| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 6:12:19 AM | Question – Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
I met a woman last week that I liked very much. Apparently she felt the same way – enough at least to agree to a second date. Trouble is, I found out she is dating several other guys at the same time. Her reasoning is that she needs to explore a variety of personalities and physical types before arriving at a decision. On the surface I don’t have a problem with this unless you are playing the numbers game through the use of a dating pool. I think it very disingenuous to date several people at the same time pitting one against the other. In my opinion, it confuses the issue leading to inherent indecision and squandering of opportunities. My approach is to date one person at a time until such time as I know for sure they are either a match or not. This may take just one date or several. However, in this way I am not distracted but rather focused on the individual and thus able to concentrate on their personality traits and potential compatibility. Am I right or wrong to think this?
P.S. I called off the second date because of this. | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 6:21:01 AM | | I prefer to date one person at a time also, but....I don't really think there is anything wrong with a person that chooses to date different people at once, within reason. Unless there is some commitment between the 2 people involved, and you have both discussed the fact that you would like to date each other exclusively, then dating is just that....dating | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 6:31:18 AM | | I don't think there is anything wrong with dating more than one person, that's why it's called dating. I've done it, but, I've always told the guy that they're not the only one. I don't see a problem with it as long as you're open and honest about it, this way it won't come back and bite ya in the butt. Cuz some chicks and men get all weird when they think they're the only one you're dealing with, then find out otherwise. | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 6:32:50 AM | maybe the word "dating" should be replaced with the word "meeting" when it is just a first date and then it doesn't sound as bad to be meeting several people. After all we all know that we are all speaking to more than one person when we are on a dating site.
Its takes more than a first date to make any kind of committment so I think just relax about it and if you liked her, its a pity you called off a 2nd date. | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 10:54:43 AM | I don't mind 'getting to know' a number of people at the same time but no sex. Once it becomes actual 'dating' though, I get more exclusive. You can't tell if you want to be exclusive with someone just by meeting them once or twice! That is kind of like forcing something that might not really be any good any way!
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 11:00:48 AM | | Dating is like car shopping. I'm going to test out cars I like and eventually stick with the one that I like best or suits me best. I see no problem with it. But, I can't afford two or more cars at the same time so when I'm done testing it, it's time to sign away my life! | |
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7times
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Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 8 | |
| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 11:05:27 AM | first off you aren't or weren't dating..
going on a date or even a 2nd one doesn't mean your dating someone, thats part of the whole getting to know you thing.. Dating comes later when you feel this is a person you would like to spend your time with and they feel the same.
or maybe thats just my thinking. | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 11:13:54 AM | ^^^^^ 7
Exactly....
OT: People are so word sensitive...
What ever happen to going with the feeling, the reaction, time spent together time not spent together.
why in the heck would any one assume you are dating someone off of a couple of dates.
I dont considered myself exclusive untill we have both agreed on that and that is what we both want.
Dating to me is dating! Checking out the posabilities of getting to know each other.
Maybe we should call it dating around. Instead of just the work "dating" | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 12:03:22 PM | | I think some of you missed the point. It is not about seeking a partner, we all do that. Seeking is one thing, playing the field something totally different. How would you feel if you met someone you were really interested in. Wouldn’t you want to see that person as often as possible to see if there was anything between the two of you? And how would you feel when you found out you were one of many he or she was seeing. Wouldn’t you think that if you are just another member in the dating lineup there just might be a little insincerity involved? Kind of like the old notch in the bedpost story. OK – maybe after the first meeting things don’t go well and either or both decide to move on. That’s part of the selection process. But if there is a second and subsequent meeting, wouldn’t you think there is something more than just a passing interest. And if there is interest, isn’t it better to avoid the distraction of a dating lineup and give that person your undivided attention until such time as you know one way or the other if they are right for you. I mean, if it is all just a numbers game, might as well line us all up like they do at the Westminster Kennel Club and give the blue ribbon to the one with the shiniest coat. | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 12:08:05 PM | If you called off the second date you are out of the competition, dude.
From 'her' point of view, the harder you try means the more you want her. If she acknowledged to go on a second date with you, then you still had a good hand.
Look at it from the other guys' perspective. He/they are exactly in the same position as you are.
Calling off a date will also make you out to appear as possessive and/or selfish. Besides, you will give the runner up a better probability to win her heart.
If you really want the girl, go after her. If it ain't too late, stick to that date! | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 12:11:22 PM | I hear ya, but I don't know if a person can make a decision that quickly. I just looked at your profile, and it seems like you're looking for a new long-term relationship. Don't you think it makes sense to go out with someone 4-5 times before you decide if you will become exclusive in a relationship with potential for long-term? Just sounds to me like you're asking alot from just a couple of evenings out with someone.
