| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 10/20/2005 2:42:45 PM | My wife and I have been together for 10 years (9 non-married and 1 married). This woman had all I ever wanted in a woman when I first met her. She was very ambitious. But now, she has stopped. She stopped going to school. She doesn't work to help me out with expenses, she doesn't cook, doesn't clean, and we have no kids. I am a deputy sheriff and my job is too stressful to deal with shit like this.
I recently told her that I wanted a divorce because I do not want us to end up having children while we are going through this. To make a long story short, I want to get away while the getting is good. I told her that I was moving out at the end of the lease and if she is not ready to move on her own, I would buy her a one way ticket to Arkanas to live with her mother. Now, am I wrong for this?
She ask me about getting couseling, but I am like this, we are grown ass people. The little things that we are going through now, we can work this out. All she has to do is just take care of her wifely duties. I am not saying a woman's place is in the kitchen, but a woman's place is to stand by and support her husband. I am not getting support financial or marital. We have even stop having sex 3 months ago. I am ready to be by myself and leave this marriage shit ALONE!!!! (For right now). You all stay safe and stay away from those damn marriage vows unless you mean them....... | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 10/29/2005 9:43:53 PM | | I don't blame you one bit. A relationship has to be worked at everyday by each person otherwise it will fail. Have you tried to find out why she quit school and all? Not saying I think you should stay with her but maybe you should try to find out what is going on with her before you leave. Ten years is a long time to just give up. Hope all goes well for you. And if you decide divorce is the way to go email me for a way to get it for less than $200. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 11/27/2005 4:02:08 PM | | To tell you the truth I'm not surprised one bit.I have seen this sort of thing happen many times.I don't know what it is about women that make them change 360 degrees just because you put a ring on their finger.I'm taking it everything was good before you got married?Then you get married and everything goes to shit.Been there,done that.You will be better off to move on.A marriage is a two way street.It takes the both of you to make it work.It sounds like she is going in the wrong direction.I don't think it's a marriage counselor you need.I think you need a Lawyer,or I'm not sure where you live,you might see about getting the marriage annuled.I wish the best for man,but it's a decision you got to make regardless. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/10/2006 8:33:04 AM | | BOY !, YOU SAID A TRUE MOUTH FULL ! I WAS MARRIED TO A **stard FOR 33 YEARS, AND I DIDNT HAVE THE BRAINS OR GUTS TO GET OUT, YOUR SMART TO SEE THIS RIGHT AWAY. SHE HAS BECOME SO COMFORTABLE IN THIS PAPER MARRIAGE, SHE IS AT THE POINT OF HELL WHO CARES. DROP HER LIKE A BULLET AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/25/2006 6:29:18 PM | you think thats bad read this:
I moved here around a year or so ago to fort Morgan, Colorado. I met a gal in front of the library park on our bikes. We rode our bikes for three days and just talked about our lives and our experiences which I found very intriguing and it caught my interest.
So we started a relationship together it went well from the start as time went on I became the general manager of fort Morgan sonic. There was a period of time where she was doing great with lots of smiles then there were times where she had fits I mean more than the normal person would have them.
One day she yelled at me during work which made every body say what the heck you doing with her I stated I loved her very much.
She became pregnant she threw a phone at me so I pressed charges for domestic abuse, we split up that was the first time. And she stayed at her fathers then I modified the order for us to have contact due to the fact she was pregnant and we decided that our child needed a mother and a father in the home but I didn’t lift it all the way just incase future problems arose.
She moved back in with me in my home in fort Morgan she threw fits and she would walk off I didn’t care about that but one day she stated that she was going to go and kill our child I notified the police about the problem and the sheriffs picked her up and brought her back home.
So we had to move into my mothers house next door and while we were over there my sister came up for Christmas to visit and she even noticed my fiancé at the time was even trying to order and control me.
We then moved here to brush, Colorado.
