anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 1 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/22/2004 11:45:54 AM | since i have very few friends and i have really no where to vent, i thought i would do it here.
in the last three months especially i have found myself sleeping more, not wanting to be around people, not even wanting to talk to people much, irritated and frustrated and not focused.
i have two kids who keep me busy but it seems that something is missing. i just don't feel right about anything. i don't really have the words to describe how i feel.
i do go do things, mostly the things that revolve around my childrens' activities and i do go to work but when i'm not with them and often when i am with them i want to sleep and i just feel disconnected.
i have dated a little but it seems that having children is often a problem for the guy and often we just end up being nothing more than **** buddies, which leaves me feeling totally empty.
i seem to be rambling on and basically not making any sense. i just needed to write down how i was feeling at this moment.
thanks for listening. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/22/2004 1:49:33 PM | anchi
Everyone has those emotions from time to time.
Try to appreciate the little things in your life. Seriously, it sounds stupid but it works.....
Also, tell yourself everyday how great you are.....I'm sure you have talents, I'm sure you're a very nice person, loving mother....etc.
Tell yourself you're beautiful.
Also, remind yourself that the actions of others reflect them, not you. Just because someone didn't want to get into a relationship with you doesn't mean that YOU did something wrong. That was obviously on them.
Finally, you've got to pick and choose. Look deep down and be honest with yourself. Tell yourself exactly what you want. Then don't settle for less. Go and get.
Only when you're happy with yourself can you possibly be happy with others.......
Hope that helps....rock on anchi
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anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 3 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/22/2004 4:47:43 PM | thanks matt,
any words of encouragement help. i do tell myself some of those things. it just seems hard to stay positive lately.
and don't get me started on relationships!?!?!?lol :)
i think i give up.
thanks again,
anchi | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/22/2004 5:22:02 PM | Anchi, well I have to say that I too was going thought some really hard time when I got here, I mean I found this place by accident while doing a search on the web. Someone told me to start writing poetry... I had never written a poem in my life before I got here. Now there is a 5 page thread in the poetry fourm. I'm still not a poet but it is a great outlet to let out the pain.. and if you get involved here is becomes an addiction...
there are great people on this site and not all of them are here trying to get hooked up.... What ever you going through someone else has been through it... I have made many friends here..... you can if you wish e-mail me and we can talk..... off the boards.... I'm going thrrough some heavy crap right now myself.... LOL Just read the first few pages of the Poetry I write and you can see and feel the pain..... | |
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anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 5 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/22/2004 6:00:10 PM | thanks soba for the encouraging words. i'm on my way to check out your poetry.
i would love to chat. never hurts to have friends.
i'm a good listener as well as talker,
take care,
anchi | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/22/2004 8:16:26 PM | | ahhh I hear you and I feel all the same things you are feeling. I want to give up but I can't. I want to be happy with what I have right now and believe I don't need to have a man in my life but I really miss being loved and loving some one. I really miss being touched by some one who loves me. Hang in there....I believe it will happen for me and for you. | |
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anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 7 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/23/2004 6:37:43 AM | thanks iowa,
your word fit what i am feeling exactly.
i hope you are right for both of us.
take care,
a | |
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w8in4u
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Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 8 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/24/2004 6:47:27 AM | Anchi,
You may be experiencing 'clinical depression' being brought on by changes in your body and hormones. You would need to see a doctor about regulating yourself.
The symptoms that you are describing can affect every venue of your life. You may start to see your self-esteem diminish as the days continue because you do not understand what is causing your increased lack of desire, which in actuality is beyond your control.
Simple things you can do - sleep regularly, go to bed and get up at the same time.
Eat balanced meals at the same time each day, try to keep a regular daily routine. Possitive reenforcement, keep a journal and write down everything you are feeling. Avoid alcohol - it's a depressant. Try to get out in the sun (if you still have one) for a little while each day.
With depression you will automatically start focusing on the 'negative' things in life and have difficulty acknowledging anything positive.
It is not easy by any means, what you are experiencing. Accept that it is nothing that you are doing, but something you will overcome.
