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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > WHY do men just disappear??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mustlovedogs
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 1
WHY do men just disappear??Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Guys, please help me out here... This isn't the first time this has happened same thing different story. I met a guy online, and we clicked... he even bought me a ticket to go visit him in a few weeks. We were starting to talk quite a bit, and all of a sudden... no more calls... he seems to be avoiding me. I cant' think of what I did to cause this?? Any suggestions as to what happened? He must have been really liking me at one point to get me a plane ticket, and our last conversation I was on a train ... we talked a little that morning, and had a nice chat. Then all of a sudden, nothing???

Any thoughts would be helpful, thanks so much.... suggestions as to whats going on with him, and how I should handle it... I made one phone call since and one e mail, thats it.
 smile with your eyes
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 2
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 12:25:44 PM
How about a little more background. Have you both exchanged pics? Did it happen after that? Only you can know what happened the last time you both talked...take from that and it will be clear. Were you negative when you last chatted? I used to lose interest in a guy if he was negative about his current situation..ie: my job sucks, i hate my life, i live with my parents cuz that hateful **** I used to date robbed me of all my stuff. Anyway...just some thoughts for ya. Good luck to ya.
 mustlovedogs
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 3
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 1:42:54 PM
THANKS... WELL, we did exchange pictures, so I don't think it was that. I did have a situation with my family that occured when I was out of town and I discussed that with him. Maybe that threw him off, but that was my familys situation not ME. hmm... well, if he spooks that easy then maybe its for the best. Thanks for your suggestions... I guess Ill learn on this one , its a shame. :) hugs
 Patch364
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 4
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:21:12 PM
Hey Hun
I'm kinda going through the same situation. Met a guy on here, something made me attracted to him immediately. After two months of talking we finally met in person. We had seen each other 3 times. The last time we saw each other I mentioned seeing each other again, he seemed very cool with that. The week after that he was very distant from me. So finally I just asked what was up and he gave the old line "I just don't want anything serious right now, I want to take it slow" or something like that. Well to me, that tells me "I was interested, now I want nothing to do with you" Because as far as i'm concerned if he felt that way when he first met me, maybe he should have just TOLD ME lol I'm cool with taking it slow and getting to know each other better BUT we haven't talked since that conversation. So i'm guessing that he isn't interested in me any more, he's found someone else that he is interested in and well he's just gonna keep pushing me away OR he'll suddenly call me out of no where and we'll start again. But if he waits too long, i'll be gone!!
Men disappearing out of no where is their cowardly way of saying "i'm not interested anymore." A lot just don't have the balls to say it to us. That isn't always the case but i'm sure if you talk to lots of girls they will tell you the same thing. But i'm a firm believe that what goes around comes around. They will have it happen to them, or so we hope lol
I do hope that your man smartens up and things work out for you two. Its hurtful and confusing, trust me, I know how you feel. Good luck hun, I wish you all the best!!
 riech1968
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 5
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:34:08 PM
You are so right. It is just a man's cowardly way of saying they are not interested any more. What though, changes their minds? Who knows. I was seeing a guy for a little over a month and we were having a good time. The last time I saw him, we went to the movies and when I dropped him off he gave me a kiss, said I'll call you and I haven't heard from him since. That was over two weeks ago. I called once and left a message, he never called back but neither have I.
 Patch364
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 6
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:37:49 PM
That is the question I think we will always be asking "what changed your mind"
I would give anything to know what it was that changed his mind. I always think the worst and figure that they have found some other girl who they thought was sooo much better. "I Beg Your Pardon, No One Is Better" lol I say all of us ladies, we deserve a good GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!!! Let's all get smashed And b*itch about these jerks who think that they can find better then us lol
 FirefighterSarah
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 7
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:39:06 PM
well must love dogs, I had the same thing happen, it was kinda strange, he lived on the mainland and I live on the island, I used to go over and hang out with him, we had a blast whenever we hung out.. then after a month or two of talking and hanging out I asked him to come over to the island for my birthday and I havent heard from him since.. oh well he has a day till my bday to save his ass I guess u could say. Haha, oh well, just kinda wish I could have known what was going on... :S But theres plenty other fish in the sea eh..
 schmessica
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 8
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:40:49 PM
who the hell knows... I met someone here that did the same thing. Laid it on thick, said he wanted to move to town and everything.. then started to slowly back off and then cut contact altogether without so much as an explanation. Who knows why guys do this, maybe they get the thrill of the hunt and then lose interest. It's a bit discouraging though, because we tell them we've been hurt and whatnot, and they always promise not to hurt you like others have and inevitably they do the same thing people have done before.. why do we keep going through the same thing over and over? I guess the shred of hope that someone will be the right one eventually.

Good luck to all of you.. I think we need it.