While here in brush her attitude got worse she found a full time job, told me that she would like me to stay home with my son so he could get to know me I was working at the time, so I had to quit work since there needed to be somebody to take care of our child.
Yes her job is going well I think but when she started work or even before, she would not clean or do laundry and when ever I offered to help she would yell at me and get upset she even went to the point of breaking out our bed room windows while I was out side trying some new sand paper, another time she put her head into the baby’s bedroom door, only because I took the diapers out of the bag and put them on the shelf.
The last time she got upset at the fish tank cause she spilt some water on the floor and she threw a pot on the kitchen floor real hard and ruined it I still have the pot. Now she wanted to end the relationship between her and I about a week later.
The way I found out is that she didn’t come home from work one day so I called a friend and he told me that she called from our friends house that babysat our son.
So I went over there and talked to our sitter and she stated that she was nowhere to be found so we talked further. She stated the she was afraid that the Childs mother was going to come back and take our son and go somewhere with nowhere to be found.
So that statement alone put me in defense mode so I told our sitter in her living room that I was not going to allow her to involve our son in this that he does not need the instability. So I put him in the back seat of the car and drove home. After I got half way home I seen her racing after me, I drove in the driveway of where I live.
Our sons mother got out of our sitters car and got our son into the sitters backseat of the car the police were called and the house was dirty cause she wouldn’t let me help her clean it or even help do laundry.
So D.H.S. came over we signed a safety action plan that we would let the sitter keep my son over at her house till I could clean up and we both agreed with the plan. To this day he has not returned home yet
I’m getting supervised visitation which it should be the other way around, cause the courts gave her temporary custody. So I have been visiting our son on camera and tape which I also have been taping the visits to with my mini tape recorder.
One more note D.H.S. has been involved with her and I since our child was born, which I wont go into why cause it would take to much space but I can tell you that it was over a rumor that I don’t think was true in anyway possible but it is making me think.
So may you please ask your readers to comment on my slight problem I’m dealing with.
dang im glad she is out of my life now hopfuly i can finde a decent woman that will treat me right | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 4/9/2006 2:38:13 PM | if she is doing all that then you can bet jody is some where in the back ground
by the way what took you so long.
dump that lying cheating pearson right now. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 4/18/2006 6:39:01 PM | To the Original Author:
I, too, found myself in the same predicament. Things started out great, then gradually went bad. By the time our first child was born, I had started to become emotionally distant from my wife. She quit her job to be a stay-at-home-mom, which I fully supported. Time goes by, we have a second child. Still me supporting the family, my wife doing the domestic goddess-thing. All of the things you are complaining about, I experienced, and it tore my nerves up. I would come home to a dirty house, unclean laundry, and no supper on the table. I didn't bother asking, not one time, "what is wrong? how can I help?". THAT IS WHAT THE PROBLEM ULTIMATELY WAS!! I did not know how to talk to her. All I knew how to do was get mad about why she wasn't doing anything. After 13 years of marriage, we are now in the middle of divorce (we tried for 2 years to fix the problem, but to no avail (I was the problem, ultimately)). If I had it to do all over again, I would simply have offered to help more (which I never did), talked to her and been more active in her interests.
Now, the point I am trying to make is this: Have you tried just talking to her and to figure out what happened to cause her to become the way she is now? DIVORCE IS NOT NECESSARILY THE ANSWER! That is the easy way out! Of course, I am sure there is more to it than what you have told us (after all, there is always 2 sides to every story). No one person is necessarily at fault, either. It takes 2 people to make a successful marriage. And marriage is just like your job-- to be a success and to thrive, you have to work at it,,,everyday! Try talking to her without controlling the situation. You are a Law Enforcement Officer-- do not act like one to her. She is your wife, not a criminal. MAybe you should step back and re-evaluate your way of thinking of her-- be more sympathetic and understanding to what her needs are-- compromise!! I used to think the same way about "wifely duties". I have my kids full time, and brother, let me tell you-- I have more respect and understanding now about "wifely duties" than I ever knew could exist, and I work full time! Instead of fussing, offer to help her get caught up. Remember, she is not your house-keeper. Maybe she wasn't raised with the same views about marriage you were? MAybe her mom wasn't the best housekeeper in the world when she was growing up. There are a lot of things to discuss. 10 years with someone is a lot to just toss out the window.