And thanks for laugh with the kennel club joke. Too bad you don't have a picture on your profile, so we'd know if you have the shiniest coat!
ciao! | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 12:24:22 PM | At least she was honest.
She could have not told you and then when you found out.... you would wonder why she did not tell you.
????? damned if you do damned if you dont. she took the chance and well.... We see where the two of you are now... Not together... there for you were not meant to be and she will move on and continue to date. | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 12:25:12 PM | When one goes out with a friend....is it a date.....or just getting out.
If one has many friends....and is single.....well....that's the benifits of being single.
Many single do quit well.........and enjoy this freedom.
I've mentioned this before.....If your single....you don't have to "commit" to just one.
Sandy is a great swimmer....but can't cook....
Cindy is a great cook .but can't swim.
Linda really likes going quading......but hates to cook .and doesn't like water.
Sue is a great cuddler....but hates quads and outdoors.
Perhaps your in the .swim....but can't cook catigory with this lady that has stolden your heart.
Best ...if you enjoy swimming with her.......call her when you feel like a swim.
and DON'T expect her to be the gourmet cook in your life.
Call cindy when you feel like a good meal.
Dating is another word for....I'm just looking....
When you find your lil' miss perfect....you'll be shit outta luck....
cuz she'll be looking for MR. Perfect too.
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 12:33:35 PM | Hey Annikav
Not only is it shiny ..... it's free of fleas.
And who said anything about exclusivity. It's about discovery. Is this person for me or not? If you are competing with 4 or 5 or more all at the same time... who's fooling who and who is really trying to find out about someone. Maybe you can read several books at the same time .... I can't ........ and even if I could ........ I'd end up missing all or part of the stories. | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 12:35:32 PM | I went out with a guy last year, 3 times, then didn't hear from him for about 4 weeks (although he did leave the country for a week).. I pretty much wrote it off, although he kept saying how much he liked our dates, etc. When he finally contacted me (after about a month), he said he wanted to see me again.... that I was the best date he'd had out of about 20 dates....
Sorry, but I laughed and said see ya later~~~If you're gonna do the test driving stuff, I would suggest to all guys that you not admit it outright... Quite offensive.. or maybe I was being overly sensitive... At least he could have stayed in touch over that 1 month time period, while he was "test driving others">? | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 1:19:09 PM | Applebite is so right. If she has any inkling of why you broke that second date then she will interpret it as passing judgment, which is a very silly thing to do. I get weirded out when someone expects me to follow some set of rules after just a handful of dates. It is completely possible to date several people and give them special attention, because different people bring new and different things to the dating arena. The special guy usually distinguishes himself pretty fast for me, and if he works on the relationship as much as I am willing to then I have no problem being exclusive. But it takes awhile to get there.
You waste a whole lot less time that way, too. I can’t tell you how many times I got cheated by focusing on one guy to the detriment of another. Inevitably the one I spent all that exclusive time with was the loser and the guy I balked on ended up being a “might’ve been" sort of thing. We are all single here (well most of us.) We are free agents and should be able to do what we want in dating without judgment.
Rap | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 1:40:17 PM | ezon - regarding discovery versus exclusivity....
I don't know how others fare in the on-line dating world, but my experience is feast or famine. So during a 'feast' phase it's entirely possible to be seeing more than one guy while trying to whittle down the list to a managable number (that number would be 1, btw. and just for added clarity, I'm only talking dating, not sex). Cause if you don't, you end up wondering 'what could have been' when you get to one of those inevitable famine stages.
I agree it can be hard to keep the stories straight, but I don't honestly know another way to approach it. I think she was being honest with you, which is a good thing. And if you like her, then why not give her another chance?
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 1:50:12 PM | | I understand what ezonthei is saying. I myself prefer to date one guy at a time. People "date" in different ways. The ideal is finding someone who has the same style and values that you do. If I found out that someone I was seeing was still "looking" then I wouldn't turn down a date if someone else asked me out, no matter how much I liked the guy I was seeing. It's not that I would stop seeing him, because if I didn't like his company I wouldn't be seeing him in the first place.... but why would I limit myself to just him if he is not ready or wanting to do that with me. | |
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| Is there anything wrong with dating several people at the same time?
Posted: 11/11/2005 4:41:10 PM | | Well, I think you messed up big time. If she wanted to go out again, it's a good sign. Maybe she will like you the best of all the guys she is 'meeting'. You didn't give yourself a chance to win her. How can you expect someone to drop all their other opportunities after meeting you just ONCE. Did you even kiss her? Sleep with her? I doubt it. Desperate people like you scare the average woman. I mean, you must be desperate right? Or do you have five other women lined up waiting to date you while you give an exclusive commitment to this lady on the first date? | |
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