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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/24/2005 9:26:26 AM | | It seems that women do not appreciate a guy that treats her with respect.....why is that? | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 2 | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/24/2005 2:22:38 PM | | I believe most women like the drama goes along with man that doesn't treat her with respect or as I like to call them the bad boys. I personally like the kind of guy that calls when he says he will, opens the door for you.... | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/26/2005 3:27:08 PM | Well, I don't think nice guys always finish last. I finished first for a change, and I'm a nice guy. i met the woman of my dreams here, and we are having a pretty good life now. So, hang in there. You will find the women that do appreciate nice guys here. Those that don't, just consider it their loss. Good luck to you both!   | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/26/2005 3:34:37 PM | There are many weak guys who call themselves NICE... a nice guy can be anything and everything... all it basically means is someone who can't seem to make things happen for himself and wants to put the blame on other people.... saying its because he's too nice.
I think its a bunch of bull and a way to make himself a victim. Thats just my 2 cents. There are about a dozen threads a day started about this.
Gets old. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/26/2005 4:56:31 PM | not quite the situation rainbow fish but thanks for your thoughts.......this isn't a label I chose for myself and am definitely not weak. I've been told by a few romantic interests that I'm too nice but "someday I'll make some girl happy". I've also been told, without my asking, by three of my closest female friends. Suggestion given by them is to not be so respectful.
As far as not being able to "make things happen for himself" and "wants to put the blame on other people.....to make himself a victim".....not the case. Definitely not a victim here.....
Finally, if this type of thread is getting old for you then keep your two cents! I had a question, the first one I've asked in a forum, so I asked it looking for helpful insight. Again, if the topic is getting old for you, skip over question next time. | |
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BPMG
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Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 7 | |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/26/2005 5:21:21 PM | When I posted to this thread I somehow missed that it was a local thread, my apologies alwayssmiling66.
Chuck | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 11/5/2005 3:38:34 PM | I think I might have some insight that might help answer your question
The more a guy treats a woman with respect the more he comes off desperate.
A girl likes the cat and mouse game of working hard to get the guy...
If the guy is too easy to get, some girls might not be apt to accept the guy for a mate thinking she's worthy of a better or more challenging man
I don't personally like this theory but i have found it to be true with a lot of women. Even some guys interested in me. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 11/6/2005 8:47:58 PM | Im a true testament to the theory that " nice guys finish last " but I have to keep trying.
David | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 11/16/2005 7:16:46 AM | | If you believe youre the victum you will continue to be the victum.....obviously you are going out with girls that aren't good for you. I'm single..because I have high standards that I'm not going to settle ...and because i date jerks. I'm attracted to guys all wrong for me...and thats my fault not theirs...when you own up to it...you will either be at peace with yourself..or tons of others will flock to you when they feel your confidence.... I have confidence which makes guys intrigued especially since I'm not hot or anything of that sort. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 11/26/2005 3:03:02 PM | | I feel I have a certain amount of confidence. Kind of a requirement considering my profession. But I tend to be attracted to girls who are "out of my league", so to speak--women who want nothing to do with me for one reason or another. Too fat, not "cute" enough, wears black all the time, turned out to be a real dork--I've heard it all. But in hindsight I don't really want to be with a woman who can't accept me as I am. Not that I don't feel there's room for self-improvement, but there's some things I will never change, and that's that. Take it or leave it. I know what I am, who I am. I accept it, embrace it, and make it mine. I think some girls are just too picky, but some of us guys are a little too desperate. Being "too nice" is sometimes contrued as weak-willed, and in my experience women respect strength. Respect may not always lead to love, but sometimes I feel it's even better. I'd rather be respected for who I am, and be single, than get into a relationship with someone who loves me for who I'm not. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 12/9/2005 9:47:34 AM | Easy. A "nice guy" comes off as a friend, not a lover.
