| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:39:40 PM | So I have been talking to this girl at my college. She's a freshman (18 years old), I'm a Junior (20 years old). We've met on campus a couple times and talked on the phone a bit. Tonight we went to a bowling alley and bowled a few games. Mostly she was very quiet. I made her laugh quite a bit and she was just nervous. I asked her if she was always this quiet, she said yes.
My question is... how do I deal with this shy girl? I have no problem in 'waiting' but I don't want 'waiting' to turn in to 'never had.' It's not about sex with her, it's about happiness. I'm not concerned about getting laid or anything like that- undoubtedly I'd eventually love it, but it's not a priority.
I'd like to get closer to this girl. Any advice on how to earn my way closer to her?
I made a bet that if I got a strike while bowling she had to give me a hug and if I didn't I would owe her $2 ($2 that I just hussled off the kid bowlingin the lane next to us). She had no problems hugging me after I got the strike. So I know the potential is there, but what to do? | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:42:42 PM | | you just have to wait it out i think. her being quiet is not always about nerves it just could be the way she is im sometimes quiet if i dont know the person to well. just get to know her a bit more and she should come out to you eventually (not in a sexual manner) you know. but im waiting for a womens responce because i think they might know a little better then me | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:42:55 PM | | Have you tried a different direction? Try making her laugh... try breaking her out of her shell before trying to get "close" to her. Trying for the hug the way you did was priceless, but maybe she's this way when first meeting someone. Humor usually works pretty well. Now I'm interested to see if that works. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:43:36 PM | | Have you told her you're still sleeping with/living with and cajoling with your ex? You might want to start with that... | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:44:30 PM | Somehow you come off more like you are conducting an experiment... rather than starting a relationship... you don't mention anything about her that you like, that you enjoy...
If you really like her, like spending time with her, then you will be patient and she will open up to you.
But you sound like you are more concerned with physical issues... and not so much her inner life...
owww... but it seems like Ms. Blast has been catching information I've overlooked. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 7:58:54 PM |
Have you told her you're still sleeping with/living with and cajoling with your ex? You might want to start with that...
Either SOMEONE can't read or someone is dumb.
I'VE SAID THAT MY X MOVED OUT OVER A MONTH AGO AND WE ARE NO LONGER SLEEPING TOGETHER
What part don't you get?
Somehow you come off more like you are conducting an experiment... rather than starting a relationship...
you don't mention anything about her that you like, that you enjoy...
I don't think it's necessary to give every detail about why I like her and why do I seem more concerned about a physical issue? is it b/c I specifically say in my post that I am NOT concerned with the physical issue as much as I am concerned with my happiness? | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:10:14 PM | I'm reading between the lines...
the gist of it seems to be that you associate 'closeness' with physical intimacy... like the hug she gave you. You mention nothing about her, why you like her... except that she is shy.
Your main concern seems to be about satisfying YOUR need for 'closeness'...
That's all, not some major judgement of you... just my opinion. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:14:28 PM | You just need to give it time. I can relate to her because I'm like that myself when I'm around people I don't know very well or am getting to know for the first time.
Mainly she just needs to hang around you more, get to know you better. Perhaps just chatting with her about stuff you're both interested in will help to relax her.
Good luck in finding something that works. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:20:36 PM |
Either SOMEONE can't read or someone is dumb.
I can read and I am not dumb but I obviously missed that information when it was posted. I apologize. It was an honest mistake. I found your comment hurtful and abbrassive. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:23:18 PM | | I'm the same way... I'm pretty shy in the beginning when I meet someone new. It just takes a little time to get over it. Like I said, try humor... it always works for me. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:33:47 PM |
I found your comment hurtful and abbrassive.
GOOD comments you've made on other posts contributed to my dislike of you. Over-all, I think you're just one of those women that has something negative coming her way and definately deserves it.
