| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/25/2005 10:23:11 AM | Ok, i stuck this up in another forum before and was hoping this subject may provoke us into having a constructive discussion.
One of the main problems here is the addiction to attention. Why are the majority of people in here? Without trying to generalise I think I wouldn't be far off when i say it's due to unsuccessful dating in real life. Ok, others come on here for the entertainment value or whatever. A person who has attracted few quality people in real life is able to come on here, show a seductive pic or two, and suddenly be every person's wet dream. It is attention he or she isn't used to and before you know it, it has become addictive and for once they feel like they have a little control over the opposite sex whereas before rejection was the only thing they experienced.
Now, with all this positive attention a person receives, what is the incentive for them to give it all up for 1 person that may or may not work out? Granted, maturity levels differ and this won't apply to every person in here. From personal experience however, I have known many female friends who just can't let go. Egos are fragile and this is an ideal place for them to have them both massaged and boosted. I am sure this applies to men just as much and the next step is that they are accused of being players. Moving from woman to woman enjoying the attention that was missing from their real lives. However, when women do this they rarely get called players, but it really boils down to the same thing.
In this cyberdating world, people can be almost anyone they wish to be. Flaws can be disguised behind their profile and to some extent a new, more desirable character can be created. To keep this character that clamors for attention in tact, they must prevent themselves from getting too close to anyone, lest they be found out. So, the solution is to stay on here and continually move onto the next person.
I am sure I will get a great deal of contradicting views, but then again, isn't this a place to voice an opinion? | |
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Roaul
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Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 3 | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/25/2005 10:56:06 AM | | I have to totally agree here .. the net IS addictive and yes who dosnt enjoy the attention from some one .. Does it work this cyber dating malarky ?? yes it does to a certain extent.. and if you want it to work .. But lets think about it .. its no different from going to a night club and picking some one up .. just more choices on the net .. and maybe in some respects safer whilst online.. or is it .. ????? At the end of the day we are all here for the same reason.. admit it or not you are.. or why did you join ?? there is a little attention seeking whore in us all some where .. | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:37:03 AM | It is addictive but it can also be very demoralising, when you think you finally find someone you like, they turn out to be a complete player and just after a bit of cyber or real sex and not much else.
I personally don't think much of my chances of finding anyone on the net that would lead to a long term relationship but well, never say never I guess. | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/25/2005 11:50:22 AM | I agree Candika.....but don't players come in many forms? As you have experienced first hand, the male players generally tend to look for the sexual thrills, before moving on. In my opinion, the females can be just as bad.....only difference is they are looking for the attention. Something to boost their once non existent self confidence to the extent that they can now move onto the next guy once the original euphoria has worn off.
I have read so many posts here about players but they were all so black and white. Never a reason given nor did anyone consider that females could also fall into the same category. Thankfully, this site is better than most when it comes to this since they have censorship rules. | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/25/2005 12:11:51 PM | I have been doing this internet dating thing for a while now (on other sites not this one) and I've had quite a lot of fun dates, and some not so fun ones, but I haven't yet found anything "serious." It can be quite frustrating.
I think a large part of the problem is that a lot of women on dating sites (and obviously I'm saying this from a man's perspective because I am a man, I'm not saying it's ONLY women that do it) suffer from "kid in a sweetshop" syndrome. No matter who they meet, in their mind they always think someone better might be just around the corner. Hence all those times when you're conversing with someone and it seems to be going well, then they suddenly cut you off dead.
Another thing is I don't feel that a lot of women are very serious about actually meeting someone.. they just want to mess around chatting online forever, or just go on endless dates but never actually get anywhere.. Once again, this is just me talking from a man's point of view and from my own experiences.
Having said that, it's not that much different to any other way of meeting people. I'll be sticking with it for a while, and see how it goes. | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/25/2005 1:07:50 PM | A friend of mine in Nottingham got married in August to a girl he met on-line 3yrs ago and they are blissfully happy, so yeah, it can and does work.
I think the trick is, not to set your sights too high. I've read plenty of profiles that state a person must be this, must be that, must not be this or that or something else. Fine, by all means do that, all you're saying is "I'm shallow".
The other thing you're doing, is narrowing the field to such an extent, that you then limit your chances of ever finding your perfect partner, simlpy because you've set the bar too high.
Yes, we all want someone honest, caring, faithful etc, but to discount a person because of the car they drive, the job they have or distance they live away, is pure snobbery.
Ok, on my profile, I have two requirements: That you are breathing and have a pulse, and that's it. Other than that, I don't care if you live in a tent or a mansion, drive a Ferrari or a Fiesta. It's not about what you have, it's about who you are as a person.
People need to be open minded on dating sites, the possibilities to find "The One" are there, as long as you don't limit your options. | |
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Leece
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Joined: 10/9/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/25/2005 3:41:41 PM | I am, I guess like many others, living in hope... Eternally optimistic. I would love to meet the man of my dreams... so far I've met lots of lovely people, had some great nights out, made some amazing friends and have widened my social horizons so much.
But like others I have been frustrated by not being able to find someone I can honestly say I want to commit to.... lots of almost theres, but not "the one"... I am not looking for perfection, I don;t have a mental picture of the man for me. All I can say is he will be taller than me and he won't smoke... beyond that I'm open minded to just seeing what happens.
