| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 9/8/2005 1:30:44 PM | this is a hypothetical situation but what if someone has a disability or medical condition, would that affect the decision to date them? what if they just wanted to be friends?
should the person get to know you first and then say or make it clear right away before someone gets too close? | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/8/2005 1:46:52 PM |
this is a hypothetical situation but what if someone has a disability or medical condition, would that affect the decision to date them? what if they just wanted to be friends?
should the person get to know you first and then say or make it clear right away before someone gets too close?
That's such a hard question. My ex boyfriend had a heart condition he was 25, born with a defestive valvue and had 3 previous heart attacks. He told me upfront to spare HIM heart ache down the road incase we got close, he told me and I'd bolt. Because he was honest..I respected that. Now he turned out to be cheating scum LOL But that's besides the point.
I guess thats a personal choice tho.. | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/8/2005 2:14:55 PM | So there are some people who actually would understand. So saying upfront and being honest and open is the way to go.
It's just in a small, redneck town, everyone is so closed minded.
I, for one, would never cheat. | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/8/2005 2:20:56 PM |
So there are some people who actually would understand. So saying upfront and being honest and open is the way to go.
It's just in a small, redneck town, everyone is so closed minded.
I, for one, would never cheat
There definately are people that would. My friends have always jokingly said (or they say they are joking) that I have a track record of dating "gimps" as they call it. Why? Because.. my ex had a heart condition, and another guy I dated had Spina Bifida. Um ok... so what.. because I'm not shallow like them...I now have the rep for "dating gimps". Whatever. Quite interesting out of all the men I've dated only those 2 stick in everyones mind. But like I said.. it depends on the person..and should they say they wouldn't date a person with a disability...it may NOT be the fact they are shallow. In the case of my most recent ex.. someone may not want to place themselves in a situation with someone that they KNOW has had severe heart problems so young...and could at anytime. Tough tough call. | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/8/2005 2:43:58 PM | It kind of depends on the nature of the condition... emphasis on the word DEPENDS...
K | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:10:09 PM | Depends... diapers? I don't wear those so I guess I'm ok.
Once I met a girl who actually did like me, I think, but because her friends were snobs and would make fun of me, she didn't want to even be seen with me.
Too bad I don't live in st catherines sweet treat, you sound like a great person that might give a guy a chance. | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/17/2005 3:10:36 PM | Well, I have had 4 open heart surgeries, and I have never had any problems getting dates or a boyfriend. I am pretty much normal now, but I have had serious illnesses in the past because of my heart.
I use to think that my scare would make the guys run. But I have learned that when it comes to relationships they really don't see it.
  Julya | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/17/2005 3:21:51 PM | I think if someone has a disability or medical condition they should always be upfront.
For example, I believe I have the right to know if someone I'm falling for has herpes etc. | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/17/2005 7:04:05 PM | I'm almost legally blind. My eyesight is still too bad to drive. I don't put this information into my profile, because I would never get any responses. (Oh, wait, I already don't )
But, it is something that I am sure to bring up very early in correspondence. | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/17/2005 8:14:51 PM |
I'm almost legally blind. My eyesight is still too bad to drive. I don't put this information into my profile, because I would never get any responses. (Oh, wait, I already don't )
But, it is something that I am sure to bring up very early in correspondence.
Than whats with the misleading photo of you in a car? LOL just kidding! I met a guy online... saw pics of him and everything, we chatted for hrs on msn.. so when he called me and siad "btw Ive been blind since birth" it through me for a loop LOL I was like "how'd you type?" But he did tell me right off the bat...which as he said ...gets it out of the way if you have a problem with it..than at least we didnt waste eachothers time! | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 9/17/2005 8:26:48 PM | | jaws, it's a program that reads everything on the screen and when used with a switch blind people can listen to what is being highlighted and click on what they want, or just use jaws if the know how to type. | |
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| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 9/17/2005 8:49:59 PM | Well now it would depend on if the person was honest with you right from the start that they had a dissability or medical condition !
But if they are honest with me then I would at least make afirst date with them to see if there was any connection or not. If there is then yeah I would not mind dating someone with a disability or medical condition. As me being someone who loves a lady for her and her alone . I can look past the medical probblem she has and only see the lovely lady for who she really is . Yes sometimes things may not be so great being inlove with someone with a disability but I always will try to be my best and try to show her just how much I love her no matter what .
Okay I guess some will only see this as someone rambling and say who cares! Well that is just the point I wanted to make ! Yes I am one who truely cares for someone when I fall inlove with them. | |
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c7t1
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Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:17:50 PM | This is a topic I have done a lot of thinking about. You see I have a disability. Problem is I don’t see it the same way most able body people do.
