| I don't understand men....why the head games?????
Posted: 12/5/2004 2:23:26 PM | Before I get an onslaught of men tellin' me that women also play head games...I already know this and I strongly do not agree with any type of mind games of any sort. It just seems that every male I run into seems to want to play games!!!! Sad thing is though...they all seem to be my ex's. Resently one of my ex's asked me to get back together with him and like an idiot I agreed. What was I thinking!!!!!!!!!!! (Smackin' my head against the key board)
Let me give you a little background info:
We met a little over a year ago through a mutual friend of ours. He lives about 2 and half hours away from me but we were both willing to work on the distance. (Just for the record...this was not "Love at first sight" I actually ended up chewin' the guy out over his smart mouth and then after that we got along great together. lol ) Needless to say my dad took a serious disliking to the the guy. To be honest for really stupid reasons but my dad ended up puttin' me through hell. Just tellin' me I was worthless, goin' a week to two weeks at a time without talking to me...he even called me a b**** a few times because I was dating this guy. Well it put alot of pressure on me and this guy and in the end I ended up breaking it off with him. I'd hear from him a few months...he would go on tellin' me that he always was thinkin' about me...that he still had the christmas present I got him last year as well as the birthday present and there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't look at them and think about me. During this time I would always ask him then...why haven't you ever called me. His reply would be that he was givin' me space to do what I needed to do. Sometimes I believe that line and sometimes I don't....I am a full time college student and I am working on gettin' my grades up...so yes I can believe this remark. BUT...what about the weekends....maybe even an occasional "HEY...just thinkin' about you" phone call. Nope...not him...it would be every three or four months. Well I saw him a few days ago and he goes through this whole thing about missing me...and that I was one of a kind...yah da yah da yah da. He then procedes to ask me back out. Like a dang fool I say yes....why...I guess because I was, am, I don't know in love with him...we were together for 6 months (which for the record is a long time for me) and we've been split up for around 9 months. I still think about him...I still wonder how he is doin'...and needless to say I still care. Which makes me so mad at myself because he can be such an a**!!!! Oh yeah forgot to mention why I'm mad at him...I don't know maybe I'm being stupid about this...but I haven't heard from him in three days and we got back together Thursday it's Sunday now. I called him Friday talked to him for two minutes and that was the last I heard from him. I've tried to call him and I get no return phone call...nothing!!!! He was the one wanting to get back together....you would think he would act like it!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Is there anyone that can give me some sane advice....was I being stupid for even believing that he wanted an actual relationship again? | |
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| I don't understand men....why the head games?????
Posted: 12/6/2004 7:04:11 PM | Hey girl,
Don't sweat this. I've also been in this kind of situation, so I know how you are feeling and what you're going through. My advice is to drop him...yeah its going to hurt (don't I know) but Im pretty positive that you are strong enough to make it through. What I found is when I did quit contacting them they eventually came crawling back....ha...but u know what don't be fooled...a lot of guys simply use this kind of strategy b/c they have some kind of fear of commitment or they are in general "heartbrakers" who have know real intention of really wanting to be with you. They just real you in to get what they want and then once they've decided they had enough for a while then they will throw you back.
I learned through some hard experiences that you simply have to be strong and not let it get to you. I also am a full time college student so I try to keep myself preoccupied with finishing school as well as letting every guy I come in contact with know what I will and will not take. I refuse to be a doormatt and will not be toyed with...play me once shame on u play me twice shame on me. U just basically have to stand up and say you do or you dont and if you do then there has to be actually evidence other than a few words that can be easily said but not necessairly have to be genuine.
GOOD LUCK!
PEACE! | |
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| I don't understand men....why the head games?????
Posted: 12/7/2004 11:34:12 AM | | Tommygirl....thanx for the advice and you are so right. Actually this guy and I are not together. Hopefully the lines are set between us now (we had a long conversation Sunday night) and they wont be crossed again! Thanx again for the advice. | |
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| it loks like your playing mind games wit your self
Posted: 12/8/2004 5:14:52 AM | | the best advice any one can give you is grow up and stop putting your insecurities on other people, you come across like a very needy girl, you need to find your self and become self assure before you get into an other relationship, blaming every one else wont help you, OK life is hard and finding that perfect some one is harder welcome to the real world, no one puts a gun up to your head to force you to date them, | |
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| it loks like your playing mind games wit your self
Posted: 12/8/2004 7:34:09 AM | HOOHA...I dont mean to gripe b/c Im not but she did reply and say things were ok now, and two I don't think insecurity has anything to do with the situation it was the matter of honesty.
