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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 1
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
...I was wondering, anyone here just get alot of first dates with the online thing?

For some reason, when I go out on a date with someone I met online...it feels different than someone I met in person...don't know what it is, maybe its a comfort thing.

Anyways, I sometimes wonder if the "online gig" is when they get all excited to meet you, you go out...have dinner, talk and get to know each other, and they are thinking (Sigh, well , I met this person, and I got it out of my system now")

And they jump back online to meet someone else new?

I don't know, there's just something more genuine about real life interactions with people you meet at the gym, church or somewhere in public, even at work and through friends.
 *Tee*
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 2
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/16/2005 4:33:37 PM
Online dating is very different. You dont have a chance to see them interact with others, and you really dont see their personality online. All you can see is a few good pics, and some chatting where they actually have time to think about what they have to say before they type it. Sometimes it works out offline, sometimes it doesn't, you have to take that chance.
I think for the most part we have all had out share of that first and only date...The way I see it is, if theres nothing "there" its not worth a second date...
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 3
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/16/2005 7:18:54 PM
True...sometimes there is something there, at least on my side.
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 4
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/16/2005 7:25:35 PM
Hi Ham, this online thing is just different than dating ever used to be. There is just something missing when you meet somone on here sometimes. You can't see the body language, can't see what kinds of nervous little things they do when flirting, can't see if they are rolling their eyes, you get the drift. So we develop this perception of what they will be like, and most of the time, at least one one end, it doesn't match what we have created in our mind that this person will be like. Sometimes it doesn't matter, and you click anyway, but I think the majority of the time it comes down to that. How many times have we seen postings on people just not getting what they thought they were getting? But still, hope springs eternal.
 guyd40
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 5
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/16/2005 7:26:50 PM
It's very hard to pull a second date, then a third ect... it seems like they go back shopping hoping to get someone even better. Most tried to keep me hanging, but I always tell them off at the very first little sign and wish them good shopping.
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 6
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/16/2005 7:44:27 PM
"It's very hard to pull a second date, then a third ect... it seems like they go back shopping hoping to get someone even better. Most tried to keep me hanging, but I always tell them off at the very first little sign and wish them good shopping."

Yeah, its kinda like even nervous after the first date...because you just know, now matter much she flirted with you or touched you onthe arm....you STILL think there might not be a 2nd. Only becuase it was an internet date.
 GreeneyedMisfit
Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 7
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/16/2005 8:46:20 PM
I agree.. it is soo hard to tell online.

Attractiion is so subtle.. it can be a voice, a look, their eyes, the way they walk..

And quite frankly, people often sound much better when they are chatting than when you meet. I realized that to want to date someone there has to be some attraction and its pretty hard to be attracted to a picture and some typing..
 *Tee*
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 8
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/17/2005 7:23:52 AM
hey! Lets not lose hope here! I have many friends that have met their life partners online or on dating sites...its possible! Thing is, there has to be "something" there in order for there to be a second date. I don't think they just decide not to see you again because they want to go "shopping" again.....I know I dont. Don't take it to heart if it doesn't work out, you have to be prepared for dissapointments. Just get back in there and keep trying, theres lots of fish in the sea!
 Breifne
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 9
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/17/2005 8:51:43 AM
I think it's a misnomer to call an online first date a "date." It's true that online first dates take place in a dating atmosphere, but that's kind of like sticking your toe in the pool and calling it swimming. All you're really doing is meeting them. I mean think about how many people you meet IRL; you introduce yourself, chat, shake hands and walk away. It's not a date but you met them. I meet a lot of eligible women IRL during the course of my day and I choose NOT to ask most of them out. Online dating isn't any different in that sense. The first time is a meeting, the second time - if there is a second time - is a date.
 PepperStar
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 10
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/17/2005 12:31:38 PM
I've found that making a connection with somebody I meet in real life is just as elusive as with somebody I meet online.
 My.02 Cents
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 11
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/17/2005 1:44:09 PM
Hey I've had great conversations...that lasted several hours...and then THAT was "it"!!!

Online dating is NO diifferent from any blind date...Except with online, at least you have the option of making some choices about who you date.

Maybe it's having so MANY options so to speak that brings the problems...Why settle for anything less than "fireworks" when you can just go and choose someone else..?

I can relate though...I was speaking to someone last week that I thought I had a real "click" with...but haven't heard from him even though he wanted to go for coffee asap...I dropped an email letting him know that I was still interested as he had asked for Sat but I already had plans...

But yeah,...haven't heard "boo" since then!!!

Like a friend of mine said...you just never really know what people's lives are REALLY like...or just how straight they're being with you...Oh well...*shrugs*...Just hoping and TRYING to let it roll off my back, as "crispy" isn't too attractive last time I checked!!! D.
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 12
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/17/2005 2:57:28 PM
Sometimes I wonder if people are just so caught up in the "fun" of online dating, that they have to keep meeting and meeting people, but never setting up a foundating.
 justjeff
Joined: 9/3/2005
Msg: 13
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Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/17/2005 9:10:03 PM
Well glad to know it isnt just me that has a lot of 1st dates only but do believe what briefne is saying is the main reason. But it is hard on one when someone can be all gaa gaa over you when talking on cam or on phone and when you meet it is like 180 change, just roll with it. I think it just takes a guy a little longer to figure out if there is chemistry there or not.
 sweetshyone
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 14
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/22/2005 11:45:05 AM
Thank you for this post. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me, but now I know it is just the guy having unnatural beliefs or being too involved with dating sites that is the problem.
 BelledeJour
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 15
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 10/22/2005 4:29:25 PM
Online dating .... is not for the faint of heart! Brings out all kinds. What I've discovered is that you have to have a good sense of humor and realize this is a hit and miss kinda thing, not take anything to heart, and if it's too good to be true, it probably is. Keep your eyes open and place nice.
 redkatt
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 16
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Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 8/25/2011 1:51:18 PM
I couldn't agree more! I recently had a 1st date with a man who I thought we hit it off well and it was a nice start (start of what - not exactly sure).

