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 Typical Girl
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 1
open/dating/polyamory relationshipsPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Just checking out opinions on polyamory, dating and single life. Do you think that there is only one right and perfect person out there? Can you accept dating more than one person and in fact loving more than one person?

Where is the fine line between single and slutty?

What is just dating, and how exclusive do you think that should be?

Do you date one person at a time, or does your phone ring off the hook?

Just curious...

 MuskokanMan
Joined: 8/6/2004
Msg: 2
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:41:07 AM
Personally, whatever floats our boat is fine with me, im not one to judge other peoples activities. As far as I am concerned, there are many people out there right for you, i dont believe in "the one". Open relations are fine, as long as they are open, to all involved, and they all agree about it. shrug, dating more then one person at a time can be fun I think *dont personally know, Im pretty single minded when it comes to dating*, as long as there are reasons behind it, You are not a slut or a player or whatever, if you truly care about whomever your with at the time.
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 3
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:43:30 AM
when you're just dating you're just dating.

open committed relationships make no sense to me adn are, in fact, a contradiction in terms
 single_stl_dad
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 4
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:44:10 AM
"Slutty" is a term developed by men 100 years ago, to stigmatize their wives (or future wives) into remaining celibate..... so the women wouldn't know any better when they finally did have sex...... that their husband was a crappy lay and had a small pecker---lol.

It doesn't exist anymore.

Everyone that dates regularly is polyamourous to a degree.... Thats the way it should be.. at least to start out. Who wants to settle down with the first person you date?
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 5
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:45:47 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

yay!!!!!

i've been saying that for years
 Typical Girl
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 6
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:49:20 AM
interesting. yes, i am sure the words 'slutty' and 'player' mean less and less each decade.

successful open relationships do exsist, i am very curious to hear the public opinion, as i know some couples (triads) that swing that way, and it works for them.

dating weirds me out... i found myself dating a few men a while back and it seemed kind of hard on a few of them to not be my exclusive guy.

interesting stuff...
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 7
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:55:00 AM
open relationships just cannot work for me. i had a nasty bad experience in my former marriage. my husband cheated and before i knew it he asked for an open marriage. maybe to help clear his conscience.

so for the past 9 months or so i have been really wrestling with myself to get over being cheated on. trying to forgive him, her and him for asking for an open relationship. which, btw, he admits was a stupid thing to ask me.

everyday it gets easier and every day i like men again more and more.

to me, the potential pain isn't worth it but i'm trying to judge people less and less.

go easy on me :)
 MuskokanMan
Joined: 8/6/2004
Msg: 8
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:55:05 AM
I can understand the point of view from the guys. I f i was dating a woman (please let me find a woman!!! lol) and I REALLY liked her, I would ask her to date me exclusively. But if i was just dating the woman, and she was dating other guys, I would be alright with that, as long as I didnt see it going any further past the dating stage. personally, I would never date more then one woman, but i can understand how it can happen, and still work out. it all depends on the people involved.
 Typical Girl
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 9
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:58:04 AM
cutie,

sad stuff, that. now.. that was not an open relationship at all. that was cheating. open relationships are discussed during the dating stage... not after marriage. that was just wrong.

i mean real, accepted, trusting open relationships.
 Songblaze
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 10
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:00:05 AM
I think poly relationships are fine as long as everyone involved A) knows what is going on and B) wants that kind of a relationship.

Actually, I just ended up sort-of having this conversation with the guy I'm dating last night. I mentioned that a friend and I had...ah...an 'understanding' when I was single, and that said friend was in an open relationship. He rather awkwardly told me that he wasn't sure he was okay with that right now, but that he thought it might be something he could eventually handle...and it took me a moment to realize that he thought I still wanted to continue with my friend! We were both much happier when I told him I'm a one-person-at-a-time girl.

Personally, I don't like to share lovers or be shared by lovers, but I respect that there are people for whom that is a more comfortable and happy lifestyle.
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 11
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:01:41 AM
i think i'd still be scared to do that. i mean, for me personally, i like to think of the person i'm with as a partner and we're a team. kinda like us against the world i guess? i think letting someone else in would damage that bond.

i'm sure some people enjoy it very much and it can help them really explore their sexuality and in a way, i'm jealous of people who can be so free.

i think it would be hard to find two people who not only really like each other but are able to be that free with no hang-ups with it.
 Typical Girl
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 12
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:02:15 AM
muskoka;

well... i suppose some guys think they are all that and a bag of chips, right... meaning they figured i would soon drop the other men (even male friends) for their company alone.

i am sure it all depends on the people involved, just as it does in a one-on-one dating experience. some people date for a week and are engaged, some people date forever and never get together.
 single_stl_dad
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 13
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:29:14 AM

dating weirds me out... i found myself dating a few men a while back and it seemed kind of hard on a few of them to not be my exclusive guy.


