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mcs
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Joined: 1/5/2005
Msg: 2 | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/3/2005 11:41:57 AM | Didn't do it on purpose, gave him the option to leave and not intending to benefit from it!!
I really believe that alot of guys get raked over the coals by this issue, pregnancy can and does happen unintentionally and the guy seems to take the brunt of it. I understand getting saddled with something unwanted and firmly believe that one should not force others to abid by their wishes.
When you have a realtionship with someone and have set expectations and agreements (such as no children). One cannot hold the other responsible for not wanting to be in that position! I think guys don't have as much say in children as they have a right to.
Granted women have as much higher level of emotional attachment because they are carrying the child. But there also needs to be an understanding towards the guys feelings.
If a women chooses to carry on against his wishes than she should not get upset when he withdraws emotionally and physically from the relationship in all ways!
Yes it will be a much harder life but any sensible person would have thought of this well ahead of time.
I love my son and went against his fathers wishes I was lucky and he chose to stick around until I go back to work, after that who knows? | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/3/2005 10:12:09 PM | I am sure I am going to hear a earful about this one ... but i am going to give my two cents ....
I am sorry but the opinion of the man should be valued just as much as the opinion of the woman .... I think it is totally unfair that some women find it ok to have kids against the will of the father and then choose to take them for money .... why do you get a choice to be a mother and he doesn't get the choice in being a father .... Yes he takes that chance by laying down with you but you have the choice to terminate the pregnacy and have nothing to do with the kid so why can't he .....
Yes it is the womans body and yes ultimately the decision mostly lies in her hands, but i still think it is totally unfair to force a man to take responsiblity especially if he has expressed his opinions to you .... turn the tables and reverse the situation ... how would you feel if someone went and had a kid against you will and then took you for every penny you had simply because you made a bad choice .....
And before everyone comes down on me .. I do speak from my personal experiences .... | |
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jness
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 8 | |
| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/3/2005 10:41:54 PM | | Damn, S&S, you got some balls!, i think i'm not alone in agreeing with you, though. I think both parties should have some kind of input into the situation and i do think ultimately it's a woman's choice. She is the one who has to not only carry the baby inside of her and deal with the pregnancy but also have a lifetime of responsibility to that child. Guys, as much as i would like to think most of us will step up to the plate of being a father, don't exactly have the same kind of ties to a child as the mother. I love my daughter and could never be apart from her but all of my nieces and nephews grew up without their respective fathers. I think if the father lets it be known that he wants no part of the pregnancy and the girl/woman still has the child then she should be responsible for raising (i hate to say - it). But if the child is the product of either a failed marriage or just a relationship that the father walked away from after not opposing the birth then by all means he should be responsible to provide for the child's well-being. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/3/2005 10:51:28 PM | I think both parties should have some kind of input into the situation and i do think ultimately it's a woman's choice. She is the one who has to not only carry the baby inside of her and deal with the pregnancy but also have a lifetime of responsibility to that child
yes but she is the one choosing to make that choice and take that responsibility ... it may sound mean but its the truth .... so why should the man pay for her choices when his opinion was not valued .... some guys are not ready for kids and if they are man enough to admit that and make it known that they are not ready to have kids, nor want kids ... who the hell is some girl to try and force him ???? and to make him pay finacially for it eventhough it was against his will is just wrong ....
But if the child is the product of either a failed marriage or just a relationship that the father walked away from after not opposing the birth then by all means he should be responsible to provide for the child's well-being.
oh ya, i am not saying that the men that say they want the baby or the ones that play daddy for a bit, should not be forced to take responsibilty, even if they decide in future they don't want to be ..... but if from day one the man is against, sorry girl but that baby is your responsibility, not his .... | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/4/2005 3:23:01 AM | I fully agree with sas's views on this matter.
My x and I broke up before she found out she was pregnant, then the hell began, nothing but arguements for 2 years and money this and money that. I said to her before she had our son that I wasn't ready to have a child, and I still am not ready to have children. but she chose to go through with it, and it's been 5 years ( I was 19 when I had my first son) I still have problems with her. It also doesn't help that she lives a 4 hour drive away...
