| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:18:25 PM | Well, I got a message on here from a guy and read his profile and thought he was awesome. We later ended up chatting on msn and everything was cool. I mean really cool. The moment we chatted we just talked about everything and anything even the fact that I was "seperated" and not "Divorced" .He asked me why I did not get a divorce and I told him that I have not met anyone that I wanted to get one for. Now keep that in mind. He wanted to meet me and for some reason I felt completely comfortable with this person. We had a lot in common and he seemed to understand where I was coming from. I agreed to meet him as I had a lot of questions that I thought maybe he could help me with as he is a good Christian man. I am a Christian also but have fallen away for many years and I have had a heavy heart in reguards to this, but was not ready to go there just yet.That being said we met and I hung off every word he said and we just connected very well. We went for a drive and went to a park and talked for hrs.
The moment I got home he emailed me telling me how amazing I was just as he expected. I felt so happy that I met someone that finally saw me for me and not some "piece of meat" so to speak. The next day we chatted more and he asked me how I would feel if we were to get closer. I was so excited as he is a really good guy, and told him I would love to get to know him more. He also asked me if he kissed me if I would slap him...lol...and of course I said no , if it felt right that I would not mind at all, and girls if u saw him u would melt, but not only is he handsome, but nice and a man with character. Anyways we met that night and we again talked for hrs about a lot of things. I asked him that if he did kiss me, I worried that I may compromise his Christianity, remember I am only seperated. But he told me that kissing was find it would be us sleeping together that would get him in trouble....lol...so we kissed and It was AMAZING, he kept telling me how beautiful I was and how beautiful my eyes were. The thing that gets me was that it was not sexual it was tender, passionate and loving. The night was at an end and he wanted to meet the next day.
First thing in the morning I got an email from him telling me that he had to go to another city for the day but would be back that evening and would get back to me when he got in. He comfirmed how much he like me just as much as I did.Telling me again how wonderful I was. He even asked me if I would want to go on a day trip with him sometime. He got back and told me he needed to run some errands and he would come and pick me up after but he would call first. He got back and asked if he could call and I told him to go ahead ....lol....then I NEVER heard from him.
I got so worried that night I could not sleep. It did not make any sense, after all the emails and chatting. I thought something happened to him or one of his family members. I called and left a message and even an email that night tellin him my concern.
The next day I still heard nothing and knew something was not right. I wrote him another email telling him this and to just tell me if something had changed. That I would understand. Still nothing until later on that night I saw him on here and asked him what was the matter and he left me a message tellin me that in ALL honesty he forgot that I was still married and only seperated and if I just wanted to be friends with him as we were in the beginning than that would be fine. I asked him to call me. Nothing. He even blocked me.
I wanted to remain friends with him of course as I really found comfort in his knowledge with God and totally understood that as a Christian that what we did was wrong. Still nothing. I even wrote a couple more emails asking him why he did not want to even talk to me, to explain to me how he felt, still nothing.
I feel so hurt, like I am a bad person now. I don't know what I did for him to not even talk to me. I was not looking for anything when I first met him, just a fellow Christian to talk to.I am a very picky person as to who I chose to met and he really swept me off my feet real quick. I even told him that I would be willing to file for a divorce. He still will not call me or talk to me.
I am so tired of people judging me and treating me like I do not have feelings. I know there is someone out there for me. It just hurts when things like this happen. I know "welcome to the real world" I have been here for 32 yrs and had my share of "crap" . Enough ok. | |
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LANGA
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Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:34:30 PM | I just have a few questions.
I agree with you what you said that you don't like people who judge you and that. But you yourself said that you are PICKY. Just wondering picky in terms of character or values? and believes?
I am a Christian too. As Christian first off, we are not to judge others on trivial matters. Just just how we are, or are suppose to be. Second You said that you would be willing to "file for divorce"? for him. I am not sure how you meant that. Becuase divorce is not good in general, and to do it for another person you find attractive is not really the way to do things, you know?
I am just looking at this from a Christian view point. We must be accepting of another person's appearance and not judge there or any other trivial matter. However there is nothing wrong with it, we should not base are relationships and values on that because the relationsionship won't work and it's not part of how we really should approach things.
So my advice, is find someone, who has a good character and heart and a great personality, don't be too picky on the trivial matters like looks , but find the person that has a good Christlike character if you will, or is a true follower of Christ and acts like it, and talks like it.
Thats my opinion of the whole matter.
remember "judge not lest you be judged" so try not to be picky and just go with your heart and what the Lord tells you to do.
I wish you the very best with your Christian walk and I wish the same for your family and spouse whomever he may be.
