| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 5:17:11 AM | | A few months ago my best friend set me up with her husbands cousin. I was leery and not very hopeful. But after I met him, WOW. He was so funny and intelligent! Not to mention georgous. We kinda rushed our relationship, and then the 'excitment' of having someone in our lives wore low. And we are very different in our views of a few important things. We both came to an agreement to end it. Unfortunately I had to move and he told me that he doesn't want me to date anyone. That just because we dont have a title on our relationship doesn't mean that he doesn't love me and want to work things out. So I am suppose to just sit back, wait for him to get his life together, and then see what happens come spring. So basically I am holding out hope that we get back together, but I feel that come spring, hes going to need more time, and then more time. I think it was unfair of him to ask me not to date because I told him to enjoy his life. All I want is for him to be happy and if its not with me then I hope to God he finds someone who does make him happy. I am torn between feeling like I am being strung along and between wanting to just go meet someone to hang out with and have my guy friends over ( He dosn't want me having any of my guy friends over either). I tried talking to him about it but he is very adamant about me not meeting guys and not having my guys friends over. I am not sure what I should do. Our relationship ended but I am not allowed to meet anyone else or hang out with my friends. Am I being unfair? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 5:26:19 AM | | Actaully hes very mature and very selfless. Thats one of the reasons why I dont understand why I am not 'allowed' to meet, date or hang out with my guy friends. He is not a jealous person and I just dont understand his thinking at this point. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 5:42:03 AM | | Sounds like he's possessive. The best way to make a guy like that want you is to throw yourself back on the market. Date away. If he doesn't like it, tough luck. Tell him that you think it's best to keep some options open. He'll either shape up, or ship out. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 5:46:14 AM | This is ridiculous.... he puts you on hold, but TELLS you not to date....
Do yourself a favour... tell him to worry about his own mess.... you're a big girl and can make decisions for yourself...
If he doesn't like it that is tough...
He starts to act up, get the law involved...
I know you have feelings for him... but this sort of behaviour can't be condoned.... it will only get worse....
it is jealousy pure and simple....
He is looking for control.... but has no control of his life.... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 6:57:39 AM | WTF? WTF?
You both decided to "end it", you moved, and he's asked you not to date anyone?
Call him and say "excuse me I have to laugh my head off ya bloody wanker". | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 7:33:17 AM | Sounds like Mr. Control Freak has come out to play.
You two broke up...so as I see it, he has absolutely no right to tell you not to date or hang out with anybody! It's quite simple the way I see it...go out and date...maybe you'll meet Mr. Right and maybe you won't. If he does get his sh*t together and if you're single and actually wanting to pursue it then, fine. But I have to tell ya...if he's doing the controlling thing now when you're not dating...what's he going to be like in a full blown relationship? Kinda brings out the Red Flag.
Don't be sitting around and waiting IF you may get back together, you may be waiting a long time. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 7:55:51 AM | He is selfish and insecure, ever ask yourself why he was single when you met him if he was so perfect??
Go have fun girl, live your life and find someone who won't snap a leesh around your neck. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 9:12:15 AM | [We both came to an agreement to end it.]
Dosent sound like you came to an agreement at all. You want to break up and he dosent. If the relationship has issues that cannot be resolved then it isnt working. Decide if your in an exclusive relationship or not. If you are not together then you can date other people, right? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 9:22:53 AM | This is a joke right? I mean this whole thread is one big joke? You can't possibly be that blind not to see whats going on. Or can you?
My advice? Since you appear to be incredibly dumb and/or naive, you should do as he says, board yourself up in your home and not let any man see you until "he" deems it okay which will most likely be never. You're acting like some sad insecure 16 year old girl in "puppy love" with the gorgeous controlling *sshole.
Wake up!!!!
****this message brought to you by:
"thoseWhoHateIdiotsAndWishTheyWouldDoUsAllAFavourAndGoDrownThemselves"
**** | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 9:24:49 AM | @froggy.. he is mature and selfless... ???? you do not understand
why he won't "allow" you to date, meet or hang out with your guy friends.
???????
well guess what?
He is also a control freak.
shesh girl. Wake up. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 10:02:11 AM | | I would tell him I am a big girl and will do what I want and when I want, thank you very much. I don't understand why there even is a question as to what to do. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 10:25:36 AM | Sounds to me like he's got the "want my cake and eat it too" syndrome. I've been in this situation before. And trust me...it's not going to do anything good for you. He wants to keep you there for him if and when he decides he's had enough time to play and wants to be serious again. If I were you, I would evaluate my feelings for him. If you love him enough to wait it out...then go ahead and do that..but you might be waiting a long long time, like forever. Or you can tell him that you love him and will keep the door open so to speak but that you are going to date other men since he's out there enjoying life without you. If you find someone special..then his loss..he waited too long.
Maybe he's a nice guy and just confused...maybe he needs a reality check. I don't know. The bottom line is that you need to figure out how much this guy means to you...if you want to date...then date. If he doesn't understand that when a relationship ends...it ends..well..that's his problem. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 11:46:20 AM | Why would you want a man to tell you what you can do with your own life. Start now and it will never end.