I do think there is a danger of "sweetshop mentality" with internet dating... people meeting loads and loads of people and always thinking "hmmm no I will wait and see if something better comes along" . I do know if I met someone I really wanted to give it a shot with, then my profiles on dating sites would disappear and any that I did keep would become strictly friends only. | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/31/2005 11:00:37 AM | | I have to agree with the kid in the sweet shop syndrome and have to admit when I first joined a dating site it was great to get all the attention and it was pretty addictive but it soon wore off. I ended up dating someone that I met online for a year but it finished due to distance. I think as long as you don't set your hopes too high then it can work. | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/31/2005 11:24:02 AM | If you come on looking for friends then you can't go far wrong.
I've met 3 men "for real" after chatting online - and spoken to others on the phone. All of whom are still mates.
Having been on this site for a week or so now - I have to admit that i've now met some women as well who I believe I can be great mates with.
In terms of "better half" all the personal stories I know are good ones.
My ex brother in law met his now wife online - together 5 years
My friend is getting married in December - together 4 years.
Another 2 friends have moved in with their online partners after about 18 months together
I have to admit that in all these cases one person has had to relocate, so yes, compromise is involved, but it is to a certain extent in any relationship. And if it's right then its worth it.
So yes its possible. | |
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ruth78
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Joined: 4/27/2005
Msg: 14 | |
| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/31/2005 1:02:27 PM | stuart i agree there's someone out there for us all, only mine's across the other side of the world, hiding from being found by me!!
the only thing i've asked for on here is the person has a good sense of humour and doesn't smoke because i'm trying to quit.
i agree with hoping that you shouldn't judge someone because of the car they drive or the job they do, it does come across as being a snob "you have to be earning x amount per year", who cares about money, it wouldn't matter to me whether my other half had a job or not, or could drive or not!! it's the person inside that counts. | |
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ruth78
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Joined: 4/27/2005
Msg: 16 | |
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ruth78
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Joined: 4/27/2005
Msg: 18 | |
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Leece
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Joined: 10/9/2005
Msg: 19 | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 10/31/2005 5:55:06 PM | One of the main problems here is the addiction to attention. Why are the majority of people in here? Without trying to generalise I think I wouldn't be far off when i say it's due to unsuccessful dating in real life. Ok, others come on here for the entertainment value or whatever.
For some the reason may be the addiction for attention,but not for all.As yes everybody likes attention,but with me,it more depends on who the attention is from.As with me,it is more about quality rather then the quantity...
Due to unsuccessful dating in real life.Valued point for some,but not neccesary for others.As using the internet is not everybody's/or mines only means of finding a suitable partner.People often resort to the net for all different reasons..
Eg:work & family..
Dont go out as much,to the usual places that you could meet someone..
Now, with all this positive attention a person receives, what is the incentive for them to give it all up for 1 person that may or may not work out?
Again valued point for some,but maybe not for all.Because if i happened to meet somebody of here,that i generally clicked with.Trust me the other,men on here would not intrest me...
However whether,i would go as far as to say.That i believe my ideal man is on here,i am a little dubious but who's knows.As i did meet a man and we really hit it off,and met up a few times. But sadly due to distant,we both decided it was to great.However we have remained friends,but the plus side from joining this site is.I have met some real nice men/women on here.& not only from the Uk... | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 11/1/2005 2:21:47 AM | I have come off dating sites for 6 months twice in the last five years but unfortunately neither lasted booohoooo. I have made some unbelievably good friends though. I have had a couple of absolutely disatrous encounters, a few "not seen again", but the vast majority have been positive and educational and have included several americans (including one of the two) english (including another one of the two) french , spanish, russian (living in Poland), Hong Kongese.
Sound a bit like an addict ? I live in the middle of nowhere and its a brilliant way to meet people BUT when I find Ms Right you won't see me for dust. That moment is, I believe, no more than 3 months away but then I have been wrong b4 lol
I'll let you know b4 I disappear in the cloud of dust !! | |
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 11/5/2005 4:57:03 AM | no one ever mentions the obvious fact that there is always at least a 2/1 ratio of men
to women on these sites ,a lot of pay sites offer free subscription for women ! iv not figured out why so many man and so few women :-
1 half the men are married and looking for sex that they are not getting at home ?
2 the internet is mostly populated by single men ?
3 women are put off by dating sites becouse they lack romance ?
whatever the reason if your a guy you are not playing on a level playing field
so my advise to any man is forget dating sites your on a hiding to nothing
its crap being a bloke these days equality good idea when do us men get it
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| What are the chances of finding your better half on internet dating sites?
Posted: 11/5/2005 5:17:40 AM | I'm just floating round to see if my companion is really out there!
Ive been on my own for 3 years now had a fair few offers but nothing special has caught my eye...So i thought right im sick of this i shall try this latest phase on the net...See how it goes, only one thing is i would be scared meeting up with a stranger it scares me a little LOL not funny really i'd have to meet with someone else around me..Sounds of putting to some ppl but i put it down to past experiences. | |
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