God Bless you | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:48:35 PM | What I meant by picky, was that I don't just go and met anyone and kiss them...I have respect for myself and for others.
I have been seperated from my husband for 3yrs as he was unfaithful.
Well, to explain things a little more, I Cried my butt off 2 nights before he contacted me on pof...and I have always wanted to get back on the path of righteousness. Just did not know if I went too far or not with my shortcomings and not sure how to get goin again. Then he showed up....lol....as funny as it sounds, but as u being a Christian ,u know God works in mysterious ways.
I did not want to get a divorce because of him. I wanted to get a divorce because If I was ever to get right with God, that would definately be a start. However, I found him to be someone that I would want to know better and if a divorce was what was causing him to turn his back on me than that would be something I would want to do. | |
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LANGA
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Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 4 | |
| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:53:49 PM | Ok that makes alittle more clear, i think.
I have also backslidden. But being born again, my understanding according to many is that you can't loose your Salvation. So Praise God for that.
Yeah I knwo how you feel too, I would like to have someone help me out too, but I struggle too with trusting otehrs.
Just keep walking by the Word and with the Lord and He will direct your ways. Yes He works in mysterious ways.
You'll be fine I'm sure.
God bless | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:00:42 PM | | I guess I should not have put so much faith in him as a means of getting answers. I should have put my faith in God's hand and in his word,but he was very comforting and felt he was placed in my life for a reason. I have lost all connections to the people that I use to fellowship with and do not know who to trust or where to go. But I am sure God has a plan for me. I am glad for your insite. U are kind. | |
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LANGA
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Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:04:47 PM | Hey, I am also in a similar situation, so i know what we are dealing with, so your most welcome.
Take care and God bless you and best of luck to you. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:09:26 PM | Hiya Flutterby, I just want to say two things about this idiot (goodlooking or not) he is an idiot, for treating you that crappy!!! You wouldn't put up with that from a girlfriend, so, why would you put up with that from a guy. Have you ever heard of " the B,B,D"? It's called the bigger, better, deal. Thats what this guy has done, he found a bigger, better, deal, and he just wasn't that into you or he wouldn't have behaved like that. Or, he's married and a snake. Nothing he did sounds very christian like behaviour, last time I checked. Move on , you deserve better, he was just so smooth, ya could skate on him, keep looking :) Just my opinion preetypatty | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:18:33 PM | | theres no rhyme or reason for how people act on this site , no use trying to figure out why people block people for apparently no reason , i just figure their shallow and its better off for you not to be friends with someone that blocks another person without explanation | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:32:13 PM | Thanks Preetypatty
I did not want to post this to bash him , but to try to understand why he turned his back on me even as friends.
I think my problem is I try to see the good in people more so than the bad and in doin do I get myself burned or end up putting it on myself.
U are probably right about him but it is not up to me to judge what he did. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:34:16 PM | Thanks for replying,
That is true but everyone has their reasons for blocking someone else. We don't know his side and I truly wish I did...I guess I will never know....lol.....But it still hurts just the same doesn't it. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:40:06 PM | Hi Flutterby,
I sympathize with your pain and wish you well.
I only really wanted to comment on one portion of your problem and that's the separation/divorce...
If there is no reason to remain married, cut your losses and move on. Go for the divorce and don't let that be a reason for any good man to pass you by (I'm not saying this guy was a good man. I don't think he was). You shouldn't wait to meet someone great before you decide to change your life. And you shouldn't wait for someone great to be the REASON to make any changes in your life (don't give your power away to anyone like that! You are in control of your destiny). You have to be happy with you. It's all about self-respect and self-loving. If there's no reason to cling to the marriage, get a divorce. Get back to your religion with a clean slate and start rebuilding whatever you feel the damage is. Get involved with others who are like-minded and do the things you need and want to improve yourself and that allow you to feel clean and moral and have love yourself. You've had a hard lesson and it's up to you to learn from it. If you don't learn it now, you're destined to repeat the mistake.
I wish you well. You're a beautiful person and deserve the best. Make sure you get it and make sure you're ready to give it back to the right man.
Good luck!
Goodday | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:58:22 PM | Thanks for the support Goodday!
However,I was not holding onto the marriage...Have u ever heard of the "Been there ,Done that, Not doin it again"...lol....well that is kinda what I thought....After all I married my husband I planned on staying with him for the rest of my life, however , that was not the case. I really needed the time also to know for sure if it was finished....As funny as it sounds we are now best of friends and I actually adore his new girlfriend...and I am glad that it is the way it is. But then there comes a time when u meet someone who u really would love to get into a relationship with and that all changes. Also divorces can be very expesive and I am a single mother of 2 so....it goes without saying.