Divorce is only the last resort. You swore to God above to love, honor and cherish your wife, for better or for worse,,,as she did about you. Try to fix things before you just ship her off to mom's house.
I mean this with all sincerity-- you two are supposed to be partners, not one subjugated to another. Instead of listening to her with your ears, try listening with your heart,,,it may just save you a lot of pain in the long-run.
Peace be with you. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 4/25/2006 12:45:50 PM | I think there is something going on with her. Severe depression maybe? I think it's a little quick for no sex in 3 months and you are looking online for someone else.
I had a similar situation however after about a year of no sex I started a parental software on my home business computer and caught her cheating with other men when she was suppose to be visiting girl friends in Charlotte NC. They lied for her too, which is really weird. Gave her every chance to come clean about it but she was into a lifestyle that is extreme from my own.
Filed for divorce based on adultry and have sole custody of my son. And glad of it.
However, just as an outsider looking briefly at what you wrote. You BOTH need counseling and some personal skills in communicating with one another. You have a quick move on atittude and she reads like she's shutting down.
I hope that what happens between the two of you is best for each of you. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 4/26/2006 7:58:38 AM | Just a freindly word of advise. Most judges in the divorce courts order counseling prior to finalizing the divorce. If she has asked you to consider counseling and you approach it with your attitude, get ready for the ride that she will send you on...
The emotional impact of a divorce can be intense, and has lots of highs and lows - and upside down and sideways turns as well. Like a roller coaster ride that you didn't buy a ticket for, the emotions that emerge during divorce can come and go unpredictably. These feelings can be a bit overwhelming.
Needless to say, it's not an easy task. There can be many obstacles; the road ahead often seems unclear and complicated. You are probably feeling more alone and less sure of yourself than you have in a long time. You can quickly become overwhelmed.
Anger, guilt and revenge motivations may all call for quick (and possibly stupid) decisions and actions. Since you should make as few changes as possible anyway, it's a good idea to put off those "hot button" decisions and actions until a calmer moment.
There never was a better time to get organized. Get together an effective "to do" list.
Separation and divorce often brings unusual demands, more financial strain, and fewer opportunities to have fun. Be sure to give yourself a treat now and then. Things that can give you a smile or a moment of peace and quiet do not have to cost much in either money or time. Maybe a bubble bath is what you need, (or a walk in the park, or a good book).
Just a few ideas to help you stay grounded. As the divorce progresses the challenges are different. Soon you begin to negotiate the different stages of grief and mourning, and eventually its time to move on. It can be good to remind yourself that this is a process that has a beginning, middle, and end. Eventually, you can get off the roller coaster. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 5/15/2006 8:35:23 PM | | Than God you don't have kids in the middle of this, However if you would like good advive, I think I have it as I have been thru hell. Since your a deputy sheriff then I'm sure you've seen how the holidays are during a divorce with children. After all that you have invested I would seek couseling. But, I would make sure they have the best credentils. This is a marriage, Don't use a shade tree mechanic to work on a farrari. I would suggest that before you go to counceling you white down a checklist of what you want to address. I wouldn' go in with the expectation that things will be majicaly fixed. It took time for things to get screwed up, I't takes time to fix them. Negotiation and comprimise is the key. Take baby steps, Small agreements first. This will give both of you an oportunity to show that your serios about trying to fix things and not just blowing smoke. If your like me you want to "GET UR DONE" take your time. If you go to fast it'll seem like your putting on pressure or being controling. It's like holding sand in your hands If you squeeze to tight, the sand runs out. Oh by the way If you go to counceling and nothing makes sense then your in the right place cause if It makes sense then your not learning.Best of wishes to the both of you. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 5/22/2006 12:25:59 PM | I agree there is something going on there for sure with her but I can't believe it happened over nite and was there communication between both of you when you started noticeing the difference in her behavior or just get p***ed off cause she changed? I was married 18 years until one day he just changed and he went to therapy and got better but it was never the same between us again. I lost my best friend and my husband all at once. So I can relate to some of you. Anyway good luck with your decision whatever it may be!  | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 5/30/2006 2:17:20 PM | 
It is amazing to me that two very real possibilities have not been mentioned to you. This gal is either bi-polar or has serious anger issues. You've been dragged through a lot of hell and this person does not know how to be honest about her feelings.