I have a bad feeling that I will have the same problems with my second son that I'm expecting in about a month (nov 5th to be exact).
and I dont' need to hear this from total strangers. condoms do break, and it's not only the guys fault when preventing this kinda situation.
men can't just wash their hands of the situation, unless their complete heartless **stards... | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/4/2005 8:53:18 AM | Pregnancys happen, usually during sex which is fun, if it wasnt fun we wouldnt do it, children are a common result, but I digress. I agree with you, it takes 2 to make a child, and the father should have equal opportunity regarding the child. Instead of adoption perhaps He could have custody for example. It is her body, but she only need share it for 9 months, far longer than it took to create the child, but far less than it will take to raise it. Dads can be good mothers to, lol. As for dating/sex , the guy hasta be carefull as well, perhaps think,..."could i raise a child with this woman??" before taking off his pants, or wrap it up. His negligence in protecting himself has consequences...
A messy situation, generally I think he should wise up, and she should be nicer to people, lol
tc | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/4/2005 1:59:12 PM | Although I'm a guy I think you have every right to seek support. Any guy with an IQ over 70 knows the possible consequence of sexual relations with a woman is pregnancy regardless of any birth control that was used. Yes I think it's absolutely fair even if she intentionally became pregnant and lied about birth control. Fact is you did the deed knowing the possible outcome. As far as choosing not to terminate that is solely at the discretion of the woman, it is after all her body and her choice. As much as it would destroy me knowing that the life of a child of mine could be terminated through abortion, I still feel I have no right to subject a woman to carry a child to term. I would gladly offer to take full custody of the child if she did not want to have it. But still do think the rights as a father do not come into play until after the child is born. As much as I would never consider abortion as a solution, I feel strongly that a womans rights where this is concerned should not be encroached upon for any reason. This is definitely one of those slippery slopes we really need not go down.
One thing that I want to make clear is this unwanted pregnancy crap. If you have sex you know the possible outcome. You would have to be a truly, truly stupid individual to think that it can't happen at any time. Yes you might get lucky a hundred times, and you might wear three condoms every time, it doesn't mean a damn thing. It is still possible and you made the choice to take this chance. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/4/2005 4:35:30 PM | | Same thing happend to me over 18 years ago-he wanted me to terminate it-but I was 27 and felt ready for motherhood. So glad I stuck to my convictions. I never hit him up for anything and we never saw each other after that. Fortunatly, I was lucky enough to find employment and make enough $ to support us both. If you feel that you will need the financial help, you are entitled to it. Just remember, if he did not want the kid in the first place, his hostility toward you and your baby might not be worth the extra couple of hundred bucks a month. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/4/2005 7:27:50 PM | Hmmm...That sounds awful cold and gold-digging nikki.
While I agree you need to pay to play, if there was an agreement beforehand then that needs to be upheld. It also needs to be up to both people I would think. But if in the end the woman decides to keep the child I do think that the father should pay a share of the costs associated with the child. But soaking him? That sounds more like a girl trying to make it easy on herself because she decided to keep the child. It is that kind of attitude that makes many men leery of dating single mothers. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/11/2005 8:21:55 AM | i'm sorry but do you have any kids? do you understand the responsibility that is necessary to care for a child? you speak from experience? well your mother chose to give you life and someone took care of you. some of us didn't ask to get pregnant but hey it happens despite precautions sometimes and we have to deal with it. and it does take two. his opinion was to have sex with the woman and it is his RESPONSIBILITY to deal with said consequences. there is a real difference in being a father and a daddy. hoppefully you will never have to experience it but may be if you had you would have a little more compassion. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/11/2005 10:07:34 AM | | Any people who have sex do it with the full knowledge that no matter what kind of birth control used, it won't be 100% effective. The odds are always there, on matter how slim. If you're going to play, then you should be willing to accept the consequences of your actions. I'll even go further by saying that even if the pregnancy was planned, the man should still pay child support. But...the man should also be entitled to equal custody if he so chooses. That's fair. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 1:20:20 PM | | If I found myself in a situation of learning I was pregnant, I'd give him the choice of being involved from the begining and if he chose not to be involved, that would be his choice. But once he made his choice, I would expect him to let me raise my child without him interfearing ever in exchange for me leaving him alone. I would hope though if I did find myself in this situation that the father would be involved and be the best daddy he could be. Abortion is simply not a choice for me, I personally feel all babies, planned or unplanned, are a gift!!! So, nope, I would not abort because it's what he wanted and I would not abort ever anyway. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 2:03:21 PM | I find it an obsurd concept that a man should be free and clear financially if he states if lack of a desire for parenthood before the child is born. I'll keep my opinions on abortion out of it, but: If a guy suggest an abortion, tell him to invest the cost of an abortion for nine monthes. If he does well, it will pay support for the first year, give or take. After that however, baby still needs diapers and moms been a little too busy raising your child by herself to make enough money to do that.
