| british jokes
Posted: 9/17/2005 4:42:26 PM | thought it be a good idea to get some humour going...
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!" | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/17/2005 6:11:39 PM | im english, and i think the last part of the joke is scottsman who is the tight one..
but it changes :P
my jokes are all fair to rude :( soz i cant contribute, yours is funny tho :p | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/18/2005 5:56:02 AM | There's 3 men, all sittin at the bar in their local, suddenly the 1st guy turns an says ''i was lookin for a pen in my wifes' purse the other day and i found an empty packet of ciggerettes, in 5 yrs of marriage i never knew she smoked''
''oh yeh'' says the second guy ''jus the other night i was goin threw my wifes' bag an found an empty bottle of gin, in 10 yrs of marriage i never knew she drank'' ... sittin their quietly for a while, the 3rd man then says ''this morning i was going threw my wifes bag for my car keys, an i found an empty box of condoms, in 20 yrs of marriage i never knew the hussy had a willy'' | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 12:26:02 PM | An Irish man, English man and a Scots man all standing on an oil rig.
How do you identify the English man?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters!
( And yes, one can turn this around, too! ) | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 12:26:11 PM | An Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman all standing on an oil rig.
How do you identify the English man?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters!
( And yes, one can turn this around, too! ) | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 12:26:55 PM | | wow, double post; pardon! | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 1:10:00 PM | | It could only have been an Irish girl to do the first double post on UK Forums ...lol | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 4:29:18 PM | Prince charles arrives home to find 'Charles is a w*nker'' written in the snow. he says to his detective 'this seems to have been written in urine, do some tests, and find out who did it'. ... later that day, the detective returns to the lab 'bad news, im afraid sir, the urine is will carling's'
'why is that bad?'
'well, sir, the handwriting is princess diana's' | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 4:38:20 PM | An essex girl is out driving one day when her car skids at a roundabout and hits the car infront. as she's injured, an ambulance is called and a paramedic quickly arrives. 'what's your name, love' he asks
'sharon' she replies
looking around, the medic sees there's alot of blood, 'sharon,' he asks 'where are you bleeding from?'
'romford' she replies | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 7:38:26 PM | Q: Why does an Irishman wear 2 condoms? A: To be sure to be sure!!! | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 7:38:31 PM | | Q: Why does an Irishman wear 2 condoms? A: To be sure to be sure!!! | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 7:41:14 PM | | OOps... I seem to have printed that joke 2x! I'm not Irish by the way and I think that the Irish are lovely people!!! Sorry about that! | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/19/2005 9:58:17 PM | | Two Chavs are filling up their tanks at the petrol station, first chav says that the prices are terrible and are going to go even higher. Second chav replies "won't affect me, I always put in just 10 quid's worth". | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/20/2005 1:02:48 AM | | paddy goes into a jewlers,says !have you got a potato clock!bloke says !no why doyou want one of them!paddy says !ive got a new job and the gaffer says ive got to get up ateighto clock. | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/20/2005 4:26:19 AM | naughtynunu
lol... goes to show anyone can do it....  | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/20/2005 4:27:18 AM | Nergal!
I'll forgive you... ;) | |
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nergal
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Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 18 | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/21/2005 3:39:36 PM | 3 inmates are sittin in their cell contemplatin their futures. the 1st one takes out a mouth organ 'at least i can keep myself amused by playin a little music, it'll help pass the time.'
the 2nd takes out a pack of cards 'we can while away the time playin poker' he says.
the 3rd man takes out a box of tampons 'what the hell are you going to do with those?' the other 2 ask
he grins and says 'it says on the box i can ride, swin, ski and play tennis with these.' | |
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sazlou
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Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| british jokes
Posted: 9/21/2005 5:55:20 PM | | A man working in a brewery dies after falling into a vat of beer. The manager breaks the news to his widow. 'Did he suffer much?' she sobs. 'I dont think so,' the manager tells her. 'He climed out three times to use the toilet.' | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/21/2005 6:20:34 PM | Council Refuse man goes into Chinese take-away, 'cos he can't find the bin outside. The conversation goes like this:
Council Refuse man: "Where's ya bin, mate?"
Chinaman: "I bin Hong Kong"
"No, No, where's ya bin?"
"yes, I bin Hong Kong"
"No, No, where's ya wheelie bin?"
"Yes Yes, I wheelie bin Hong Kong" | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/21/2005 6:27:28 PM | In Italy, condoms are packed in 6's - one for Monday, one for Tuesday, one for Wednesday, one for Thursday, one for Friday and one for Saturday, Sunday being a day of rest in a catholic country.
The French however, pack them in 8's - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and two for Sunday - (trust the French!).
The English pack them in 12's - January, February, March............... | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/22/2005 12:40:52 AM | How do you confuse an Irishman?
Put three shovels against a wall and tell him to take his pick.
How do you confuse an Irishman?
Put him in a round room and tell him to stand in the corner.
What happens to an Essex girl's a***hole after sex?
He get's sent out for pizza.
How does an Essex girl turn the light on after sex?
She open's the car door. | |
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Roaul
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Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| british jokes
Posted: 9/22/2005 11:32:37 AM | | not so much of a joke but is anyone tempted to ring bupa after hearing the song kiss it and make it better and say they have a splinter in the backside? i am. | |
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| british jokes
Posted: 9/22/2005 4:31:26 PM | | ha ha ha nice one roaul | |
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