| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 12:12:35 AM | | I married a man 22 1/2 years older than myself. After we had been married awhile I asked him if I was beautiful in his eyes. He said no but I did not marry you for beauty anyway. It caused me to think of myself as unattractive. After he passed away 15 years ago I began to wonder about those words and the long lasting effect on me. Is beauty in the eye of the beholder? Any comments or opinions? | |
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late™
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Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 12:15:17 AM | | Of course it is, true beauty is something that transends what we can see, it's something that isn't just seen, .......it's experienced. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 3:13:10 AM | | Beauty is everpresent. It's in all things, all people. Appreciation of beauty is in the perception of the observer. If someone fails, or worse, chooses, not to see the connection to beauty, they are losing out. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 4:33:43 AM | So true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
Apperance is a portion of what can be deemed beautiful. We all have souls which can add to or take away from our beauty. This perception of our beauty depends upon who is looking at you.. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 4:46:28 AM | To answer your question, yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think we all measure ourselves too much by how people judge our outward appearances. Not everyone can be outwardly naturally beautiful and looks can fade or tragically be taken away in an instant...inner beauty can make someone who is outwardly plain..turn into someone gorgeous in the right beholders eyes. And many who are outwardly beautiful, don't have inner beauty and lack the joy of life because they think life is about what they can get from their looks..and I have seen some who are lost when they lose those looks!! Of course each persons perception of those they see visually is different for different tastes..but the heart plays a big role in that perception too. Am I right?
And to the beautiful woman who started this thread...look inside and look around you. There are probably many who think you are beautiful. Don't let one persons opinion or unthinking words make you feel bad about yourself. We aren't judged by our outward beauty to the most important ones or in the end anyway!
  
PS ... a smile makes everyone beautiful!
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:07:34 AM | Yes it is, and it also lies within yourself. I find myself to be a beautiful person regardless of what others may think about me. I'm not talking about appearance, but my being. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:17:02 AM | Absolutely is.
When you love someone, you can see the beauty within, the beauty they have in their soul. You see a side of them that may be hidden to the rest of the world. The person you love may not be the most handsome or beautiful to someone else, but they are perfect in your eyes.
I was with my x for 16 years and he used to be good at making me feel like I was ugly. I know what you're going through there. The comments people make to you regarding your looks have lasting effects. I have some big self-image issues because of things that have been told to me by family members and by my x. They are hard to get over sometimes.
Keep your chin up sweetie... You'll find someone that will love you for you and will see the inner beauty and outer beauty that you have. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 7:36:13 AM | | perhaps he saw beauty in you from your heart and the person you are. looks fade...a heart stands strong. sounds like an ultimate compliment from a man that didnt have the right words to explain it to you. think positive. your only as beautiful as you feel. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 7:54:57 AM | It's really not open for discussion, looks are alway in the eyes of the beholder.
For example look at Julia Roberts, I find her unattractive as far as woman looks go, and yet I here so much of how beautiful she is.... I mean she is on the inside but thats all I see.
My thought is we are all beautiful or handsome....... no, if ands, or buts about it.
Look in the mirror everyday, smile and say, "I am beautiful"
Because you are | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:29:43 AM | I think that todays beauty is based on society and media's opinion.
I get told often that I am beutiful person and I think good about myself . But, as soon as I see a magazine cover, I forget what people have told me and just wish I looked like those girls on the cover of magazines.
I am not a thin girl to begin with so when I see a girl that is skinny but not pretty, I think she is b/c I want what I dont have and thats a perfect body.
If there were no magazine covers and those Miss Swan shows, self esteem would be mich higher.
It is sad that we cant look at ourselves in the mirror b4 looking at some picture of a model. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:35:40 AM | | Statistically speaking beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. Let's take Julia Roberts as an example, since she's already been brought up. Some people will say she's attractive and some people won't. But I think those that will far exceed the number of those that don't. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:47:41 AM | racebaby75.. your comments made me cry because that was exactly my feelings and I could totally relate to how you felt.
