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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?      Home login  
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 onlytimecantell
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 1
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I gues this question applies to men out here. So here is my sinerio. About a month ago, I met a local man on this web site. We saw each other for about 2 weeks, seeing each other about every couple of days. About three weeks, he stopped wanting to come around. Said he had to work, he was tired, going out with friends, ''but it will be soon" promise.
We talk via IM here on the site and through the internet. He talk daily. But, every time I ask him if wants to come over he has an excuse. Now, come on, I am not dumb, I know he's not interested because in the last three weeks there had been no effort put into this relationship. I have commented to him, how it's been a long time and that I personally think he's trying to give me the brush off. But he says the big NO!
How would or should I deal with him? I want to come out blank and ask him YES or NO are you going to continue to date me, without him keeping giving me excuses.

 Jacen
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 2
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 3:11:08 PM
Honestly it could be a bunch of things. He may not be as attracted to you as he was before. might not have had that click with you. maybe he is an ***hole and is keeping you on the side cuz of another girl he would rather be with than u. sorry for the honestly but hey i think women should know what some guys think and do. or if you two had sex and he didn't find it very good or something. some guys are just ***holes and do stupid shit and some guys are nice and feel maybe it was moving too fast. So it is all up to you what u think you should do for you. will u be happy not knowning for sure and being with this guy. or would u be happier not being with him and just staying single a little while longer.

and that is my 2 cents.

Thanks ladies and gentlemen i will be here all week.
 Puckerdillo
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 3
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 3:14:06 PM
You're keepin' it clean, right?
 Jacen
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 4
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 3:15:40 PM
trying to sorry hehe i'm new
 Puckerdillo
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 5
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 3:21:25 PM
^^^
I'm talking aobut her keepin' the coochie clean. If it aint clean, I'm not seen!
 Jacen
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 6
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 3:25:34 PM
oh man now that is just harsh. hehe
 onlytimecantell
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 7
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 4:57:48 PM
YES, OH YES I AM KEEPING IT CLEAN!! One thing I always do. I always, always, always have a shower half an hour just before he came over. God, I can't imagine not having a shower before any guy went down there....lol!
I don't know what his deal is. I've tried in a soft mannered way, "if you aren't interested, it's okay, you can tell me". But's he always NO ...NO...NO...? I don't get it. He talks very sexual with me all the time, and that is the main conversation I have noticed from him lately. I see him browsing the site all the time. But we have just met last month. He always talk about the "next time" and "soon hun, soon".
I just am a little shy to pick up the phone and say, "hey, i am getting the clear vibe that you are not interested and hey, that's perfectly acceptable to me, because that does happen, but stop stringing me along like you are interested, it's been three weeks, I get the HINT", but for some reason I try to do it backwards.
Would love a script to call this guy....lol! Okay, I am a big chicken. Maybe because I just got out of a bad relationship last year. Just started dating again for the first time in 11 mths.

Call me scaredy pants.
 Jacen
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 8
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 5:19:48 PM
hey i am right there with ya i got out of a 3 and half year relationship and i went on a few dates and they didn't last so i know how u are feeling trust me. but maybe he is stringing you along cuz he wants to keep u as a fuk buddy? that is about all i got for now.
It is hard to recall the ***hole days. they were so many years ago.
 JustReal
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 9
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 5:50:17 PM
The book "he's not that into you" would be a good read..sounds like he is playing you.

Here's a little advice from the book and it applies to how women are with men as well.

Words of Wisdom:


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he does not want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that is not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you, as you deserve then heck no, you cannot "be friends". A friend would not mistreat a friend.
Do not settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Do not stay because you think, "it will get better." You will be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Do NOT EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
Not all men are dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he does not turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you are always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Do not fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.



Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...

You will make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. The same can be said for a man when it comes to a women.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them......
 Jacen
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 10
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 5:53:36 PM
i read that book. my ex has it. yes ladies read that book.
and i am serious.
 onlytimecantell
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 11
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:05:42 PM
thank you for the gentle reminder. i know that, but sometimes you tend to forget. i copied and pasted it every friend i have, male and female. i am thinking of mustarding up the courage to call and tell him frankly, i know all his stories have been stories, he's never been hurt by a girl last month that was dating mulitple men and that i am not going to be hurt by some little guy that can't be a man and tell me the truth. it may only been a couple of weeks, but i will not be strung around like a toy for a dog.
 Jacen
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 12
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:13:52 PM
thats right sister. hahahah no I am not gay hahahha
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 13
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:25:07 PM
He has already voted with his feet, I think. Super glue may work as a temporary measure, until he figures out he can untie his shoelaces and escape.
 onlytimecantell
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 14
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:29:36 PM
have no clue what you mean by that paradoxx?
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 15
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:44:18 PM
He has already voted with his feet...he is where he wants to be for now.

