| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 10:24:00 AM | Men- what are you really looking for at this site: long term v. short term
Okay, men….I feel like I am clueless. I do not know how to approach you all. Many of you say you are looking for a lasting relationship, yet, I have not found anyone who wants to see where it will go with me. I asked a male co-worker this morning what am I doing wrong. Am I coming on too strong? Am I seeking something too soon/too fast? Are the men I am meeting saying all the right things, but have no intentions of pursuing anything with me?
What my friend told me is this:
'Take a look at yourself. You already have the long term relationship thing down….you know you can handle commitment. Now, you need to work on the short term relationships. He went on to say that true lasting relationships are like looking for diamonds – you will not just find them lying around on the ground…..you have to dig deep to find the good ones.'
He then went on to say that I need to just live in the moment and enjoy it and never look at it as a disappointment. If it should develop into something further, then that would be an added bonus.
My friend did go on to say more about guys and how they do better in the short term relationship, as opposed to the long term ones…but I will not bore you with all that was said…what I would like is to hear from you all as to what you have to say. Thanks! | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 10:31:25 AM | If the sex is really good (eyes rolling to the back of their sockets kind of sex) then they want long term.
If the sex is so-so ( you know the sort...it's just there but nothing to write home about) then they want short term...till they find the one who is REALLY good in bed, then they want long term.
Just my theory.
Then again, some want a mother who will take care of them and let them be the boys they were with mommy, they play and you stay home and take care of his life. They'll want long term IF you are that mommy...if not, it's short term...till he finds that mommy.
Some want a best friends they can laugh with, have great sex with and share their life and common interests with...they realize it's not just about them...those want long term and most of them are taken ( I mean who wouldn't keep one of those?)
Some are just lost and have no clue what they want...they are lucky if they even make it to short term. They think that life will steadily supply them with available hot females till their balls start to sag and the gray hair kicks in and then they come to sites like this and whine about their sorry lot in life. Who knows what they are looking for LOL! | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 10:46:49 AM | I completely agree with blastkist she is right on the money:D lol i think you should go for what you want. honestly dont most guys go right for what they want? they dont really think about what girls want? now i am not talking about all guys but some....some of the guys on here are very sweet nice guys you just gotta find them through all the wrong ones.
Looking:) | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 10:59:12 AM | The REAL TRICK is finding a man who can be honest and upfront about it...now that NEVER happens...
They pretty much do the "go along" deal...
They'll stick around for the sex till something better comes around.
I've met a few of these in my day. My solution? Give him the worst sex you can possibly give and get rid of him that much sooner so that a good one can fill his space. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 11:17:40 AM | I'm starting to wonder what the value of actually having a man there for the longhaul is. I mean I've been checking men out for a long time. Have test driven a few and I am starting to see the tremendous practicality of doing 3 yr trade-ins.
I mean their attention span only lasts till the next skirt with hooters walks by. What's the value in that?
And yes, for men it's mostly about sex, although some delude themselves and pretend that is not true (of course they only say this to actually get the sex because they finally understand how some women operate around that)
Sigh...
So the way I see it, you can live for his sex drive ( sorry, but I'm too busy actually living my life and raising my family) or you can live for yourself and f*ck whoever you feel like because guys will always go for it anyway...
To me seems like the better option is to eliminate long term involvements with men altogether and keep your doc handy for the std checks when you finally find one that is suitable to "mate" with
He'd better be shooting blanks because I'm so done with taking care of their offspring...while they chase the skirts. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:46:13 PM | as far as i feel about it, when your younger you just wanna go out an have fun, but as you get older an more settled you look for something more long term, i know thats pretty much how its happened to me anyway, of course everyone is different,an opinions are like butts we all have one, lol, but im looking for a serious one an tired of playing around, seems the older you get the harder it is to find someone, seems alot of ladies my has been married for years an just wants to party an have fun an thats ok, just not what im wanting.................. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:48:29 PM | If the guys' a player he wants short term....long enough to have sex when he wants, short enough that he doesn't have to buy her a xmas gift or valentines....Players look after their needs first and include the gal into his world.
