| | a strong womanPage 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | A strong woman intimidates a lot of men.
Women see being strong as being independent, self-sufficient, someone who knows what she wants and who’s unwilling to settle for less... someone with clear boundaries firmly in place.
Most men recognise those qualities, but also experience it as being controlling, unwilling (or unable) to admit she’s wrong or that there are other equally valid ways of looking at life... someone who maybe plays minds games, and plays them well.
Being a guy, I have to admit there are things about strong women I really admire, but I’ve noticed a disturbing tendency for strong women to be pushy... which tends also to destroy the intimacy in relationships. By pushy, I mean hammering away at something based on the assumption it’s the right thing to do, until you force it to happen.
So I want to know how an intelligent woman would see an advantage in pushing her partner into *anything*... whether it’s folding the laundry properly, or taking that new promotion he’s not comfortable with. Does it confirm that she’s right, and therefore superior in some way? Is there some sort of satisfaction in being able to work a man like a puppet? Is this behaviour really about being weak... attempting to compensate for feelings of inadequacy?
And yes, I know men can be pushy. I’m not that type, so I’m specifically interested here in what drives pushy women. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 6:52:46 AM | | Personally, I like strong-willed women. They’re at least up front and honest about what they want and expect. It’s the women who play the weak/needy/helpless role that control you passively that I can’t stand. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:00:49 AM | strong != pushy or game player
Perhaps the one strong woman you have known was pushy but we aren't all. True strength does not come from pushing others around. Strong woman don't let others push them around. True strength is standing up to all lifes trials and tribulations and ending up with a smile. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:04:38 AM | | She knows she's strong and wants to see the same out of you. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:13:30 AM | The same as what drives all 'pushy' people.....insecurity. The need to be heard and listened to at any cost...even if it is at the expense of the other persons' feelings.
There are the strong secure types...and the strong insecure types....stick with the former...it's that simple.
Mike | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:20:31 AM |
whether it’s folding the laundry properly
then i don't have to do it...
or taking that new promotion he’s not comfortable with.
the family budget goes upppppppp...!
Is there some sort of satisfaction in being able to work a man like a puppet?
obvious answer...yes
hmmm....strong...intelligent...and pushy...sounds like the recipe for the next "Apprentice"...!
personally i don't see the advantage...(besides getting help with the laundry once in a while)...sounds like a lot of effort...that could be better spent elsewhere... | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:24:02 AM |
or taking that new promotion he’s not comfortable with.
I don't know why this just occurred to me, but doesn't that ^^^ sound like a totally sexist remark? | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:27:44 AM | Yeah, there's nothing sexier than a woman saying, "you're a fcuking jakcass" and taking all your stuff and leaving because she thinks it's the right thing to do. I mean, SHE knows what's right even if the rest of the world has their head stuck up their a$$. She would never compromise, because it's weak and it suggests there might be some validity to the opposing view. Bah!
There's confident and then there's full of yourself. There's assertive and then there's pigheaded. Some people seem driven to come out on top all of the time - regardless of the casualties. That may have worked for Patton, but if a relationship is going to be a battlefield then sound the retreat. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:31:05 AM | @stephanos primus
I believe people can be intimidated because they see what they perceive and not what really is.
Being independent, self-sufficient, knowing what one wants and doesn't want and not settling for less doesn't equate with being controlling, not being able to admit one is wrong, or not able to look at other ways as being valid...someone with the latter traits has issues they need to work on, such as insecurity, while someone with the former has already dealt with any of their issues. Unfortunately, while some people can be intelligent in some areas of their life, they can be very unintelligent in others.
Having the former traits doesn't preclude being able to compromise, being able to admit when one is wrong, and not being able to see the other side of things or another point of view. Simply because one is independent and self-sufficient doesn't mean they don't want a shoulder to cry on sometimes, or strong support when going through a hard situation...but having those traits does mean they will be able to do the same for their man. Knowing what they want and not settling for less only means that they have goals and will work towards achieving them, no matter how small the increments to getting there is...and they will also support their man in achieving his goals.
