| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 1:06:03 AM | I know there is no number set in stone, however...How many dates before you allow someone to kiss you, french kiss you, touch you, fondle you, have sex with you?
I'm asking because I went on a date just to hear that people (older) like us should be expected to do all that quickly. I'm the type of person who wants to get to know someone really good before I go sucking faces so to speak. Why is that bad?
I was shocked to say the least. He was supposed to be a "quality guy.".
I feel like I did when I was much much younger...explaining to my mom that this "long haired hippy" treats me much better than your friends "Good College Boy.".
Opinions please...Is this too old fashioned of thinking?
He thought so anyway. My not wanting to be touched was thought of as "bullsh!t"
Still disappointed it didn't go better than it did...
Also, does distance make a difference in the amount of time...???
He thought since we had to "travel" that we should move along quicker....
We never had a "number 3" meeting
(btw, I paid my own way.) | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 3:15:38 AM | I believe in the friends first policy. If my friend doesn't
want me kissing or touching her,
I can respect that.
Your body is yours to say what
goes on with it.
Distance should not make a
difference. I travel to see friends
and don't expect to have my way
with them.
If more people had this so called
"old fashioned" way of thinking
we probably woudn't have some
of the problems we have these days. | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 3:24:20 AM | hey...you can do or not do whatever you want, when you want, or when you don't
anyone who calls how you feel about it " bullshit" isn't someone you want to get jiggy with anyway | |
|
| |
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 6:03:25 AM | My first meeting is ususally over coffee we talk get to talk person to person but we still leave basically strangers.
The second time we meet probablly still for coffee.
hopefully by then we could go and eat somewhere for the third date.
my first desire is to become friends. this process will liklley take abit of time. Freinds can hug maybe kiss on the cheeck on New years or at Christmas.
Lip kissing, holding hands, constant hugging is for the going steady boyfriend/girlfreind, the I Love you step. I want to hold my best friend close to me while dancing to the music of the waves at the beach on a moonlit night.
Sex and fondling is for later on. Preferably after the marriage ceremony. Yes I said that I want to be married to my wife or atleast have a very strong relationship before the sex card is played. It is something that I do not take lightly and I don't go around hoping into bed with women just because "everyone" is doing it. | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 6:35:26 AM | what the hell, let him give you anal on the first date, infact, dont even go on a date, just go have sex in the alley dumpster, and use the sauce from old pasta dinners as lube....have fun! | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 7:20:09 AM | @UniquelyMe
It all depends on you, your date and what you're both comfortable with...and being older has nothing to do with it...I date now just as I did when I was 22...only now I listen to my gut when it comes to men, as back then I didn't listen as good as I should have and would up in long relationships with the wrong men for me...you may meet someone, want to see them again, but not want more than a kiss on the cheek goodnight on the first date...or you may want more...either way, your date should respect the boundaries you set for yourself...if they can't, then I'd find another date. And no, distance doesn't make any difference at all, IMO. | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 7:34:56 AM | | I agree with prolibertate it depends on the chemistry between the two people and how you feel with that person, as i am a hopeless romantic and I believe that there can be love at first site.But you do have to say no when no is how you feel any idiot that tells a woman its bullshit because she won't succumb to him regardless of age or travel that has nothing to do with it. That person is dangerous and should be avoided, you should post his name so other women can stay clear of him. Good luck in the future | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 3:58:30 PM | I Truly appreciate all the support. It had been so long that I wasn't sure how much had changed in the "dating world.". I guess this is how prisoners feel after being in prison for years. I will have to laugh now thinking of hearing someone say yeah the old ball and chain referring to a spouse. Funny and Ironic.
As hurt as I am by what happened I won't post his name. Two wrongs don't make a right.
It wasn't all bad. He just got too physical too fast. The sad thing is I think we really could have had some fun together if he would have allowed me time to relax and get to know him.
He may be used to dating. I wasn't. I had it in my profile that things would progress slowly.
I know he can read. I thought he had sexy eyes and still do! I just think our views are very different. He seen me as wrong. I just seen them as different views/opinions. He said I came on to him....Is saying I like your eyes a come on? I thought it was a compliment and 1 step towards whatever the future would have held. I didnt see it as I like your eyes and as soon as possible I wanna do the wild thing, but in the meantime would you please touch my breast.
I decided to "just date 1" because of this. At least he didn't try anything. Whew, what a relief!
Actually, that allowed me the comfort to go all the way physically. I dont regret it, it's just I was looking forward to "looking" more. Maybe a bad thing happened for a good reason. I can be optimistic anyway eh? | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 4:00:04 PM |
How many dates before you allow someone to kiss you, french kiss you, touch you, fondle you, have sex with you?