Nighted... Yes he did say no and it was way before Lorena Bobbitt. Thank you....
To each of you ... Your comments are a breath of fresh air. Each of you are great caring people with hearts of gold. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:52:40 AM | If he had been comparing you to a tv model or a gorgeous Miss America I can understand the reaction..some men have there own way of expressing their love..he loved you and I bet ya he thought you were beautiful inside and out. Perhaps he just didn't want to get into the "honey do you think Im pretty or honey do ya think I'm fat" discussion..Men meaning no harm sometimes aren't sensitive to the damage they leave behind on a woman when they say off the wall remarks or are bing insensitive, as we women think very serious about our relationships. Honestly: I wouldn't worry so much about the fact he said that-look how many years you shared that is wonderful in itself alone. I was married once-he is not my husband now as deaths door opened for him as well..He used to knock my self-esteem right into the dirt..and insecurity starts well before any marraige or any mans image of you. My mother was the first cause of my low confidence I once had-she used to say her daughters could never be as beautiful as she-now look at the old crony-lol..she is just now realizing she is old-lol..what I am saying is why base your opinion of your self by what others think-who cares how you look physically in their eyes..if they liked you , youwill always be a part of their life.
I constantly havwe to encourage my teenage nieces-I tell them I am pretty but they ar emore as they have their mom and aunts and their own personal assets and attributes and gifts and good looks as well combined..I do not want them to ever let some one hinder them on account of their looks, and feel burdened by what they deem as "ugly" all because someone else said so.....the ugly duckling always turns out to be a swan..believe me I know. (Geez this is like psycho analyzing the story of the ugly duckling or the story of Alice in wonderland.lol.) You need to get a small peice of note paper and put it up on your bathroom mirror with these words:"I am a beautiful person" and tell your self that everyday.I don't like seeing the crows feet and the tiny frown lines either and can you imagine how people in their eightys feel about appearances?.think positive..what you or anyone else feels inside is a reaction to some action by others..we learn these feelings we are not born with them..How we handle the words is the real concern..the power of words-sure is true! | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:39:43 AM |
I am not a thin girl to begin with so when I see a girl that is skinny but not pretty, I think she is b/c I want what I dont have and thats a perfect body.
If there were no magazine covers and those Miss Swan shows, self esteem would be mich higher.
i couldn't agree with those statements more about the media playing such a big role nowdays in what is considered beautiful. I am not a thin girl, and have real self esteem issues and they are just made worse by the skinny ladies being glamorized in all forms of media. Maybe if they started showing more of the heavier ladies adn glamorizing some of them, then those of us that are heavier might start to feel a little better about ourselves.
I get told often that I'm attractive also, but when you have been told for so long that you're not and been made to feel that you're not, it's kind of hard to believe that.
But you are a very attractive lady, so you shouldn't have any problems finding someone.
Good luck to you in your search. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:45:44 AM | | shadowgirl58....Thanks for sharing your story.. It caused me to think. Perhaps it came from before marriage. My grandmother said I would never find a fellow as I was ugly. Actually though my husband added a bit of words to what he said. He said that the only reason he married me is so he could have sex with me. He said he would not of married me otherwise as he had had beautiful women and he found me unattractive. He has since passed away and the only reason I brought the reflection here was I am trying to go forward and search for happiness. Thanks to the people who have said look inside yourself. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 6:33:09 AM | I have spent many years wondering why I was so ugly, only to figure out I'm not ugly, but some people just have no taste.
I still get the "you're not my type" or even the dissappearing act, when I send my picture to someone. I just figure they are not the person for me and let it go.
I am now proud of who I am and if that is why I am single, then so be it. I like my hair very short and if a man has problems with it, then it is his problem, not mine. I like bright colors and clothes I make myself, if someone doesn't like it they can always look the other way.
