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Posted: 11/2/2005 9:49:24 AM | | Wat i want 2 know is am i stupid in not telling any1 i was rapped? the onlt peeps i told was my family and that took 2 years 2 tell them as i didnt think they would believe me as it was my ex bf if thats wat i have 2 call the low life x | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 9:51:13 AM | as in family i mean i told my cuz who i was close 2 but she told her mum who then told her dad and then her dad told my dad my dad was heart broken and felt useless as one i hadnt told him and two he couldnt do anything about it  | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 9:57:20 AM | i hope ur ok now tho.
iv had friends who have gone through the same thing
its most definatly up to u
opinions r important but not as important as how u feel | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 10:06:04 AM | | Im fine ty i still have nite mares but ive never really spoken 2 any1 2 b honest about it appart from my other half in one way i wish i did say sumthing 2 police and that but i was scared im still very scared of him now x | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 10:14:10 AM | | Rape in UK is an "assault with a Friendly weapon" so all the lawyers state | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 10:37:54 AM | | err sorry red i dont understand that? | |
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Roaul
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Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 7 | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 10:54:10 AM | was going to do this as an email but cant.
missbad no your not stupid.
rape victims often dont report because they are scared...
1)that he will track them down and do worse
2)no one will believe them
3)it is a close family member/friend.
4)they feel its something they did for this to have happened.
yes it would have been better if it was reported then we could get one more vile bast.,d of the streets but your fears are stronger at that time and still are.we can only hope if he does it again the woman bites his bits off and reports him.but remember in no way are you to feel guilty if you need a friend you can email me xx | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 11:19:58 AM | firstly i think your very brave to start this thread
as with any kind of abuse it's what it does to you mentally that stay with you......you need to talk to someone about what as happened to you......it will help you to move on and make you stronger.......hope this helps | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 1:41:05 PM | Hi ty 4 your nice replys  Yeah i tryed talking 2 sum1 2 b honest it made me worse i wish i had done sumthing cos he needs 2 pay 4 wat he did but as he was an ex bf i was afraid no1 woud belive me so i thought i would keep hush.My partner knows about it as he would but its hard 4 him as like any careing partner he wants 2 sort him out.I dont let it get 2 me 2 much but it stays with u 4ever even if i did anything i believe it would.Im not sure wat the other gentleman was saying about it being ok? unless i rad it wrong ...x | |
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pa1967
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Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 10 | |
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Posted: 11/2/2005 1:51:24 PM | | yes it will stay with you forever, but believe me when your ready to talk to someone it will help you alot. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 12:01:54 AM | | Ive tryed and im just a mess after and feel worse ,do u know wat the gentleman meant by its ok in uk? | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 12:43:08 AM | i dont think u should really pay attention to wat he said,i dont think hes proper
hey give me his address and ill sort him out,
pple like him make this place worse
i still think ull do something on ur own accord,
no matter wat ne one sais ull do wat u think is right wen u think its right,
but u always have support and friends on here | |
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tamcon
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Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 13 | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 12:43:16 AM | Dont know if "Red" is being sarcastic or its because too many lawyers are defending these scum and find all sort of reasons to get their client off the charges. But going back to your dilemma. I feel you may now be able to put this episode to the back of your mind by bringing your plight out into the open. I think I know how you feel. I have a 19yr old daughter. when she was four years old, her and her 6 yr old stepsister were subjected to participation in Porn films by their mother. I found out about it and fought for custody. A battle that took 3 yrs to win custody of my daughter. As like you, she was failed by a legal system that makes the victim the criminal. A system that both men and women have no trust in , therefore they have to bottle at this confusion inside them and 9 times out of ten the criminal walks away. My daughter used to cry herself to sleep, shunned and ignored by Social Workers, got no counseling of any kind. She used to be a vibrant happy girl. Now she is so deep, suffers panic attacks, depression, got heavilly into drugs and totally lost her way. She is on the road to recovery but I blame the the authorities for the lethargic manner in which these crimes are dealt with. I feel now by you taliking about this you will be able to go on and lead a happy and fulfilling life.
