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| | First date ... who pays?Page 1 of 36 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36) | I’m probably repeating an old thread here, but I’m new at this site, so spare me.
I met this guy at an internet dating site (no, not POF), and after talking on the phone a few times, he seemed to be a normal guy, but not very witty or intelligent. Basically, I didn’t feel much of a chemistry thing happening on my part. However, I’m not one to judge so soon, so when he asked me to meet up for drinks with him at a local pub, I agreed. At first impressions, he looked a lot older in person than in his photos, and I wondered if he lied about his age. I didn’t ask him though. Anyhow, we ordered a couple of round of drinks, talked for a bit and then decided to go to a restaurant for dinner since he mentioned that he was starving. We brought both our vehicles to the pub, and he didn’t offer to drive to the restaurant, so I took initiative and suggested that I would drive us there, and then drive him back to his car after dinner. No biggie. He told me that I should meet him at my car, while he paid the bill and used the restroom, so I did just that. During dinner at the restaurant, I thought it was sort of uncool and tacky when he was flirting with the hostess and waitress right in front of me, but hey, maybe he's just that kind of guy. I let it slide. After dinner, when the bill arrived (about $150), even though I didn’t have a very good time, I thought that it would be proper of me to cover the entire cheque, since he paid for our 4 drinks at the pub (about $20). Plus, I chose the restaurant, which was moderately expensive, so I felt even more compelled to pay. It didn't matter that I thought these things though, because he didn't offer to pay for any of it anyway. After I dropped him off back at the pub, I met up with some friends, and they decided that they wanted to go to that same pub where I was at earlier on my blind date. As soon as I walked in, one of the waitresses pulled me aside and told me that “we” never paid our bill earlier that evening. Maaan, I was SO embarrassed. She could tell that I was innocent, and told me just to cover my share, and that she would catch the guy if he ever came in again. She also told me that the guy actually went back in the pub (after I dropped him off) and ordered another beer on the tab (which he never paid for earlier), and then just took off AGAIN. I felt SO bad that I paid for not only my drinks but his as well, even the extra beer he ordered later. Seriously, I was so embarrassed. After that night, I was hoping he wouldn’t have the audacity to call me again, because at that point, being so humiliated, I didn’t know whether I was going to go medieval on his ass, or just ignore him. Well, he called. And I ignored him. No sense in giving him a piece of my mind regarding his rude behavior, after all I’m pretty sure he already knows what a scumbag he is.
Final thought: this is not the first time this has happened to me either. In fact, I often hear stories about women who are dating just to get wined and dined, and how they are gold-diggers and whatnot. In my case, it seems to be the men who are the losers and trying to mooch off of me, LoL. Just in the last year, throughout my dating escapades, I have always paid, and then I'm left wondering if men even have enough couth to at least OFFER to pay. I've had ONE date treat me for dinner in the last year, and that's probably only because I was moaning & b*tching about how guys never pay anymore. Hahahah!
Anyway, does anyone else have any weird dating stories?
And if there are drinks/food/whatever involved, who should pay for the first date?
--B
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 4:47:02 PM | | I always ask the guy before we even meet whether the date will be paid for or if it will be Dutch. Saves a lot of grief. | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 4:52:10 PM | | Old fashioned prostitute. A guy pays for your time? What does he get? | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 4:55:26 PM | | lol omg so I am a prostitute because i feel a guy should pay for the first dinner hell most guys do always if you even try to pay they are like what the hell are you doing , lol oh man hun come on now . | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:00:39 PM | Most guys, you say?? Sheeeesh, send 'em my way, cuz I always seem to go on dates with losers who don't even have car (or a job, LoL). I end up picking them up, paying for everything, and then dropping them off. Next time, I'm askin' them to wash my car for me, or paint my house, as a trade off. *smirk*
--B
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:04:02 PM |
Want to meet me for drinks this Friday?
Yes, I do. I'll send my private jet to pick you up.
