| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 9/25/2005 9:27:40 PM | I've been on this site for roughly 6 weeks so far and I've contacted a grand total of 8 women. It isn't because I've been too busy or because I expect women to message me, I think it's because I'm being overly picky in who I want to get to know. We all look for two things when checking profiles: looks and personality (with looks usually taking initial presedence) and I'm worried that I'm setting the bar too high in both areas. One reason I think I might be doing this is that the last two relationships I've had ended because there wasn't enough physical attraction on my end. I let both relationships go on longer than they should have because 1. I can't stand hurting people I care about and 2. I hoped that their personalities would make them more attractive to me over time. I find myself searching through hundreds of profiles and rejecting the vast majority of them because of things like: "they are party girls", "they didn't write much in their profile" and the obvious one being "I don't consider them attractive".
Now I don't want to turn this into a debate about who am I to be so picky because although I'm confident, I realize I'm not the greatest catch in the world. I think I'm fairly attractive and have a great personality, but that's not really what this is about.
My main goal right now is to meet new people, date, and go from there. So I guess what I really want to know is whether I should just be shooting out lots of messages in order to increase my chances of getting replies or should I continue to be "picky" and hope I get lucky? I also wanted to know if other people feel like they are being picky or notice the opposite sex (whichever one) being too picky? Looking at a lot of women's profiles, I get the feeling that a fairly large number of women want a perfect guy and although everyone is entitled to wait for their soul mate, I just don't think it's realistic (especially if you are mainly looking for dates, not long-term relationships).
Any and all advice, debates and even insults accepted
Thanks  | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 9/25/2005 9:43:59 PM | When you said
"I let both relationships go on longer than they should have because 1. I can't stand hurting people I care about"
I just realized 2 things.
1) This just happened to me.
2) I did that to my last girlfriend
Its like I would lie to protect her feelings, but it turned out bad. and I just got lied to, I was pissed, but it looks like she was doing exactly what I did 2 years ago.
Karma? | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 9/25/2005 9:56:44 PM | Although it seems superficial to me, at least you are honest.
I'd say you are doing the right thing.
Stay picky, the last thing you should do is be untrue to yourself and in the process hurt someone. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 9/25/2005 10:59:14 PM | You're too picky.
Why?
You're only emailing certain attractive women, but the fact is that hundreds of men who are more attractive than you are emailing the same women.
Have any of those women even replied to your emails? No, probably not.
So while you think it's unrealistic that women want a perfect guy, here you are wanting a perfect woman.
You know someone has to date real women... | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 9/25/2005 11:41:05 PM | Your point is well taken. When I really think about why I don't message a lot of the women on here I come to the conclusion that it's not because I don't think they are good enough, it's because I don't think we would "mesh" well (and there is a big difference between the two). There have been dozens of women I considered attractive, but didn't message because it was obvious I didn't fit what they were looking for or I made the assumption I didn't fit. There are also a lot of women who I'm interested in, but I havn't messaged because I'm 99.9% sure I'll get an unread and deleted back. One could argue that implies a self confidence issue, but I think it's more about trying to avoid that feeling you get when you're message is ignored. Rejection is a much easier pill to swallow than being ignored, but there are a tonne of threads on that topic so no reason to discuss it here.
I really don't think I'm looking for a "perfect" woman. Without going into great detail let's just say I'd like what everyone else wants, but with a couple twists that seem to make things harder. Attractive, intelligent, decent personality (and here's the complicating factors) prefers nights in to nights out more often than not and someone who will motivate me because I definetely motivate others. Now if that's too picky, then I guess I am picky...
One other question I want to pose to guys out there. How many women do you have on your favorities list and on what basis do you add and delete someone from it? I use my favorities list as a notepad of who I'm interested in or currently talking to.