Best of luck to you. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/24/2004 11:40:36 AM | Hi Anchi,
We have all been there. My ex really fooled me. And I thought I was a pretty street savvy guy. It was very tough on me after my divorce. I had a hard time dealing with people. All I can say is time heals the wounds. If you can join some kind of club, a bowling league, etc..etc.. it might help. Getting out is the key. You sound like a good person, 2 kids and all. I was always told when you get knocked down, get up real fast or else you will lay there and wallow in self-pity. I didn't get up very fast after my breakup, but when I did life got much better.
Dennis | |
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anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 10 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/24/2004 2:11:11 PM | depressed, yep, definetly that. have been struggling with it for all of my life i think. i have bad days and good days.
i take medication that helps. without it, imagine how i would be.
your advice was awesome though and much appreciated. the kind words that i have recieved here have really helped to bring me out of it a little.
thanks so much.
a | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/24/2004 6:50:51 PM | you are a very pretty woman, and you should not let your situation get you down.
I am a 24 year old male, and if you need someone to talk to im here! ill help you get through this, shwing124. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/24/2004 10:14:20 PM | | I don't have any close friends anymore because my best friend moved away. I know a few other people but I'm not really close with them. My girlfriend and I broke up last March. I also don't have any family here. Needless to say, I don't get out much and things have been pretty depressing for me too. So yes, I can relate. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/25/2004 6:57:35 AM | | You need to take a reality check on your life.your children should be your first concern.You should discuss your feelings with your doctor.get some help,counseling .try joining some clubs were children are involved.In any relationship check the man out,they will cover up many things in order to get to you.A man that has nothing at your age will probably have nothing period.go to church,and do not rush into relationship too fast they usualy cool off in a month.believe nothing what you hear and only half what you see in a man.you can get hurt badly when you are vulnerable.better to be lonely alone than to be with some one lonley.you are attractive and there is some one out there who will love you and your children.you deserve nothing better than a happy life for you and your children.do not take less. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/25/2004 10:23:51 PM | You are an attractive woman and as far as I can tell by your profile, fun-loving and intelligent. Great traits! I am positive that it will only be a short matter of time until you meet a man who *swoons* you, and you *swoon* him right back. Sending positive vibes your way! Good luck!  | |
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BCGray
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Joined: 11/26/2004
Msg: 15 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/26/2004 5:12:25 PM | | Hey anchi, from one who was pushed and chose to stay in that pit (depression) for way too long. My answer is simple, you and every one else are a simple spirit cog that is required to unfold this great universe, so take our hand and extract yourself, for you are important to all the rest of us, as any spirit that is lost makes the task of us coping that much harder. If you need a friend, I am always in. | |
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anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 16 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/29/2004 1:22:23 PM | thanks all for the good advice and for caring. i'm feeling much better dispite some wierd things that have happened.
i appreciate all the kind words. it's nice to know there are some decent people still left out there.
a | |
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BCGray
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Joined: 11/26/2004
Msg: 17 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/29/2004 1:38:21 PM | Anchi, simply remember we are ALL just an Email away, and your amongst a POF room full of friends. | |
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kirby
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Joined: 7/21/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/29/2004 2:59:28 PM | I personally think havin' a "f###k buddy"usually gets me out of any depression I might be feelin'.Aint nothin' like a little"why hello there",to get u back in stride.Espeicially if she's doin' most of the work(LOL).
Its something about lookin' at the top of someones head while they're kneelin .....good times.Well I hope u feel better anchi.Just figured I'd offer a little advice.Bye | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/29/2004 5:04:05 PM | Well girl i know how u feel and no matter what i or anyone says wont really change it, YOU have to be positive about it. I know where u are coming from because i feel the same, im a single mom and have been divorced 6 yrs, up untill last yr dating was fun but now its a hassel and it seems there are not many guys out there now looking for that serious thing, no offense to those who are, i know there are some they are just hard to find. The one way im opposite of u is i cannot sleep i spend many sleepless hours but im also an insomniac, soooo if i may offer a bit of advice.....i work in the medical field and im not sure how u feel about anti depresssant meds, but it would be worth talking to your dr about, i took zoloft during the hard times and it helped alot, im better now and no longer take it , but in that hardship it made a big difference, i think its worth looking into, not just for you but also your kids, I know alot of people dont belive in medicine but honestly its worth a try. As for the guy thing..ha ha, patience is a virtue...one day we will be blessed with the right man for us, untill then we just keep going, remember we dont "need" a man, our heart just wants a man...nothing wrong with that...
if u want to talk more im here, email me and i can give u my email addy thats personal, till then take care, good luck and god bless
your friend, whos also lonley...