But first you must do my laundry and iron all my clothes.*snicker*
--B
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:04:57 PM | | lol yeah I got ya well I dont mind paying I have found some guys who are gentleman get kinda offended . I think it is very sweet now I am not talkin about going out to 200 .00 DINNER hell I am fine with a burger from micky d's and a run on the pay set in it . | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:08:18 PM | Sure he will call again... and even offer to go out again for drinks...
dinner
why not? he is a scumbag.
He figured you did it once, you will do it again.
That is how a scambag is.....
he might even contact you a FEW times...
just to offer again, thinking you may change your mind.
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 5:14:58 PM | Whoever gets their card out first...doesn't matter to me, but I make a sincere effort to be first... | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 6:46:04 PM | | I NEVER under any circumstances let a woman I'm on a date with pay for anything, even if she says she's not remotely interested in me. I was raised by a significantly older step-father and he instilled some SERIOUSLY hardcore old-fashioned values. | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 7:20:54 PM | Girlfriend... This has so many layered risks!!!!!! 1st I have to say that SOOO SuX!!!! What a LOSER that guy was!!!!!
-He didn't sound inteligent... and u didn't want to judge him. (every time I do this and don't listen to my gut instinct... I regret it..... I bet if you look at it... U do too!!! LISTEN and don't go out!!!!!! )
-Don't EVER EVER ride with a guy on a 1st date.... U follow him or let him follow you! Who knows what kind of freak-a-zoid they could be!
-Wowza...hmmm I don't usually pic the restaurant..... and it alway seems so awkward when I go to grab my wallet so I don't even bother anymore.. I hope that no one thinks it's rude... but I'm old fashioned.. and kind of expect the guy to pay... escpecially if they asked me out.... Now later.. if we go to the movies... I'll get the goodies... or I'll cook a great meal....
-I haven't paid for one 1st date in the last year.. the year before I made a horrible mistake... and paid while he went to the bathroom.... so we could go on to a comedy club because we were having fun... but after that it was.. are u paying or am I... not before we'd go out... but right before the check came!!!!! EWWWWW | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:07:48 PM | It's like a catch 22. If I listen to my gut, then I'm viewed as being judgemental or shallow. If I delve into it, then I'm being careless and stupid. One could argue, "Hey, it's your fault for going out with the guy. You should have gotten to know him better." And if I had done that and kept stalling to meet him in person until I knew him better, one could argue, "Ahh, you must be a bullsh*tter, that's why you don't want to meet in person!"
Clearly, I'm not very good at this dating thing. Perhaps I'm just too trusting of people and much too soon. I don't lie, so I guess I expect others to be truthful too. Either way, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, mostly because I think if I'm a good person, odds are there are others like me. *shrug*
Sh*t happens. You wipe and move on.
--B
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:13:57 PM | I'm sooo not blaming u! It totally sux that this has happened and has happened more then once......
I don't lie either......
I've been out on a few dates that I KNEW.... I wasn't really into going but I thought... maybe I'm being too picky..... maybe he's not like that in person.... maybe he'll be more comfortable.... smarter..... LOL Um.... if they can't pull it off online or on the phone!!!! They can't in person!!!!! OMG I sound so mean!
Gir... go with your gut.... who cares if you're being shallow or judgemental... When it comes to dating... It's all about you!!!! You don't want more bullshyt stories like this one!!! right? | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:24:07 PM | This is my theory on it..........
the whole online dating jack in the box of surprises
that it is......
Soon as I see this is a jerk.....
I know......
one of us is going to leave upset.
I have figured out, it is better if its him......
and I don't have any regrets doing what I have to do
to ensure at least one of will have a good time.
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 8:51:26 PM | | Yikes...some people are unbelievable...no class... and to have the gall to call you again...apparently he wasn't even smart enough to know you were on to him...this is why I always keep it casual from the start and so it's always dutch...when you get into the dating realm b/ there is mutual attraction...he'll naturally start picking up the tab...but so will I once in awhile. Anyhow...it's good to know these red flags right off the bat before you get in too deep :0) | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 9:25:00 PM | I have already posted this, and i can tell you most women feel the guy should pay....
