| Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/20/2004 7:45:39 PM | | Me and my "best friend" started out sleeping together...and then we decided that we liked being friends more than the sex we were having at the time...so we were really close friends for a bout 5 months...then one night we couldn't take it anymore and had crazy sex haha...and then for 2 months after that we acted like we were a couple...sex like twice a day everyday...it was amazing. We are very close and I love him alot. But I am no longer living in the same city as him we are about a 20 hour drive from eachother...I am moving in with a guy soon and we are very interested in pursuing a relationship with eachother...but I am afraid to promise myself to this guy cuz I do love Ben (my friend) and I hold hopes that we will end up together again...and I am afraid that I won't be able to just be his friend...I kinda think there will always be that sexual tension between us...Soo my question is is it possible to remain best friends with someone that you love in a way other than friendship while in a relationship with a new guy!? And is it wrong to keep Ben as a friend while dating the new guy? | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/21/2004 5:24:53 AM | | i think you can be friends after being intimate if you both really want the friendship. it may take a little work to get the friendship back but i'm sure it can be done. as far as keeping ben for a friend i think thats fine as long as you too are just friends but good luck with getting things how you want them | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/22/2004 7:43:13 AM |
The answer here is NO! First, you need to figure out who do you love. Your new boyfriend is going to kick you to curb when he finds out that you have been intimate with this good friend who is calling everyday. Guys don't put up with crap like that. If you love this new boyfriend, you must break off your relationship with your best friend. You can be friends with him but he needs to be far away friend, not best friend. | |
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alura2
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Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 12 | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/23/2004 8:11:42 AM | Well... I've been "there" sometimes and it really depends on the HOW of things...
1st time... we started being lovers then split up for no reason I can remember. Now we are good friends, but it took some years to become really near.
2nd time... started as friends... had a great night together in the fullest sense of the word... then decided TOGETHER to stick with the friendship and there we are today, best friends ready to make everything one for the other no matter what it takes.
3rd time... don't know how it started really :).. we've been together for a month give or take some day and then split up because she went back to her ex-boyfriend... but "forgot" to tell me... now I wouldn't see her even in picture.
And here comes the question for you: do Ben know what's going on? If it's so, then you could go back to friendship (being carefull not to be too close too soon... u know, chemistry is not something to play with); if he thinks you're still together then u're going to have some problem when he finds out...
But something is tickling the back of my mind... since you say u love Ben so much, but you would move in with this new guy, do YOU know what you really want?
First answer this to yourself, then be totally honest to Ben and the rest will come on its own accord (and in due time if Ben loves you to much to set back on friendship promptly).
Anyway, good luck!
Cla | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/23/2004 7:45:19 PM | | Thanks for all the advice and you are right I don't know what I want at all I want to be physical with someone and cuddle and and all that but I can't do with that Ben right now cuz he is soo far away and will be that far away for at least another year sooo ya it sucks and Shawn is right here and I do like him I mean i don't have the feelings for him that I have for Ben but I don't like the thought of long distance | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/27/2004 9:12:43 PM | Well let's see here.
You love this guy and you have been sleeping with him, but now you have moved and you are going to live with this other guy but you still love the first guy. Question: Given the opportunity, will you again have sex with the first guy even while you are still living with this second guy?
As to the question Can you remain friends after being intimate? It is not very easy, if at all possible as far as I am concerned. Once I have had sex with someone, it will probably always be a place in my mind that thinks that we can return there again, and probably can. Friends who have never had sex can always be friends. Friends who have had sex may want to be friends, but can never let go of the intimate side. | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/28/2004 6:42:33 AM | | i have a question as well...how does ben see you two? is he refraining from having sex or another relationship just because he has you on the line (as either a friend or lover) on the other side of the country? If you're just really good friends with really good benefits, then there shouldn't be any issues at all.... | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 6/28/2004 3:52:55 PM | | I am giving up Ben...I need to move on with my life I love him but in all honesty I know he is good for me at all...He needs to move on and so do I...I will miss him alot!! and its gonna hurt but for both us I think its better | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 7/3/2004 8:59:30 PM | Lemme tell you about MY experience w/ that. I went out w/ this one girl for a year and a half, but we retained "benfits" as friends for years after. As it is now, she's married, lives out of state and has two kids. She spends more time talking to me than she does her husband, between phone calls, letters and e-mail. Her marriage has gone sour & she's absolutely *obsessed* w/ me. I have no problem being friends but (GREAT as the sex was) I'd never want to sleep w/ her again, even if she got divorced or whatever.
Point is, usually the guy can be more emotionally durable. I'm glad you have the honesty and insight to admit that you're the one who stands to get hurt--you may be working yourself up for nothing if you're too worried about his feelings. Lay off for a while, don't call, but don't lose a friend over this. He'll move on and so will you, and eventually you guys can move into "just friendship". | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 7/4/2004 12:48:02 AM | Depends on how intimate we have got. One bang doesnt constitute intimacy. Then there are friends who like to shag once every 6 months.
Its when there is emotional complexities that things get twisted.
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rjn40
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Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 7/11/2004 7:01:36 PM | | it's too hard to remain friends. I am living at my ex's house right now for a month visiting my kids. we get along, but whenever we talk about old times or us trying it again it all blows up into a big fight. I will remain friends with my ex forever, but it's not the easiest thing in the world. Plus it still hurts when she goes out with her b/f all night..... | |
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| Re: Can you remain friends after being intimate?
Posted: 7/11/2004 7:18:47 PM | I don't know. I really don't know.
Can't answer, try or pretend to answer this kind of questions.
If I ever had a real girlfriend and broke up. Why couldn't we still be friends?
I would be her friend. Sometime I might find out why is it that you cannot be friends.
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