| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 12:46:52 PM | | I'm 6 months pregnant and I feel that the father of my child has abandoned me... I haven't heard from him in a month though I've been trying to contact him. What should I do about this? | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 1:43:34 PM | Try contacting his family. Not sure why you are wanting to contact him unless it is to just keep him posted on your situation with the baby. I'm guessing he knows that you are pregnant? If he left after finding out and he is avoiding you - chances are he doesn't want to face up to responsibility which at this time there is nothing legally you can do about that until the baby is born. If it were me - I would contact the family - let them know the situation, that you are giving birth to their grandchild and you are willing to keep them all posted on the situation or that you are willing to have them contact you. This is of course if it is what you want.
JMO - but I would try this. Maybe he is scared but if he has walked away and is trying to hide - you may also be better off at the moment to allow him the time. When the baby comes - stick it to his a$$ if he gives you any $hit. | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 3 | |
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 1:49:35 PM | my daughters dad ran out on me when i was 6 months also, tho in his defence he was only 17. i pretty much gave up on him..he'll crawl back just to satisfy his curiosity if nothing else. if a guy can so easily walk away at the most important time of your life..then ask yourself the question..is he really the effort?  | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 2:32:57 PM | Cut your loses darlin'... You don't want someone like that popping in and out whenever he feels like in the baby's life... It will only mess the kid up...
I'm truly sorry you ended up with a Deadbeat, but it's better to hit the fence instead of fight for his involvement... | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:56:06 PM |
tho in his defence he was only 17
I'm talking about a 34-yr-old man... When we broke up I was in my 3rd month, so of course he knew I was expecting... and at that time, he was happy about the baby on the way. His disappearance didn't happen until just last month. He stopped replying to my e-mails which included recent ultrasound pics. Aparently, he isn't worth my effort but I will keep him updated since it is his child.
As for contacting his family, they've recently moved so I can't contact them either. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 9:07:45 PM | | Find him anyways you can and seve him custody papers (even for split custody or whatever you decide) immediatly. He might try to be the big happy family for a few months then take off. Make sure your *ss is covered legally and think about how you want in invovled in your childs life. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 9:14:36 PM | oh hun, I feel for ya. been there as well!!!!!!! sorry to hear this has happened to u.
Calling and emailing wont help, didnt help with my sons dad. He used to never answer my calls. I sent a letter via mail to him, no reply. I talked to his mom and she knew but that didnt make him budge. I would call w/ a blocked number and still didnt pick up. So. I gave up till one day he answered the phone and we talked; I was 7 months pregnant.
It was hell but now he is there for our son...
im telling u this b/c he may come around one day.
Just keep in mind he may not and build your strength up cuz that lil one needs u more then anything.
I know how hard it is hun but your courage will make things better :-)
if u need to talk.. msg me on here. I would be more then happy to help u out :)
I went through every emotion out there and I can imagine how u feel...
take care hun!!!!!!! ull be in my thoughts..
rememeber u have done well thus far... keep your head up cuz a lil person is in there and is counting on u :) | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/7/2005 9:41:22 PM | Yeah, I'm not too worried at this point, just wishing I knew what to do. I'm thinking of contacting an attorney about filing for sole custody
BTW I know of someone in here whom you might take an interest in... his profile is under cowboy4ever | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 4:46:05 AM | missQ4ever.. were u speaking to me for the person I may take interest in or was it someone else?
U know it is so hard to go through this alone but hey, I may not know u but u can always email me. The funny thing is, this experience makes u stronger in many ways.
good luck :) | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 7:19:41 AM | You need to find this guy, so that after the baby is born, you can get child support.
This isn't about hurting the guy for running out on you.
This is about being able to provide the best possible life for your child.
Kids are expensive.
I don't know what it is like where you live, but here in Canada, if the guy is were shown to be your child's father (via a paternity test) and he didn't want to pay child support, the court would order his wages garnished, so he wouldn't have a choice in the matter.
Or course, this only works if he is employed, and if he makes enough to actually have his wages garnished. If he is unemployed, or on welfare, or on a disability pension, then your child will have to do without that extra financial support. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 10:59:00 AM | Contact the district attorney and file to have him pay child support. You cant force him to be a physical part of the child's life, as he could possibly abandon you and the child. But he does need to be held financially responsible.
Ozzie | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 11:12:47 AM | I don't know who to feel worse for - you or your unborn child :-( I don't actually relate to you personally, because I'm obviously a guy, but I didn't meet my natural father until I was 17 - so I do know that it's a sad situation and I hope that you make it through this with strength and love.
I'm thinking of contacting an attorney...
Be careful on cost - a paralegal might be more effective.
