| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:20:20 PM | I need some serious help here.
I keep getting contacted by people of other races (let me clarify at first I am NOT racist, I accept people of all shapes, sizes and colours) but I am NOT attracted to them physically. How do I let them know that while I'm more than willing to be friends, I won't date them? I know it's a little bit of a touchy subject but I just can't see myself "with" someone who is not white...
please help...I have all these unanswered emails in my inbox because I don't know what to write back... | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:25:50 PM | I would say you face a choice, tell them the truth (diplomatically or course) or BS them, but you gotta go with your gut, don't do something you don't feel is right. Or if that isn't enough I think you can block them (at least the ones who have already contacted you)
I don't think you're racist, I understand where you're coming from, I don't have those reservations myself but I do understand your position on this. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:27:12 PM | but blocking them would come off terribly :(
and I don't know how to be diplomatic about it...I really don't. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:32:45 PM | I meant block them only as a last resort, in case they don't accept your rejection. As for diplomacy you just tell them something along the lines of:
'I don't think I could ever really be with you, you and I come from totally different worlds and I can't leave mine.'
Not my best work (I'm an amateur writer) but thisd should suffice for most men, you give them the truth but not directly, the diplomatic method, if you need more lines like that just send a message to my inbox, I'll trty to get back to you on them as soon as I can.
And so what if it comes off terribly by blocking them? Out of sight out of mind, as you can see it works for the White House LOL | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:34:39 PM | | sweet How about this? "Thanks for writing and I do appreciate your interest. I honestly don't feel we'd be compatible but I wish you the best." You wouldn't be compatible with them so you're telling them the truth. The reasons need not be addressed. I've used this many times and it's worked well for me. I sometimes even get a thank you for at least replying and being honest. Let me say again...there is NO need to have to explain to them why you're not interested. Usually a good honest attempt at that will just stoke the fire and get them ticked and try to draw you into an argument. Don't go there. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:37:08 PM | A severely retarded box turtle with a busy schedule would be a better president, but I digress.
Does the line I gave you answer any of your questions? | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:43:24 PM | Yes,
both you and Bucs have given me great lines and as bad as this sounds...I copy and pasted them to the various people...
*ducks*
so far there has been nothing thrown back at me :) | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:56:23 PM | | Hey, that's what I do best, tell the trruth in a round-about way, sometimes it's fuun to get ppl so confused they don't realise they should be angry, but I keep that to a minimum LOL | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 5:43:24 PM | No, replying with a non-sequitur is NOT a good idea.
Just be frank. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to those physical traits that you prefer. You'll only be offending people by being deceptive. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/3/2005 5:47:59 PM | | THe response I suggested was honest and frank. There is no need for an explanation as to why someone is NOT attracted to you or why you don't think you would be compatible. That's all they need to know. If you get drawn into an argument by giving more info, noone is coming out ahead. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/4/2005 11:15:49 AM | | i totally agree bucsgirl you have to be honest. and just because you don't say its because of their race isn't being deceptive it is just preventing a conflict that isn't necessary, i mean you don't owe anyone of these people who contacted you any explanation other than the fact you are not interested in them i mean you have no relationship with them in any way shape or form. why open a can of worms when there is no desire to go fishing in those pools. now that i got my cliche out of my system my advise is honesty is the best policy. oops there goes another one. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/4/2005 11:19:57 AM | | I'd say either be honest, or just delete the message... If you're going to be honest, I'm sure you'll get some 'assjacks' sending you unfriendly messages. I've run into your profile a few times before since you're in my area, and you seem like a interesting lady, I'm sure you'll figure somethin out! | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 9/4/2005 4:56:22 PM | | Just put in your profile that you prefer caucasian men. Everyone has preferences. If they still write you despite not fitting your request, then they can't really be surprised if you don't respond. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/21/2005 8:43:30 PM | | Just look at the profile before opening your mail. If it's not what you prefer just delete unread. | |
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Posted: 11/21/2005 10:35:57 PM | Unfortunately, you may offend some people.....
I just say... Thanks for the E-mail.... I don't date interracially..........but would love to chat as friends!
Then the ball is in their court... but some people insist on changing... how you feel.. It has NOTHING to do with being racist.. It has to do with Chemistry and who you are attracted to physically....... | |
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Posted: 11/21/2005 11:11:02 PM | | Well why do you have to even mention race to them? You have a preference and they just aren't it...nothing wrong with it. Just let them down like you would anyone else... say you are flattered but you just aren't interested. | |
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AI03™
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Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 18 | |
| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/21/2005 11:14:04 PM | Let's hope those that emailed you that your *ducking* arent reading this all over the forum. Geez. You know the saying.. those that have to declare they aren't racist.. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/21/2005 11:31:08 PM | I am strictly into white men and that is my preference and I can't help it,mind you I have a bf now but before when I got tons of messages I'd just let them know that they are not my preference and that they should read my profile to see what I mean.Heh now I am telling the non readers I have a bf when they try to make moves even after some read my profile.. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/22/2005 6:28:44 AM | A lot of people just look at pics... and send an E-mail..... They don't often bother to read profiles!
I was on a 1st date and he asked my childs age... I almost spit my drink all over the place.. THE VERY 1xt line in my profile said the adorable little girl is my niece....... | |
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ATPase
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Joined: 3/31/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/22/2005 6:36:46 AM | How about being honest and saying you dont like anyone other than white people to date.
I respect honesty, even if it is the brutal truth. i can be like than and am. why cant others? | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/22/2005 6:40:37 AM | | I don't understand what the problem is. If you are not attracted tell them. I am tired of hearing people complain that they have to tip toe around the racial issues of society. We are all adults people like different qualities in others. If you are not attracted to someone of a different race than they need to accept that. Why should your refusal be viewed any different because of your race. NOT ALL, but some people use there race ass a card to lay a guilt trip on others, it is not right and I personally think it is down right self degrading and horrible. If that is the only way you can get what you want or need then you shouldn't mingle with the general public. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/22/2005 7:18:17 AM | please help...I have all these unanswered emails in my inbox because I don't know what to write back...
Well this is kind of a stupid question to me, what's the big deal?!
So, ok you get messaged by other races and you're not into them, but you dont want to be rude and not respond.......hmmm.
I think you should stop acting like "miss sweetheart" and just not respond. Why would you care so much anyways?! as if this thread is not stating what you don't have the balls to say to them anyways (if these guys read the forums).
I hear what everyone's saying about you shouldnt hide the fact that you aren't attracted to other races, ppl need to learn to deal with that etc, etc. But Id be more turned off by a guy if all I said was "hey how's it going" and he responded with "sorry i dont like black women" than one who just didn't respond at all.
If you don't reply and he continues to message you (which I doubt) Then say you're not attracted, if he pressures you (which i doubt again) then you can say why. Done&Done. | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/22/2005 8:34:38 AM | | ok so you're not attracted to them physically , why bother with the race card? | |
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| This is a touchy subject...
Posted: 11/22/2005 8:55:14 AM | What bucs said "Thanks for writing and I do appreciate your interest. I honestly don't feel we'd be compatible but I wish you the best."
Of course, by not answering then they probably get the idea that you are not interested. Then we will end up with a another "why don't women respond to my messages?" thread.
I dated a black woman (she hated the term Africian-Canadian). I guy I went to school with told me that he was "more into asians". I told him that I was dating her because of who she is not because of what she is. The only problem arose from differences in opinions. I wouldn't understand something because it was "a woman thing" and if that didn't work then it was "a black thing". lol | |
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