Lexi1
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Joined: 10/24/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 3:00:00 PM | | Me and my ex bf broke up 2 months ago. I'm still soo upset about it, I cry about it every night. I just can't accept the fact that its over. I do everything to try and get over it but nothing works. I know it takes time but its been 2 months and I am still devestated over it. I just think to myself how can someone love me and not anymore. We were soo close. It just seems like the pain will never go away. I feel like no guy on this face of the planet will ever love me and I'll die alone. I know its not true but I am still in a lot of pain. Can someone please help me out. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 3:14:58 PM | Oh Lexi
I am so sorry hun, One of my very best girlfriends is going through the exact same thing right now. Her fiance just told her one day that he loves her but is no longer "IN Love" with her and he moved out.
She is so scared of being alone for the rest of her life, and she has been so sad. She is wondering how this man could ask her to marry him, and not love her anymore..
Someone is out there though that will love you unconditionally for the rest of your life. I believe there is someone for everyone. You may have to go through a few duds before finding him but everything takes time. Spend time with those that are close to you. Get out and have some fun. You will probubly meet your prince charming when you least expect it.
Right now my girlfriend is going through the different phases that all people in a broken relationship usually take. hurt, sad, angry, bitterness...etc...at the end though there is acceptance. You will get there eventually and when you look back at all of this you will relize that it was all a lesson learned. Try not to have any regrets though, that will bring you down more.
try to smile, and best of luck. It will all be ok | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 3:19:23 PM | HI LEXI,
I know the feeling, I have been there many, many times myself. Sometimes you feel like you can't breath and its impossible to listen to the radio anymore. We all have gone thru it one time or another. My advice is to make time for yourself, find new hobbies, hang out with trusted friends and make new ones, and just put one foot in front of the other, it will get better believe me.  | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 4:02:30 PM | I'm sorry to hear of your pain- I understand. Even though people tell you you're not alone, that is probably how you feel right now.
Be strong. Know that this will pass, even if it's rotten to go through to get to the other side. I have been there, too- and I have survived, even though I often wondered if I would.
I broke up with the man I thought I would spend the life with, after years of being together. It's not been easy; I won't tell you it will be.
I actually met a sweet man here, who made me feel good again in a way I'd long missed. He seems to have fallen off radar, and I don't know if we will have a relationship, despite the chemistry that we shared. Time will tell on that one, but the point I'm trying to get to is, I finally felt that heart-skips-a-beat feeling again, when I was wondering if I ever would again.
You will find someone new. It may be a while, and heaven knows, not when you are looking for it, more often than not.
It will take time. And you will find your own strength in living through this- it's like tempering the steel of your soul.
Allow yourself some introspection, to learn from what went well and what didn't- but *keep moving*!
Spend time with friends, go for walks, what ever works- but get out there, breathe fresh air, let exercise give you the endorphins you need right now. The mistake I made was to hide from the world and wallow in my pain. Yes, everyone needs a Ben & Jerry's menage-a-trois and some good ugly crying- that is part of the mourning and healing. But in excess, all you get is depressed, lonely, and a bad cholesterol number.
take care of yourself,and let those that care for you be there for you.
*big virtual hug*
macgoddess | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 4:56:00 PM | | ya I have been there well I there now. there was a gril I like for a long time and we started dateing and she dumped me and its does hurt. but I guess it will go away at some point. I just trying to say your not alone. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 5:27:11 PM | Hey Munchkin! :)
Yup, I'm plenty old enough to be your dad so I can call you Muchkin!
MacGoddess and Matt put in some good words.
MG said to "...let those who care about you be there for you." You have friends...go do stuff with them...how about your girlfriend in the picture...you two go hang out...have fun...(easy on that wine)...Don't sit around long enough to think about what happened.
Matt hit it right, "...you're not alone." I'll add, "You are in good company". Alot of nice folks out here have broken up with someone and despite the pain we have all fought our way back. You can do it too...we are cheering for you!
If you need to cry every night...it's ok to cry. But before you go to sleep, think about pleasant things...about new stuff you have been wanting to do...make plans for the week-end...come up with some mischief! What you think about when you go to sleep, it what you will think about when you wake up. Think about great stuff before sleep and you'll wake up with a much better frame of mind.
While I am sounding like the psychologist that I am not...Make up your mind that you can get through this...and trust me, you will be surprised at how your mood improves.