I wish you well - best of luck - take care. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 2:13:06 PM | My dear sweet girl:
They bolt once.., They will bolt a thousand times, Unfortunatly seems like this guy eventhough being 34 may seem to be mature, he isn't. Look where you are "ALONE" the only reason he'll come back around is if he needs something, are you prepaired to sit night and day waiting for his attention. I hope not. Take it from me, I have a 5 year old son who's father did the same thing! Put it this way my son has a 1/2 brother exactly 6 months younger and a 1/2 sister exactly 6 months older than him. We were engaged the whole time. Your best bet now is to have him tracked down (including his family) Say nothing for now keep trying to contact him like you have been doing. Ensure all your ducks are in order, go to the court house get all the necessary information and forms fill them out as best you can, be honest with your self. Don't think whats best for you is necessarly best for YOUR child. Fill out all the paper work. and wait till your out of the hospital with that new angel of yours. As I found out, nothing legaly can or will be done till the child is born. But due to the back-up in family courts now a days it takes almost three months to have your case heard the first time. But like I said, do your self the favor now, keep tabs on the guy, know where he's at or lives cause you are not able to serve him the papers yourself, either a friend or balif have to do it for you. and with a balif it sometimes takes a while. But as far as a lawyer, all of this and more you can do your-self. If a lawyer does it for you, "just think of the money you'll be spending not less than (1500.00 retainer only) everytime they open your file they charge you.
And believe me all that money is better spent on the ANGEL you'll be bring home soon.
I am doing what I can to offer you the best advice I know how, I have been exactly where you are right now! It may seem tuff, and sometimes you'll feel like your the only person in the world with this delima, But there is a lot of us out here and were all on your side.
If you like, I'll help you as much as I can (FREE OF CHARGE) LOL. Just E-Mail me let me know
All The Best to you
Phantom | |
|
Pixle
|
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 3:30:52 PM | | My x took 3 months and finally contacted me. I was so glad that she did but then again kinda not. The relationship turned horrible.. And now well im a single father. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 3:58:51 PM | | Mom2anamazingson, yes I was talking to you... I tried e-mailing you but it wouldn't go through because I'm not what you're looking for. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 4:05:28 PM | | I will set up my profile to accept e-mails from everyone so that way more personal info can be exchanged. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 7:44:51 PM | | I agree with most, get something going legally, that way your butt is covered in nearly any case and it is documented. I wish you lotsa luck and more power to ya, you can do it. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/8/2005 9:20:21 PM | | ^^^ If you're not going to give me any advice (which is why I started this thread) please don't comment. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/9/2005 7:07:13 PM | | Hey missy..... hang in there girl. I just wanted to say about the lawyer stuff.... it may go against your grain- I think it would on mine- but where I live (I don't know about your jurisdiction), if a woman puts down for father's name on the birth record unknown, it works out to much the same thing. My first wife (rest her soul) and I had a very good friend who did just that.... she met a good guy too... and it made the adoption easier........ yah - he wanted her baby.... | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/9/2005 7:23:47 PM | ***^^^ If you're not going to give me any advice (which is why I started this thread) please don't comment***
OUCH, Seems like you are a little pissed, like you directed that at me, and as far as I read I did offer some advice, getting with an attorney or someone in the legal capacity to help you sort through this and protect yourself and the baby. And if necessary file papers with the child support division to get support or at least have it on file. I hope this is the ADVICE you were talking about. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/10/2005 12:17:09 AM | | Im in a simular situation and the best advice concerning you baby would be try to get the ass hole involved that way you wont ever feel the guilt of not letting your child know who their father is (because they will want to know) I think you should also wait to do this when your child is born cause immature men are very good at forgetting their problems so when he has a face to connect to he might smarten up. Dont take him back move on heal your broken heart and take it day by day. :( ill keep u in my prayers Good Luck | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/10/2005 12:28:47 AM | | Maybe he's dead. Do you know for a fact that he's hiding from you, or should someone be filing a missing person's report on him. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:44:50 AM | McBobly, yes, that was directed at you. I didn't read any advice in that particular post, just an agreemnet with everyone else's posts.
Kittin, it's hard for him to see the baby when it's born if I can't even notify him of the birth, but thanks... I will do my best to move on.
CSUGuy, I'll look into a missing person's report because as far as I know, his family (whom I am unable to contact either) hasn't even heard from him. | |
|
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:41:14 AM | Happened to me at 7 months pg, it was not easy and of course depression set in. Make sure to take good care of yourself and ask for help when needed, be it precsriptions, church, family what ever.
They are not worth the effort when they abandon you at a time in your life when all these emotions and hardships come about. Though it is a joyous occasion when a baby comes in to your life, it can be a reality check when you are home alone with no help at all. So seek help from family and friends when you need a break. There is life as a single parent.
It is his loss. He will regret it in due time.
Deb.
| |
|
prello
|
Joined: 6/24/2005
Msg: 25 | |
| Abandonment
Posted: 9/10/2005 11:27:07 AM | Hi
go to the courts, its what i had to do when my ex left me with my daughter.
If you have no money for a lawyer a public states atty will help track him down. After you have the baby he can run but cant hide, they will get him with his ss# they will find him dont worry | |
|
Home
login 