I have no problem paying on the first date, BUT, I EXPECT AN OFFER FROM THE GIRL I AM OUT WITH. Jesus, all this people are like i am so old fashion, blah blah blah, what didnt your old fashion ways include being polite also? | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 9:45:34 PM | | Well, personally I think it's wrong to let a woman pay for anything. As the "hunter gatherer provider" type, we males should be providing for the women we're trying to woo. Just personal opinion.. don't flame me here.. but I think if a woman even offers to pay, that they're sending me a signal they're not interested. | |
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ray313
| | Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 9:52:49 PM | | I agree with dave...I won't even let close friends who are woman pay for dinner. | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:05:58 PM | My most recent exboyfriend didn't earn a lot of money, so I ended up paying for most of our, uhm ... 'extra curricular activities'. He rode a motorcycle, so I ended up driving most of the time as well. And oh yeah, he lived on a boat, so we'd mostly be at my place (if we weren't out and about). I didn't mind doing this because he appreciated everything I did for him, and we had FUN. Sometimes, he would let his pride get in the way, but mostly he was very thankful.
I totally don't mind paying, but just not ALL the time. I generally seem to earn more than the men I date, so it's not really the issue. I think it's when someone takes advantage of my kindness -- that's what frustrates me. And oh god, when they start to expect it, that's even worse. How presumptuous. I mean, I'm a single mother and take care of my own. I'm definitely not looking to financially support another "kid", you know?
--B
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 10:07:23 PM | I always offer to pay or at least pay my share (especially if I know I am not interested in the guy) but they always seem offended and insist I let them pay! No sense arguing!
One time though, a guy asked me out to the movies. We had predetermined which movie we would see, so when it was out turn to pay for tickets I was surprised to see him just standing there looking up at the movie titles as if he were trying to decide what to see! I honestly got annoyed, and paid for the tickets because he was just standing there. Grrrr....
He later told me that he had felt embarrassed that I paid. Well...if you just stand there, what do you expect??? We went out for drinks later and he paid...
On a first date, I think whoever invited should do the paying (although the guy always seems to want to pay!)!
Linda  | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 11:00:40 PM | Well...sadly you met one of the lower classes of male....but working in the Psychology field, didn't any alarms go off......
Was he very attractive....and maybe his looks over shadowed his lack of manners.
Well I feel that if you are not interested in someone..don't soak them for a 150...200 dollar dinner..then say bye bye, get lost ,ciao..etc.  ....just a simple salad or sandwich even just coffee will work.
I would much rather spend money on coffee talking with a friend..then spending over 100 dollars on someone I think I have a chance at finding happiness with. and they are thinking something quite different. | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 11:07:53 PM | Hi!
As a gentleman, I always try to pay, if for no other reason, because my late Mother, a wonderful and true lady, always told me that a Gentleman should always do so.
However, there have been times when I have had the opportunity to pay taken away ... not that it bothered me, it just surprised me, in a pleasant way.
A very lovely lady asked me out, I accepted, I picked her up, theatre (she had the tickets ...premise for the date) and dinner at a fine restaurant. A truly wonderful evening. She insisted on paying, even with my sincere protests .... she laughed about it and told me that it was she whom had asked me out.
Like I sakid ......a pleasant and unexpected surprise ... it has happened since too. | |
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| First date ... who pays?
Posted: 11/14/2005 11:57:38 PM | "It's like a catch 22. If I listen to my gut, then I'm viewed as being judgemental or shallow. If I delve into it, then I'm being careless and stupid. "
I always try to listen to my guts. Who cares if people think you're judgemental or shallow. Do you think you are? It's hard to serve public opinion. =)
I'm an old school chauvenist - I always wanna pay. Heh heh heh.
J. | |
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