If you want to be nice, do it after she sees you as a lover, then she'll appreciate you even more--as long as you remain a lover first. | |
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nciboy
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Joined: 7/27/2003
Msg: 14 | |
| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 12/9/2005 4:10:47 PM | | It’s amazing that ***holes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are ***holes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what ***holes their predators really are, they pretend like the ***hole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the ***hole into a nice guy, but ***holes will always be ***holes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the ***hole. But she claims to love the ***hole… now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the ***hole right away, instead she will stay with the ***hole. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their ***hole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the ***hole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the ***hole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department. Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the ***hole is because ***holes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the ***hole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The ***hole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an ***hole. Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the ***holes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a “listener” you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an ***hole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another ***hole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you. Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect ***hole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect ***hole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your ***hole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/6/2006 7:40:46 AM | wow...sounds like someone went on a rant....i thought it was really entertaining and laughed several times throughout your post...so thanks for that.....but if you consider yourself the nice guy..and admit that your intentions were to get in the girls pants.....well i'm sorry you would be classified in the A**hole category in my books....
I know lots of girls that want nice guys..and have them....i admit a lot of girls do hook up with ***holes...but thats their choice...maybe the see some good in that person...and it makes them feel needed to help get that person in touch with their "nice guy" side...lol
I've come to a concensis that everyone is a nice person and everyone is an ***hole....its all perspective....so the guys that you think are treating the your "friends" aka the girls you've been trying to get laid by....probably did several nice things for your "friend" but she just doesn't tell you about it. Most people remember the bad...or only embellish on the bad.....but trust me.....most women wouldn't be in a relationship unless they were getting something out of it. (whether it was love, sex, money, mutal respect,thrills and chills, etc...)
oh there are ways to go about clearly making a distinction from being the "friend" and "lover"....if you want to be the lover...make that clear from the beginning...its the transition that kills most guys....
some people just fall into certain roles in life...and its harder than hell to get out of them.... | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/7/2006 6:35:34 AM | You know, no offense to you, but I generally think that guys that label themselves as "nice guys" are generally full of it! They say their nice guys, but when you get to know them they're just jerks that can hide their jerkiness a little bit longer than others.
Perhaps it's because I've been "burned" by allegedly "nice" guys (not too badly, but enough to carry a small chip on my shoulder about it...LOL), but then again, that's just my experience.
I'm sure there are some genuinely "nice guys" out there, just the same as I'm a "nice girl". However, I can't imagine there's a person on POF that would agree with that statement! LMAO. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/8/2006 2:27:22 PM | | Funny ... once upon a time ... I can remember many of those "nice guys" I kicked to the curb. But I toss it all up to my "young and not so smart years" ... I'd give anything now to go fishing into my past ... (fish-on) ... for those "nice guys" Maybe they actually finish first? We just don't know it?? Hmmmm ... something to think about. Hang in there hun ... you'll end up better off and with a relationship that will last. Isn't it better to have someone who appreciates you and your nice qualities?? | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/8/2006 11:25:09 PM | | While it's true that SOME women will treat men badly if they are nice, there are those of us who don't. So although it may seem to you that you finish last by being a "nice guy", I feel that the really good women don't have to put up with being treated badly, so they will choose the "nice guy". That means that it may take you awhile to find her, but eventually, you will be the one finishing BEST. You'll come out on the best end of the deal in the end because you ARE a nice guy. Just like us women, though, you have to deal with the nonsense before you find the right one. Just keep looking. She's out there. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/15/2006 10:18:24 PM | First of all I just want to say that the words "Nice Guy" make me want to puke. I mean what does it mean anyway? I've heard these words from women many times over during explanations as to why they considered me undateable so I imagine that my response is somewhat Pavlovian, but when someone accuses me of being nice I want to slap them just to prove them wrong. Even if they intend it as a compliment. Now on a more positive note...
I beleive that being a nice guy is simply one stage of evolution on the way to being a good man. After all nice guys are aware of others feelings and needs, they aim to please, and always behave politely. They are full of kind words and compliments and plenty of thoughtful deeds. However they also tend to avoid conflict and danger. They aren't very adventurous, and they are very predictable. In short nice guys are boring, and they are also bored, and they wish to fill this boredom with a relationship. Quite frankly a bored person is not an attractive person.