I'll join in MG's virtual hug...Munchkin! :-)
Cheers,
R.B. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 5:37:57 PM | You're 18!!!!!!!!!! Get over it. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 5:43:43 PM | | Hey Lexi, I agree with RB in that you have a right to feel your feelings. Cry if you feel like crying? Absolutely. I've buried my feelings for years with alcohol and drugs. Now that I am in recovery, I allow myself to feel because if I suppress them (without chemicals) they end up coming out sideways and hurting others. Acceptance is tough but key here. Accept that fact that you have no control over what other people do. And if you are a spiritual gal you may want to think/believe that everything happens for a reason and that this guy just wasn't meant for you. Share your feelings with others as others have suggested. Also, I have found that in times of pain/tragedy, helping other people gets me out of myself and off the "poor me" kick. Making a list of things you have to be grateful for too. You are young and pretty - I am sure you will find love and no way die alone. Think positive. I am cheering for you in South Florida. Ben. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 6:34:47 PM | | Is this what they call support and encouragement in your world? | |
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rbintx
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Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 6:35:28 PM | | that last message was meant for Jimb77 | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 7:07:02 PM | Lexi
It is very sad,know the feelings.
The bad part is we all have to go through bad times in life,the good part is we can eventually get over the bad parts.
It will take you time,everyone has a different time frame of when they can get over a hurt.
I found if you keep yourself busy,and think positive that helps.
Wish you feel better | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 10:13:57 PM | | The answer to your question is that he never loved you. maybe it was a sex thing. I just know that time and distance makes the difference. Do not hang out in the same places or with mutual friends. Also go out with some body else. From your pic, I don't think you'd have problem getting asked out. Don't go lookin for love, most guys are not worth it. Just go out for fun. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/13/2005 10:19:56 PM | | I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Lexi. I'm sure that you'll get through this. Just continue to live and breathe. You will find a way and I know that you will be loved again. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:41:48 AM | lexi,
i know how u feeling gurl..me and my bf broke up in august and yet i still can't get over him...i think sometimes to myself we will get back together again...cuz maybe we will who knows...i dunno i miss him we were so close..and he broke up w/ me on the phone...and said we can still be friends..but everytime i hangout w/ him just as friends it feels different...i miss cuddlying and all that w/ him...he was truly the niceset guy i have dated...i know i will fine someone ....someday...but i miss him he was my frist luv...the first guy i ever dated that i have feelings for...i dunno if i should tell him that i still care and have feelings for him cuz he might think i am crazie and obsesive or something and he might think i can't get over him...i can...but i dunno i just reallie liked this guy....and god...i pray that i can get over him and move on.......its been 3 months since we broke up............mmmmmm.... | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:58:11 AM | Hopefully my story might share some insight for you. I know it hurts, and it probably will for sometime.
I moved to Oklahoma City from New Orleans, obviously because of Katrina. I met someone locally after getting settled, and things moved along at a normal pace. Unfortunately, things started to go badly after she got a job. I don't know if this had anything to do with it, and to be honest, I don't think it really matters.
Getting down to the point, she left about a month ago. Here's the thing. She simply walked out. No reason, no talking, no anger, NOTHING. You want to talk about hurting? I had just lost literally everything back in New Orleans, and now she was gone also. I don't know what her reasons were. I tried to contact her for a day or so after, but I don't believe in chasing after people. If she wants to, she knows how to get a hold of me.
What I DO know that I miss her terribly. She was there for me at the truly LOWEST point in my life, and for her to walk out on me at that point in my life was in my opinion, mean and cruel. I'm sure she had her reasons, but I don't know that I'll ever know what they were.
It does hurt, and since I haven't called or emailed or tried to keep in touch, the pain has gotten easier. The best thing to do, and this was just for me, was to miss her, mourn the passing of the relationship, and then try my best to move on. Because it is a death of sorts, and you will go through a grieving process. Don't deny yourself that. It's okay to miss being around someone, the things that you did together, and just the idea of the other person being there.
I hope it all works for you, and I wish you luck and good fortune in the future.
PS. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 11:35:37 AM | Love can be thought of as one word used for many different yet related feelings and intentions. Sometimes when someone uses the word love, they mean at the moment they are overwhelmed with affection for you. That happens a lot either right before, during or right after sex. Another example of when the word love is used is after knowing someone for twenty years it suddenly hits you how much they mean to you, and you say you love them, meaning you have known them a long time.