It is hard to foretell your outcome. I do agree that both of you agreeing to counsel/therapy is a good idea. Go inbto it with a bona fide intent to seek a solution. She gets a good grade for at least wanting to counsel. You owe her that much.
Be sure to let her know that you care about her, but find it impossible to really know what is going on with her. Has there been a miscarriage? Has there been any kind of emotional issue that would knock her off balance? How about her sleeping habits? Is she getting proper rest and nutrition? Are drugs being abused?
cka | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/20/2007 6:45:24 PM |
All she has to do is just take care of her wifely duties. I am not saying a woman's place is in the kitchen, but a woman's place is to stand by and support her husband...
Mmmm..."wifely duties"...and you wonder WHY she's lookin' for a divorce?
Jerry | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/20/2007 7:25:16 PM | | Jerry, I think the comment you quoted needs to be put in it's proper context. Yes, when you read just those two sentences, it makes the OP look bad, but in the context of the entire post, in which he gives us a lot more information, it makes a lot more sense. Just my two cents worth. | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/20/2007 7:44:34 PM | I can understand how some of you feel.But without out kids involved.Before my son and my ex-wife.I went out with this woman who was 10 years older then me.We stay together for 3 years.I look back at it now and think,What the hell was I thinking.Well I say the first year was great.Then I moved in with her and we were talking marriage.Next thing I knew she started winging out the next couple of years I mean she really became crazy.She started hitting me and throwing things at me slaping me in frony of my friends.But I could not leave her.I know how everyone feels about that.Because im the first to say if a woman does not leave a man when she is getting hit then she must like it.But I realize now that its not that you like it.Its was to me that I thought I still loved her very much.I know that sounds stupid,but it is what I thought at the time.Well I started talking to her and letting her know how I felt about her hitting and throwing things at me.I told her one of theses days she wasreally going to hit me at the wrong time and payback would hurt.Well one night we went to this bar called whiskey river.Everything went well until we got home.We got into an argument and then she slaped me.We were still in the car.I told her do not do that again.Well I guess she wanted to push her luck,because she did it again.I right then and there,backhanded her in the mouth.Boy,,,,,let me tell ya.She went ballistic.YELLING AT ME AND CRYING.She yell at me telling me to get out of the car.So I did.She then tryed to run me over.And came very close.I knew right then and there that was it.The next day I left and I knew I would never come back.I know this sort of thing mainly happens to women.But im here to say it does happen to men as well.I just thank god I didnt marry her or have children with her.............Peace-Out | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/20/2007 7:45:06 PM | Hey OP, first thing I would do is move out. Don't let her trick you into a unwanted baby right now. If you really love her, give her one shot at counseling. Lay down the rules now.
You are bringing a lot to the table, what is she bringing?? You are still young enough to start over if you have to.
Take care my law enforcement brother.  | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/20/2007 7:55:08 PM | Do you guys realize this forum topic is from 2005???? If he is still with her, they have had some serious counselling........