And for the record out of the 8 messages I've sent:
2 unread/deleted
3 read/deleted
3 read (two of which I'm currently talking with)
By the way, if anything I said seems contradictory chalk it up to typing at 3 am  | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 9/26/2005 12:18:56 AM | | It's not about being to "Picky" you're looking for the girl that fits you and that's great. Just remember, all those really amazing girls are getting a LOT of messages. So you might find them to be what you're looking for, and they don't see it the same for thier want's or needs. Just remember, Be picky because life is long and you should find the one that makes it happy. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/1/2007 6:01:52 PM | Women on here are very shallow.. Some not all. They barely take the time to investigate a person. They see a picture and they immediately pass up on you! they are so rude and inconsiderate.
I'm a great guy, I have a lovely personality and very kind and warming.. but they don't give a rat's A$$ if they decide your picture sucks..
too picky indeed! | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:22:23 AM | Do you also consider if you are the type of person they are looking for?
I do match both ways.
It is good to be picky in the sense that you can end up meeting people that are better match.
If you try to be too general, then you can end up meeting people that are not really your type
or with an incompatible personality. That were mistakes I was doing at the beginning. I was
not spending enough time in selecting people to contact.
You don't want too be too picky in the sense that you don't want to exclude people that could
have been good match. Sometimes it is difficult to know someone until you meet them.
A good way would be to base it on how many people you want to be in touched at a time.
And how many people you want to meet per month. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 7:29:53 AM |
My main goal right now is to meet new people, date, and go from there.
Looking at a lot of women's profiles, I get the feeling that a fairly large number of women want a perfect guy and although everyone is entitled to wait for their soul mate, I just don't think it's realistic (especially if you are mainly looking for dates, not long-term relationships).
So it's realisitic for you to be super selective, but it's unrealisitic for women to do the same? This is just the pot calling the kettle black! You answered your own question.
That aside, I think it's good to be fairly picky - no one should have to "settle". However, I don't think you can really make a good judgement until you've talked to someone a few times, and met them. I'm not saying lower your standards by any means. But perhaps you should let a few more women "audition". Some might suprise you! If nothing else, you might end up with a few more friends. It can't hurt, as long as you're true to yourself, and honest with the girls. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 7:35:48 AM | I am not picky at all. I am who picky people avoid by being picky. And a peck of pickled peppers.
So far I contacted three women locally. One was too busy in general to do much of anything together. One was not too busy but when you factor in the drive time, it wouldn't have worked out. And that third one deleted my email and blocked me, after all I did was say hello and ask if she might like to meet for lunch sometime. How was I to know she doesn't eat food? I haven't contacted any men here yet. None are listed as close enough. Not surprising for such a small town. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 10:25:09 AM | | I am not Picky, I just have a standard. Alot fo guys don't meet that standard. It has nothing to do with money, looks or weight. They can't have mullets or living with their mommas. They should be confident, witty, responsible, have a job and want to make the most out of life. You would think That should be easy to find, but for some reason the only guys who message me have Mullets. **shakes head** A girl has to stick to their standards especially where mullets are involved | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 10:48:13 AM | | what would be the point of you messaging people you are not interested in? if you dont think they are attractive in their pictures or dont like what they have written in their profiles then you are wasting your time and their by sending them a message.alberta on the rocks didnt you say the exact same thing on another thread. its really unfair to generalize . and yes i did read you said most women not all but you are still lumping a lot of people in together and its not fair . no offence but you sound kinda bitter . maybe this is coming across to the women you are talking to on here and messaging. | |
|
| |
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 11:18:06 AM | When you find the right one,Hopefully you will know it. Don't settle for anything less.
I;ve been looking for 9 years on dating sites and in person and finally found the right one right here. been dating for 2 1/2 months and will be asking the big question very soon. As the old saying goes sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toad frogs to find your Prince( in our case Princess.) Good Luck. Don't give up, and Don't Settle!!!!! | |
|
| |
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:46:43 PM |
did anyone besides me notice the original OP was from 2005?
:)
I guess if he comes back and post in this thread, we could have some feedback if his strategy was good or not. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:48:02 PM |
did anyone besides me notice the original OP was from 2005?
LOL, the dude probably is married with kids by now! 
