| Friends..first?
Posted: 3/24/2004 7:45:39 AM | Hey y'all...
I am just wondering what y'all think about starting relationships as friendships first..From my experience, everytime I have tried to get to know a girl as a friend first, it was much easier for me to get to see who the person really was..and then come to the conclusion that the person just wasnt for me, or the friendship naturally progressed into a relationship. I am just not a big fan of "dating" as it is defined by society.Any thoughts on this? I am just trying to find out whats the best way to approach people and hear some different opinions on this..
Luke | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/24/2004 1:03:06 PM | | My personal opinion is that Every relationship should start with being friends. | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/24/2004 2:00:54 PM | | hmm me too friends first...you get to know them.. theres no sex involved to screw up and feel obligated and closer to the person.. you know how they tick and how they treat you. i always prefer to take it slowly and not rush into it....that way if else fails.. that person will reamin a friend.. and your will remain intact for the most part. BUt the downside is.. if you have a great pal and then decide to take it further.. or they dont love you back.. well you just lost a good pal.. and its never the same. oh man i can realate to that one!!! yikes.. it sucks.. when a good friend tells you after 8 years that he wants you the friendship is ruined. i didnt love it that way at all....and i wasnt attracted to him that way.. so boo hoo my best pal had to go.. he was angry.. oh well | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/24/2004 6:31:13 PM | Well..
Losing a friend can really suck..especially if you have developed something true with that person, but I truly believe that the best way to approach people is by being friends first. But back to my criticism of dating..I still dont seem to think that dating is really a good way to get to know another person..what do you think? :)
Luke Ache | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/24/2004 11:26:08 PM | It's been my experience with women that you never become freinds with a girl you wish to become a couple with. Here are a few reasons. Reason #1: You always run the risk of rejection and as a result, plenty of ackward moments and an empty feeling knowing you can never, ever have what you once desired. Reason #2: If you do shack up and get physical, then maybe you both might mutually decide that you just plain dont work out. This can result in either losing a freind or at best never having the freindship that was once there. Reason #3: Even mentioning the possibility of a relationship to a freind can damage and scar a relationship. Reason #4: In my opinion, the worst thing that could ever result from all of this is similar to reason #2, but I will be more specific by stating that rejection doesn't make you feel any worse when you honestly thought there was something and find out that she firmly thinks of you as her "brother".
Life's a bitch, right? Yea, but live and learn. As the name of this site suggests, there *are*, afterall, plenty of fish in the sea, aren't there?
Keep on fishin'
Steve | |
|
Ender
|
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 6 | |
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/25/2004 1:12:59 PM | | My favorite relationships have been with girls that I jsut started hanging out with. Usually ended up with some mutual attraction and then a great short term romance....you know ther really nice 3 or 4 month ones where you are still great friends even after you stop dating. The trick is that you cannot start out as friends with teh intention of dating later on....you gotta just let stuff go its natural course. | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/25/2004 1:55:49 PM | | Ya... friends first is a must. If not it sounds too much like an arranged marriage. I mean, would you spend any quality time with someone you couldnt stand and constantly wanted to choke the hair out of??? NO... you would though with someone you could dig being with... ergo a friend. | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/25/2004 2:06:11 PM | | hmmmwell ive found lately that the best way to go about it to go out for a nice dinner.. hang out.. see them dance.. and have fun with them at al levels. See them fun.. see them serious.. see them smart.. that way you can really know them better. I think if you take it too much to your heart too soon them if the attraction isnt reciprocated you wont feel rejected. So hang out fro mtime to time.. and let the nature stuff take its course.. it will lead the way for you. I find that a realy good friend that all of a sudden wants to take it further always screw up for me.. there almost a brtherly love there... and it feels realy wierd to get intimate after. Unless you are very luckly.. and it flows realy well. It sucks with me..it works and it doens work. See with me.. i met.. rushed....loved.. and married. It works for some.. but now.. im taking it slllooooowwwwwwlllyyyy....!!! | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/25/2004 2:27:14 PM | | Ok, I am new here and I just had an experience with this that could shed some light on this. I think the term friends means different things to different people. If there is not a spark between people then both of you know it. If the spark is not there, then being friends is your best option unless you are the type of person that does not take rejection well. If there is a spark then taking it slow and getting to know eachother as friends, is a bit different than just a friendship. Everyone has had that experience where you went out on a date and those feelings were just not there, or those feelings were not returned. It may be bruising to our pride, but hey that is life. There are plenty of people out there, and friendships are just a different type of relationship... | |
|
Kyliei
|
Joined: 3/29/2004
Msg: 10 | |
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/29/2004 9:04:58 AM | | Of course friends first. If you start out as friends, it's more likely if you start dating that it would work out to make an even bigger relationship. There used to be this boy at our school. He used to ask everyone out and didn't even know them but loved how the girls looked. Well the girls that did except had dumped him because he wasn't a good person and was abusive towards them. My point is, if you see whats inside of them and don't like them... you can always stop yourself from dating them. | |
|
alura2
|
Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 11 | |
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/29/2004 10:30:05 AM | | so at what piont do you take a good pal ship further??? when all of a sudden you have this irrestible urge to kiss them?? or realize that you are starting to care?? Im always a liitle afraid to take a friendship further. because I dont want to ruin the good thing we have going. | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 3/31/2004 10:47:10 PM | For what its worth, ive found that casual sex is a good identifier of a good match...... Usually when there is such a strong physical attraction, it gives the newly developing relationship some extra breathing room so it wont shatter at the first sign of trouble. Not that the relationship won't need the basics such as communication and trust and eventually love, but rather it extends the time frame in which it must mature.