I am finally proud of who I am and don't feel the need to please someone else. It is the greatest feeling in the world to finally like yourself after years of being told how ugly and stupid you are.
I do not believe I am perfect for everyone, but I am perfect for me! | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 8:28:05 AM | | Ladypagey, for those of us who are over 60 and still being told that we are beautiful (you are beautiful, and I get told that I am, on a regular basis) I think we have found the clue. We believe that we are beautiful, and we feel beautiful, and we are beautiful inside and out, so it shows. Your husband was probably trying to make you feel unattractive in order to keep you for himself, since he was so much older than you. Not to sound conceited, but I think women of our age who are still in the dating "game" have truly found the secret to being attractive and desirable, judging by our longevity. Ppl have always made me feel beautiful, even though I'm not the societal image of beauty. Some of the younger women here who seem to be so lacking in self esteem could take a clue from us! But, no! I forgot! Ppl have to learn for themselves. Beauty is in the eye and heart of the beholder, and also in how you see yourself. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 1:02:09 PM | Honey, I see so many great answers on here......and see some of them come straight from a deep place in a heart.........a hurt heart in some cases. I have been through what you have been through....for 24 yrs. I started out thin as a stick, ended up........well, lets just say, NOT thin! I am now 68 and it took me a lot of years to see things differently. I know now, WHAT and WHO we are is in no way related to HOW WE LOOK. This goes for both men and women. My thoughts are......The body our soul lives in is just a house. A house for our soul. Some live in small houses, some in large. It is the soul that remains the same....Forever.
It took me 15 yrs. to realize the statement...."Who the hell would want someone like you"........was an abusive way to control.
Then again, some folks out there, no matter the age or gender, will always prefer "outward beauty" to "inward beauty" and that is their right.
But then again, I guess this does say...........Beauty is in the eyes of the Observer......in SOME CASES.
You look like a very attractive person to me...but no matter how many on here tell you that, YOU must start believing it....... REmember, a smile from the heart makes everyone beautiful.
Just tell your self everyday............YOU ARE beautiful........from the heart out.
Good luck honey, ...........by the way, your picture shows a beautiful smile.
(That is one good thing about being a female, we can SAY when another women is attractive, with out being looked at strangely)
Aren't you just sooooooooooo excited to see the wonderful person God is sending your way. The RIGHT one who will find you the most beautiful women in the world.......from the heart out. | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 1:07:05 PM | Beauty starts within Ladypagey.......everyone wants assurance from another especially someone who is closer to you than most, but you gotta believe yourself and how you view yourself within first and foremost....if you think your hot, flirty, and a firecracker, that's all that matters, because it should rub off on others....there are even alot of people that no matter how beautiful you tell them you are they are still down on themselves....confidence breeds from within you, not from another, what you get from another should only build you up regardless what it is......talk it out with the significant other, and take some of the advise in here and pick and choose some things to take with you....live it up!
so believe it all from within and your in great shape.
T | |
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| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 4:49:50 PM | I read this dopiness and bet myself a big stack of money that this dude had to be from the States. Then checked to confirm and collected my imaginery bills.
Only a southern American guy would have such a self-absorbed view of things.
*All that matters is how you feel about yourself.* Great. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 25 | |
| Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:12:50 PM | Lady - its too bad you didn't take your former husband across your knee and give him a spanking! Geez, hunches tell me he wasn't a real expressive type.
Looks, just like money are easy come and easy go. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder or so they say, but remember, each and every person you cross paths with, you can't please them all.
Take a look inside of you, YOU are the one that you need to worry about pleasing. You will find someone who will nitpick at you because you have lint on your sweater; your skirt is too short; your hair is too long; etc. It's kind of like being in grade school. Each and every one of us out there has a "beauty" about us, it could be our eyes, teeth, nose, big toes, etc. Most importantly, beauty needs to be within our spirits. | |
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