I also know that I will Never be able to have a relationship with anyone and be true to my Christianity if I don't get a divorce.
U are a sweetie Goodday! | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:18:07 PM | Hi Flutterby,
You sound like you've moved past the most painful part of the breakup of your marriage and I'm happy for you. I just hope you don't limit yourself too much by not cutting it off completely. And what I mean specifically is...I personally have a 2-year rule. If a guy hasn't been divorced or out of a long-term relationship for 2 years or very close to it, I won't even start anything with him (I don't even have a first meeting). In my experience, I've found that most people aren't ready to get into anything serious until they've been out of a long-term relationship for at least 2 years. They're dealing with the pain of the breakup, the feelings they may still have for their lost love, sowing the wild oats they suddenly realized they needed to sow, feeling distrustful of the motives of others, anger, bitterness...there are a ton of things that need to be worked through and only time allows that. Usually, if a new relationship is started before the healing takes place, it's a 'throw away' type relationship. If you continue to have the separated label attached to you, who knows who may view your profile, really think you're wonderful and want to contact you, but may have the same rule as me, and pass you by. In that case, you don't know how many really good guys are out there, but decided not to contact you because of a label.
I know divorces can be expensive, but your husband should be willing to share the cost...he's the reason for the breakup and he has a new girlfriend who may want him to be free, too. If not, there are agencies that use a sliding scale to help defray the costs. I hope you'll look into it if you see the need. If you'd like to discuss it more offline, we can move our chat to private emails.
I know you'll do the right thing for you, just don't sell yourself short and remember to do the best for you all the time. It took me many many years to learn that lesson and I still work at it daily :) Hang in there. I'm on your side. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:45:42 PM | I totally agree with taking the time to heal your wounds....too many people get into a relationships now a days right after a break up and they just end up getting hurt or worse hurting someone else. Being in a relationship for such a long period of time changes a person and they tend to adapt to their partners. When it is time that u are finally on your own....U really don't know who u are as a person. Then only thing that can help that is time.
My ex husband is willing to pay for half of the divorce....lol.....all to my suprize....lol.
As far as his girlfriend wanting him to be free from me....I am not sure, but we all get along great , she is fantastic with my son and she is really good for the both of them. I have no complaints about her.
I have looked into the divorce proceedings already and have the "do it yourself kit" which is goin to be a lot cheaper than if a lawyer does it and it will be a no contested case which makes it that much easier. We have agreed upon everything and it is a matter of time to just fill out the papers. I already had this in my mind for a long time but just never really got around to doin it...I know my posting made it sound like at first that I was just goin to get my divorce just for him but that was not the case. Lets just say he added a little more of a push...and God did the rest believe me..... | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/10/2005 11:23:23 PM | flutter....I'm sorry you met such on DORK on here.
BS he "forgot" you were separated. That's one to add to the lame excuse list. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/11/2005 10:06:54 AM | | Whenever I don't know what to think, I just make something up and try it for a while. It doesn't have to make sense, but it helps if it's easy to remember. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/11/2005 10:26:44 AM | You are not a bad person!
Just because someone says they are a christian.... doesn't mean they are to be put up on a pedistal!
He was a user.........His day trip may have been a date with someone else.....
If he had a problem with you being seperated he should have told you.
The fact that he blocked you shows his lack of respect.... and what an uncaring nature he really has.... He showed his immaturity that he is NOT able to communicate.
I don't think waiting for a person to come along should be your deciding factor in getting a divorce... Divorce is finality........... You'd be available.... He may not have been able to get past that....
I'ms orry that you met a guy like that... I'm sorry he hurt you.
Do NOT think ur a bad person! YOUR not! | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/11/2005 9:05:42 PM | I know what is happening..for sure. (maybe) :P
I was still married
SO, tell me, HOW wonderful was this kiss?
 You see; he now lusts after a married woman. HOw Christian does one get before this is a major piece of guilt? <--true question too.
I think you know what your next conversation should focus on.
It is his shame that blocks you babe. Of this; I am almost positive. Perhaps he can stay at arms length until you disolve or, otherwise, become and NON-married woman? And..well..perhaps you can help keep him there..yet enjoying the company of you ..as you do him?
YOu need to let him know that you understand his guilt..or confusion..or..well.I guess we'll call it "guilt" for lusting after a maried woman. Let him know that that kiss was something that may have rocked your heart and sould as it did his. (also ask him if, in this^, you have found the issue which you have)
Next move..if he will walk stand with you...(as friend, and closest confident)
End that marriage.