A good man is aware of the feelings of others but will be more concerned with maintaining his character than with making sure he pleases everybody. He is polite, but he is also forthcoming. He is also liberal with compliments, but he will tell you the things you don't want to hear when they are in your best interest. But most importantly a good man focuses his energies on his passions. He is willing to fight fiercely the battles he considers worth fighting, and he desires a beauty worth fighting for.
Finally I just want to mention some things that have worked for me in fighting nice guy syndrome.
1. When you take an interest flirt openly. Don't hide your intentions under the guise of friends first. Sure you want to be friendly. But if you're interested in her as a woman as well as a friend make sure she knows it.
2. Don't be afraid to tease. This one is tough. You don't want to offend her or attack her, but you do want to challenge her. A sarcastic sense of humor helps, but not all of us have that luxury.
3. Be persistent. I'm convinced that most nice guys finnish last simply because they give up too easily. I can't count the number of times I've heard women say of their husbands "I wasn't interested at first, but he was just so persistent..." Now I'm not advocating stalking or harrassment, but love is a tough sell and sometimes "no" is actually "you need to give me a reason to say yes.
4. Be willing to walk away. I only recomend this for those instances when you truly are smitten. When you will truly be crushed by rejection. That is when she asks "Can't we just be friends?" You have to be willing to say "No". This may seem mean spirited but it is infact the only way to maintain your self respect. If a woman rejects you, but insists you remain friends, she is placing you in the role of the girlfriend who happens to be male. If you're not all that serious about her, then remaining platonic is fine. But if not then she should have something to lose by saying no. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/18/2006 7:43:37 AM | A wise man once told me, "As a man, you have to die once in order to live." I never fully appreciated his advice, nor did I understand it until I experienced it firsthand. From that time on, I understood the origins of the Jerk vs. Nice Guy battle.
Readers may be asking themselves, "What in the world is this guy talking about?" Well, I'm referring to the widely known fact that women habitually date men that are jerks while the "nice" guys are often left twiddling their thumbs in solitaire. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Figuratively speaking, in order for a man to enjoy the company of women and be able to seduce them, his inner nice guy must first die through heartache. It is at this point that his inner bad boy surfaces and goes on the prowl.
Any man that has experienced true love, only to have his heart crushed by the woman that he thought he would spend his life with, will understand what I am talking about. A man that has never experienced the heartache of being burned by the one person he really trusted probably won't understand my commentary. In any case, it is important to understand why nice guys finish last and why they probably always will.
Contrary to what most women think, men are interested in successful relationships. Most men will never pass up the chance to date the woman of their dreams. In fact, when a man does encounter this rarity of a woman, his passion gets the better of him. The thoughts that race through his mind are something along the lines of, "This woman is a keeper. I'm going to treat her right and do all I can to make her happy."
The only problem with being the nice guy is that you also become the boring, predictable guy. The excitement of the seduction process begins to fade for the woman because she has what she wants and doesn't have to do any chasing. Eventually the woman starts losing interest and before you know it, her eyes start to wander.
In the end, she'll look for a new man who will bring excitement back into her life by being the "new and improved" challenge. Pursuit and excitement usually stem from selfish attitudes, much like the bad boy who doesn't care about anyone but himself. The nice guy will be left heartbroken and will start wondering what in the world he did wrong.
It's at this point that men begin to realize that most women generally don't know what they want from us. Evidently, being the nice guy certainly doesn't help. The conclusion of the aforementioned scenario? The death of the nice guy persona. So that's the life and death of the nice guy and, as a result, "Mr. Nice" is resurrected into "Mr. Jerk.
As long as nice guys continue to get burned, there will always be a healthy supply of new jerks on the horizon to provide the dose of misery that women seem to yearn for. Eventually (often quite quickly), these nice guys will realize what type of man women actually want. The result is something that snaps inside of them as they begin to mimic the jerks that most women seem to pursue incessantly.