I want to be with someone long term. Someone I can cuddle with at night and wake up cuddled in the same position, someone who I can have a grand chat with or say nothing at all...but saying a lot. I want kids someday, but I'm not going to just pick ANYONE to have kids with. I've got too many friends (men and women) who made that mistake and find themselves getting married for the wrong reasons or being with the person "just because". As I reached the age of 30 I've realized that I've become too picky with the type of woman I want. It's loosely based on the fact that I don't want to find myself in another bad relationship. I want to make absolutely sure that she is the one I want to be with. 9 times outta 10, when I'm with a woman, I'm expecting it to be a very very long time. The only time I choose to be in a short term relationship is when I don't really care who I'm with, I just want the sex and someone to "be with". I'm also looking for a woman who makes me laugh, shares the responsibilities, has her own job, loves to go camping...mainly just wants to be happy. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:52:21 PM | | @rayl: hey - this was not meant to be a male bashing thread! I just do not understand men.....yet! and i am almost 40. if more men would communicate better as to what they truly want, then maybe, just maybe, more women would not get so emotionally hurt. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:55:36 PM | | I agree..Men are just looking for one thing...And guy's don't get me wrong...Sex is great, But there is so much more to a relationship, And the long term day's are gone, Most men don't want string's attached. But me,,,I have been divorced for 5yr's and I havn't been with anyone since my divorce...I need more than sex | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:55:40 PM | | @cuddlefreak: thank you for your post! unlike what rayl claimed, this being a bashing thread, i truly want to understand men better!!! if i understand them better, maybe i can adjust my own expectations.....and eventually lesson the number of times i get emotionally attached/hurt! | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:57:41 PM | Rayl:
You beat me to the punch on this one. Wow, Blastkist must have had a few bad dates recently. Tsk tsk girls..... the comments you made aren't gender specific..... maybe if you can rid yourself of the negativity, you might see there are many really good men out there. As there are many good women for men ( who bash women )
Hey, we've all had our bad dates and bad experiences. But I wont put all women in the same basket and label them negatively.
JMO... Wow! | |
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nergal
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Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:00:04 PM | | I'm not looking for anything, long or short term. I'm happy making friends and meeting people .. I do it on here and in real life. Sometimes it ends up in bed, sometimes a movie, dinner a concert whatever. I've had short and long relationships. Maybe one day I will end up in a realtionship with someone because, its good for both of us, its a partnership and its stimulating both mentally and physically. Hey then again maybe not. What I wont do is go out for dinner with someone, perhaps sleep with them then hang a label on it. I go with the flow and whatever happens happens. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:03:12 PM | Kmoc:
Do you really feel this thread will enable you to better understand men? Heck, books by the dozens are out there. articles..... much better presented than in this thread. You're question isn't unique, nor will it be the last time it's asked. Give it a hundred years and the same questions will be asked over again. ( for both gendres )
Your question was a good one... its the resulting bashing that's dissapointing... | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:10:47 PM | i kinda like the friends with benifits idea although it doesn't always work like it should
but i'm the type that if a woman is loyal and good to me i'll do the same to her i'm more of a long term type i get attached to whoever i am with real easy if we get along and sorta click together ya know sharing interests & have a good personality then its all good | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:12:02 PM | I like Blastkiss's categories of men. Very insightful. I definitely fall into the looking for a best friend category. (we are not ALL taken) I am definitely looking for a LTR and not casual sex or someone to be my mommy..I put my mom through hell and would never want to subject another woman to that! 
Because of what I am looking for I approach relationships differently. I take my time getting to know someone. If she has found someone else in that time period then so be it I move on, she wasn't for me. I think if a guy is looking for an LTR he will be a bit mor patient.
OP your friend is right. Being in the moment is excelent advice. How can I as a guy get to know who you are if you are always thinking "Is he the one" When we have expectations of anothe person we tend to act differently. I approach dating with no expectations, it isn't fair to her or me.. If she makes me laugh and we connect thats great.
Don't know if that helped clear things up or not. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:36:31 PM | | Hey now, do you really think that men purposely tell themselves that their next relationship is going to be either long or short term! Blastkist, your ideas on this subject sound just a little bit silly. Wouldn't you admit that if you were totally crazy about a guy, you'd probably stay with him even if the sex wasn't THAT good? At the same time, wouldn't you also admit that even if the sex was incredibly awesome, you'd still dump him if you realized you just don't like him! How can anybody put a time limit on a relationship. If you truly love someone and that love is mutual and keeps on growing, I think 99.9% of both men and women would let it grow...Or perhaps you know of people that fall head over heals in love and then tell themselves Oh sh*t, I forgot this was suposed to be short term! Now let me dump so and so, so we can both be miserable. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:43:40 PM | | I beleave that most guys are looking for a long term relationship. I know I am. But the thing is you might get into a relationship and it maynot workout past a few days. It just takes time to find that long relationship. It's just trial and error I guess. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 3:27:18 PM | | @rockmegently: i realize the question was not unique.....and yes, i have read those books - very enlightening. however, not all men follow those norms. i am just trying to get some insight from every day people, even at this site, since i, too, am fishing at this site.......and as for better understanding men....if you all would post answers that are sincere, whether good or bad, i would welcome it all, and yes, i would try to learn from it. how can anyone expect to learn anything unless they go out and experience life, in addition to asking questions?!?! | |
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JasonB
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Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 22 | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 3:58:36 PM | Kmoc - I don't think the men are going to fess up and let us in on their secrets. I think all humans want to love and be loved. For the most part, I think everyone would like to marry and live happily ever after, but this day and age, it is on their terms.
The best time to be in a relationship is when you don't feel you have to be in one! As far as getting to the ultimate "live in" or "marriage", I'm the type that has to know someone for at least a year. That's a boat load of face to face time! | |
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