| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 7:35:54 PM | Ok I need some advice.
I was seeing this guy from here and it was all good. He would come over and stay the night and he even started to spend some time with my kids. He started working alot and was really busy all the time. The only time we had to spend together would be late at night when he got done with work. Which i did not mind because i was really starting to like him. Well things were going on as usual and it was fine. He was starting to get upset because he had no time to spend with me and my kids...it made him sad to be working all the time. At night we would IM eachother while he was at work. Sometimes when he was busy a coworker would IM me and tell me that he was busy. His coworkers were always nice. HOWEVER, the other night I had not heard from him all day and so I was just about to go to bed and so I left a message,"Goodnight Babe, see you tommorow." That was it. And then I logged off and went to bed. When I woke up I checked to see if he had got my message and to see if he left me one. I got, "GO AWAY" I was hurt. I did not think that he would say that to me or be such an ass as that. Well I reamed him out and come to find he did not write it. So I have been apologizing eversince...sometimes twice a day and he will not respond. He reads all my mails and I do not get anything back. My advice I am seeking is should I just give up and take a hint???? or is he just taking sometime to think???? please help | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 7:42:20 PM | | The ball is in his court. My first thought when I read that he had written "GO AWAY!" was that he did not write it. He may be gone for good, because sometimes people just can't accept a genuine appology. If you have appologized, leave it be. If he is going to forgive you, let him do it in his time, if he takes too long or doesn't, you are better off without him. Hope your future is bright. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 7:48:44 PM | | Thanks for the input snow. I know what you are saying it is just so hard to let it to be. He IS taking a long time because he was just on here and read my last mail and now he is off again and no response....again. UGH....this is really getting to me | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 7:55:20 PM | | I hear ya, I am all about communicating NOW! and I want to know what is up, NOW! But I have learned that if you press, you come accross as a nut job and it is better to sit back and wait. Not that I do mind you. LOL. Here's a thought, write him an email, tell him all about how hurt you are by his lack of communication, how irritated you are that he hasn't contacted you to at least explain why he is not talking to you, get it all out, RAGE! Then save the email to draft and wait. Don't send it. You feel the need to rant some more at him? Do it again, just save it in draft. If a month down the road he is still not talking, then take the best of what you have written, be clear and concise and as rational as possible, and send it to him with hopes that he has a nice life because you are over it. I love Save To Draft, it has saved my butt a few times. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:04:44 PM | | WOW thanks....I have never even thought of that. I like that and I think i will do that. I have been coming off as a nut job I am fully aware of that..lol. You have great advice!!! | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:10:53 PM | What are you apologizing for?! Granted that message was out of character for the stage your relationship was at, but you received the message from his address, even though his coworkers had access to his IM, why would you think it was anyone else but him?
He should be apologizing to you, AND kicking the ass of whoever sent that message!
Somehow his reaction to this incident seems, again, out of character for the person you describe being in the relationship with.
My advice would be to give him the time to beman enough to accept responsiblity for this and for him to apologize! This is not a game on your part. A man that can not accept resposibility for his actions in my mind would not be a worthy significant other. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:15:01 PM | | I agree. The guy's reaction does not seem to jive. You may want to thank your lucky stars this happened before it went further and he could hurt you way worse, and your children. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:18:43 PM | | Holy shit...i never even thought about it being his fault! I have been soooo wrapped up in thinking I was in the wrong for assuming, I never stopped to think about his actions! Huh??? You are both right...HE should apologize to me. I dont really believe that but hey I am at my wits end.....and that thought makes me happpy:) Well thanks again | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:24:06 PM | One more thought...perhaps the induvidual/coworker that sent the message is a female that is more than a coworker?
Could that explain the schedule that he was able to see you on?
Perhaps it wan't because he was working all the time! | |
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Snow_7
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Joined: 7/28/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:33:47 PM | My response to the situation would have been to appologize for my assumtion as it lead to you reading him the riot act, ( I try to always take responsability for my actions) but I would expect an appology for the "GO AWAY!" email, even if he didn't write it. Now if he does have something going on with a co-worker or someone with access to his email, that would explain his lack of communication completely. Now you have all sorts of things to write in that draft email eh? LOL Smiles girl, it's a wild and wierd world. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 8:34:30 PM | Yeah I'm on board with everyone who said it doesn't matter who told you to go away, but rather that he ain't there now is he?
So just tell him to go f#ck himself (in your own head I mean -- in front of a mirror ONCE if you must...just PRETEND you're talking to him). No sense telling him via IM...he's already f#cked himself as far as a relationship with YOU goes NOW, eh? An email would be redundant.
That's what I do anyway. I don't care if it's weird...it works. And I never say anything outloud in the mirror anyway. Say it once and flush the toilet! You'll feel better. I know I do when I am so inclined. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/1/2005 9:36:35 PM | Skittles
He knows you thought it was him who wrote "go away".
He won't discuss it at all......tell him to get stuffed.
