| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:02:55 PM | Went for a fabulous date yesterday which ended up at a very small downtown, very neighbourhood orientated pub with live music and dancing. It was so much fun.
The subject of women attending such venues by-themselves came up. My date, who has no problem going anywhere by himself, couldn't comprehend my discomfort level of attending a bar alone -- even a neigbourhood pub geared towards an older crowd with a good mixture of post teens thrown in. BTW, I don't have a problem doing anything else by myself. I just find this one awkward.
And it should be pointed out that my reason for even wanting to go to a neighbourhood pub is not for "pick-up" purposes, but to get out of the house, meet new people of both (all) genders/ ages and basically yak a few hours away (yes I'm a social creature).
MY QUESTION IS: what would you think -- both men and women -- when you see an "obviously" single older women in a pub? I make a lot of assumptions about their/your thoughts.
Do both the men and women think older/single women are there just to get picked up? Do they immediately think "Cougar"?
And, where does one sit when they're a single woman -- especially if there's no bar stools open? Please refrain from the obvious "on my lap baby"... LOL. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:16:50 PM | | The general consensus is a single woman in a bar is a "bar slut" and for the most part will be hit on. I'm not saying this is necessarily true, I'm just saying that is what the perception is. You have ever right to feel uncomfortable in that situation, as I'd imagine most women would. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:19:14 PM | When I lived in Vegas, there was a "local" pub I went too, it was the closest English pub in town and all the Brits/Irish/Kiwis/Aussies went there nightly. I wouldnt have the slightest concern about going there by myself, I was on my own, so its a good thing. :-)
it was more like a common room where I saw my friends. I have another one of these here in San Diego so, as long as its your local and you know people and feel comfortable there with the bar staff even if your friends arent there.. I wouldnt worry too much about what the 'non regulars' think
I'd sit anywhere I could get a drink or pub grub.. within viewing distance of the door so I can wave the buddies down as they come in (They will be happy with you for grabbing a decent table trust me!!)
:-)
Happy pubbing
Mari | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:21:04 PM | a woman alone going to a bar.... is not looked at in the same
way as a man going out to a bar.
There is also a higher risk of danger for a woman. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:28:01 PM | That is just so depressing, DaveP.
I travel a lot for business. And hotel room service gets really boring. So just as I would at home, I'll try to find a little pub where I can grab a beer and a bite to eat.
The depressing part is that 'the general consensus' is that a single woman at a bar is there for anything more than food and drink. Sure, it happens that there are 'cougars', but wow.... a guy can slide up to the bar alone and nobody gives it a second thought, but a woman... she's a slut. I guess that explains all the really bad opening lines I've heard. sigh.
I keep hoping that society will evolve, but am finding out that the same tired old stereotypes just don't die.
Come on, guys... surely you don't all think this way???
cb | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:28:58 PM | depends on the bar/pub/cafe.
also depends on the woman.
and her reasons for going there.
i tend to go places i know other people,
by myself or to meet up with others.
i wouldn't go anyplace i didn't feel safe at.
with someone or not.
i'm with annikov on this one.
sad to think we still fight stereotypical thinking. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:34:06 PM | | I have gone into bars/ pubs by myself, not with the intention of wanting to find action, but just to stop in and relax no big deal, I am a big girl, and I can go into one all alone,I really don't care what people think, I know I am not a slut,or cougar, or whatever you want to label me........and YA I walk to the bathroom on my own to use it when I go with a group of friends, I don't need a girl pal to follow me in....I think its ok to be confident and comfortable in your own skin, if no one can accept that, then they have a problem, not the single woman....this isn't sex in the city for all women. (Oh maybe my case works because I don't drink...hmmmmmm) | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:44:35 PM | There are far too many women travelling for work and ending up in other cities for days/weeks on end. I personally didnt come all the way from Ireland by myself to be worried about sitting in any bar alone.
As long as you stay alert and make friends with the bar staff, they will look out for you and you can enjoy yourself.
Mari | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:44:45 PM | I live in a small town and know a lot of people so it never bothered me to walk into a bar alone because I would almost always find people I knew who would offer me a seat.
I wouldn't stay if I didn't come across anyone I knew since it would defeat the purpose of having fun if I'm sitting alone. When that happens, just leave and go find them!
When several of us made arrangements to meet then it was expected that whoever got there first would save a table......not a big deal.
 | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:51:13 PM | If I were in a pub and saw a woman by herself......
I would probably think she was thirsty.
Then I might think the person she came with was in the washroom.
Or I might think the person she was meeting hasn't showed up yet.
When I was "on the prowl" I would probably go over and say hi.