Jessica
 redmamma
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 9
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:55:29 PM
What are we all dating the same guys? I have had that happen.. and then see when you meet someone new and you kinda get afraid that it might happen again.. you seem paranoid when you ask any questions at all about where the current thing is going... What the hell is it with these men?? and why the hell do they think that it is ok to pull this crap? I mean just when you think wow he is great fawning all this attention on you.. making you feel pampered and spoiled, all of a sudden when it is on shut down mode.. we are the ones who are weird for questioning the sudden change??? MEN!
wait sorry Skippy but this one is for the girls.. women do messed up stuff.. but this time.. well I don't have as much pity as I normally would...
I swear we ladies should just all go out and have a girl's nite... Serves the lil shits right...
 Patch364
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 10
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:11:43 PM
You are so right redmamma

Cheers Ladies
 2feesRme
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 11
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:31:34 PM
Do you think we could have all dated the same guy???? I just spent four years with a guy I met in a chat room.... (at least 3 years too long).. I was trying to break it off with him... wanted to be nice about it...ha!!! Just as I was getting up the courage to do this, he just stopped calling... no explanation, not excuse not kiss my ---- no nothing..... his loss...
 2feesRme
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 12
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:33:39 PM
Let's go.......
 petebradd
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 13
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:44:09 PM
There are so many reasons why this could have happened:

-You might have said something disturbing (maybe without even knowing it). E.g. "I love you" or "I want to have kids" or "George Bush is great" or "I love the Chicago Bulls" or "Who is Gandalf?" or "I am not rich."
-He might be very busy (with another girl or with work or watching TV or playing video games)
-Maybe he found someone else cause that's what dating is about. Meet a few people and see who you click with. Or he is meeting too many people and cannot fit you in his schedule anymore.
-Perhaps he thought that he is attracted to you but found out that he isn't. Sometimes there's no way to be sure about that after the first date so really I don't think it's coward to go for a few more and then make up your mind.
-He is afraid to get drawn into something that he doesn't want to have right now (commitment, love, sex, happiness,...).
-Perhaps he is frustrated cause you haven't given him any signals that you are attracted to him. He might think that you are just looking for a buddy.
-Perhaps you have given him too many signals that you are attracted to him (lol, guys are so complicated, aren't they?)
-Maybe you played the game "Let's not contact him to see how much he is interested in me" once too often. So many girls love to play it and guess what happens if the guy likes to play it as well?
 redmamma
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 14
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:46:37 PM
You know what the best part is??? They think we don't know that they are acting differently and then they chew us out or treat us like shit when we call them on it and of course that is their way to pick a fight and boom.... I am not saying that is the case all the time.. and yes ok woman can over react.... butttttt duuhhhhh we are not IDIOTS!
First round is on me....
 redmamma
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 15
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:49:51 PM
There are so many reasons why this could have happened:


-You might have said something disturbing (maybe without even knowing it). E.g. "I love you" or "I want to have kids" or "George Bush is great" or "I love the Chicago Bulls" or "Who is Gandalf?" or "I am not rich."
-He might be very busy (with another girl or with work or watching TV or playing video games)
-Maybe he found someone else cause that's what dating is about. Meet a few people and see who you click with. Or he is meeting too many people and cannot fit you in his schedule anymore.
-Perhaps he thought that he is attracted to you but found out that he isn't. Sometimes there's no way to be sure about that after the first date so really I don't think it's coward to go for a few more and then make up your mind.
-He is afraid to get drawn into something that he doesn't want to have right now (commitment, love, sex, happiness,...).
-Perhaps he is frustrated cause you haven't given him any signals that you are attracted to him. He might think that you are just looking for a buddy.
-Perhaps you have given him too many signals that you are attracted to him (lol, guys are so complicated, aren't they?)
-Maybe you played the game "Let's not contact him to see how much he is interested in me" once too often. So many girls love to play it and not all guys join in.


Then grow some damn balls and SAY SOMETHING.. and what are you 12???? grow up that crap will not work here... so unless you really want all these woman to start in on you I suggest you back out of the room slowly and make no sudden moves.....

And just for the record... GIRLS do many things.. but then I grew up and became a WOMAN who had a bit more respect than that
 jna27
Joined: 9/12/2005
Msg: 16
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:54:39 PM
Because its easier for them to be wimps. spineless losers. all of em..
 petebradd
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 17
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 4:06:08 PM
Then grow some damn balls and SAY SOMETHING..


HAHA, no thanks, two balls are enough for me... So you don't like the subtle disappearance and prefer the less subtle approach: "Sorry lady, I think I'm not into you because honestly I can't stand you and/or you stink (or whatever)"

Riiiight!! I am sure you wouldn't complain about such a guy in a forum post...

And just for the record... Only guys are acting this way, right?
Lol, sudden disappearances are a speciality of girls AND women as well, so let's not generalize too much here.

Sorry that I disturbed your lil party ladies, I know that it feels better if everybody joins in the same chorus but the title of the this thread could be misinterpreted as a question
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 18
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 4:10:03 PM
I don't know but who cares?

