| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/8/2005 8:22:52 PM | | Over and over again, I have chatted with guys here, and things seem to go well...then they seem to just disappear, without even a word. I am probably the least intimidating girl you will ever come across, so why is is such a challenge for them to tell me when they aren't into me? Just a little honesty doesn't seem like too much to ask for. I totally understand if someone isnt interested, that's not the issue. I just wish that they could have the guts to come out and say it to me. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/8/2005 8:39:22 PM | | Maybe it would be easier to be upfront with an intimidating woman. Speaking for myself, I sometimes discontinue a communication thread without saying I'm not interested. I do it because I don't like hurting people or saying anything mean. I know that honesty and openness are best, but I do unto others as I would have them do unto me - if the shoe is on the other foot (and it has been), I prefer not to hear that they're not interested in me. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/8/2005 9:16:46 PM | | I think it is because some guys don't want to hurt the girls feelings. That being said, it hurts me more when people stop talking to me for no reason, then when they flat out say no thanks. I have it happen to me so much on just this website. I send a guy an email, we chat on here for a few days, then he goes away. And I know some of these guys come online everyday, so it isn't a 'not able to get to a computer' situation. Personally, if I get a message from a guy and I'm not interested, I tell the truth. I say thank you for the message but I'm not interested. And then I wish them good luck in their search. That way I don't feel I'm being mean. I might not be interested in them, but someone else will be. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/8/2005 10:09:30 PM | | You know leafgirl....I'll admit I do have a hard time saying it...mainly because I do not want to hurt someone's feelings. But then, by saying you're not interested...that's a big blow to them as well. It's not just men doing it...women tend to do it too, I think anyone or everyone has a hard time letting someone down without having to apologize for destroying their hopes. It all depends I suppose on how long you've been chatting or seeing this person.... | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/8/2005 10:19:37 PM | I don't think it's about "guts." I have absolutely no interest in my mail man even though we've had friendly chats from time to time. I don't feel it's necessary to say to him, "Hey, I have no interest in you." I'm sure he would think I was nuts.  | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 4:42:03 AM | I think people disappear for one of 2 reasons.
either they are using you as a temporary distraction, cause your generally not cute enough, or something like that, to really grab thier attention, so they just talk to you alittle to have someone to talk to, but once they got someone more thier type, they just disappear.
or...
they just generally lost interest, and learned bad habits, cause people in the past had done that to them "just disappeard", and now it's part of thier habits now to, they learned it from someone else, and do it themself now. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 8:49:56 AM | | whats the best way to do this ladies,,, im in this predicament with this girl i have gone on 3 dates over 3 weeks with and i just dont feel "IT"... the attraction just isnt there... should i just be straight up? just tell her im not attracted? or should i smooth it over some so i dont shatter her ego? | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 4:51:33 PM | Lebonese, grow a pair and tell her. Either that or hope it just fades away....
No, really, it IS about courage. The first woman I met on here got the disappearing act from me and you know what? It was because I didn't have the garbonzos to tell her I didn't want to meet again in a romantic way. It really made me admit to myself that yes, I am way too shallow.
I felt like sh1t. I knew it made her feel bad and that just made it exponentially worse. Never faaking again will I do that. It's just ball-less and mean and really screws with their heads. It's just plain wrong.
Yank off that band-aid, it'll sting for a sec, but it won't leave you (or her) questioning your value as a person. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 5:03:18 PM | | Guilty........But on the other hand, my profile says I am looking for friends first. So in a way, there should be no expectation that I be interested to begin with. On the other hand, I, in general, certainly AM interested in friendships with females of any type. So, I am interested in that and once we become friends I might be a little......unwilling to hurt your feelings because of the friendship. So its tough to do. I dont want to be dishonest by any means. But when feelings are involved, I have a hard time letting anyone down, especially a friend. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 5:12:09 PM | OK GUYS LISTEN UP
I, as an older woman, can tell you from my own experience, from talking to other women of all age groups, from the experiences of my two daughters and all six of my co-worker women that I discussed this with:
IT HURTS A WOMAN'S FEELINGS A HELL OF A LOT MORE TO BE TOSSED LIKE YESTERDAY'S NEWS AND IGNORED WITHOUT A WORD THAN IT DOES TO HEAR SOMEONE SAY, "i'M SORRY THIS JUST WON'T WORK."
The old, "I don't want to hurt her" thing, if you gentlemen would be truly honest, translates to I don't want to have to go through an uncomfortable situation.
What the consensus, ladies? Do you agree? | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 5:33:26 PM | | It's so not a big deal to me if we never actually meet. If we are just talking online, then I don't feel bad if they just disappear. On the other hand, I just had a guy I had been chatting online with for a month and we talked about going out on more than one occasion. Once the date was set, I got ready and guess what?? He never showed up. THAT hurt! But, since we never really met, I got over it-fast, and oh, emailed and told him he was spineless!! Don't give up! | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 6:50:09 PM | | Its not that they don't want to hurt you or let you down easy,,,it all comes down to morals, they lack the most basic of instincs,,,telling the truth,,and they don't care,,,thats all there is to it ,,,if they really cared for you they would tell you. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:07:07 PM | yep!!,,
000firefighter is right on the mark with that one. They dont care!!!
It is brutal reality. There is absoulutly nothing you can do about it. You just have to accept it.
You cant make a person care about you or have the same feelings you do towards them. It is better in the long run when this does happen to you, just to pick your self up...dust yourself off and move on.
It could be your loss..or more then likely their loss but either way..It wasnt meant to be!! | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:24:07 PM | There are several reasons, and yes I have told a number of girls I'm not interested. It's hard and it's not easier when you have to have a 2 hour conversation on what you don't like and why she isn't the perfect girl for you. Especially if you give it an honest try. I'll typically atleast meet a girl and see if there is a spark, especially if she's atleast decent and nice. There is always the chance of making a great friend. If there is a remote possibility of more and the 1st date didn't go too great, if I'm not too busy I'll go on a second. I don't think this is leading a girl on, it's just feeling out for the possibility.
I think if more women didn't go through the whole wounded lover routine, more guys would be honest. Also it's nothing personal usually. just because a guy doesn't want to go out doesn't mean you are a bad person or damaged goods or whatever. But most girls get so offended or hurt, after a couple times of dealing with that, kinda makes disappearing sound like a good idea. | |
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| Why don't many guys have the guts to say they aren't interested?
Posted: 11/9/2005 7:38:44 PM | You know, I think we can learn the most from non-verbal communication-- in other words, action. A guy doesn't have to tell you he's not interested; he's interested when he shows interest by calling you up frequently and asking you to hang out. Most often when a guy is not interested it'll show when you don't hear from him very often. Learn to look out for these signals and you won't have to hear in so many words how he feels before yu know yourself. And if the guy is too wimpy to let you know, move on to someone with enough backbone to show you how much he likes you.  Hope this helps! | |
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