He's being extremely immature to not even discuss it with you. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 4:46:44 AM | | Well the toilet is a wierd one but hey it is worth a shot. He does not read the forums that I know for a fact! Yeah the whole coworker thing is a bit wierd. He just moved in with a GIRL coworker in a 1 Bedroom apt. on the first. I do not think that I have attatchnment issue.....or maybe I do. All I know is that I was really beginning to like him and now it is to shit because of a stupid little thing. I guess I will just let him be and forget it. Which will be hard...we live in the same city, my job's phone line is through his work and my jobs mail is at his work. We sponsor him and they do the same. I guess I can try to pretend that it does not bother me. Thanks again all of you for the great input :) | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 5:39:45 AM | Didn't this whole thing begin as a misunderstanding----on Skittles part? Did she not say a co-worker would occasionally reply for this guy? So she gets ONE IM out of character and admits she did not think he sent it BUT yet she still reams him anyway?!?! Am I missing something here?
Maybe it's not the best way to act but if someone "went off" on me for something I did NOT do (and she KNEW that) then I'd be prone to not care for that. An apology is fine but would NOT acting like she did be better? I'd think she could have asked him about that---if he didn't write it then case closed.
Regardless of his actions after that she's still responsible for it beginning in the first place, IMHO anyway!
J W | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 6:41:45 AM | | JW~~~~ I do agree with you hole heartedly. Yes I was the one that started the whole thing. Yes I was the one who reamed him out for something he did not do....however I did not at the time think clearly enough and I just acted on an impulse. I have been played, cheated on, lied to and numerous other things...perhaps that is why I reacted the way I did. As soon as I saw the " GO AWAY" I immediately could picture him and his coworker laughing at me at how stupid I was for thinking he could actually be interested in me. I know that it is no excuse for irrational behavior......but I am pregnant(not his and he knows that FYI) and my mindset is not where it should be. Well I have decided to take everyone's input into consideration and let it be. I will not write, I will not call him, nothing. Maybe all he needs is time or maybe this is the end....either way I appreciate all the advice. Thanks again everyone:) | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:02:03 AM | I completely dissagree with JWA's point of view, skittles did not start this...it was started with the "Go Away" email...
You say you've been lied to and played before....well look at this situation, this guy is just another player IMHO. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:22:34 AM | I dont know...I guess it could both ways. I admit I inappropiately flew off the handle, but in the same token...him not answering me is just as bad, if not worse. It is like a poem I once heard: Sticks and stones may break my bones; aimed with angry art.
But most of all, the worst of all....silence breaks the heart.
Boy is that the truth!! | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:32:45 AM | | If he truly cared about you, he would forgive you because that is what we do when we care about someone. We forgive them when they screw up and we don't hold a grudge against them and hope that they will do the same for us. People are imperfect, we make mistakes, if our partner is unforgiving, then the relationship is doomed from the git. I'd leave him alone. You said the ball is in his court...well leave it there; if he doesn't pick it up again then there is your answer. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:47:17 AM | | If that's all it took to offend him to the point of no return, then forget about him. Do you realy want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who cann't sit down with you and talk things out, or with a guy who cann't forgive ? Sounds to me like this guy either has issues or just isn't that into you. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:52:14 AM | Ok, I began to feel pretty offended by some of the off-handed accusations being made in regards to your boyfriend.
First of all, none of us 'knows' him...you do.
The first thing that came to mind for me was when you "reamed" him out, what exactly did you do, say and how exactly did you behave?
It might not be the accusation or assumption that has him so upset rather than the WAY you reacted. If you behaved like some crazy woman and screamed at him to the top of your lungs, flinging every insult at him that you could...he may be offended with that!
If you really lost it, I think that is likely why he is staying away...you probably scared the living bejeebus out of him for how you behaved. Of course I'm basing this on an assumption as to what "reamed" him out means...
Reaming anyone out is wrong, abusive, abrassive and just plain rude. Ok, granted, he may have been the one who typed that...but irrelevant...your reaction to it may have been quite insane to him and it may have completely turned him off, he may be wondering if this is a relating style for you...jumping to conclusions when you don't have the facts.
An emotional firecracker?
I guess I'm wondering exactly what you said and how you reacted before I could assume why he is avoiding you.
If you did react inappropriately , I suggest you send him an apology that is from the heart...if you did not, then I figure this may just be a way of him avoiding this relationship as he doesn't feel it will work ,possibly because of work or for other reasons that NONE of us can ASSUME about him. I an not condoning his avoidance of you, but I just can't be sure what he is reacting to.
If he refuses to communicate with you...he is not very mature. | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 8:08:28 AM |
He just moved in with a GIRL coworker in a 1 Bedroom apt. on the first.
ok and you're still worrying about the attatchment you have with him, I'd be worried about what he "attatches" to her :P | |
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| Did I offend him to the point of no return??
Posted: 10/2/2005 8:37:02 AM | | Hey Blast....I did not yell. I actually only typed him on here, where I know it is safe and noone else can get into his account. The worst thing that I typed him was, "I thought you were better than that, I thought that you wanted the same that I did." That is what I consider reaming out. I left him no room to explain and yes that was rude of me. He IS a good guy and I screwed up plain and simple. He apparently is done with me and I guess I can not do anything abou it....there is "plenty of fish!!" Pardon the pun :) | |
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