Wolfie, I know that physical violence does happen to men too and they get no respect from law enforcement because they are the bigger tougher ones. I am very sorry that happened to you. It sounds like she had some anger management issues and you carried the brunt of them. I am also sorry she pushed you to the point you struck back.
I can honestly say I have never hit a man in anger. We have play fought or even rough housed until I would get upset, but then I would go to my neutral corner and stay away from him until things calmed down. I see no benefit in being physical. It is the ultimate in trying to control someone out of intimidation and if you need to control someone it is about you not them.
Michele | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/20/2007 11:11:28 PM | | I can see why all of you have this lady as your friend...lol She's the one who catchs all the little details for you! (Old Post)..lol | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:21:40 AM |
Do you guys realize this forum topic is from 2005????...
Yah, I do... why did you think I pulled it from the archives, blew the dust off it and brought it out into the light of day? :) | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:42:57 AM | KICK HER LAZY ,SORRY ASS TO THE CURB,THATS WHAT HAPPENS A LOT OF TIMES WHEN YOUR WITH ONE FOR A WHILE AND THEN MARRY THEM.GO HOME TO MOMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/21/2007 8:51:32 AM | This is honestly friendly and an effort to help. It's probably not going to seem like it is.
I'll be honest. I have absolutely no respect for law enforcement officers, and I've never known one that told things exactly as they are. My personal experience is that they always...always slant reports (accusations) to support their own interests.
Your having a profile on a singles site, with a sexually suggestive name, listing yourself as "divorced" bears this out.
It's really no wonder that there are problems. What site is your wife listing on, saying that you're no good and that she's single. With the info you've posted, if I were on a jury, I'd agree with her.
By the way, as an officer of the law, you should know that listing yourself as single while you are married is considered fraud, and is against the law. Your bosses, and the divorce attorney would have a field day with this.
With any luck your wife will not subpoena your internet providers records that would show your profile. The only thing that essentially obligates a man for alimony in the state of Georgia is Adultery. This profile, would be evidence that would convince the court that your wife would probably be awarded alimony until she either remarries or cohabitates with another man.
Now that you're notified. This will show up on your Internet Service Providers files, and you'll have to justify legally, and/or in civil (divorce) court as to why you're here. This is particularly true if you stay here after reading this.
With all that said, it seems there's enough evidence in what you have done in posting here for somebody to file. I hope you're very nice to her in the mean time and keep her relatively happy until the judge signs the decree. I'd talk to my boss and get an attorney if I were in your position.
You know why? Because I have been. | |
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 23 | |
| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/21/2007 10:28:25 AM | Just my opinon....
By the way, as an officer of the law, you should know that listing yourself as single while you are married is considered fraud, and is against the law. Your bosses, and the divorce attorney would have a field day with this.
could be since the OP put this information in over a yr ago, he could now be divorced and his status has since changed because of the divorce........just an after thought...
Good Day
Kyn | |
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n1l2n
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Joined: 12/3/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/21/2007 10:43:11 AM | which part of you...the ego or the holy spirit...decide to marry anyway?
you said "(for right now)"...are you looking for something outside of you to make you happy?
believe me i've been there done it...when i was standing at the altar waiting for my former spouse of 22 years to walk the aisle... God whispered to me.."...don't do this. you will be hurt and you will cause hurt." that's the day my ego began to rule me.
perhaps you had a similar warning from your spirit that you are now trying to blame on someone else? | |
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| Divorce: I Need Help!!!
Posted: 1/21/2007 2:17:27 PM | Uh, Hellloooo??!! This forum started back in '05, or didn't you pay any attention?? Apparently they DID get divorced!
As far as slanting things to their benefit, OMG, it's not only law enforcement officers who are guilty! Gimme a break!
I agree with the poster who said it sounds like she may be bi-polar. I have had students who were bi-polar, and truth be known, one never knows what's going to set them off. There are several reasons why she could've been acting the way she was, but obviously that is a mute point to him now. | |
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