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| A good way to end a relationship and still be friends
Posted: 11/27/2004 5:03:12 PM | | I wish you luck on that one. The one ex that I have remained truly good friends with only remained that way because we both thought the relationship should end. He doesn't know this but I was trying to find a way to let him down lightly when he broke up with me. | |
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| A good way to end a relationship and still be friends
Posted: 11/27/2004 7:58:45 PM | HMM WELL ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS MY EX BOYFRIEND THE ONE WHO CHEATED ON ME BUT IT DID TAKE A FEW YEARS BEFORE WE WERE CApable of being friends.. But i find it that if you love someone and let them into your life and care for them so deeply i dont think those feelings can ever really dissapear for life.. Me and my ex just realized we werent right for one another it took a while to be capable of letting each other back into our hearts...
I dont think it is possible to be friends after a relationship though if one person was still in love with the other.. | |
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| A good way to end a relationship and still be friends
Posted: 11/28/2004 12:42:32 AM | i think you should be prepared to lose the person all together. I dont know how this person is. but most don't take it lightly and are very deepley hurt.. in time maybe you can be friends. but more then likely it will hit the fan.. if your going to leave her the best thing you can do is stay away and let her heal. by trying to be friends your trowing her a rope that she will grab on to for hope.. nothing will be easy about it. tuff place to be. i pray it goes well for you. i also agree with limo ..."I dont think it is possible to be friends after a relationship though if one person was still in love with the other.. " that is very true..
I still shake when my ex comes around and it still upsets me.. while i dont think i love her anymore it was the past and what happend and the cruleness of it. I don't hate her for it.. but i don't want that scab picked at. that wound was deep. | |
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| A good way to end a relationship and still be friends
Posted: 11/28/2004 7:27:35 AM | Wow, tough one. And a topic I've had a lot of experience with on both sides.
It all boils down to this: The person you're dumping may be very much in love with you.
After all, I don't know of very many dumpings that were "mutual". Someone wants out and will initiate the dump.
Although I've been the "dumper" and "dumpee" in this scenario, I think I'll approach this from the "dumpee"'s prospective. Why? Because I know how much it hurts when you are madly in love with someone who decides they want to play the field with other people.
The psychology on this from the dumper's perspective is simple: "I want to see what else is out there before committing to this person forever, but this person is really good to me so I kinda wanna keep him/her on the sidelines just incase". If you still want to be friends with the person you're dumping, maybe that means you still have feelings for that person but, bottom line is, you're just not sure and need to find out.
So now, let's move to the actual dump itself.
The dumpee's heart has just been broken. Or worse, smashed to bits. They are devestated. And there's nothing you could have done different to avoid this - short of not breaking up at all. On top of being heartbroken, they're going to feel betrayed by the one person in the world who they trusted to never betray them. The mere thought of you being with someone else is almost literally a killer to the dumpee. Every time they think of you, the image of you shagging your next conquest will be in their heads. This is the part that kills people. Thinking of someone you're madly in love with deciding they don't love you anymore, betraying you, and "making love" to someone else.
They have to get that thought out of their head ASAP before it starts doing some real damage. How do they do that? By getting YOU, the dumper out of their head ASAP and moving on as quick as possible.
That means, no friendship after the fact. No casual phone calls, no buddy-buddy. If you don't love the person you're dumping and they love you, don't torture them. Just leave them alone.
If down the road you decide that this person was the best thing for you, and that you can be dedicated to that person then give him/her a call and tell them that. If you're lucky they won't be in a new relationship and still hating your guts.
Sorry I couldn't have a more positive perspective on this, but these are the facts you need to consider.
Break-ups are a b*tch, aren't they? :) | |
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| A good way to end a relationship and still be friends
Posted: 11/29/2004 5:38:25 AM | I also am good friends with one of my ex's and I think its because we were friends from the get go. He cheated on me and I was very much in love with him, but I also relized that we werent meant to be. So now we still talk and can actually confide in each other about what is going on in our lives with out worring about hurting each others feelings.
But on the flip side, there are folks out there who could never do this, because of the hurt being so bad and like Jimi said not wanting the scab picked at. Just depends on the situation and the people involved I guess | |
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| A good way to end a relationship and still be friends
Posted: 11/30/2004 3:55:07 AM | | I haven't had much success with that, except for one who I was friends with before and only dated briefly. We are still friends. I would have liked to remain friends with my last ex, because she was cool. I tried, but she went psycho b*tch on me, so that ruined any chance of being friends. Just to be clear she broke up with me to shack up with another guy, and I still would have been friends with her, but she went wacko. It was very surprising. You think you know someone. But I digress. | |
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| A good way to end a relationship and still be friends
Posted: 11/30/2004 10:39:51 AM | | From your side, try to show normal attitudes without hatred; respect her if she needs some time to heal her pain; and, treat her as friend (not more not less). Hope it works as expected. | |
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