To become that kind of man, the charade must be taken to the extreme, which involves acting like a selfish person that has no regard for other people's feelings. This amounts to a jerk that will say anything to get a woman into bed. The jerk will furnish her with tons of roller coaster emotions and once he has sex with her, he'll dump her. Why? Because he feels vengeful and wants to burn women the same way he was burned. Remember; once you get burned, don't STOP playing with fire -- you TAME the flame.
So when women inadvertently give life to these jerks, they are really shooting themselves in the feet. That's the life and legacy of jerks everywhere.
If nice guys are what women really want, then why is it that most nice guys are single? Why is it that we constantly hear stories about women dating big jerks that took them for a ride -- literally?
The fact is that women generally don't want nice guys, or maybe they're too busy chasing after jerks to realize that they do. Why? Because women act on impulse and emotion rather than fact. Who do you suppose brings out these same irrepressible emotions in women? The jerks, of course.
So what does this all add up to? No one wants to get hurt, but in the same instance, no one wants to be perceived as a jerk either. That is why it's important to have a balanced attitude towards relationships. A man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while continuously remaining a challenge.
In other words, be nice to women, but remember who comes first in life; you, your irreplaceable family and friends, and then your woman. By following my theory, women will constantly be in hot pursuit. If you would like a female's opinion regarding this matter, go see The Jerk Appeal.
Get it on! | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/18/2006 10:39:07 AM | Hello Everyone.
Alwayssmiling66;
There are a lot of Women who can appreciate a nice guy who can treat her with Respect.
I think that Women who tell you that "You're too nice"etc, are really missing out.
It seems that people have a lot of excuses in finding fault with you and that they are looking for that "Perfect 10". They'll NEVER find that because in Reality, people are not perfect.
I think; "Nice People may finish last but they Finish Best"!
It's the Patience in finding that "Special Someone" that can really be frustrating at times.
Best of Luck! Happy Fishing!  | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/21/2006 6:03:16 AM | Why is everyone cosidered worried about finishing? Is life a race? If a person really analyzes the situation, when a person is fishing so to speak for a final destination, i.e. a relationship of some form or another in most cases, they aren't really seeking an end to anything, but new beginning in life. That is exactly what a person will find. A new,fresh start. A person that will completely change their apptitude and thinking about everything. This is not exactly what everyone will find in every person they encounter. I say that, if a person doesn't see what they are looking for in another's eyes, then they should continue to seek that which they are seeking. Life is way too short for a person to get enveloped in superficial happenings. If a person is worth an entrprenuerial adventure, they will show it in their eyes when they look into yours, and a feeling of great joy will overcome you, like a peace that you have never felt. If a person is too caught up in superficial things, this feeling may never come, and the very nature of the seeker is lost. I believe that there are no real nice guys and bad guys, for we are all just people, living a life the best way that we see fit. However, their is an inane classification that we all must adhere to, so, I believe that everyone really wins, if they are seeking the right things. to all. | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/23/2006 3:43:54 AM | Short awnser to the question...
my opinion is that were generally predictable with everything we do...being nice normally means subsiding to other peoples wants or needs and follow, in other words there Boring... | |
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| why do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 1/28/2006 12:47:14 PM | | I agree whole heartedly. I've had my share of relationships that have lasted quite a while. But in the end it's always "I just don't know anymore" What it comes down to is women and men are much more alike then they think. A woman will use a man for as long as they like then just toss them to the curb. Men use women as well, we use women to make ourselves feel better about being us. Women claim to want comitment, but then when faced with it, they find a way out. They become a **** or needy or whatever other tricks they feel like using at the time. I'm typically the nice guy, I will treat a woman with respect but the problem is that I do it too soon. First try being**** and funny with a woman you've just met. This will keep their attention then you can move on to being the "nice guy" with the flowers and all the other mushy stuff. | |
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