Besides, hey - you get some. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?
<---- knows what he said and didnt mix the words on accident
<---- has a 10" member
<---- speaks too much in the third person
| |
|
LEXI76
|
Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| |
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/1/2004 10:03:49 AM | yea probably *sigh* i wrote that at 1 or 2 this morning. i actually have a very tiny member. like probably about 2". its really sad. wait lemme mesaure it. yup it is 2". oh woa is me my life will never amount to anything with only 2"
<------- needs a life | |
|
alura2
|
Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 15 | |
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/2/2004 1:40:02 PM | | weirdos...... lol.... sigh.. tio be on my comp at 2 am.. sigh.. i miss having a comp at home.. | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/2/2004 2:41:47 PM | | lmao@futt...damn son..i feel for you..lol...2" on the slack mack..oh well i suppose you have to look on the bright side although am not to sure what that is..erm..try a d.i.y job..involving a dyson and a copy of mens weekly...i ..got...that from a friend...yeah...thats right....a friend | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/4/2004 5:51:59 PM | | Now again I did'nt read this whole thread, but still wanted to put my two cents in. I think it is imprtant to become friends before anything pysical happens in a relationship. I mean in a new realationdhip the physical side is almost always great in the begining, but after you've been together for a long time even the best couple who are in love start to wain in the bedroom. So then what if you are not close friends. Like for example if a women gives herself to a man on the first date, few men would say no. But if not the man trys to work towards that goal for the future. And in doing so hopefully they both open up towards each other. On a more special leval than just s$x. Your patner should also be your best freind. That I believe makes for the best and more worthwhile relationship. Am I just rambling again? | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/6/2004 10:36:49 PM | But isn't asking a girl for
A. her phone number
or
B. a date
a way of expressing subtly you have a crush on her, of getting it out of your system? I've found that if I bottle up my feelings when I come down with crushes on girls (which happens easily to me, I confess! Yes, I am a hopeless romantic)...well, it's about as pleasant for me as if I were battling one of those demonic beasts in "Aliens" or trying to survive a la Ahhhnuld in "Predator".
What I am trying to say is, I can be friends with women no sweat. Just when the crush hits me, it hurts me to bottle it up and not go with it. So I used to figure it was simple as "ask her out and get it out of my system" when a crush hit me over a girl I knew. Now though, I am, in a word, stumped, based on all I've read above.
I just want to enjoy my crushes and not bottle up my smitten feelings regarding a girl I like is all I am trying to say, and I used to think asking a girl out was they way to do so. I mean, even if I've known the girl thirty minutes before I ask her for her phone number doesn't mean I'm going to ask her to marry me the next day. Matrimony is one thing I am not worrying about for I fully intend to savor my bachelor years, for they only come once! :-)
I can see the benefits of being a friend first, but still....what to do about the crush?
Thoughts, anyone?
Richard | |
|
alura2
|
Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 19 | |
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/7/2004 10:24:54 AM | | hmm yes its hard to meet someone.. be friends. and to supress the feelings.. or emotions for thme that you may have for them. If you both agree that to be friends is the best for now....it very difficult for me to not let my feelings come out of my mouth. I love to be frinds.. but If I really dig them.. or want to take it further....im afraid of ruining the cool palship we have...if I tell whats in my heart. | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/8/2004 8:35:09 PM | | well i personally have found that being friends first usually doesnt work out. take for example, i gre up in a town where i knew the same 15ish girls my hole life, lets just say that u get the "no because that would ruin our friendship" rejection A LOT lol. may not be the case in a bigger city because u wouldnt have to see that person every day after that if it became akward. but i dunno, where i was from, no one went out with ppl from the same town/school because of the friends problem. just my 2 cents | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/14/2004 7:41:29 PM | | in my personal experience, friends first never works | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 4/14/2004 7:48:07 PM | | I have to agree with Bartman, friendship first never works. The other person doesn't want to ruin the friendship. | |
|
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 5/8/2004 5:01:33 PM | | I agree that all relationships should start out as friendships. However, everytime I become close friends with a guy I like and then make a move they say it's too awkard. | |
|
alura2
|
Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| Re: Friends..first?
Posted: 5/13/2004 11:54:01 AM | FRIENDS FIRST IS THE BEST I THINK. hell you marry your best friend right???
I have one of my closest pals from meeting on here. 2 months ago. We talkes for a few weeks and emailed before we ever met. It was a surpise when i came down town one day with my kids on the weekend...and surprised him at work. It was our first meeting. We went for dinner....and from then on we knew we would be best friends. It just clicked and we get along so well.
Now we are so much closer...no love has been expressed yet but we care very much for eachother. So we started off as good pasl..and moved to a new level....thats the best way to have things. | |
|
Home
login 