I always let people know right from the begining of my disability. Why? Because I think it is the honest thing to do. Know one wants to be misled. I try to post pic of me doing most of the activities I can do.
I think the biggest problem I have is that people see me in the wheelchair and immediately label me. They never seem to give me a chance and get to know me and especially what I can and can’t do. I have been a paraplegic for close to 23 yrs. In that time I have been divorced but not many realize that I raised my two kids by my self. I enjoy boating, biking (specially modified bike), and traveling. I have driven to P.E.I and also to Florida. I often make trips to Toronto. When my kids are in need I am the one they call. I have a standing rule with both my kids; especially the one that lives in Toronto. The rule is I am only as far away as a phone call and the time it takes me to drive there. And believe me he has taken me up on this more than once.
Having said this I am not going to trivialize my predicament. Stairs are my enemy. Finding parking drives me up the wall. Meeting ladies is extremely frustrating. I honesty feel if given the chance people would realize that my life on a whole is not that much different than yours. I have bills to pay, kids who look to me for advice, family who depend on me for certain things. The funny thing is I honestly believe my family doesn’t consider me disabled. They don’t link an eye when I head out of town for a weekend get away. They know I am independent enough to take care of my self. Yes I have a lady that comes into my home every morning at 7 A.M. How ever their main job is to give me a cup of coffee and do house work.
I feel I must always try to prove to ladies I am not high maintenance. I think it is the unknown that makes the ladies stay away or the fear that they will end up being a caregiver. I hate telling my income and my living conditions because then I feel they may be with me only for that. I am not rich but I am middle or maybe even upper middle class. I own my home outright; Have a fairly good saving account, and everything I own is paid for in full. I have a hard time filling out profiles; because I just don’t know how to portray myself.
I get frustrated sometimes; this can be seen in the post I wrote comparing profiles to used car ads. However my kids love me., my family loves me and m dog loves me. Well that’s a lie I don’t have a dog lol. One thing I learned real quickly was sympathy is found between shit and syphilis in the dictionary, and I don’t want don’t need it. I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant. I live life on life’s term I do what I can and don’t worry about what I can’t. Why? Because,; I don’t need the aggravation. I really hope to hear all of your views on this. Please be honest and upfront. I have a tough skin and can take it. More than that, I really would like to know your feelings.
Please feel free to ask me anything. I do mean anything form mobility problems to sexual. I have no secrets, and I am always ready to help educate people about paraplegia. | |
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| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:26:20 PM | | I don't think that would affect my decision at all. If you like the person enough, something like that shouldn't make a difference... And I think it would be best if they made it clear before you got to know them really well, though...maybe not right away, but I don't think it's something you should hide for a long period of time, either. | |
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zauvir
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 16 | |
| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:34:03 PM | i ran into a girl at the bar once. this is the only girl i ever brought home from the bar. we clicked big time and she was one of the most beautiful women i had ever seen. she was born with only one arm and no legs but i didnt even notice untill a few hours of chatting with her because it was just something i wasnt looking for to check to see if she had all her parts. now we hit it off, she was into the same music as me (RARE big time) and had the same spiritual belief and everything. in short she was perfect. we stayed up all night talking and just had a fricken great time. stupid me though when the time came for me to consider if i should pursue her or not i could only think of the negatives. like well there would always be her chair to deal with and stupid crap like that. well i will never make that mistake again. her disability didnt bother her so why should it bother me. i doubt i will ever connect with someone on the same level as i did with her. so to answer the question.....yes i would, i refuse to lose the opportunity i once lost with someone because of something that they themselves dont even see as a disability. and sarah from innisfil if you ever read this please message me | |
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| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:46:12 PM | | yes i would, i would go anywhere and i will be there when he needs me, i would give him everything that i can to make him feel that he is needed by someone and that he doesnt need other people to be looking down at him, i just cant stand that when someone is doing that it just really bothers me. well if i love some one, i would go to the end of the world with him, so what does a lil problem ganna do to between us when i am offering every peice of me to the man that i love, and devote. so i would date some one thats with a disability/medical problem :) as long as i love him and that hes the person that i want to spend my time with. | |
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| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:55:00 PM | Offcourse I would.
I like to always be open minded and accepting and tolerant of others physical status. I think this is the policy to go by, in fact I know it is.
It's not good to be judgmental on someone because they have a medical or disability condition and it's a shame that some are shallow enough to actually have something like that make a difference in whether they would like the person or not. To those shallow people I actually question whether they have real love in them for themselves and let alone for others, because it just doesn't fit for someone to judge others on such premature and immature basis.
