|mixed feelingsPage 1 of 2 (1, 2)|
|Hello to everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving,|
I would love some imput here please, I met a guy off of this site, we saw each other 4 times last week. My question is do you think it is okay he is still making dates? I really don't know how to feel about this, love to know what you all think.
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:06:25 PM
|Clarification needed here I think! Do you mean he is still making dates to see other ladies???|
Cannot comment until you specify!
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:10:57 PM
|Sorry Kitkat, yes he is still making dates, sorry about that, I really don't know how to feel, our kids met, he made dinner for us, so I am very confused.|
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:39:14 PM
|It would depend on the level of involvement you are seeking. |
His level is already apparent.
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:42:52 PM
|Never assume anything. It is ok that he is still making dates, if it is ok with you. If it's not, then say something about it. If it's not ok with him to stop the dating, then he's just not for you at that moment. But really, it may be too soon for him to commit to you, hasn't been that many dates. So comprise, or don't. Just make sure the outcome makes you happy :)|
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:47:51 PM
|If you aren't comfortable with it, then it is not alright with you and that is what is important. Perhaps he is not the one for you then?I would honestly tell him what you are feeling and if he doesn't respond in a way that you like, move on. What is right for one person isn't necessarily right for another.|
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:50:36 PM
|Thank you for your replies, It does make sense what you said, I am just not that type of person to date more than one at a time, but you are right, the outcome has to make me happy. thank you all again|
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:05:30 PM
|Hey jem, sorry for the somewhat bad news. And I'm going to become one of those girls.... Have you ever read "He's Just Not That Into You"? I'm sure it's been up before on this site, and I'm sure people have different opinions about the book, but it's been a lifesaver for me. Really clears things up, keeps them simple, with the guy thing. I highly recommend it, and hope you have a glace at it :)|
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:12:23 PM
I agree 100%, I love that book. Some things in it are no-brainers but a lot of it really does open up your eyes. Even for the most obvious, it still helps out a lot. I bring my copy of it out every once in a while just for reminders. It really helps us women to remember what we deserve and what/who isn't worth your time. Gives us back our backbone that sometimes slips away from us.
I agree with the ladies on here, obviously it is bothering you that he is still dating other women. Let him know this, then you will know by his actions that follow if he is wanting to become serious with you or if he wants to date around some more. Don't put yourself in the situation where you have to fight with other women for his attention. Let him know that you are wanting something serious and arn't willing to be put into a pile with other women while he decides what he wants.
Good luck Hun
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:16:51 PM
|I will take alook at the book, but I hope it explains why men give those sincere signals out, and really don't mean a thing they say then. I am just not use the dating scene, maybe I need a book on that also. thank you again :)|
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:21:14 PM
|Thanks for backing me up on the book patch! I bring it out once in awhile too, just for the kick in the a$$, lol|
gem: Don't be too hard on the guy. Remember, he's just doing his thing, the same way you are. You two may just not be on the same path. Get the book, have a read, and I promise, you'll feel stronger for yourself and what you want, as well as more patient for men just doing their thing.
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:21:37 PM
|Thank you justastudent, I will be going to the bookstore tomorrow. Thank you also patch364, its a shame, he was a down to earth kind of guy.|
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:23:21 PM
|Also remember, he's not a mind reader. Let him know where you're at, don't assume he gets it. He is a guy afterall. No offence to the boys...lol|
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:25:49 PM
|I agree. Clear the air between the two of you. There's been a thread asking how POFers do their "fishing", and people are different. Some focus on one person at a time, others don't. Make sure your both on the same wavelength. |
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:26:51 PM
|Exactly, he has to know how you feel. He could be wondering himself if you are fully interested in him.|
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:33:39 PM
|That is why I am so confused...lol we did talk about it, I thought we had a connection, I will call him and see what he says, about the feelings I am having. I am having trouble sleeping the dating game keeps you up I guess, It is also harder after 40 I think...lo|
thanks to all of you, you are all great people!!!
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:42:36 PM
|You're problem is right there.... the dating game shouldn't keep you up. It should make you feel good about yourself. And if it doesn't you gotta change what's happening. Only other advice I could offer on that is to not take it all too seriously. Not until you know you want to and should. Good luck Doll, come back and let Patch and I know what you think of the book. Just from your opinion of that, we'll know what happened to the guy ;)|
Posted: 10/11/2005 12:00:09 AM
|any books for the guys lol or do we go threw life blind|
i all ways figured comunication is the best way to know each other
no one is the same
need to set out the ground rules when you decide what you want
bottom line you have to be happy or it wont work
Posted: 10/11/2005 12:07:33 AM
|Well here is a little different twist.......|
I do not know how long you two have been dating, but if it is still fairly new, then I don't see the harm in his dating, as long as you do as well. However, you mention that your children hvae met! I am not criticizing here, but I darn well would have made sure of the connection before I would have gone that far... But, am also with the general concensus here....it would appear that he is just not ready to make the one on one, I will date no others committment.
Do talk to him and get the air clear...hopefully, he will give you his honest answer. If he has already told you he is dating others, I am sure he will let you know the truth! Hey kid, it is better to find out now before your entire heart gets involved, right???
Good luck hun hope it works the way you want it to.
Posted: 10/11/2005 12:18:44 AM
|i agree with you kitkat before my daughter meets anyone im going to be with them a while and know shes wants a commitment|
Posted: 10/11/2005 7:28:46 AM
|If you're still confused after talking to him about it... that sucks. Been there, done that. Sometimes you have to let the ones that "Don't know what they want" and are "Still looking around" go. They aren't worth it.|
Posted: 10/11/2005 7:33:23 AM
Sorry Kitkat, yes he is still making dates, sorry about that, I really don't know how to feel, our kids met, he made dinner for us, so I am very confused.
Imagine how your kids feel????
Your kids shouldn't even be exposed to someone you have known for a week, regardless of how many dates you've had that week!!!! Don't rush the rest of your life, to meet Mr. Perfect!!
Posted: 10/11/2005 7:45:29 AM
|ahhh jemmy. you used that *men* phrase. are you catergorizing hon? lol|
for the record. i dont agree with making dates while you are getting to know someone.
specially if the kidsa re involved already.
dating is an adult thing, and they should not be introduced until both parties agree that they could be serious bout each other.
best thing to do is. talk to him about it.
Posted: 10/11/2005 8:08:16 AM
|Any chance you'd care to comment a little more on that book? I suppose I could just read it but I read that other one "How not to get dumped" and from my perspective, some of it seemed absurd and dated. |
The "not in to you..." book sounds like a similar vein... I'd like to hear how it helped but that does sound a bit like prying... perhaps some generalizations, what's the jist of the thing?
How do you tell IF someone IS into you? Is it really that hard?
Posted: 10/11/2005 8:12:17 AM
|I think it is very easy to tell if someone is "just not that into you". Just that we as humans do not wish to believe it when it happens to us!|