| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 12:50:01 AM | | Hello everyone. I just joined this site. I would never admit this to anyone I just met in person, but I am soon to be 31 years old, and I am still a virgin. When I was younger, I was scared, and always wanted to save my virginity for "the right one". I haven't dated much over the years, and so I never found the right one.During the past few years it has gotten to a point where I am down right embarresed about being a virgin, and I really wish I had not waited so long. Now I am not only embarresed about it, but scared too. Do I tell the next guy I date, (if I ever find one!) about this, or not? A part of me wants to just go out and sleep with someone and get it over with! But another part of me is afraid I will deeply regret that. What would you do if you were in my situation? | |
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gio32
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Joined: 2/13/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 1:12:57 AM | | hey there, don't be emberrased about being a virgin, i think its great that you held on to your integrity and morals and didn't give into a society where having anonymous sex is the norm.... you waited this long to save it for the right person..... so don't give up now!!! buuuuuuutttt if you feel the need is to strong then i would suggest talking to a close guy friend if you have any and see if they are willing to help you with your situation, i am sure they would be happy to oblige, as long as you trust them, then all is good. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 2:05:08 AM | There's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about,smarty!
You've gone this long already,there's no reason to 'do it' just
to 'get it' over with.
Recreational sex CAN be exilerating and satisfying-
BUT NEVER as so much as with someone you truly care about. 
Don't feel under pressure-when the time is right,you'll know!
Best wishes!
Sas | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:03:09 AM | | There is nothing embarrasing about saving your virginity till this age in life, but it may not be normal or healthy for you. You may find that the longer this happens, the more awkward it will become when you finally meet Mr. Right. I think you have some other issues obviously since you admittedly have not dated much. As a sales rep, you come into contact with numerous men each and every day so there must be SOME reason you're in this rut. Look within yourself. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 9:00:18 AM | | Yeah, don't give up your beliefs for a piece of a**. You've waited this long for a reason. Sex is special to some people and the right person will come along eventually. And I guarantee you that person will be on his/her hands and needs, thanking you for waiting just for him/her. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 9:21:09 AM | | nothing to be embarassed about......and there is no need to tell anyone until you know you are ready....and ready for the right reason! | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 1:18:41 PM | | I agree good for you. You don't have to tell anyone your personal life until you feel very connected with the person... | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 2:14:18 PM | I would think a man would be PROUD to be your first,knowing that you held out and didn't give in to just anybody...Hold your head high girl and shout if from the roof tops..it's nothing to be ashamed of....In fact I kinda envy you  | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 3:27:58 PM | | Thanks everyone. I still don't know what I will do. I suppose I will wait for that someone special. It's hard to meet someone, I don't drink or go out to bars or clubs. I only have a handful of friends too. And as for meeting someone at work, most of the people I talk with, it's over the phone! I appreciate all the advice I recieved here. There are some very helpful people here. I think I'll stick around. Thanks again. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:52:37 PM | "And as for meeting someone at work"....
I wouldn't do it. That's a tricky situation no matter what (if you break up, you may still have to work together), but in this case you really don't want someone you see every day too know just a bit too much about you. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:03:06 PM | | Smarty, I think you would open your dating choices if you put more in your profile and/or a picture. How else will someone know if you are what they are looking for? I agree with the others that your virginity is something to be proud of!! Your guy won't have to worry about STD, and that would be comforting in itself, I would think. Be PROUD!! | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/8/2005 9:03:38 PM | | don't get in a hurry girl. You stayed a virgin for what ever reason. Don't go blowing it now jsut because ou think there si pressure from society for you to be otherwise. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/9/2005 8:04:02 AM | I know it is a double standard, but here goes.
If you are a woman: Sex should be an integral part of a healthy relationship and when you are comfortable, some people prefer to wait until the wedding night to consumate their relationships. This can actually be a very good thing. Your husband will have the distinction of being the best you have ever been with. This will be a wonderful gift you can bestow upon him and will only serve you in the years ahead to be closer and share a level of intimacy uninmagined by most of your peers.
You should wear your virginity proudly and guard it jealously. It is a rare and wonderful gift that you can only give once and never reclaim.
If you are a man: You must be a complete loser. You should kill yourself, now! | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:47:52 AM | Hi Sweetie. I'm sure you probably wanted messages from men, but, I had to give you my two cents.
I am a single mother if one and almost 32 YOA. I am a very curious person and out of sheer curiosity I could never have waited 30 years to have sex. I have a very good friend who is also about to be 31 and in the same or a very similar situation. I have the utmost respect for her. I truly believe in my heart that she is the one in the right here. She has gotten her education and is building a wonderful life for herself.
I will say this. Don't let society embarrass you into sex. You have something very special to give that most of us can't offer and someone out there will appreciate you so much more for it. Why would you want to sell yourself short?
I am curious as to why you don't have a picture on this website. I will tell you, I am not the most confident person when it comes to my appearance. I have now met two men from this website and both times I'm sure they thought I was crazy because I giggle when I get nervous. But I realize, someone out there WILL like me for me, someone will think I am beautiful, it may not be tomorrow, but eventually it will happen.
