| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/25/2005 10:37:45 PM | For the purposes of this discussion, I wish to define 'alone' as: not having opportunity to connect intimately with another.
When one feels 'alone' in this world, friends will always be happy to remind you that the 'special someone' is out there somewhere for you. What most forget is that we are spiritual beings in physical forms and require touching on both physical AND emotional levels.
Now friends generally do touch our minds and hearts. The occassional hug is thrown in for good measure. Let's face it though, when we can't share a kiss; cuddle with another human being; or experience a nice flirt now and then, our egos begin to take a beating.
For some, this period of 'Intimacy Deprivation' may be weeks or months and for many it can be years. No matter how perfect or imperfect you may feel about yourself, the desire to NOT be 'alone' is a very strong feeling.
Now, trying to attract a potential partner for intimacy short-term, long-term or otherwise has become a daunting task for almost everyone as most of us can become to picky/cautious and forget to remind ourselves not to judge too quickly others, either by their pic or a profile.
What I'm curious about is how many of you feel adversely affected by not having intimate contact with someone else? I'm not talking about 'just sex' here, as that can be bought if you're into that. I'm talking about the feeling of connectedness. The special hugs; loving kisses; cuddling through a movie, is the kind of 'Intimacy' I am refering to.
I'd enjoy some sex, but I would treasure a glance across a room, a warm kiss, a gentle caress and a reminder of how sexy I am by someone who means it. One can only bolster the ego 'alone' for so long before nasty doubts start invading.
Anyone else? | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 12:18:51 AM | You just said exactly what I have been thinking for such a long time, but have never been able to express with words..................
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 12:31:41 AM | | I'm going through this struggle everyday, and I tend to throw personal blows at myself, because I feel it is my fault for my own misery. Sometimes I feel desperate in throwing myself out to just anybody, and then I back off in thinking that I was a moron for 'just settling'. Self-doubt has always been an inner-demon of mine, regardless of the issue, but with relationships it just seems like I've fallen into the snake pit. It seems in real life there are too many options to choose from on the open surface, so I tend to ignore trying at any extent. I'm tired of being lonely, but I don't want to end this rut with plain jane, either. Sometimes I think sex is what I want being that I am a guy, but in reality, I really just want a girl to look at me like I'm the man of her dreams. I know this girl exists, I'm not that complicated. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 1:42:20 AM | I don't see the connection between your ego and not being intimate...perhaps because it's late here...
I've always thought that if you have only one goal, one desire, one focus....you're missing out on a hell of lot. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 4:47:03 AM | | intimacy is what i miss the most about being in a meaningful relationship. the absence of it and of feeling connected is the hardest part of not having someone in my life. i've realized that it was what was missing in the last 2 relationships i've been in...probably why they've ended. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:55:44 AM | | mentor1a said exactly what I was thinking. Perfectly, in fact. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:10:30 AM | I must say that i've been fortunate to work with wonderful people. I makes a big difference to get a hug at the start of your shift. A patient of mine dropped by the other day and was remiscing on a particular emotional day she spent at the hospital. she remembered being so upset and i came to her room and gave her a big hug and and i made the doctor let her go home over night. she remembered that day even though i didn't. yes, i give a lot of hugs and i listen a lot when my patients are trying to come to terms with their cancer and a hug makes a big difference. it gives them a sense that someone is there for them and cares about what happens to them. I miss hugging and cuddling as well like the rest of you but, i am not willing to settle for any blow joe who happens to come along. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:37:33 AM | The combination of a cheating wife, a string of gold diggers and the few that were "the one", have left a bad taste in my mouth. I miss, as everyone else does, the joy of being loved and apreciated for who I am, and the ability to return such a gift to the truly deserving.
Good luck to us all. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 1:50:26 PM | I was told if I am not the "relationship type" I should throw myself at volounteerr work, being of service to my community, and helping those worse off than I. This could be for a long long time.
However, the more I worry about being alone, the more desperate I look to others. DO GOOD THINGS AND GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. Read some good books about spirituality, sex, dating, courtship, and relationships. Ok, read some more then. EXERCISE AND CLEAN YOUR HOUSE! Get some nice clothes and cologne.
However, the WORST THING you can do is sit on the pitty pot..no more "poor me's".
I dont remember being guaranteed in life everything I want. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:14:49 PM | I feel totally alone and I have been married for 8 years. There has been no intimacy on any level for almost 2 years. I haven't wanted to be intimate with my husband for quite sometime. We are in marriage counseling and I'm hopeful that things will work themselves out. But I am tired of trying to make something work that is so broke.
It is possible to be "alone" when you are surrounded by people.
Anyone else ever felt this way?
Peace
N~ | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:17:10 PM | good sex cant be bought
because good sex is becoming one with the person you love
should a man become one with a Harlot ?? God forbid | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:32:29 PM | | face it if you have a heart and soul and if you have any feelings of which I have truck loads full the worst thing to do someone is to sentance them to Intimacy Deprivation. Sometimes I look and wonder when I see people that are clearly....lets just say had a gear strip off a few teeth....could it be that they were cut off from the simplest of things such as hug or cuddle and held and made to feel like they are worth something. Face it we are sexual beings and this does not mean you have to have a F**K, this means the simplest of things just to be touched and held and made to feel human. You hug and cuddle your pets and so on...why are they more important then a human being. I think to make someone go through Intimacy Deprivation is the worst thing you can ever do to someone. Could it be that some rapes happen as a result of this...and that person trying in some sick way to have intimacy but since they did not have any they do not know how to and it end is a rape or something. I have no idea....just food for thought what would happen if one is cut off for a long enough time.....what will replace that void that is left. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:43:32 PM | Right On...Rare Find!