Oh and her mother was fined £250 | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 1:38:45 AM | | hi ty 4 those kind words.I was a bit hurt by wat red said but thats wat sum peeps r like.I know it may sound silly but he made me stronger in ways..and in a way i thank him 4 that.It seems that people like 2 walk all over me as i do care and put peeps b4 myself as i did him and he did wat he did.Feel mad at myself sumtimes as he used 2 beat me so i should have known wat he could do.I dont have deppresion or anything like that well i dont feel like i have im always laughing and smileing but like any1 ya get ya momments.I have my baby girl who picks me up with her smile U can message me if u like | |
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tamcon
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Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 15 | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 1:59:04 AM | Tried to message, ur not accepting messages from anyone my age lmao | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 2:01:24 AM | err hows that work lol how do i change it  | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 2:10:25 AM | ive changed my settings but your not excepting them from peeps my age lol  | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 3:29:34 AM | @missbad
from statistics the police come out with i think its somewhere in the refion of only 20% of rape cases in uk actually get reported, so first thing to say is that yr not only one who has felt he way you did ayt he time.
I cant possibly understand how you felt at the time, although i can respect your feelings and have seen the effecs it has had in people (one of my ex gf's was raped by her stepdad as a kid0.
It akes great courae to report it, because to do so means you have to replay the incident in yoru mind wevery time you alk about it, and some of the victims find that too traumatic, especially when it comes to reporting to police and the courts when there is no guarantee of success in the case - iand the spectre of being disbelieved that hangs over every girl thats been brave enough to go through the legal process
i admire you for bearing up with the anguish as you did but its not fair on you or any other victim if the perpetrator of the crime goes tfree because he asnt been reported
If only there was more rape crisis centres or less threatening process es for the victims to approach then maybe more would actually get reported and more of the culprits caught
Im truly sorry for your experience
like anyobe i feel anger at the perpe | |
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tamcon
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Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 19 | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 3:51:02 AM | @ missbad
tried again you still aint accepting messages. I changed mine | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 4:07:07 AM | it takes a lot to report rape, sometimes your better off not reporting it because of the crap the legal system puts you through, depends on how good the system in your area
Also what about false rape reporting, it happens too, some poor guy gets his life ruined for nothing at all, just as bad but nothing is ever done about it
I have reported other serious crimes against me to find the cops were worse than the perps
Just get on with your life best you can & dont ever feel guilty cause you didnt report it, its your own choice | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:03:18 AM | | ty your all so kind.its been 2 years now so mayb its 2 late..2 report it?i do worry he will do it 2 sum1 else and that would be my fault but im 2 scared he came bk in my life a year ago cos he had stealed sum checks and stole money even a year on after the rape so im even more scred of him | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:05:27 AM | | Your very brave, big hugs to you hunny xx | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:07:33 AM | | i feel im not cinders but ty | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:10:26 AM | @ missbad
(former counsellor, worked in the voluntary sector)
To repress feelings, not a help to you. Starting this thread was a very positive and healthy action. Have you checked your local 'help' groups, in yellow pages etc.
Mutual self-help groups would be the most beneficial to you, rather than one-to-one counselling. Your G.P. or local C.P.N. would be able to tell you of any in your locality.
At such groups, there is no 'pressure' to join in the talk/or contribute in any way unless you wish to do so. Simply listening to 'others' talk of their experiences and difficulties would be very helpful and therapeutic. Plus, you'd become more informed on the prescription of SSRI's, though i dont think you mentioned any medication use.
The very first and basic task you need to complete if not done so already is to write out(thats by hand not type) the whole episode/s in your words - all the incidents and your re-actions and your feelings. Next, re-read what you have written. Then put these written accounts away for 24 hours. Then, next day, read it again ........ you'll hopefully be able to see your real anger burning deep, down inside....more than you even suspected - reading it you'll be able to stand 'aside' from yourself and maybe recognise (maybe) how you are today, being especially nice to folk....could, maybe...be because you're afraid of your own anger deep down inside you ever getting raised to totally engulf you into an 'over-reaction' in a day to day life situation. Just a thought.
To move on, 7 days after you wrote your 'letter' ...... and times during that 7 days you'll be embarrased....feel 'naked' by it , place the letter in the kitchen sink, and burn it !
These are very basic psychological exercises (such as prayers really, no you dont have to be religious)....that feed, seep into the sub-conscious for long term beneficial effects.
You need to make yourself the 'priority'..... the comeuppance of the perpetrator for their crimes is secondary...... difficult to take on board i know but even if they were sent to prison whatever....ur still left with the effects of the crime.... and you'd be counting the time to when they were released. So, be your own best friend and concentrate on closure, the attaining of,......on these awful life happenings.
One book used wholesale in counselling / life improvement circles is 'feel the fear but do it anyway'.. by Susan Jeffers..(if i remember rightly)... its a useful book for anyone to read.
Anyway, good luck. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2005 5:11:19 AM | | Yes you are and just coming out and talking about it like this makes you brave. most people bottle it up. massive hugs to you xxxxxxx | |
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