Being a virgin is nothing to walk into a night club and get on the stage to announce, but it is definitely nothing to be embarrassed about. Give these guys a chance to see your beauty and save yourself until you find your prince.
Good Luck!!! | |
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asg468
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 15 | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/9/2005 5:44:35 PM |
It's hard to meet someone
Well this might be telling why you haven't been on a lot of dates. Maybe you are somewhat unapproachable? Do you smile and greet people warming in person? Do you flirt with people your are interested in? Are you confident in yourself?
I meet people every single day of my life. I work as a programmer on a computer and interact with geeky nerds all day. Yet I still manage to meet wonderful ladies from all over the place. I have dated the x-ray technitian that took pictures of my broken fibula (she flirted, I flirted back, we hit it off and I ASK HER OUT). I have dated the wonderful lady at my favorite coffee shop (we talked often for a year, one day she flirted, I flirted back and SHE ASKED ME OUT). I am still friends with everyone I dated. Most of them we went from "this is fun" to "well we aren't a great couple."
I meet people on the bus to work, at the supermarket, at the library, at the coffee shop, at diner, and waiting in lines for concerts. All you have to do is engage with with world.
BTW, as to the virginity thing, hang on to it. Make sure the person you really fall head over heals for knows about it (before the first romp under the sheets). If that person is right then he (or she) should take the time to make sure make your first time everything you have hoped for and more.
As much as I like sex I do not just fall in bed with anyone. For some girls this is a turn on, for others it is turn off. That is just the way it goes. The right woman for me will see it as a turn on. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/9/2005 5:58:52 PM | smartypants... i wouldn't waste almost 31 years of purity for one night of "getting it over with." you've come to far to give up now... i think it's admirable of you to keep your virginity this long.
one alternative to your situation is mine... sex before married landed me a job as single parent at the ripe age of 19... my son is 17 now and the best thing that could have ever happend in MY life. if i had it to do all over again... i'd do things exactly as you are and i'd have been far more selective and patient in the partner area of my life.
whether you meet someone and admit up front that you're a virgin isn't going to matter... men you date are going to find out sooner or later if you continue to date them and, if you decide to give up your virginity and try to fool that man... you're in for a suprise... most, if not all men, would recognize that fact about you at that point. just be honest with men you date and be selective in who you do date. don't waste a date on someone you know isn't long term, marriage material. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/9/2005 10:08:47 PM | | Kudos to you, smartypants...that's very admirable. I can relate...I was a virgin until age 33....until I met the woman who became my wife. We divorced seven years later, but I don't regret waiting. I wanted everything to be special and meaningful...and it was. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/10/2005 8:31:14 AM | | You've gone 31 years and managed to never have to worry about pregnancy and STD's? Count yourself lucky my friend. When you do find the "right one" you'll be happy and the length of time you waited will not be an embarassment at all. Take your time and be selective. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 10/11/2005 2:20:06 PM | They're right.
Sex is troublesome these days. If you're dating you always need worry about pregnancy, STDs, etc.
The only safe sex is the kind you have when you're by yourself!!!
Be happy that you've saved yourself. I know it sounds cliche' but when you meet the right man he'll be amazed and humbled that you waited for him. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 3/31/2006 3:52:47 PM | Dont be ashamed about being a virign! I'm 39 and proud to say that I'm a virgin i was brought believing that you shoudl wait for marraige but I'm for waiting for the right guy.
dont go out and sleep with somenone just to get it over you could end up getting some horrible disease its not worth it and for telling the guy you next date dont tell him unless you know for sure its a serious relationship . I hope I helped stay proud you will be surprise at how many of us are really out there. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 3/31/2006 6:07:23 PM | You'll know when you are ready. Just follow what your heart says and stick to your beliefs.
As for when to tell someone or if you should tell them, how did you handle this in past relationships? I think there is no need to tell anyone right away but you should mention it after a few dates and before it starts getting very physical. If a guy really likes you he won't mind waiting. If he doesn't want to wait then he wasn't the guy for you. Good luck. | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 3/31/2006 8:50:34 PM | I will say this -- it is kinda rubbing salt in the wound to bounce on to a dating site and say, "Meeting people is SO easy! Why you just do A and B and C and bam! You'll have your Friday nights booked!" Now you know it can't be that easy for everyone or this site would not exist!
The secret (if there is but one) is to find something you enjoy doing and meet people that way. You'll be relaxed, in your elemente, and on your toes. If you're looking for a way to meet folks OP, I'd say go do that. If nothing else, you'll meet folks into the same things you're into.
And BTW, I totally salute you for your decision. Saving yourself as you have is the absolute right thing to do.
~Aurora | |
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| almost 31 and STILL a virgin
Posted: 3/31/2006 9:32:00 PM | Being a virgin in your 30s means that you don't have to worry about STD's or unwanted pregnancies. You are on the right track, and when you meet the right gal, the sex will be way better and more meaningful than any one night stand could ever be.
Happy
DW | |
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