Intelligent women don't push...they know that gaining anything by forcing the issue means they've gained nothing. Pushing a man isn't the way to gain anything, whether it's folding the laundry or gaining intimacy...a person has to freely give it or it means nothing. Intelligent women know this. They also know that communication between partners is key as is being able to listen; and one has to also be ask the right questions of their partner to find out what their partner really wants. For example, in the case f his gaining a promotion, an intelligent woman would ask him what HE wants, what he sees as the pros and cons of taking or not taking the promotion, and really let him decide what's right for himself. A pushy woman would want him to take it because it probably pays more and she's thinking of herself, not if he'll be happy with the promotion.
Some women are pushy for the same reasons men can be: insecurity, a need to feel superior, not knowing what they really want or what can make them happy but believing more money will do it, etc. Some are pushy because they feel they have to be to get what they want, whether it's in their job or from their partner. Sometimes it comes from being the 'weaker sex' all these many years and now being told one has to go after what they want...but they go about it all wrong. Being pushy isn't attractive regardless of what gender is doing it...and again, it really doesn't gain anything because if something isn't freely given then it means nothing.
As far as playing games goes, I've never understood how people can do that. Again, it gains them nothing...they're not being who they are and they're not letting anyone else be who they are. Open and honest communication, in any relationship whether it's at work, between partners, children, etc., is the only way to truly understand each other and to achieve anything. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:33:09 AM | We seem to be missing a line between a “strong woman” and an “evil woman.”
and it doesn’t take a “strong woman” to say
"you're a fcuking jakcass" and taking all your stuff and leaving because she thinks it's the right thing to do.
I’ve seen the very same actions taken by seemingly “weak” women who live life by the “victim complex.” | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:33:23 AM | | ... friggin' triple post!!! | |
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longte
| | Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:34:38 AM | I have a totally different desciption for a Strong Woman/Man
To me a strong woman/man is someone who has faced really hard times and pulled through
But the important thing is that it has not made them 'Hard'
Anyone with the balls to do that has my highest regard
This stuff about a Strong person being the 'Boss" in the house etc, leaves me cold
Relationships are give and take
That type of Strong Person usually only takes
Admittedly some relationships "Need" one person to be stronger
Equality suits me much better
..
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:35:19 AM | I am a strong-willed, independent woman who knows exactly what she wants/likes. I prefer men (people) who have the same characteristics, even though it sometimes leads to disagreements. The key is compromise.
I find NO satisfaction in "working a man like a puppet", in fact, any man who exhibits puppet-like behavior doesn't last long with me. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:35:58 AM | Women see being strong as being independent, self-sufficient, someone who knows what she wants and who’s unwilling to settle for less... someone with clear boundaries firmly in place.
This is how I perceive myself; as far as pushy, nah, only when it comes to my kids, cause you can pick on me all day long, but don't start with my kids;
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:36:48 AM |
We seem to be missing a line between a “strong woman” and an “evil woman.”
Not at all Yam. Strong is assertive in a way that works for me, and evil is assertive in a way that doesn't.  | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:38:38 AM | Women see being strong as being independent, self-sufficient, someone who knows what she wants and who’s unwilling to settle for less... someone with clear boundaries firmly in place.
^^^^^ This doesn't mean we are pushy.. .. I may be strong but I want a man that is just as stong and doesn't need "pushed" into anything!
BTW ~ Yam.. .. when are you going to let go of that hard core attitude.. .. you know you're just a marshmellow on the inside!
~Pour
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:39:36 AM | | I agree with Longte. A strong person is firm with themselves. A person who always seeks to be the 'stronger' one is only firm with others. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:42:47 AM | | I like some muscle on my woman. And Klingon women rule! | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:44:07 AM | Wow, just love it how a strong and independent woman, or the trait, is equalled or compared to pushy and domineering.