So the simple answer is yes I would. I have absolutely no issue with that at all. | |
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| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 10/9/2005 9:05:37 PM | | One thing that hasn't been mentioned and that needs to be is the issue of financial support. I fell in love with and married a girl that was on a government disability pension, and we had a beautiful daughter together. Unfortunately, we are now separated and going through a divorce. I am delighted to pay child support for my daughter, but the kicker is this: since my ex is back on social assistance, she has surrendered her financial spousal rights to the government, and the government is suing me for spousal support. There is no time limit on this support, and unless my ex remarries, I could be supporting her to time indefinite until one of us dies....how'd you like that hanging over your head? It sure puts a storm cloud over any possibilities of a future relationship with another person, and cramps any possible future financial plans...please give this some sober thought before commiting to a person with a disability. You can have a wonderful relationship with a person, but if it doesn't work out, there could be some very serious financial repercussions. | |
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c7t1
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Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| Would you date someone with a disability/medical condition?
Posted: 10/9/2005 9:22:34 PM | I agree with you about giving it when you say “sober thought before committing to a person with a disability”. Your worries about financial responsibilities is a valid one. However consider you marry a lady who is on social assistance and you have children. Further consider she is a stay at home mom. Aren’t you responsible for spousal support along with child support? In my case that is not the problem because I am financially secure. Having said that; I am a firm believer in prenups for they protect every one. Divorces are messy. Their has been more than one, able body or physical challenged, ex that has tried to screw their ex financially. Trust me on this one. Been there done that, have the receipts for the spousal support. Further I had to give her ½ of everything including the settlement I received from my accident.
So now I ask the question, what do you say in your profile, to get some one interested enough to message you. | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:25:56 AM | I never think about telling people about my heart scar. Many people have to ask me what happened. Because frankly I forget it is there most of the time.
Julya | |
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| I have a question
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:35:36 AM |
Now he turned out to be cheating scum LOL But that's besides the point.
How could he cheat on you? You are beautiful.
And in answer to the question of the thread, well it depends. That is far too general. | |
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c7t1
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Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 24 | |
| I have a question
Posted: 10/14/2005 10:02:17 AM | Ok Mr. Simond says the question is to general. Let me make it more specific (my case for example). I am a 50 yr old paraplegic. I am independent but confined permanently to a wheelchair. I am fairly healthy but do have some medical problems (blood clots in my legs). I also realize this question is more age specific than you might think. I have found younger people are more likely to say it doesn’t matter. I feel this is due to a lack of life experience and the romantic notion that love concurs all. This is not in anyway meant to be disrespectful to the younger people here. However I do feel that as we get older and have more life experiences, factors of living with someone with a disability or illness take on different perspectives. Some may wonder if they will spend their time more as a caregiver than a spouse. Once again let me say this is my situation here fro every situation is different. If and when the time comes that I need a care giver one is provided for me by worker’s compensation. They already provide a house keeper for me.
Then there is another touchy area. This one deals with the disabled person themselves. By this I mean the true hard fact of whether you think it is fair to bring some one into a relationship where in many cases you are the one that is high maintenance. Limited many times as to where you can go because of accessibility factors or in some cases even transportation issues.
So as far as I am concerned the matter of dating someone with a disability truly is a double edged sword, one that has to be considered very carefully.
Would I like to find a life partner? The answer is a resounding yes. Would I rush into it? Not in a million years. I think this is one time when both should take their time, and fully realize the consequents, both good and bad of such a relationship. | |
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| my opinion ( we all have one )
Posted: 10/21/2005 9:17:21 AM | I read your messages....and yes age does have a great deal to do with the answer. But I also beleive that the people you have met over the years also has a great impact on it. Being from a small town, large familly, middle child....sort of got lost in the what's expected of me..go with the flow..meet someone ..get married.... have children ect ect....There was no time for me to talk with people with totally diferent life values than those of my parrents and older sibbling until now that is!! Everyone has different expectations from a relationship...to some it's the sex, to others it's the money (the keeping up with the Jones syndrome)..but I do beleive that it boils down to the need to feel needed!!! Funny thing about a disability or medical condition....it makes you realize WHAT is really important in life and WHO is really important in your life!!! You can either eccept the cards you were dealt and do the best you can with your life or sit there and feel sorry for yourself ....Remenber there is always someone somewhere worse off than you!! Sure there are lots of people than seem to be better off than you, but if you actually got the chance to get to know them you would see that they have issues and problems as well.....the grass is not laways greener on the other side of the fence if you get the chance to look at it up close and personal..
So would I date someone with a disability or medical problem....if it brought hapiness to both of our lives...YES without a doubt!! | |
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