He even kissed my hand at the end of our date and told me not to lose his phone number (I in turn told him the same). It was sweet and that made me look forward to getting to know him better. But alas I haven't heard one peep from him since, even after I sent him a txt days later (just one txt as I don't chase).

I think it's the wondering of why he didn't call that bothers me most. Heck I didn't even know if I even really liked him, but I wanted to find out.

Just remember that we all can "maybe" or "what if" ("Maybe" X happened to him/her or "What if" I did/didn't do X) ourselves to death but the only truth is he/she didn't call and that's that.

There are more fish in the sea.........
 chocolate39+
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 17
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Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 8/26/2011 12:42:38 PM
Hiya,,just recently had a 1st date experiance. It did go really well,,good conversation,plenty of laughter said we'd keep in touch,,then,,he dropped to the bottom of pof ocean. It does bode the question "is it me" "what am i doing wrong". But after chats with my friends I conclude it was a canny night out and take it for what is was. Can I be bothered to do it again HELL YEAH. Lol.xx
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 18
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Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 8/26/2011 5:59:27 PM
A lot of first dates can be useful to calibrate your "picker" sense. After that, you may be using your new knowledge to find someone special, but I'm sure some people are always seeking the next great date, and never actually finding it so keep on and on and on ....
 bimmerdude
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 19
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 8/26/2011 7:59:05 PM
Meeting the right person in dating is a lot like getting lucky - its random and takes either few dates or many 1st dates. For me, I've had a lot of one date wonders lately but thats okay since I am new to the bay area and women are a lot different here than southern California so it takes time because I have a more mellow vibe than the hurry up mentality of bay area women.
 WhiteKnight91360
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 20
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 8/27/2011 4:57:01 PM
My take of online dating...the longer somebody has been using it...the greater your chances that you'll meet somebody with 'e-baggage' so to speak. People online start dating with the most sincere intentions, but end up playing 'the dating game' in the end. Waiting for mr. or mrs. right to walk in and never committing to Friday or Saturday night dates until the last minute. What if my #1 pick asks me out? I take the online dating with a grain of salt. Don't have high expectations...which is baggage by itself. If the date I'm meeting is new to this...she deserves 110% of my effort and not a half assed jaded effort, right? If I show up with an attitude or a wall of 'you can't hurt me' or 'I don't care if this works or not', then I've kind of already sabotaged the date. Right?

How interesting it would be if we could all view how many months someone was a member of a dating website. I mean, if you knew someone was a member on the dating website for several years, and they were looking for a 'long term relationship'...wouldn't you be skeptical?
 voschi
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 21
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 8/27/2011 9:46:35 PM
theres a whole myriad of reasons why people dont get passed the first date...

some here have relationship addictions...like the one you're mentioning here..the thrill and excitement of meeting someone new is on of those addictions...they look for the high associated with the whole nuance of meeting someone new.

last time i was in church all the men were married or too young...and gym rats are too busy doing their work out and find interruptions annoying...
 Asia9294
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 22
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 8/28/2011 12:22:27 PM
I feel like they're just practicing and have no intentions on making anything out of the meeting. Which chaps my hide.

I have a problem with setting aside time to meet with you, and you KNOW from jump you're just practicing. If you really wanted to go out and we didn't gel, then fine, but I'm not dating for sport. I don't have time for the games.
 WhiteKnight91360
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 23
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 9/3/2011 10:24:51 AM
Well, I've recently experienced this. I had a meet and greet (which I don't consider a date, but that's another ramble) followed by a first date. She was attractive and kind, very sweet woman, but the chemistry wasn't there. To be honest, she was very timid. Anyway, let's just say that I didn't want my sole reason for our future dates to be making her feel good about herself. I would have only have felt like I was leading her on if I took her out again and that would be very mean. Why give false hope? So, this is a situation where I decided no more then a first date. It had nothing to do with 'playing' or 'practicing'. I honestly felt we were not a good fit and that's it.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 24
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 9/3/2011 11:17:47 AM
You can have a click online and even the phone but in person is where you'll know for sure. I prefer to be honest and either he or I say we don't feel the connection and wish each other well. You can do so without hurting someone.

I know there are some that think of it as rejection - I even had a man start crying begging me to give him a chance and one that screamed at me I was a fat teasing ho. Yea, that's going to change my mind and give them a second date.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 25
Alot of 1st dates....is it just to get it out of their system?
Posted: 9/3/2011 12:39:02 PM
When I first started on-line dating..oh..err meetings...I went with the mind set of.."You just never know" attitude....and I have to admit, alot of those meets >>>I knew we weren't a probable match....It may have been that he was funny and sounded sincere. Always paid my own way...so, never felt that I was taking advantage of anyone. I can correspond and converse with anyone but I still need that attraction and yes....It has to be mutual.
Now....I do try to be more "selective" about meets(when I'm out there). I want to go into it with the butterfly feeling or hope that we could be a match.
So I do read the profile carefully and all aspects of it but the proof is still in the meet.
I don't like to keep anyone wondering or encourage furthur meets if...it's just not there.
Sometimes...It may take a second meet...to be sure! BTW...that goes both ways....Men have as well...said I am not their type.
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