If I was IN a relationship with a man and he disappeared, then I would demand answers. But if I'm not IN a relationship with him and he does it...so what? He decided it wasn't working. I respect his opinion as to what/who is best for him. That's all I need to know..since I don't have any intentions of changing myself to suit someone else....his opinion is irrelevant to me. I (or you) could just as easily disappear from him, it is a 2-way street. But...don't sweat the small stuff...a "non-relationship" guy is small stuff. Sure, I do understand your curiosity, but no one on this site can tell why HE did it. Only HE can tell you that. And, since he will probably never get around to telling you....forget it. It happens ALL THE TIME online.....online people are very disposable. Online pals come and go lilke the wind, in and out, here and there, "flavor-of-the-day" kinda thing.....one day it's going great...then it's over and you get a new flavor!

Lots of flavors in this candy store!!
 Sindee
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 19
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 4:25:55 PM
riech1968...I had almost the exact same happen to me...for a minute I thought you were telling my story.

But hey, I just figure it's his/their loss...and refuse to let it get me down. .
 SWEETZSUGAR
Joined: 7/14/2005
Msg: 20
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 4:42:51 PM
HI I SAW THIS AND JUST HAD TO RESPOND AND SHARE WHAT I HAVE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS. MY STEP DAD (WHO WAS A DETECTIVE FIRST GRADE) SAT ME DOWN A FEW MONTHS AGO AND TOLD ME THIS:
WHEN A MAN CARES FOR YOU HE WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS, CANCEL PLANS AND FALL ALL OVER YOU. THE LINE (I AM NOT READY, AS WE HAVE ALL HEARD 100 TIMES IS A BUNCH OF CRAP) MEN ARE AVOIDERS, THEY ARE NOT LIKE US WOMEN WITH ALL THE FEELINGS AND COMMUNICATION STUFF. HE TOLD ME TO LET A MAN ASK YOU THINGS HE WANTS TO KNOW, JUST DON'T VOLUNTEE INFORMATION, BE VAGUE BUT NICE. LET HIM GET THE INFORMATION HE WANTS FROM YOU. THE REASON BEING IS MEN FEEL AS THEY HAVE ACOMPLISHED SOMETHING WHEN THEY ASK YOU A QUESTION AND YOU ANSWER IT. WHEN WE TELL THEM WITHOUT THEM ASKING, ITS TOO EASY AND ALSO, THEY MAY NOT BE READY TO HEAR WHAT WE HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT US YET. YOUR FAMILY PROBLEM COULD HAVE PUT A DAMPER ON THIS BUT I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT. A MAN WHO IS ALL OVER YOU IMMEDIATELY HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE, A MAN WHO IS TOO QUIET OR STANDOFISH HAS PROBLEMS ALSO. NEVER ASK A MAN OUT OR ASK TO SEE HIM, IF HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO SEE YOU, HE WILL MENTION IT BEFORE THE DATE IS OVER.. ONE THING MOM TOLD ME ABOUT MEN IS THEY HAVE PATTERNS. IF THEY CONTINUE THE SAME PATTERN ALL IS WELL BUT... IF YOU SEE A SMALL CHANGE, BEWARE, KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN AND GET READY TO RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, YOUR GETTING DUMPED, OR THE PULL AWAY ROUTINE IS ON IT'S WAY. THIS MEANS MORE THAN 1 MISSED PHONE CALL, A CANCELLATION OF A DATE. I HAVE JUST TURNED 44 A FEW WEEKS AGO AND HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT ALL, BUT I RECENTLY GOT SMART AND REALIZED ANYONE WHO DUMPS ME WILL WIND UP WITH A HUGE LOSS, THIS GOES FOR YOU ALSO. I MET A MAN A FEW MONTHS AGO. I GOT VERY LUCKY, HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND MY SOULMATE. I LISTENED (FOR ONCE) TO WHAT MY STEPDAD TOLD ME AND NOT ONLY DID IT WORK, BUT I FOUND A COMMITED, LOVING WONDERFUL MAN. UNFORTUNATELY, MY STEP DAD PASSED AWAY IN JANUARY AND I WON'T BE GETTING HIS WORDS OF WISDOM BUT I WANTED TO PASS THEM ALONG TO YOU AND GIVE YOU SOME LUCK HERE. HE TAUGHT ME SO MUCH ABOUT MEN.. BE STRONG AND MOVE ON IF YOU THINK YOUR HEART IS BEING PLAYED WITH, REMEMBER IT IS THEIR LOSS.....

IF YOU NEED ANY MORE HELP JUST ASK..... DM
 shadowgirl58
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 21
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 4:50:21 PM
Men dissappear after running out of excuses.
 Sindee
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 22
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 5:06:43 PM
Men dissappear after running out of excuses


Exactamundo....you summed it up in a nut shell

dee your dad sounds like he was a very intelligent man.
 Patch364
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 23
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 5:08:42 PM
exactly, they think they are letting us down easily by saying the stupid little things they say. But really, they are doing nothing put pissing us off!! Like everyone else says "Their Loss"
 Patch364
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 24
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 6:29:18 PM
Very Good words of advice Dee
 FirefighterSarah
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 25
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 6:52:18 PM
Im very sorry to hear about your step dad passing away!
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