You know what you want, he doesn't. That's his problem. Believe me, the quickest way for a guy to sit down and seriously think about what he wants to do with you is for someone else to want you. It's may not be right, but it's a fact of life. You may as well learn it now. He may really, eally like you, but he's not ready for all that a real relationship takes. He just wants to make sure you're still "intact" when he's ready.
He is not your parent and you do not have any reason to have to obey him. That's why it's called free will. Now go and explore what that's all about. Whatever you accept in the beginning is what you will have to deal with forever. Start out fresh and wholesome with someone who wants you just the way you are, now! | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 11:48:50 AM | Man, I just read your last line again. Do you know what the signs of an abusive person are: Well, telling you that you can't hang out with your friends is a huge, do you hear me HUGE REG FLAG.
Run and thank goodness you got out in time. Learn to spot the red flags sooner.
It's all a part of growing up into the beautiful and accomplished woman you were meant to be.
And that's the last I'll say on this, promise. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 11:52:39 AM | | No Matte What statis the relationship is nt hun. He can't "allow" you to do Jack! You are grown and unless he is also your Father then you to can agree on something but never let anyone tell you the do or don't allow any thing grow some NADS as they say and be grown or start calling him Daddy! | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 1:17:18 PM | You say your 25 in your profile and have kids, yet your acting like a 15 year old, why would you even consider what this control freak has to say, get some back bone, think of your children, they don't need a wimp for a mom.
Can you imagine what it would be like if you did get back together if he is still trying to control your life after you've split. In fact him just asking you not to see anyone else after you split, should negate any chance he ever had of getting back with you. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 1:48:48 PM | | Wow! Lots of negativity! I should have went into a little more detail here. The reason we both agreed to end it is because we both have alot going on in our lives. He is very old fashioned and dosnt want me to see him go through his treatments (He needs a new liver) and it frustrates me because I want to be part of his life and be there for him. But I am in no way stopping or putting my life on hold for him (why do you think I am here?). Life is too short. But he dosen't want me to be weighed down by what he is going through. So what is a relationship about? Being there for each other is a big part. His treatments will be done in a few months and he wants to go back and continue where we left off. Dont get me wrong. I know that it is not possiable to go back, but it is possiable to move forward. He also knows my guy friends didn't use to be just friends. And he is afraid I will renew and old flame and he will lose me for good. I do care about him, but I am not sure about being in love with him. Its been years since I have been in a relationship and I know exactly what I want and I wont settle for anything less. Although he comes very close to being what I want, He dosen't come to the top. Its hard letting him go but for now I need to. For those of you who think I am an idiot, dumb..or what other name you felt you had to call me, you couldnt be further from the truth. Its pretty sad you have to judge someone based on one or two paragraphs that weren't as detailed as they could have been by my choice to emit things that I probably should have included. I do appreciate everyones reply, but unless I started from the start of my relationship and included every word said and everything done untill the end, no one will understand the way he is or I am. But I was hoping for replys by more openmined, thoughtfull people and obviously that is not what I got. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 1:54:29 PM | | I have to add one more thing, he has never, ever tried to control me in anyway. Untill the whole me not dating or seeing anyone. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 3:14:13 PM | yea, eveyone is being a little harsh on you.. true... but young lady... how can a man try to hold you down... you are a butterfly waiting to blosssom and fly away...
do yourself and him a favor, and tell him its best that when you are thisfar away, that its okay you just be friends.. maybe try it? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 4:37:45 PM |
I have to add one more thing, he has never, ever tried to control me in anyway. Untill the whole me not dating or seeing anyone.
I understand he is going through a difficult time and maybe if I had known the whole story I might not have been so harsh, but I still hold the opinion that he is being contolling. If he really didn't want you to go through this with him he would just let you go and told you nothing about his problems. What he has done is put you on the outside given you enough information to keep you feeling sorry for him, and then attached this little string to you so he can pull you back anytime he wants. I'm really sorry to hear of his problems and I do wish him all the best, but I still don't think he's being very fair with you. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 4:53:12 PM | Another one of those "what should I do" threads where EVERYONE says what to do and the OP doesn't want to hear it. Okay OP here's my response since it's OBVIOUSLY the one you are looking for:
"Don't do it, don't date anyone! He loves you girl! He wants you to wait patiently while he sorts his mess of a life out, to prove your love to him! Only then will your relationship be able to progress to the next level and you can both move on to Utopia on earth! It's SO worth that wait time! Trust me I know!"
Now then.. if you read and believe even ONE line of that, you're beyond help. NOBODY in their right mind breaks up with someone and says "don't date anyone" because simply stated, once you're broke up, it's NONE OF HIS F*CKING BUSINESS WHAT YOU DO. Don't let yourself become a victim of your own stupidity OP. Tell this moron that you're moving on with your life, and tell him not to let the door hit him on the ass on the way out of yours. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 11/3/2005 5:53:21 PM | I think you will do what you want to do. But...in my case my "ex-husband" was friends with his ex-girlfriends also, I never once told him that he couldn't hang out with them because I trusted him and he should have the same trust in you.
ok ok he did fool around on me but not with one of his ex's it was someone on-line, so ok disregard what I said maybe he had a point...lol | |
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