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Posted: 9/28/2005 9:01:43 AM | | Can anyone please explain why no one can just say "well I have met someone else", or "this is just not working"!!!??? I have ran in to this twice now from an other site and well I am just so irratated from it all.... makes me want to quit trying. Why can't people just say goodbye? The truth must be harder to say than to hear. I understand the not wanting a conflict but, in reallity I have never been irate at being told the truth and well I think if you invest 25 to 30 hours in phone conversations with someone ... then they just disapear, it is just plan rude and hurtfull! ... at first you are sitting there confused, then your worried that some type of harm has befallen them ... then upset!! all kinds of emotions to be going thru when just a simple goodbye and well next!!!!!! it is just that simple. Can anyone one tell me a good reason to just stop cold... and leave someone hanging ? | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 9:12:21 AM | | I'll tell you. You may write how you think you would react, but experience tells me that a woman is likely to react in an irate manner if she is really into the guy. While being direct may seem like the logical thing to do at all times, more often than not, it isn't the thing to do. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 9:18:26 AM | well i have had the same problem too and it just seems to be that i just say to h ell with it cause i cant be botherd trying enymore so i move on :) | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 9:24:38 AM | | It's called being a coward, plain and simple.Depending on what you have shared in the time you talked it all boils down too either they got bored with you, moved on the new conquests or they are just plain rude.Either way-just be thankful that you did not invest more time into it and learn from it and move on.Hang in there. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 11:20:17 AM | well I guess I could not be labled as Normal ... because I have never gotten out of hand or Irate at being told I was no longer wanted by someone ... heck! why would anyone want to be where they are not wanted.... Nope never did want to play Glen Close's roll. " he he" but then again i was never with MIchael Douglas  | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 12:17:11 PM | | Well im going to also get in on this, and I could not agree with you more Pade. I have had this very thing happen, and this being after I have asked, and they agreed to, just be honest. One of the things that I always bring up when chatting is " hey we are in our 40's act like it" in other words, let us both give this getting to know each other thing a try and see where it goes. If it is not reaching the level that excites either one of us, then just say so. But too mant times it is just like you said "POOF" I mean cr*p, tell me what happened thats all. I have certainly been honest and told the women that I have met, that things are not working, I figure its the repect they deserve. | |
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Joy.
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Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 7 | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 12:32:45 PM | | Speaking from personal experience and I know this sounds harsh, you know you'll never hear the end of it. They will continue to email you with the why's and let's try again and give me another chance. It's just easier to cut bait. If I'm done with someone, I'm done. I don't want to play the back and forth game. Perhaps guys would have a different perspective. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 12:47:15 PM | I would agree with that analysis joy, if your constantly getting "lets start over" or lets try again" well I am done too, and your not going to hear from me again. But just prior to that there usually should be some honest correspondence that is hinting that it aint gunna work out, would you agree???. I mean even if it is something along the lines of "hey sorry, I gotta go park the car" and its 11 at night and your chatting. I mean thats a hint right there to just drop it | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 1:00:07 PM | | I agree when i am done ... I am done. there is no more "I still would like to try" in the deal. I could never stoop so low as to ask someone to try and care for me. lol That is ludicrist. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 1:02:54 PM | | But I completely agree that if you spend a week chatting in various forms that a little respect be shown if someone is just going to dissapear. | |
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Joy.
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Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 11 | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 1:52:25 PM | If you hadn't chatted with them, you would have chatted with someone. Was it a waste of your time? Probably...but wouldn't the time have been wasted anyway??
I still say people usually take the easy way out....and if our experience tells us that we'll not hear the end of it that's the road we take. Doesn't mean everyone would be that way but easier done than to risk it. | |
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thal
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Joined: 4/20/2005
Msg: 12 | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 2:06:57 PM | Hiya.....
You have a great heart, I can tell like moi. It's the "golden heart" syndrome where you assume that people will take into consideration that you have feelings.....however the problem is this is a dating site an online grocery store for potential love or whatever......
The pool of people on here is almost limitless so you have to be prepared for people to do that... I don't like it.....nor do I condone it however also some really nice people become addicted and end up following the same route because it is simply hard for them to keep up with the amount of online friends or whatever they are communicating with....
I have found that you can even hang out and it goes amazing and wonderful and it seems like it has potential however due to the above, you find out that it meant more to you than it did to them...move on....I am confident that for yourself someone will find your heart one day and hold onto it very dearly....and the dating scene / online dating scene will become a memory :)
Anyway I might be babbling but I thought it sounded somewhat accurate... so I figured I would give it a while....
have a great evening everyone... | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 13 | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 4:08:46 PM | I hear your frustration. I had one fella from POF contact me, we emailed; then he contacts me on another dating site. I think his alzheimer's or his some-timer's kicked in, because he couldn't remember me and asked me for my pics. We had discussed a face to face meeting, but it seemed no matter where or when I suggested, it was never good enough. I felt he was high maintenance (IMO). So, I finally said "thanks, but I don't think we're a match, I feel like no matter what I do, you're never pleased with what I suggest". Funny thing, he would never come back and counter suggest another place/time to meet. Every once in awhile (kinda like my monthly cycle), he sends me an email "why haven't I heard from you"... DUHH! He just doesn't GET IT! So, I have to hit the "delete" button.