To be deprived of intimacy is a cruel and inhumane thing to do to someone. It is very difficult for one to "turn on" the intimacy when one has been deprived by one's spouse for such a long time. Imagine...going through years of being deprived to have your spouse come home one day and suddenly become affectionate and expect you to be the same. What about the hurt, anger and frustration that you feel?
Human beings have a natural desire to want to be touched, hugged, cuddled, loved, appreciated, etc. However, being intimate with someone who has hurt you without resolving the issues can be self destructive as well.
And we wonder why people cheat! | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:49:54 PM | ***
Effects of Early Emotional Deprivation
The impact of emotional deprivation on Romanian orphans in state-run institutions is an example of the early need for close, loving relationships and the damage that can be done when such relationships are absent.
A study of 46 orphans adopted in British Columbia from Romanian orphanages in 1990–1991 looked at the effects of early deprivation on later child development. The orphans had spent an average of 17.5 months in an institution: almost all their lives. Apart from physical deprivation—75% of the adoptive Canadian parents reported that the children hadn’t had enough to eat and 56% said the children hadn’t had enough to drink—the parents estimated that their Romanian adopted children had spent 18 to 20 hours a day lying quietly in their cribs. As a result, the children suffered from medical problems such as intestinal parasites, hepatitis B, and anemia; suffered from developmental problems such as eating disorders; had lower IQs than their Canadian counterparts; and had behavioral problems: they were withdrawn and anxious, engaging in repetitive behavior like rocking back and forth and watching the movements of their hands and fingers. They withdrew from siblings and friends, did not know how to play, and threw temper tantrums. The study concluded that when the children were removed from the orphanages and grew older, they overcame most of the physical problems and developmental delays; but, even three years after their adoptions, their parents were more concerned about behavioral, emotional, and social problems that seemed to require huge efforts to overcome. [21]
“We know very little about how early social deprivation can affect later intimacy needs and relations. Whether there is a critical threshold or a crucial time period before the damage is lasting is unknown. Perhaps most important is the question of whether later caregiving and emotional nurturing can make up for some or all of the detrimental effects. A lot more research needs to be done in this area,” said Dr Meston.
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 2:58:15 PM | SO LET'S ALL GO OUT AND HUG AND KISS SOMEONE TODAY!
Come on...let's go! | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 3:08:23 PM | Tell you what go on the net and do a GOOGLE on it, you might just find so much on it that it will blow your mind....and what happens to those that have this happen to them over time.
You might just find it a real eye opener...! | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 3:17:00 PM | | Sex and intimacy are two diffferent things. I think men probably feel intimacy deprived much more intensely than women. I've had a lot of dates with intimacy deprived men who pretty much try to maul me on the first date. I'm guessing this happens not becasue I'm a great hottie, but because I'm so real and genuine when I talk or write. I nourish your heart. I nourish your starving soul. On the first date these guys meet me like we've been long-time lovers. Kinda scary for me to be treated that way. I want intimacy too, but I don't know how to access the emotional intimacy from men that I need back in order to nourish and sustain us both. What should I do? | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 3:27:27 PM | Eron-Wood: I cut and pasted your post to others in dating chatrooms to consider. Wow.... I read then re-read your post. You hit the nail on the head. The guy I am dating right now doesn't understand this. He and I meet every Friday to go out to dinner or dancing. But it always ends in the sack. It is the soul reason for him coming over to pick me up in the first place. And it hurts. I am thinking of telling him goodbye as of tonight.
I would love to sit there with him instead outside of a Starbucks. Me leaning back against him on the bench, feeling his arms around me. Feeling him kiss the back of my kneck softly and watching the fountain spray water out over the statues within it. Spend an hour or two just talking.
MY main problem is I live in Texas and alot of the really great guys live in Ontario. :( | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 3:32:28 PM | | cheatingheart : I do understand this. At a park and alot of couples walking hand in hand and there I was walking alone...sucked. | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 3:35:57 PM | ***
Right On...Rare Find!
To be deprived of intimacy is a cruel and inhumane thing to do to someone. It is very difficult for one to "turn on" the intimacy when one has been deprived by one's spouse for such a long time. Imagine...going through years of being deprived to have your spouse come home one day and suddenly become affectionate and expect you to be the same. What about the hurt, anger and frustration that you feel?
Human beings have a natural desire to want to be touched, hugged, cuddled, loved, appreciated, etc. However, being intimate with someone who has hurt you without resolving the issues can be self destructive as well.
And we wonder why people cheat!
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I can tell you this much I have gone without even a simple hug for coming up to 6 years now. And I wonder at time...can I ever be intimit again with anyone....? I have forgotten how to and it scares me in a way... But I will not go to hooker or some such thing as that is not want I need, and the idea of paying for it...well I might as well go without.
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 3:39:19 PM | RARE_FIND singledad13b fishbill iluvmonkeys2
cheatingheart hereiam64 hunter642 Eron-Wood and anyone else I missed:
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 5:34:01 PM | Azuregypsy...Consider yourself hugged too!
p.s. You are right, the good guys seem to be in Ontario and NOT in Texas where we both are! | |
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| Intimacy Deprivation
Posted: 9/26/2005 6:01:27 PM | awww...thanks for the hugs azuregypsy...definitely needed that today! here are some back at ya!
p.s. they definitely aren't in kansas either. d*mn those guys need to migrate south don't ya think ladies? | |
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