I agree with everything he said though, I'm in the exact same situation as he was. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:00:20 PM | Wholy crap... I can't believe this thread got revived. I stopped visiting this site over a year ago because I had given up on online dating (dating in general really) and returned just recently because I moved to Waterloo from Toronto and thought I'd give it another try. I find the timing of this incredibly ironic because after moving to a new city with a new job I'm in the exact same situation I was back then I guess I am a little wiser and less picky so hopefully things will go better this time. Trying to find/take new pictures and completely update one's profile is a pain though. Not to mention my user name needs an update  | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:11:12 PM |
I guess if he comes back and post in this thread, we could have some feedback if his strategy was good or not.
Well in the span of 4-5 months on here I sent another 25-30 messages. 20 or so were unread/deleted and the rest were read/deleted so I guess my strategy (if you can call it that) didn't work very well. As I mentioned in the previous post, I kind of gave up on dating in general and focused on graduating university. That strategy worked out a lot better (thank God!) and my education has provided me with a pretty great job. Now I just need to work on the social side of life...  | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:36:55 PM |
So it's realisitic for you to be super selective, but it's unrealisitic for women to do the same? This is just the pot calling the kettle black! You answered your own question.
I can certainly see why most people would think that after reading my original post. I agree with you to some extent but I should have expanded on what I said. As a very basic description I was (and still am) looking for an attractive, athletic, intelligent woman who is down to earth. Now I'm sure the same could be said for 95% of men on here and each of the qualities I listed is completely subjective. I'd say my definition of attractive is fairly reasonable while my definition of intelligent is probably above what it should be. The point I was trying to make when I said "a fairly large number of women want the perfect guy" was the trend I started to notice when reading the profiles of women I was interested in. I'm not trying to generalize and since I have not actively read profiles in over a year things may have changed, but it seems like so many women want a guy with ALL of the following: looks, money/success, athletic, smarts, sensitivity, sophistication, independence, confidence, extremely social etc... Now I have no problem with someone having high standards or even wishful thinking, but I really don't see many men or women fitting that description. It wouldn't be such a big deal if people with these kinds of expectations stated that this was their "dream guy". Instead I would read many profiles that more or less demanded you have all of the qualities they list if you want to message them.
All I really wanted to say in my original post is that I'm probably too picky, but I was noticing that a lot of women picky beyond reason. I'd like to think I'm more realistic this time around and hopefully the women I message don't fall into the same category as before. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:37:42 PM | Here we go again. The looks or no looks. On another forum it was sex or no sex. Is this site based on whether a girl is a Playboy model, or a guy is a Playgirl model? Is it a site to determine whether a person is going to have sex or no sex? I was under the impression that this site was to be used to find that special someone. Apparently i have had a misconception. When you receive a present are you concerned with the wrapping or what is inside? You would be surprised at the "beautiful swans", that come from "ugly ducklings". One more thing, all the posts I have seen in here from the "beautiful" people have ended in disaster. So perhaps one should look in the mirror and then go from there. | |
|
| |
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 8:02:16 PM | You are an analyst so you tend to analyze situations.
You know what you want and you should not deviate from that at all.
I don't call it being picky at all, I call it being SMART enough to know the type of person that you feel you will get along with naturally.
If all people were like you there would be alot less hurt feelings and rejection in this world.
This world is all about choices and trying to make the RIGHT ones makes life worthwhile. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 8:32:28 PM |
omfg...almost fell on the floor with that one...at least you've got a sense of humour. you'll need one around here!
I think a sense of humor is a necessity to just get by in this world without having to hit someone every 5 minutes 
If all people were like you there would be alot less hurt feelings and rejection in this world.
Wow! Two compliments in one day, that's probably a personal record for me when it comes to online forums 
On the down side, if everyone was like me dance clubs would go out of business and the world's most popular pastime would be pointless arguing --->
For anyone who reads this thread for the first time please note that although my original post is still very relevent to my present circumstances, I started it back in 2005. | |
|
| Am I being too picky? Are we all being too picky?
Posted: 4/17/2007 8:37:55 PM | | so since this thread is so old have you met anyone during that time?i am with you on the whole dance club thing i hate clubs. if you cant be picky about who you spend your life with then what can you be picky about. so long as you are not being unbelievable shallow then having standards and preferences are fine. | |
|
Home
login 