About humor, I've tried humor. It helps for the moment, but it doesn't last very long. Things I say that relate directly to her life/interests also brings her out of her shell a bit, but for only a short time. I have no troubles with waiting, I'm in no rush and I enjoy every bit of what I'm doing with her while I am being patient. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:41:14 PM | | You're right I have been negative on here in the past but I have been working hard at changing that. I guess you hadn't noticed it. My apologies if I offended. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:41:28 PM | | Good, keep that up then. Humor doesn't work for everyone, I guess. I suppose the best thing you can do is give her some time. If you don't mind waiting, then keep doing that. Hopefully she'll break a little more than she has soon. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 8:48:50 PM | I guess where all of my concern is even coming from is my history with females from Vermont. See, for some reason females here in Vermont are very... very conservative, or at least they wish to appear conservative. They wouldn't do anything unless they had their friends' support, won't go out of their social circle to be with people/meet people, etc. I know a part of all that is the age they were at, but girls from other areas had no issues with developing something with me.
Well, turns out, this girl I am talking about on this post is from VT. Now that I think about it, she hasn't lived in VT her whole life, but I'm still thinking that she will be like the other VT girls I knew in the past. I feel like I've missed out on so much in my life and I don't want to miss out on her. She's great. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/4/2005 9:14:38 PM |
You're right I have been negative on here in the past but I have been working hard at changing that. I guess you hadn't noticed it. My apologies if I offended.
you didn't offend me, I just like to give people what they give me. You give attitude, you get attitude.
Maybe I'll forgive you, eventually... keep working on it. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/5/2005 12:54:21 AM | | I am a shy girl, and personally what makes me less shy is if you don't remind me that I'm shy or ask me why I'm quiet. It helps me if the other person talks a lot and something that really helps is if you say something personal about your own life, I notice that tends to make me share something personal and a lot of time that can help brake the ice. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/5/2005 4:16:25 AM | | Speaking as someone who is normally very talkative and bubbly, but very shy when it comes to being intimate with men, sometimes the shy ones just need a little "start" - make the first move and see what happens - it sounds like she is interested. | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/5/2005 4:19:42 AM |
sometimes the shy ones just need a little "start" - make the first move and see what happens
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/5/2005 8:28:18 AM | | Well just be there for her as a friend hang out with her help her to feel more relaxed around u and when she is edge a lil closer xjx | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/5/2005 8:43:47 AM | | Can you get her to talk about things she likes? Everyone has a passion for something, she's got to have favorites. And if you know what she likes you can go from there, say if she likes chocolate take her to a chocolate festival, if she likes to exercise offer to go to and excercise thing with her, if she likes fine wines take her to a wine tasting...maybe the environment you picked just isn't one she's comfortable in. :) | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/5/2005 9:00:55 AM | Ask Her, not us! Only she can tell you what she feels, wants and expects. The most difficult thing at your age, HEL, at any age, is to have a conversation. A conversation without objectives. You may find that her shyness is emptiheadedness, stupidity or inability to say, "Screw off" to somone she isn't interested in. Explore. Tell her you wants, hopes, plans and ask about hers. Enjoy the conversation for the conversation and not for where it may or may not lead.
Goog Luck | |
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| how to deal with shy girls?
Posted: 11/5/2005 9:10:17 AM | | I'm very quiet also so I'll speak from my personal experience. Never ask her why she's so shy or ask if she's nervous, etc. That makes me very uncomfortable so I imagine it has the same effect on other shy girls. Maybe crowds make her nervous and a different setting would be better - like a walk/picnic in the park or a movie night at her place. Once you get to know each other better perhaps she will be more comfortable going out to the bowling alley and other places. Ask her what her interests are and I'm sure you will find a topic that will get her talking :) My biggest piece of advice to you is just to be patient and understanding. Give her a goodnight hug everytime you see her and eventually she'll be the one initiating the hug - then move on from there. I hope this will help you out a bit. Good luck! | |
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