly..
they act and sound like they have no dating clues at all..
for crying out loud, if i'm looking for a long term relationship, you better beleive i'm going to talk to people first, i am not going to jump right up and say, longterm, ok lets go, then a few weeks down the road you find out theres nothing there and forget the chemistry, my eyes have pulled tricks on me many times in the past..
kce | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 7:05:14 AM | From the man's point of view, you are asking him to remain in a prolonged state of unsatisfied desire. To be a lady, as you say, you need a man to turn down, because that is what makes a lady. She must say NO when men want sex. The man's job is to stand their knocking at a locked door so you can stand on the other side explaining how much of a lady you are.
So having learned that ladies want relationships first, the next time he starts down that path. Once again his approach must be incorrect, as you have pointed out. He will not get sex and a relationship is the wrong approach. Where does this leave him? It leaves him to have a beer with his male friends, and together they wonder why women are nuts, unlike sports where the goals are obvious if difficult but not impossible. | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 7:29:09 AM | | Amen!! I've read other posts and men are so afraid of having "the friend" label. Just because a woman calls you a friend, that doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship can't be taken any further. | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:38:04 AM | | And we really do want to be your friends, and after knowing you for a couple hours, are ready to make love! Because thats what evolution has programmed us for, hey, and two hours is a long time to wait too. | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:43:43 AM | wow, well, i might blow all you ladies away with this then, thats the way i like to start ANYTHING.. friends.. and nothing more, yes, the attraction may be there, but theres no reason for us to go jumping into bed right away. you have to have some sexual tension build up right? i mean come on. you may be totally attracted to someone, but have nothing in common. and if you let those feelings of attraction take over, and you jump their bones, well, then you dont even know what the other person is like as an individual. (ie- personality, likes/dislikes, history) i personally dont like to jump in the sack with anyone unless i feel it is worth pursuing a REAL relationship with someone. not just sexual, but it has to have some density to it (relationship) in order for me to even open that door of intimacy. becuase once you open up the intimacy door, then the emotions begin to FLY. its totally subconscious, but men and women totally will get emotionally attached to someone after sex a couple times. becasue most of the time, you are letting all your inhibitions down, and showing everything you have, putting everything you have on the table. and when the guard is down and someone penetrates your emotional being, you begin these processes in your brain that lead to emotional attachment, love/lust, and other feelings of needing someone to be around, when if they "did it" it too early, arent realy emotions of attraction to be around one another, but feelings of lust.
JMHO | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 1:08:34 PM | Because I'm sexy. IN person; it is not so easy. (not my fault..not hers..but both of ours; I suppose)
I"m trying.
Right now..I have taken a step back from a girl I may love very deeply (at her insistence we stepped back), however, it allowed us to see more routes..and to access those routes..that may allow us to go further forward (if she ever wishes to take those routes)
I try....but..when it comes to women and chemistry...it just gets very hard to not...you know..get caught up in nature.
P.S. The word "friend" has about a mazillion different meanings these days it seems.
P.S.S. Thank you for validating my profile KCE
| |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 1:14:52 PM | CBaby....
...great thread topic.....well said....Friendship is a Must for sure Before starting any relationship....How Do You if You can enjoy this Person long term if You do not know them as friends first????.........well said Baby Kudos to you.......
..On any given Day I would want to Be friends First...If the Mind is not there,sometimes the heart is left out to lunch.....  
DragonN...we think too much alike that can be very dangerous for any thread.....ahahahhaha
Scary.......lmao!!!!! | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 1:39:01 PM | Y'know....
I've usually tried to move slow... be friends... and a lot the girls I tried that with got pretty frustrated.
The fact that I WASN'T making overtly sexual moves and comments seemed to be insulting to them.
That's not always the way it has gone... but about half the time...
... and if I did manage to become friends... a lot of times it turned on the 'I'll never get involved with a friend' rule (this from a person who had been coming on to ME a couple months earlier).
Not a clear situation for me...
Is there some kind of calendar or schedule I forgot to pick up?
K | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 2:11:56 PM | | Simlasa, you got a 2005 Calendar? Thats it: Mark off the day your gonna have your first date, if you have fun, at the end tell her you'd like to see her again NEXT WEEK, (kiss is totally optional), go on another date, if you two are still having fun, let her say "I had a lot of fun" (kiss is required here). BUT DONT MAKE A DATE, let her call you for date number three, ok thats TWO WEEKS (or 3 fridays in a row). But if you meet them on the internet, tell them you wanna go bareback rump riding with her this weekend, tell her you are a real cowboy too or a Peruvian Monk, just make up some "archetypal role". | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 2:28:25 PM | Because first we are but men. We can move slowly, but our direction is determined virtually immediately. Good men wait, good women don't keep us waiting too long for convention's sake. | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 2:46:16 PM | | The reason the men you meet are like that is that "WE" nice guys are GROSSLY out numbered by the jerks and nut case ones so it can be find us good ones. And two for every jerk and nut case guy there seems to be his female equal out there to that is just as bad..! Trust me on this one...I have met many of them that wanted to just be jumped...OK! The good guys many of them have given up out for frustration and so have many of the good females to and therefor the net and many such places where you could meet someone is now almost all over run with the jerks, nut cases and alike. I will say I am not to far away from giving up myself to and the only reason I have posted a profile to POF is that I just found this place a few days ago and thought.....what the hell I will give it one more try. But after a few of the replies I have gotten from some of the females....I have wonder what planet am I on...! | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 2:50:29 PM | aquarium...
you funny
Peruvian cowboy... that's me... I'll show up barefoot and bareback on my donkey...
Not like I got this training at school...
K | |
|
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 3:02:45 PM | I can totally relate to the OP.
There is nothing more annoying than going on a first date, and being groped, fondled, and getting your face drenched in saliva from sloppy kisses that only he is enjoying. All you want is to get a word in inch-wise. Ok, a few words: "Take me home, please."
He has no interest in hearing what you have to say, and nothing to say to you (except for, "You have such soft lips!" or, "Ooh! You kiss so good!" or, "(insert cheesy line here)"
I'd have to say this happens 9 times of of 10 with me. It gets annoying. All I want is to have a nice dinner, or a few drinks with nice conversation and a few laughs (I can be funny sometimes, but a lot of men don't know this about me because they're too busy playing tonsil hockey with me.)
And the funniest part is, at the end of the night, they say they had an amazing time with me(and I wonder where I was), and attempt to get down my pants... (AS IF!)
If I'm lucky, I won't ever hear from them again, once they realize they're going to strike out.
But, quite often, I'm not that lucky.
I get countless phone calls and compliments. They do everything to win me over. Most of the times, they can't, because my decision was already made on the first date. But, every once in a blue moon, one of those guys does win me over, and a relationship begins. Things get heavy...
...and they disappear. heh. | |
|
Home
login 