PEACE! | |
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| I don't understand men....why the head games?????
Posted: 12/8/2004 9:14:39 AM | Sounds like he loves you...but you're finding out that this means different things to different people...
He wants you in his life, but probably doesn't want any woman in his life anymore than he wants you; right now... and he may never want a woman more!
The quality of love is important. Some love is good, some is bad. Some is not enough.
YOU have to make this decision. | |
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| I don't understand men....why the head games?????
Posted: 12/10/2004 11:10:14 AM | Tommy_girl...thank you very much for the words!!!!
@Mike... I may have some insecurities... sure... but that isn't what I was searching for when I began this thread. I was looking for some insight as to why this is going on. In reality, there are many, many people out there that has insecurities. I am sure you have some of your own. If we wait until all of our insecurities are completely gone... then that will be one lonely death. Also... for those of you who it may concern... the sole reason we broke up in the first place wasn't due to my insecurities but due to something out of my hands at the time. When one still lives at home and has a controlling father... more so then you would ever know.... there is not much you can do about it at the time but go with the flow. I am not trying to come off as attacking you... because I think in your own way you were just trying to give me some good advice... and I do appreciate it... but please don't assume anything about anyone else when responding to their thread. We all know what assuming does....
Americanseizure..... your post probably just hit it right on. In a warped way I think he does love me..... but he also wants to be a little boy even though he is 27. An yet in my own stupid way maybe I am immature for caring about him in return. It seems to me that your wisdom goes beyond just words. | |
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| I don't understand men....why the head games?????
Posted: 12/10/2004 3:21:17 PM | | Hi doll--I've played this nasty game twice now and both times, the guys had a secret girlfriend. The first one got married two months after FINALLY telling me it was over by calling me up drunk one night and saying that he had decided that I was too fat and he never wanted to see me again. The second guy hadn't responded to me for 3 months so I drove the 2 hours to house only to be met by his brother, instead of him, and told that he had moved his GIRLFRIEND in 3 months ago and they are getting married in April. Each relationship lasted 3 years!!! My advice to you sister friend is: If you feel like you love him too much to let him go, and he continues to give you vague answers about the lack of contact issue, then you're only choice is to spy on him and find out what is really going on. It's only nice to trust people who earn that trust by being forthright. This guy sounds like a player. Don't let him play you. You can either fold now, cut your losses and walk away from the table or play his game and do a 007 on him until you either find out what you need to know or get tired of the hassle and kick him to the curb. You are way too smart, pretty and sweet to waste another day sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring, when the stud muffin you are meant to be with could be on his way over with those roses you so richly deserve and plans to kick back and watch football all day with your dad who respects him. My choices in men have been so bad that my dad still doesn't want to approve of me dating and I'm 35 with a 12 year old kid. It's amazing how spending time with men who respect you reminds you of what it means to be treated right!!! Good luck. | |
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| I don't understand men....why the head games?????
Posted: 12/10/2004 4:27:46 PM | Hello there my friend. I want to tell you something and please do not get angry because I do not believe there is a person male or female that hasn't been through something like this at least once.
You need to examine why you are drawing people to you that play games. When you get the proper perspective you will see that mess coming miles before it gets to you and they will ether quit trying or you just start ignoring them and open yourself up to meeting more honest and open men.
Trust your instincts. If they tell you something is not right then more times than not it is true. If you do not trust your instincts do a little research on the person that you are dating then step back and go from there.
Remember we are magnets. We draw to us what we reflect. What I mean is look deep inside yourself and realize that you deserve better and I promise better will come. Does it mean that you won't meet a player? No, you will meet them but they won't phase you the way that they do now. You also open yourself up for the best of the best. First you need to believe that there are some great men out there though.
Also empathise with the players. They are pathetic and sad creature stumbling around trying to find their verson of love. They just have no idea what it is. | |
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