So don't be upset when one kind of love is fleeting. It doesn't mean nobody will love you in other ways, or for longer. You may have expected them to stay around, thinking it was the same as the love you hoped for. But evidently their love was for a while and they moved on to some other pursuit.
In the future you can figure it takes a while to tell how someone is loving you, by the hour or for a lifetime. It probably hurts so much because you feel like you royally screwed up, caring so much for a temporary boyfriend. Maybe by dwelling on it you hope to do penance, or find a way to explain it. But none of that gets you anywhere. It is experience, a lesson learned, and now you know why older people are always telling about young people as if they have so much left to learn. You just learned some of it. Don't worry about it. Everyone learns the same way by heartbreak.
Pick yourself up and have fun. The only thing worse than getting dumped like that is making heartache into a hobby, when you could be out having fun. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 2:43:35 PM | Lexi,
You're very young, and the young are resilient. Two months is not that long a time. You're certainly entitled to your feelings, even though those of us older may have a hard time remembering what it's like to be 18 and heartbroken, so have your feelings, and then move ahead. Lots of fish in the sea, as they say. {{{Lexi}}} | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:38:43 PM | | I know exactly what you are going through. I just broke up with my girlfriend of almost 8 years and we have a 2 year old. She was the one that broke things off, and she already has a new boyfriend. I spend most of my time crying in my room, but at least I'm not calling her every five minutes and begging her to stay with me and give it another chance anymore. It's still hard to function normally. Even at work I come close to leaving which would be bad considering I've already took off a few days so I could stay home and mope and think about why I'm not good enough all of a sudden. I don't know if this helps you at all, but if you need to chat, I'm all ears. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:53:05 PM | I cannot offer any advice that hasn't been mentioned here, and damn...there is some good advice here. I can only join the ranks and say yup...am going throught it too, the crying, the questions, the termoil....and sometimes it feels like it will never end, the wound seems so fresh....
My only refuge is that after reading these forums, I realize I am not alone, and I don't know anyone here, but it is a good feeling to her the conforting thoughts..... all the best to those who hurt for love.....keep the faith! | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:15:06 PM | | Be careful.....dont let your guard down because of how you feel. Dont try to get with someone now, while it still hurts. Thats a rebound and it hurts worse the second time around. Just be cool......things will be ok.....you will think about things, six months from now, and they will still piss you off but they will be fading. Just dont let your guard down.....not now and not at your age. You have alot of life to live yet. pursue your own goals, your own dreams.....be your own person.....then seek out the other person......Dont limit that search and you will find him, even if he lives in China (might make the relationship kinda hard but, you get where I am coming from)........DONT SETTLE!! | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:21:09 PM | Hun the chances are he never knew what love was from the get go. This will heal in time. Be gentle with yourself and pamper yourself for a while. Don't expect too much from yourself as you go through this transition and those tears are healthy and cathartic...just don't feel ashamed of them and don't stifle what you truly feel...
You'll find better. | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 9:41:18 PM | Hi Lexi, geez I'm twice as old as you. As I think back to my college days, I got hurt in a few relationships. The one thing that would have helped me get past these breakups is closure.
If you don't know why your dude dumped you, confront him tastefully and respectfully and find out. If he avoids you, you know he lacks character. That helps you to move on.
If after confronting him and you don't like the answer, sleep on it for a day, then write a letter with taste and respect. You can send it to him or not. Sleeping on it prevents you from doing or saying something rash. Being tasteful and respectful reinforces your dignity.
If you do this stuff and your man re-approaches you, be very weary. It might work, but don't set yourself up for another fall.
Good luck to you Lexi!  | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:16:59 PM | | I will never love again thats for sure Love is great but when it ends wow I was with a woman and married for three years and then she told me it was over cause of somthing that happened in her past she was my best friend my soul mate and now im just a broken shell of what I use to be now when I meet women its all different walls go up I cant risk love ever again its too painfull but in the back of my head I still wonder what if and what is love anyways is it somthing that u feal for atime and then its gone is love just a passing emotion | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:21:25 PM | | I feal for ya Lexi but it doesnt get beter the pain will allways be there if its true!! | |
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| Sad and broken
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:27:07 PM | I am in the same situation, from the start, we found much in common 
suffice to say, she rejected me after I said how I felt (Marina Burns is her name) --- suffice it to say, graduation put us apart  but if we see each other again, what should we do? talk things over or proceed with the break up? | |
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