Sinnergirl.... chances are.. if the guys were that jealous.... they already had some insecurity issues before you met them. Those types are constantly hung up with "Is the other guy better than me?, more money? Bigger penis?"

Personally, if I really like the girl, then I'm going to make an extra effort to try to become the "only" guy. However, in the start of a relationship, I wouldn't expect to be the only guy.

Nor should she expect to be the only girl.

Thats why it's called "DATING".... otherwise, we'd all be married to the first person we went out with.
 yna6
Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 14
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:41:11 AM
polygamy is a load of nonsense foisted off on males by controlling and manipulative females. This way their greed can be more easily satisfied cause she need not share the spoils with another female. (This is ONE way of looking at it...)


Polygamy is NOT natural....ALL animals can and do have sex with more than one partner. Even the mythical swans who "mate for life" Total BS...they don't. They have genetically tracked a male who looked as if he was with the same female BUT, at least two other females had young with HIS genetic markers in them...yep....and lions...holy crap....first thing a new top-male does is inpregnat as many females as possible in the pride, AND kill off the male cubs.
 Jessfromva
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 15
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:50:04 AM

Personally, if I really like the girl, then I'm going to make an extra effort to try to become the "only" guy. However, in the start of a relationship, I wouldn't expect to be the only guy.

Nor should she expect to be the only girl.

Thats why it's called "DATING".... otherwise, we'd all be married to the first person we went out with.


Exactly how I feel. Personally I like picking which boy I want depending on my mood that night.
 Typical Girl
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 16
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 10:36:47 AM
"Polygamy is NOT natural"

i think you mean monogamy, judging by the rest of your post.

and... just to remind everyone... polyamory is a two way street. there can be totally hetro polyamorous relationships, as well as male-bisexual and female-bisexual based triads, octets, other combinations.
 Typical Girl
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 17
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 10:42:33 AM
"...depending on my mood that night. "

~nods~

yup. agreed. escpecially if there are unforseeable events in one dates life that would otherwise leave you with nothing to do on a perfectly viable friday night!!

to be over-general... there are some guys that are just not the going for coffee types... and some are not the dance-club types, and neither of those seem to be the take me fishing types.
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 18
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 10:45:16 AM
[polygamy is a load of nonsense foisted off on males by controlling and manipulative females. This way their greed can be more easily satisfied cause she need not share the spoils with another female. (This is ONE way of looking at it...)


oh wow. i respectfully i have to disagree with that 100% and i am also assuming you mean monogamy
 Snow_7
Joined: 7/28/2005
Msg: 19
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 11:12:32 AM
I think they are possible, and I am not closed minded about being in an open relationship, but our culture is not condusive to it and there are a lot of pit falls. Most people that I know who have tried ended up with bad feelings one way or another. I think I tend to klean towards momogamy simply to avoid having the jelousy issue come up, I hate it when a guy starts pulling possesive crap on me, so if I am in a committed relationship with a guy, I am very monogamous. However, if I am just dating, or in a casual relationship, I am usually pretty clear with the person that we are both free to see who we want. Communication and honesty with your partner and yourself (yourself most importantly) is the key to making an open relationship work.
 fishbill
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 20
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 6:25:46 PM
Polyamory works fine if you dont mind really screwed up people in your life.
 J to the D
Joined: 5/17/2005
Msg: 21
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 6:46:56 PM
I don't mind hanging out and doing fun things with more then one woman if that's what you all consider dating then yep I'm all for it. I mean I like hanging out with fun women listening to music, laughing ya' know just having a good time.....

But as far as having sex with multiple women that's just not my style at this point in my life.... I mean I've already sowed my wild oates!!!! I don't go there unless there is something more then just physical yes the "E" word - emotions behind it.... I know, I know sounds like a crock.
 riffy
Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 22
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/26/2005 7:30:51 PM
Not a crock jd... I'm right there with you on this one.
 J to the D
Joined: 5/17/2005
Msg: 23
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/27/2005 7:06:00 AM
@ kwsingle^^^^^..... whew!!!! I thought I was an alien life form or something!!!
 khama
Joined: 3/31/2005
Msg: 24
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 9/27/2005 7:23:33 AM
Whatever turns your crank I suppose...

but if I knew she had someone else then
I need to be with someone else... STAT !!
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 25
view profile
History
open/dating/polyamory relationships
Posted: 10/5/2005 5:33:01 PM
Sinnergirl,

You seem to be the only truly open minded person on this thread. There is a lot more to polyamory than has been touched on here. Poly thinking means accepting the truth about human behavior, not what we think that behavior should be. I can put you on to some great links if you are interested, some pretty good reading actually.
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