| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 12:19:51 AM | Hello again folks, it's time for some single male anst
What is it about me that makes every woman that I've ever been interested in want to be my "friend" Does anyone buy the "oh, I just want to be friends" line anymore? Has this statement not been recognized as one of the biggest lies in the world, yet? I mean, rejection is painful enough without having my intelligence insulted too. I mean, maybe I'm just jaded, but I'm at the point where I would rather have someone tell me that they think that I'm a creep, and that I'm never to speak to them again. It wouldn't sound too nice, but it would be a hell of a lot better than having to sit through the entire cliched monologue that some women put me through, e.g "I like you as a friend, call me some time" "You're really nice, but... I had a lot of fun, but... You get the idea. I wonder if it's ever occured to these people that FRIENDS DON'T LIE TO EACH OTHER! If you're not interested, just say it! If I was just free entertainment for an evening, say it! If I disgust you entirely, then bring it on! I'm a big boy, I can take the pain! Don't get me wrong though, a few of my new "friends" will actually make an attempt at civility when they see me, just not in front of their "real" friends, and certainly not for more than maybe thirty seconds, ya...friends indeed. Anyway, don't take me too seriously, I'm just mad because I made a new "friend" tonight. Dammit, being alone sucks.  | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:31:56 AM | Funny how I was gonna post something almost exactly like this....
Had an ex say this when we broke up, right before she started dating someone else. I really wish she would have been mature enough to say that she wanted to see other people and not "beat around the bush".
That's what it's all about...maturity. Women that say this want an easy out, plain and simple. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:47:42 AM | women aren't just baby machines. i know several that don't want kids.
i feel your pain alphaguy. are these women that value honesty as well?
there are some really amazing women out there, don't lose hope! | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:01:20 AM | Well being a women I have a little different take on why we say we just want to be "friends". Atleast for me when I just want to be friends it means I am not sexually attracted to you. I feel the emotions for you but not the physical stuff which is what ultimately seperates friends from lovers. I don't sleep with my girlfriends but they still hold a huge place in my heart as my best friends. So I am not lying to you when I say that i just want to be friends because I still want you in my life but just not as a lover. Do you really want me to say "well I just don't find you attractive so let's just talk and hangout once in a while". Is that what you are calling honesty? To me this would be a horrible thing to say to someone. It should be already understood since I am telling you what kind of relationship I want when I say just "friends". At this point I have been honest with my feelings and expectations. It's up to you to accept my truth or not.
That being said I do want to tell you that I am sorry for your pain with being lonely. I am sure that someday you will find someone who cares as much about you as you do them. Good luck! | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 11:41:10 AM | | It may help if you meet some women who don't want to be friends with you. That would at least break the streak. Don't be so ****ing friendly, man, be sexual. Fish with the bait that catches the fish you want to catch. If you extend a hand in friendship, you'll get friends. If you reach for her boob, you might get slapped, but if she doesn't slap you you're home free. I think you are afraid of being overtly sexual with women. You need to learn how to flirt. The best way to flirt is to imagine having sex with her and then just don't respond to anything she does that discourages your fantasy. This gives her clues about how to proceed. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 2:55:02 PM | well a few months ago i made a new "friend" as well.
now awhile later she tells me that she's phsyically attracted to me and wants to get it on. but still wants to be just friends but she don't feel any emotional feelings for me other then just plutonic*spelling* or just as a friend .
i just find it hard to want to hang out all the time... and want do alot more then friends would do without any kind of emotion. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 3:04:29 PM | Has she got a sister?
-------------------------------------------------------
well a few months ago i made a new "friend" as well.
now awhile later she tells me that she's phsyically attracted to me and wants to get it on. but still wants to be just friends but she don't feel any emotional feelings for me other then just plutonic*spelling* or just as a friend .
. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:14:24 PM | Oh i can relate totally Alpha! I had one of those that started off as, o i think your great, great personality, great looks, was calling me like a hound dog....then all of a sudden, poof, can't we just be friends? Yeah...friends that have the benefits...if u know what i mean. He's a daddy too of a young child. I can't believe people play with people's hearts the way they do. I think it all boils down to the person not having enough balls or gall shall i say to really and truly say whats on their mind. I am sooo glad i don't have that problem. Not to mention that one day when i was over his house...he checked his match.com mail in front of me??? Can u believe that?????? Then he got pissed that i posted new photos of myself on my account???!!!! What the hell is that all about? Every day you get a new character..... i'm waiting too..... patiently and trying to laugh at it along the way.
Hang tough...and most of all hang tight to your standards.
Suz | |
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| I totally agree with you alpha...
Posted: 11/14/2005 6:57:22 PM | I had this great thing, or so I thought going with this amazing guy...( or so I thought)..
Started out as a one night stand, totally unpredictable... and it kept going. He said all these great things to me.. called lots, we had great sex. I asked if it was about the sex, he says no...he led me on completely. I fell hard... A month later, he says, " I'm not looking for a long term relationship.." I wasn't asking for anything more than to completely enjoy where we were at. He's obviously afraid of commitment and I think rather than having someone tell him how wonderful he is ( he was very uncomfortable with compliments) and give him complete freedom, he would rather have some **** telling him he was an ***hole and being super clingy and keeping him from spending time with his friends... Honestly, after he pulled the line, " I think we should just be friends." line I tried.. But as Jann Arden says, " How do you cool your lips, after the summer's kiss?" Kinda hard. I would rather have had him be honest and say, " you suck at sex.." or " you look horrible without makeup"...anythign but insult my intelligence by saying that it's him not me... | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:04:51 PM | | Being alone sucks.......It is true but try this.....just be friends.....and I mean, do that from the beginning. Dont try to get with a girl you are friends with or go into it with romantic motives. I have met some fantastic girls that way. And alot of times, we stay just friends. Sometimes that sucks because you said it, being alone sucks. But, alot of them would put out eyes for me. So its ok. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:14:43 PM | | Don't take it personal Alphaguy. Women have the same single female angst. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the same line from a man.... well, I may not be rich but I would have a nice savings account. You're right, friends don't lie to each other.... If it makes you feel better at the time.... when you hear the line your forum is in reference to, tell them not to blow smoke up your behind and to have a nice life. No matter what you do, remember to hold your head high, keep smiling, and shout, "next"! I wish you the best... take care of yourself. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:32:28 PM | Alphaguy...maybe if we change the questions up a bit, we can find some answers to your dilemna.
What do you think would cause you to be perceived as a friend with the women. You know the answer...are you willing to see the text on the screen? | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:55:35 PM | What do you have against being friends? Friendships often last TONS longer than relationships. I value my friendships as much if not MORE than those I've dated (and arent with any longer).
Another thing is I dont start out "dating" a stranger. I have to get to know them and be "friend"ly with them before I will even think of going any further. This isnt playing, this is taking seriously the effort to get to know someone and valuing their integrity (and intelligence) rather than them just as a physical object. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/14/2005 9:26:25 PM | I believe where alphaguy is going with this is as follows:
Man meets woman.
Man kisses woman.
Woman kisses man back.
Man and woman begin to date.
Emotional intimacy develops.
Physical envelope is pushed.
Suddenly the woman no longer has interest.
She ends the romantic relationship.
She asks for the "friendship".
Then she immediately repeats this pattern with another man, often asking the new "friend" for advice.
Don't know how often this happens; not too much with me. But I can see how this is pouring salt into a wound, how it is stabbing a knife into the heart and twisting it. | |
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Tinkle
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Joined: 11/2/2005
Msg: 18 | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 2:25:35 AM | I actually use the line a lot... of course... I never see the woman again... they hate it as much as we do
but... what else CAN you say when your not physically attracted to her OR shes done something that turns you off?
you dont want to string her along. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 4:22:16 AM | Okay, where do I start?
First, To Jesiebunnies and Lilacprincess.