I'm a strong, independent, knows-what-she-wants and will-go-out-and-get-it type of woman. I've paid for my own roof over my head, food in my belly, clothing on my back, transportation,education, and whatever-the-heck-else-you-have-to-pay-for to live in this life all my myself since the age of EIGHTEEN. If my confidence and respect for myself intimidates a man, here's a frikkin tissue and a quarter to call someone who cares. I don't.
I've given up on the notion of the stereotypical damsel-in-distress persona simply because I'm not capable of playing it well. I would be copping out, acting, doing a disservice to strong and capable women who can hold their own, and 'using' and manipulating a man, which I have NO RIGHT to do. I don't need to be taken care of and the men that are intimidated by that are only those who are insecure with themselves and prefer to be needed than wanted. Sorry but I'm not prostituting myself because I think I "need" your extra half of the income to maintain my lifestyle. I'm not that cheap and I'd much rather dull down, lose the guy, and get a second job. <--I've done it.
When I can haul a 60 pound garbage bag from my doorstep to the curb, I'll bloody-well do it if nobody else is around and if I break a fingernail, I cuss and get over it.
I make choices for my life and I would give my opinion and advice for the man in my life but he makes his choices. If those choices are too much for me to accept, then I don't accept them, end of story. I have a choice then to leave it alone or move on, because I have no right to dictate to another and certainly would not tolerate being dictated to. Respect is a two-way street and people in general are VERY fearful of people who have no issue with reminding them exactly where that proverbial line in the sand is if they try to test it.
There are people who choose to play martyr, and those all too happy to play the persecutor. A confident PERSON (male or female) is willing to do neither. | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:44:10 AM |
I am a strong-willed, independent woman who knows exactly what she wants/likes. I prefer men (people) who have the same characteristics, even though it sometimes leads to disagreements. The key is compromise.
A strong person wouldn't be afraid to compromise. The weak have to have it their way all the time.
(Hi jenza! ) | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:48:28 AM |
I've given up on the notion of the stereotypical damsel-in-distress persona simply because I'm not capable of playing it well. I would be copping out, acting, doing a disservice to strong and capable women who can hold their own, and 'using' and manipulating a man, which I have NO RIGHT to do.
I used to feel this way. Then I learned better. Sometimes, it pays to "act" like a damsel in distress, especially in a male-dominated corporate environment.
(Did I just open up a can here?) | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:48:47 AM |
Strong is assertive in a way that works for me, and evil is assertive in a way that doesn't.
Amen, isn't that the truth. I guess it really comes to perception. The types of women I date are generally successful professionals. I’m attracted to them because I admire their drive and will to succeed at all costs. It reminds me of myself. In addition, I also can’t stand women who want to bow to me on every decision. Confidence and a backbone goes a long way with me.
But I have very good friends who find those kinds of women frightening and only date the kind of spineless women I can’t stand. To each their own, I suppose.
BTW ~ Yam.. .. when are you going to let go of that hard core attitude.. .. you know you're just a marshmellow on the inside!
After a weekend of back-toback days of football tailgating - complete with plenty of beer and greasy, starchy ethnic foods - I feel like a marshmallow on the outside
As for my attitude, well, I yam what I yam ... yada yada yada - credit to Popeye | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:49:53 AM | @babylonia
Excellent post once again! If I were younger, and as gorgeous as you are, I'd say we'd been separated at birth ;) I also wish I had known all this stuff at your age instead of learning it a little bit later ;) | |
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| a strong woman
Posted: 10/18/2005 7:55:23 AM | Great topic for consdieration. This is just the kind of forum for a man like me to read cause I appreciate a strong, independant woman! :) Nothing worse than having someone who doesn't know what they want. All you beautiful strong independant woman hear I am! :) Anyone from Halifax area? ;)
Since I am a positive person I see strong as good quality and does not constitute that they will also be pushy. There seems to be pros and cons whatever charteristics we have about ourselves. Nothing wrong with a good challenge every now and then!
TheBroMan | |
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