Just my .02
anyways. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/12/2005 5:25:59 AM | To answer your question about his kiss: Well, I know in my heart it was not lustfull, or sexual, but it was very tender, passionate and loving. I do not know how to describe it but it hit me like no other kiss did. Maybe I am just nuts....lol...but i don't think so.
He told me how beautiful I was, and touched my face tenderly, played with my hair and looked into my eyes and it just melted me. His embrace was strong and comforting. I don't know what he did differently but I just can't seem to let him go....it is staying with me. It is still with me now. To some it may sound pathetic, but u can not help who your heart chooses. I have had many men persue in my life( before I became a Christian and even when I was far from Gods grace but not out of it ) some I did not like, some I liked a lot, and some I loved, but nothing like this from just a kiss!!!!!!!!
If he felt the same way, u may be right and the temptation would be too strong.
U do make a good point and I have thought about it also.A lot of people that answered to my thread saw him as not a very good person, but I did, I felt something that they could not and I thank them for their support and their concern. It was so much appreciated!!!!!!It is nice to see that there are people out there that still care.I believe now he is just doin what he needs to do to remain faithful to God and God's word.THAT I DO UNDERSTAND.
But I am very happy to let u know, Yesterday I saw him on here, I sent him he returned  lol....at least he did not block me this time...and we talked a little bit..not much but enough and I know in my heart now that he still feels the same about me.....I just think as u said he needs to keep me at arms lenght as he does not want to be untrue to his Christianity. I could also be wrong. I don't have the answers to everything, I wish I did , but God works in ways we all don't necessarily understand sometimes and for that matter don't have to understand either.It just is.
I know that last night ,I looked deep down into my heart, I know that it wouldn't be possible for us to be friends at this time unless from a FAR distance....I know I am not strong enough, As soon as I heard him respond my heart almost jumped out of my chest. I care for him soooooo much more than a friend. I want to walk beside him and share things with him and care for him. I want a relationship with him.I just need to admit that. I think he knows that.
I got a call just NOW writing this from someone who is goin to help file for the Divorce...hehehe and the papers will be sent off next MONDAY, but the sad news is that it my take up to 3 months. God please give me strenght not to go crazy!!!!!!! THANKS FRROSTY!!!!! | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/12/2005 6:57:41 AM |
I understand the "fear" in love.
I deal with this myself lately.
May you be well pretty Christian girl. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/12/2005 7:34:22 AM | | The worst people in the world are pretend christians. They give everyone a bad impressoin of Christanity. They are true con artist in the worst sense. It is hard for some people to live a true honest life. Just be true to yourself. you know what is right and wrong. God forgives us our trustpasses as long as you are truely sorry. As far as the divorce goes try using a paralegal that is working under a lawyer. They can fill the paper out correctly and alot less than a lawyer. Just believe in your self and know that real answers come in his time not ours. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/16/2005 9:08:40 AM | I don't really care what he thinks anymore...he was not meant to be for me. It took a lot for me to see that but actions speak louder than words and well, his actions said everything.I wish him the best of luck. | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 9/19/2005 7:24:40 AM | I totally agree with you blu eyed gal. If he was paying attention to you and telling you all these "beautiful" details about your eyes and the way he went on with you hair and REALLY payed attention to you....there is NO was he forgot at all...out of all the excuses...thats the worst.. i forgot..don't fall into that again and do not let yourself even when you become a NON-Married woman...if the person cared as much as he said he did he would have kept contact at least until the divorce was final so that he wouldn't be going against "religious beliefs" but the fact remains he caused you alot of hurt and worry and you deserve better. I just hope you really listen to this message.
From: just a concerned friend :) | |
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| Don't know what to think!!!!
Posted: 11/22/2005 6:56:03 AM | Hi, flutter
This is just my opinion but if he knew you you was married and was christian man he should have immediately backed out of considering you as future partner.He should have back away to let you see where you are going with him or without him.In my opinion.I lost my girlfriend to good christian man.If that's christian,which means christ like,I don't want to be one.Christ didn't screw with married women,just a common slut,He forgave her.Not to sure christ is impressed with the slutty christian males here.I don't want to judge anyone ,but facts are facts,and this guy was not someone with good intentions,perhaps he knew if he had his way and failed you ,you would always have your husband to fall back on .In other words you couldn't tie him up if you are already,and if you wasn't what he was looking for he would move on.I think he is the slut in this mess.A man should respect woman and man,and there vows together.There are plenty of singles to talk to. | |
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