I have no sympathy for a guy that doesn't want the responsibility. I caught the comment about condoms breaking... who cares? You made a child: raise a child. Still too much of a child yourself to raise one: help pay for one. I'll go so far as to be of the oppinion that parents who addopt should recieve support payments from the parents that didn't want the responsibility.
There are a lot of good dads that I feel for. Our situation often sucks beyond belief. Bad or absent dads, work hard and make lots of money.. give a large portion away to your babby momma. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 2:21:46 PM | gossp-
It's not that I really think fathers should not have to pay for their children but why make any parent be a parent in any way if that is not an interest of the other parent?? So my child would be resented?? I don't think so. I have actually been fairly lucky and married and had children with 2 half way decent fathers that did want their children and had no issues supporting them the best way they (the dads) could. If you read carefully what I said, I said "I would hope though if I did find myself in this situation that the father would be involved and be the best daddy he could be." | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 2:43:48 PM | A man has no idea of what it's like to be pregnant and have a life growing inside of his body. He has no idea of what he is asking of you, since he doesn't know what it is like.
We can get into the whole abortion rights thing here, but I am not even going there. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions on that whether it's deemed right or wrong. Yes, it does take 2 to make a baby.
Whether you have an "agreement" or not, you should know even with protection, there is a possibility. If he is too imature to realize that protection isn't 100 percent effective, then you shouldn't be screwing him to begin with. I am sure there are ignorant women who want to get pregnant too. Sex is fun, but you need to know what you are in for should an oops occur before it happens.
But when it all comes down to it, both parties need to make a conscience effort to be "protected" and hopefully it will be effective. Leaving it up to just one person is ignorant in this day and age when making a baby is the least of the worries when you can catch diseases that can kill you. If you really thought about it, which would be worse? Accidently creating a life? OR Catching something that could end yours?
Regardless of anyone's wishes here, yes the child does need support, it happens in a perfect world,sad but true, not always the case. There are many single moms and dads who do it all on their own, is it fair? Not really! But if you asked any of them if it's worth it. Even with the struggles, I'd bet most of them would say hell yeah. | |
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| How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?
Posted: 10/21/2005 3:00:59 PM | | Wow. That is really going out there asking for a parent who made the responsible decison to give a baby that she carried for 9 months to a couple who can't have any and want to adopt to receive money from the birth parents. My ex hide my birth control on me. Yes, the relationship was abusive and I should have left sooner. But I didn't and got pregnant. The abuse got worse and I did leave. With 3 chilodren and 1 on the way. I know the hardship of being a single parent. Of paying the bills first, getting the kids what they need next and if anything is left over then to take care of myself. I knew keeping 1 more would not be fair to them or to the one I was carrying. The pregnancy was formed out of abuse not love. As much hate as I had out of the situation I chose to give life and picked a wonderful set of parents for her. Yeah I could have kept her. Raised her. Ask for assistance for her. And would have had to look over my shoulder every day. Had to hear the question of where is my daddy and I want to see my daddy. The financial obiligation is far less than the days I stay home from work because my child got up in the middle of the night throwing up and you can't take the child to school sick. Less than the self sacrifice of him needing shoes on his feet come before your needs of a tank of gas. The child support I receive is far less than the cost of raising the child. There is no price on self sacrifice and that is what any mother chooses when she decides to parent. When I laid down with him I knew there was a chance because nothing is garuanteed ( ask my friend who got prego with her tubes tied). The only garuantee is abstence like it or not. | |
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