That's the downside of OLD. Don't let it get your knickers in a wad, you're too good for that. Just move on... Life is really too short to fret! | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 4:19:26 PM | | I think when I have dissapeared it's because I figure the woman is better off not having it explained to her in detail why I didn't go for her. Ignorance in bliss. I don't want to give anyone a complex. If they just end up thinking I'm a twit, that's probably better for them. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 4:27:48 PM | | Thinks us females need to be on the look out for phoney men in here some are nothing but liers and players. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2005 4:36:27 PM | | Very true badgirl-lots of sharks with us fishes in the pond.. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 1:10:03 AM | whoa 25-30 hour phone conversation?? and I thought I liked to chat...woooooooooooooo | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 3:13:12 AM | Yeah, the same BS has happened to me, actuallly met a woman online, chatted, then boom, they disappear.
I remember chatting on the phone with a woman who talked insessantly about herself on the hone for 2 HOURS! Then I would be like, "So, would you like to get together this weekend?"
She'd be like, "Oh, um....sure...um....okay"
Later I"d call her back with plans, and she'd be like "Well, you don't have to come all the way out here (it's a 45 min drive) to meet me"
Then she'd start back peddling, after that second phone call, she puts herself on insvible mode on the buddy liyst, or probably changes screen names altogether.
I can't figure out why this happens to even real attractive women to, I mean, you'd think the guy would want to get lucky or something. lol....by not meeting you he has no chance at all. LOL! | |
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thal
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Joined: 4/20/2005
Msg: 19 | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 4:40:11 AM | Without at all sounding bitter, because I am so not that way...because one day I know I will find someone who not only will adore me... but will get me...and we shall like feel so cool together...but anyway... I think that some people get carried away with this sorta thing.....and never really can figure out what they are looking for and hence you end up in situations like the above...
Oh vell... | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 12:10:47 PM | | it has happed to me as well and i take it for what its worth there are sharketts in the pound as well as sharks some people cannot say goodbye or are just plain rude not all the people are bad | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 12:29:41 PM | Yep been in that boat, New a woman and we clicked like magnets. We spent hrs upon hrs laughing, even got hot at times. We never had a dissagrement. Then it started happenening slowly we stopped talking, was quite sad actualy. Now I might see her once a month when she messages me.
Things like this should not change your mind on the world tho, never give up! Open your heart to get hurt, because keeping your heart closed to the world is a bigger hurt.
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Posted: 9/29/2005 1:28:44 PM |
Can anyone please explain why no one can just say "well I have met someone else", or "this is just not working"!!!???
Plain and simple....most people who fit into this category are 1) shallow, 2) cowards and/or 3)just rude and totally disregard another's feelings.
These are the very same people that whine and cry on the forums when the shoe is on the other foot.
I have ran into only one that has just "disappeared" without a trace and this very same person had the audacity to give another on POFer advice on how to cut a person loose "the right way". He should follow his own advice because the advice he gave was totally not what he did. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 1:51:57 PM | | You don't have to explain in detail, just say that you don't feel anything or something of that nature. Or just say it is not working out. I think it is extremely rude and inconsiderate for a person to just dissapear without saying something. I am sure there are some who would argue with you to give them another chance, but you don't have to answer any messages or phone calls if you don't want to. I would NEVER beg someone to give me another chance, I have too much pride for that. This does nou just happen with people on the internet, it has happened with guys I have met other places. | |
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thal
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Joined: 4/20/2005
Msg: 24 | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 2:30:46 PM | Hrm...i look like my pictures and I don't lie nor do I cheat. Also, I am not a loser and the reason I chose to use this as a way to meet someone is simply cuz I'm shy in romance and don't like to walk up to someone and impose or come off as being the smooth talking dude trying to get in there. I have met people in real life it's just a question of not yet meeting the sweet one :)
So... I dunno..... | |
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Posted: 9/29/2005 2:37:32 PM | | Well in my opinion if he's any kind of man he should at least have some courage, it's only the decent thing to do, to let the person know it's not working out, or that your interests are else where. Simply disappearing is a cowards way out. You're obviously better off without this person in your life. If he ever gets married and has children is he just going to up and walk out on his family one day and vanish? *shaking head* people like that floor me. As for the dropee asking for another chance, I can't see that happening all that often, it's not as if it's a serious relationship they are basically in the get to know you stage correct? Not many people beg for second chances in the get to know you stage. I could be wrong . | |
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