K | |
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anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 20 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/29/2004 6:54:33 PM | thanks blue,
i take lexapro, and that seems to help for the most part. i just have bad days and worse days. i am learning to deal with it.
i liked the part where you said we don't need a man our heart just wants one. that is sooo true.
hang in there girl, we'll make it.
if you want to leave me an e-mail address that would be great just p.m. me and i will check for it later.
take care,
a | |
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w8in4u
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Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 21 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/29/2004 9:33:42 PM | | Lexapro works well with few to no side effects. Verify dosage with the doctor, you may need to increase just to get through this lovely time of year. | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 22 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 11/30/2004 12:00:40 AM | Well..I'm out in smallsville Quebec....and don't speak French very well...so friendships are VERY milited, and working nights leaves little for dating time or anything. I got lucky and found someone who moved here with me. Still see her only a couple hours a day, and weekends, even if we DO live together! Not to mention the PAY sucks around this area, but cost of living is higher here than in the city! (ok..rent is cheaper but everything, and I do mean everything else is way more money!)
Ok...I vented. Oh...the ex still tells my current GF that I am a depressed alcoholic and am down all the time...man, I must have been "Mr. Bubbles" when I got here in comparison! Sheesh.... | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 12/2/2004 4:54:39 PM | | you should see what a bad time is like when you have no kids! i mean, i'm often glad i never had any (didn't want the responsibility, nor did i want the possibility of passing along the bad habits i was raised with), but it makes for a totally lonely time when you're not in a relationship. i'm not a relationship junky type person - mine are few & far between (i usually pick the "wrong" people if you know what i mean) - so it does get quite depressing, especially in the winter. i could be in a relationship if i wanted to be i guess, but i'm just so d*mn picky. & i find a kind of comfort in being alone in front of the tv, no matter how lame or sad that sounds! | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 12/2/2004 6:51:24 PM | Anchi, it's classic "clinical depression", as w8in4u states.
There is no easy cure.
In fact, the cures might be pretty painful. It's a fact of life.
I hate to say "pick yourself up by your bootstraps", but that pretty much says it all. You can go to classes and learn 42 other peoples problem, only to find you now have 42 all new problems.
The point being: No one can survive your problems by your own perspective because they are not you. So the problem is yours, alone. In the end, it is never a question of "am I doing something wrong", or even "I can't handle this".
You see yourself in front of an obstacle now that is so huge you can see no way over or around it. It's a personal block that keeps you from being YOU (I'm sure you know what I mean). Now comes the hard part:
You must now either choose to stay where you are at, or conquer it. Staying put is infinitely easier. If you wish for your life to move along, you must then choose the harder path. No one but yourself can do this; it is your own obstacle. No one has lived your life and has your circumstances. It is yours, and yours alone.
Your friends will attempt to help you (and God bless them). Perhaps your pastor, if you believe such. But in the end, the decision is yours, and yours alone. You alone are here to make this decision. You will either choose to make yourself happy or not.
Do not settle for a "patch" (you know what I mean). If Life worked with patches, we'd all be happy all the time. Life isn't like that. You must be a stronger person. You must gain confidence in yourself. You must not only define the obstacle in front of you, but now you must define yourself to the obstacle...and ask whom is greater.
So then, I have only one question.
Were you here before this problem, or after?
~W.S. | |
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anchi
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Joined: 6/16/2004
Msg: 25 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 12/2/2004 6:59:29 PM | everything that you said is true. i need to overcome these problems and not let them rule me.
i do try hard everyday not to let things get me too down. sometimes it is just more freeking overwhelming that i can handle( we can call that a bad day) but then i "pull myself up by my bootstraps" and move along, trying to deal with life.
i guess i don't understand your ? at the end of the post. i can be slow when my brain is overloaded.
thanks so much for your post, it made a lot of sense for me.
a | |
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