I really have no problem with being friends, I'm not one of those "all or nothing" sorta guys, that attitude is what turns disappointment into failure. What I do have a problem with is being lied to, marginalized, and basically treated like I don't even exist! I don't know what "just being friends" means where you two are from, but here in small town B.C, we seem to have what I like to call the "two tier friend system" You have your friends that are actually your friends, and then you have your friends that you basically just say hi to because you can't pretend that you don't know them. You don't return their calls, you don't engage in anything more than small talk, and you certainly don't hang out or do anything "friendlike". Guess which tier that I'm familiar with... I'd like to be friends, believe me. I don't just go out to "get involved" with a girl, I'd have to know some things about her before I'd even think of crossing that line. If I'm truly attracted to her, then it's not just for sex, I'm a little more complex than that. And if I like the girl that much, then I would be more than happy to be her anything. But instead, I usually end up being nothing, through one fault or another.
And To Blastkist
I'm sorry, I don't mean to come off as defensive or anything, but what the hell are you talking about? I know the answer? See the text on the screen? Is this the matrix? Am I neo? Do I need to free my mind? You're obviously hinting towards something, and I really do appreciate your emphasis on the whole "look inside yourself" approach. However, I'm in no mood for games, so I respectfully request for you to just make your point. Criticise me, please.
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 4:51:34 AM | ^^^^^^^
go Alphaguy!
beat me to it. the whole point of your thread being why do you have to try and be "nice", when being "nice" is just stupid. i have had so much more respect for those who have said they haven't felt anything and just want to leave it. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 4:57:25 AM |
I mean, maybe I'm just jaded, but I'm at the point where I would rather have someone tell me that they think that I'm a creep, and that I'm never to speak to them again
You creep!!! don't ever speak to me again!!!! 
feel better?: | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 5:38:03 AM | | Okay, yeah you are right there are guys that women just don't give a rat's if they ever see again. Well, obviously you are having this problem, so instead of this ranting maybe you should figure out why they keep doing this to you. Maybe it's your approach to them. Maybe it's the type of girl you are looking for. Just think about it. After you think about it use it next time you meet a girl and maybe she won't tell you that she would rather just be your friend opposed to making that second/third date. | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 5:45:40 AM | I'm sorry, I don't mean to come off as defensive or anything, but what the hell are you talking about? I know the answer? See the text on the screen? Is this the matrix? Am I neo? Do I need to free my mind? You're obviously hinting towards something, and I really do appreciate your emphasis on the whole "look inside yourself" approach. However, I'm in no mood for games, so I respectfully request for you to just make your point. Criticise me, please.
Hahahahaha...you just answered the question.
Nevermind...it's over your head obviously.
YOu want criticism? Ok...maybe you're too fat for them and you have a small d*ck...does that help? | |
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| Oh, you just want to be friends? Bull@#$&!
Posted: 11/15/2005 8:17:07 AM | alphaguy: Look I think unnamedsource explained it to you pretty well what is going on. Why do you think that "players" get alot of women because they good at romancing them. They know how to flirt with them, make them feel good, they chase them, wine them dine them and ummm... well we all know what happens next. I am not saying that you have to be a "player" but what I am saying is that you have to learn how to romance women be sexual with them. Don't friggin talk about other guys with them, football, beer, pizza, your guy hang out nights, other chicks, the x-box, well I am sure you get the idea. Those are all things "friends" do. But instead sweep them off their feet with romance in which being sexual is a huge part of. Do all the things that a brother wouldn't do. Hold her hand, kiss her, make flirty comments, hugging, bring flowers. Touching softly is nice and you can do this without having her call the cops on you because your molesting her. Touch the middle of her back while walking and keep your hand there gently. Hopefully you get the idea. Those are little ways of being sexual without being a pr*ck.
I don't think these women are lying to you at all. Like I said in my earlier post they are telling you what kind of relationship this is going to be. You are just calling them liers because they are not telling you what you want to hear. It's you that refuses to accept the way it is! If this is true that you are an all or nothing kind of guy then fine don't accept the friendship and move on. Nobody says YOU HAVE to be friends with them. Find women who are emotionally ready for a relationship. Don't go after ones that have just gotten out of a relationship or are terribly confused. 9 times out of 10 you will end up being a friend. Good luck! | |
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