Men are rather headstrong creatures, in my experience you can't hope a man into loving or dating you that dosent want to. Why he says is secondary to what he does.
 onlytimecantell
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 16
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/10/2005 6:46:16 PM
okay gotcha now...it's must be that i am tired that i didn't get you the first time....lol
 OnLoch
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 17
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/13/2005 8:01:19 AM
YES, OH YES I AM KEEPING IT CLEAN!! One thing I always do. I always, always, always have a shower half an hour just before he came over. God, I can't imagine not having a shower before any guy went down there....lol!

First off I would like to say that a shower is appreciated. I, myself, try to shave so as to not scratch your thighs...

Secondly, if you two have sex and now he is gone then it is obvious what he was there for.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 18
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/13/2005 8:29:19 AM
only Known him a month or so, dated him 2 weeks and you're talking relationship? HOw could you possibly know him well enough for that? As others have said, he's simply enjoying the benefits of having sex, and will get back to you when he feels like it. I don't think what you have could be considered a relationship, at least not by him. If you want to, sure go ahead and flat out ask him what's going on? But be prepared for an honest answer, you may not like what he has to say.
 stilllookingforyou2
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 19
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/13/2005 8:34:25 AM
So you think tha women are more up front?
 Blastkist
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 20
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/13/2005 5:15:46 PM
What in the heck does your coochie being clean or not clean have to do with what you originally asked? LOL! Wow, some people...
 eriktheawful
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 21
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 11/13/2005 6:34:21 PM
In a nutshell women do the same thing call go out visit get some come back and keep it going till tey find someone else. Some one cuter better in bed more money time or material stuff. Just be up front tell them like it is spare them the anxeity of not knowing your intentions. I do, sometimes i get slapped, but other times i get a reward. People just be yourself and tell it all.
 BlueButterfly_06
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 22
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 1/18/2006 8:57:42 AM
Hey I have to put in my two cents here he is doing it cause you moved too fast and he is an *** hole. If you slept with him that would be why too. you said that you comitted to him after two weeks of seing eachother well that will make a guy run faster than any thing should have played it cool hun. My opinion is not to even saay another thing to him your giving him way too much attention, and he dosen't deserve it, if you show you care he'll keep playing.
 Soul_Mates
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 23
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 1/23/2006 10:56:07 AM
I don't know why people behave that way (because men and women have been guilty of this).

If there has been some semblance of time invested - I think the person should be honest about it.

Whether it's that they are no longer interested, they are interested and want to slow down or they are legitimately busy with other life issues and are still as interested as before...
 harmony1969
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 24
why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 1/23/2006 2:24:45 PM
I just am a little shy to pick up the phone and say, "hey, i am getting the clear vibe that you are not interested and hey, that's perfectly acceptable to me, because that does happen, but stop stringing me along like you are interested, it's been three weeks, I get the HINT", but for some reason I try to do it backwards.


I hear you loud and clear on this one. Has happened to me, and when I try to clarify the matter I'm told that's not the case. And it gives me a headache.

I sometimes think it's usually a case of them wanting to see if the grass is greener elsewhere, but don't want to get rid of you because they liked you, but, there might be someone else out there that's better (I find that to be a problem with people and this internet thing, it's like a damned grocery store). Hey, that's fine, but after I've asked a few times, haven't gotten an honest answer but you still make excuses about seeing me, don't expect me to be sitting around waiting!
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 25
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why won't a guy tell you that he's NOT interested dating you?
Posted: 1/24/2006 12:46:01 AM
ok when you say you are talking to him is it always you that is contacting him. Does he call you ?

The way to deal with this is pretty simple but a lot of women have a hard time doing this [ including me in the past but I learned the wise ways Sensei] is DONT contact him anymore. You have made the effort...he knows you are interested and like him. If he wants to put effort in, he will contact you. If he doesnt he is not interested. Do you really, really want him to spell it out for you. He wont most likely, which is why he keeps saying NO to you about the brush off. Because they dont want to hurt your feelings or tick you off. Maybe he still likes you as a friend, but doesnt want to date anymore. You have tried to talk about it with him and he doesnt want to I would say leave it.

And also you know what, so many times I hear women say they want this answer, but then what is the first thing you will do if he tells you he isnt interested? I bet $50 the next question from you will be why? - and then when he tells you I bet another $50 you are going to try and argue with him or negotiate with him to change his mind or get the outcome you would prefer.

Im not saying every female will do this I am just saying it happens soooo much. Its not unreasonable to ask why, Im not saying its wrong either, Its just a reflex action sometimes, and then the guy has to go through the awkward bit of trying to explain. Sometimes they will, but mostly they wont. They choose avoidance and sometimes I can understand why because you never know how someone is going to take a no. Not saying this is you, I am talking in general terms here

Dont mean to be harsh either...but I think this one of the major reasons guys just wont do the "tell you they dont want to see you anymore" thing. Just accept his actions as your answer. It really is the truth.
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