there's no time set in stone for me. I've done all those things on the first date before if I felt like it. | |
|
| |
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 5:48:48 PM | | I don't think counting dates is a good measure of when it's appropiate to do anything, how about counting moments, breaths, glimpses, they tell a better story. It might be right the first night, after a month, a year, or never... | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 5:55:37 PM | Well Im 32 and for me it depends on how long we been talking and what type of a connection I feel to him during the first meeting...if I get a good vibe I usually say kissing is fine, cuz for me you will know if there is going to be anything there by kissing the person. You can think someone is great looking and a really nice guy but they cant kiss worth crap and I need someone who can kiss! lol
My problem is almost every guy i meet expects to get something sexual during the first meeting and that just isnt going to happen. | |
|
| |
| |
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/24/2005 7:16:33 PM | Hi There,
I agree with the comments that it is different in every situation, for me a kiss on the first date is ok if it feels right; I think anything more than that is just asking for a quick end to any potential of something long-term. I think the key is not having expectations; I look at a first date as a chance to get to know someone and see if the spark is there and anything beyond that is a bonus. Some of the best dates I have had have been spent intimately (like walking holding hands) but ended with a kiss on the cheek; if you really see the potential in someone why rush? I don't feel age has anything to do with it, with the right person they make me feel like I did on first dates as a teenager anyway :)
Rob | |
|
| |
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 8:43:34 AM | | I'm not much of a waiter, but that's me. I see no reason not to wait if that's what you feel like you need. There is no number, when you're comfortable, you're comfortable and that's that! | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 9:23:25 AM | | Wow Unique!! This was a timely post for me as I just had a date with a younger man, that thought that we should be doing the horizontal mambo at the end of the date....huh? Ummm I don't go there and prefer to get to know someone a heck of a lot more than that. I allowed him to kiss me, but then when he wouldn't let go, it scared me enough to get out of his vehicle asap, and go home a bit shook up. He contacted me today and "feels we didn't click" cuz I didn't return his kisses as ardently as he wanted. The first impressions and my kisses apparently didn't tell him much....lol He was a sweet and shy guy prior, so I felt that he wouldn't be like that and agreed to meet him. My self respect stops me from going any farther than I'm comfortable with as I see yours does too. Kudos for sticking to your guns and just say no. I do meet people with expectations that I don't have to fight the octopus hands or being forced into chesterfield rugby. That said, I'm not a cold type person and do like my men hot behind a closed bedroom door, but definately not on first dates. That's better reserved for the I'm seriously in like bordering on loving the person, I think. By that time I would hope to know the person a heck of a lot more than I do on a first date. I'm also lucky that I have a posse to come looking for me if I don't check in with them within a set amount of time, cuz I've told them where I'm going and with whom. If you don't feel right doing something, then don't.....you decide for you, and don't believe those lines about distance either. It doesn't matter to me, as I've done my share of travelling to meet someone, but won't take it farther than a kiss and hug. If they respect you and want to get to know you they will not push your boundaries that you've set for yourself. Just do what you're comfortable with, and if he wants to push it, then I would suggest you stay away from him in the future. | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 10:17:16 AM | It depends on the person I am with, the amount of chemistry and sexual tension. If the tension is serious, I try to wait. As crazy as it sounds, let that tension build to the point it's so hot that you have to have him!! A lot of that is a personal thing depending on who you are and how you were raised. I just go or don't go with the moment, if it feels right. If you aren't feeling good about it, then don't do anything. If it's the real deal, he can be patient until you are ready, but don't make him wait ridiculously long! | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 1:21:18 PM | In the whole animal kingdom, it's the female who decides all of that sort of stuff. The male complies with her wishes ... unless he's shttoooooppid!
If you're a male black widow or praying mantis .... well, it s u c k s to be you! But an informed male of these species would probably be willing to wait a long time.
I've known conservative religious people who waited for years ... and for a wedding ceremony, before they got physical. I wouldn't go for that sort or philosophy myself. But if it was really a choice between the lake of fire and self-service, I guess it would be a fairly easy choice. | |
|
arri
|
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 1:33:08 PM | | Most posts pretty much say, as long as it’s going to take and based on the individuales feeling comfortable. But if it takes too long, then chances are, they’ll never happen because obviously there is no chemistry. So, I’d say anything more than 3 or 4 dates and you are friends. Kissing really should start by the 3rd date and not just the peck on the cheek, it better be high quality tongue tango. | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 2:21:32 PM | | I completely agree rules shmules.It's all about chemistry you either have or you don't. Waiting longer then 3 dates before you kiss? Come on where's the fun in that. However on the flip side of that too much making can lead to nookie on the first date which can be very damaging to any future dates, with somone who has potential for a long term relationship. As those types are few and far between. | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 2:38:12 PM | | I'm with DrPooky, there's nothing like a little backdoor dumpster diving...er, yeah. I recommend staying away from the marina sauce however, it's far too acidic. Try the alfredo sauce instead. | |
|
| How many dates before you allow someone to ...
Posted: 10/25/2005 2:43:26 PM | As for the above post...@ breifne.....HUH?
To clarify more ...
We kissed on the first "meeting" of several hours total. I expressed I really wasn't ready for that, but it wasn't worth the hassel either. I just tried to adjust allowing a peck type kiss. We also walked and held hands. I was just fine with that. I was thinking that and a kiss goodnight should be just fine, but our opinions were different.
The thing that got me the most was I made it very clear we would not have sex period dot.
He agreed verbally but he rubbed my neck so much it left a bump and a sore spot. He touched my breast which is when I started thinking Uh huh and your here because you want to get to know me how?
I really just wanted to hear I wasn't wrong because he's known for being a "Good Guy.".
I wish I could have seen all that "good" and not just the groping side of him. He just didn't have time for that I guess. He claimed people our age and "dating today" is much different then what I was allowing. Insisted I was thinking like a teenager, Not a Woman.
After sooo many years I wasn't sure so I wanted the opinions of others.
Thank You to all who posted. | |
|
Home
login 