Now that I'm involved, I might still say hi but I would only mean "hi"...lol
I could see how a woman might not want to go into a bar alone for her own safety but to feel like it's somehow inappropriate seems soooo nineteen fifties to me? If you want a drink and you're out, stop off for a pint....why not? If you're single and you want to get laid, go out and get a drink....why not? Guys don't have to justify why they go into a bar alone, why should you? | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:52:03 PM | I don’t know any man who is comfortable going to bars alone either, unless he is a lounge lizard or a bar fly.
I am a regular at a few places so that I am comfortable, can sit at the bar and have dinner by myself and usually bump into someone I know. I have also been going to one place friday's after work when had nothing better to do and a lot of people (men and women) show up by themselves because over the years we have gotten to know each other. the friday night gang. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:55:20 PM | It depends a lot I think about where you live. I live in a very behind the times town. I wouldn't think twice about walking my dogs at night, and people still do leave their doors unlocked. I have, and would go to a pub by myself, but only if there was an odd chance I would know some of the patrons. I used to bartend, and I never had a problem with people assuming I was there for anything else besides good conversation. I would never go to a "club" alone. They are meat markets, and I'm not a piece of meat | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 7:58:24 PM | | Well I assume she just wants to use me for hot sweaty monkey sex. But then again I tend to think all women want that. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:03:43 PM |
it was more like a common room where I saw my friends. I have another one of these here in San Diego so, as long as its your local and you know people and feel comfortable there with the bar staff even if your friends arent there.. I wouldnt worry too much about what the 'non regulars' think
Of course if it's a "local" hang out (got to love you Aussies, cause you have so many "hang-outs"), but the Q is regarding not being a LOCAL. Being a single older woman, and wanting to just use the PUB venue as a community/chat venue that's real-life... I guess.
The general feedback is discouraging for a single woman to venture into this venue. But the feedback is interesting. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:04:35 PM | | I'm a single woman who once in a while likes to get a drink. What is worse? Going someplace alone and being confident enough to do it or drinking alone at home? I say go out. Have fun, but remember where you are. Be aware and don't drink to much. There are some whackos out there. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:09:49 PM | | I have rarely seen women alone in bars when they are not familiar with staff .. when I do, they usually look constipated | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:12:29 PM | It would be nice to be able to do things guys can do and take for granted....
This is the truth.....luckily more and more women are breaking tradition and don't care if Dave thinks they're a 'bar slut'
(only kidding Dave cause I KNOW you meant some people see it that way).
When you see a woman sitting alone in a pub you can be certain that she is thinking about hot sweaty monkey sex with CountIbli......its what we all do with no exceptions. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:30:32 PM | | If I saw you rain_city in a bar by yourself, I wouldn't think of you as a "cougar" as you say. In fact, I'd talk to you. But I can see how others wouldn't understand. And like Rainbow said, a lady out by herself needs to be much more aware of her personal safety. I'd recommend being very familiar with the venue before going out to it by yourself. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:42:22 PM | I am way too uncomfortable to go into a bar/ pub alone...... I wouldn't and couldn't do it....
for some reason I think it is much easier for a man to do this! LOL | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 8:51:43 PM | Quote :I am way too uncomfortable to go into a bar/ pub alone...... I wouldn't and couldn't do it....for some reason I think it is much easier for a man to do this! LOL
Ya really think men never get hit on when they go to the pub alone ?
Not that we are complaining | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 9:16:15 PM | | I think if a woman wants to go to the pub club bar or what ever alone or accompanied then she should be allowed to do so. I play pool and dont always have someone to go and play with so I just walk in and put the coin on the table and wait for my turn.....one game later I own the table and now I am no longer alone .....its all good!!! | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 9:35:18 PM | | Don't shoot the messenger here. I just answered a question HONESTLY. I never assume anything about ANYONE. It was asked what the general consesus was, and I gave my opinion from what I know of "male thinking". I'm far from stereotypical, and I NEVER go to bars, even on dates. I'm not much of a drinker. And personally I'd rather enjoy the one or two beers I have a night at home, where I don't have to risk losing my license/career by being pulled over and blowing a DUI. But that's just me.. and I'm single and shit.. so maybe I'm doin it wrong. | |
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| Women at Pubs by Themselves
Posted: 11/7/2005 9:57:23 PM |
i wouldn't go anyplace i didn't feel safe at.
with someone or not
Feeling safe is a matter of perspective and sensetivity to environmental surroundings. I've worked in the absolute worst parts of drug-core Vancouver (think pregnant, hooker, meth/coke addicts --dang that's sad!).
I think a glass of wine at a Vancover neighbourhood pub should be ok as far as "safety". Again, I'm 50 years-old. I think I"ve learned my lessons and have a pretty good grip on the signals of psycotic behavior.
But my instincts tell me that people my age will be judged in a negative way when sitting there as single women in a pub. | |
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