| 2nd thoughts...
Posted: 12/18/2004 4:16:47 PM | | Ok you have chatted several times and finally decided to take the next step of the MEETING each other, scary as it can be you do it anyways, why is it after meeting and you feel thats not what your looking for and choose to move on and try again ( nothing wrong there) that no one can say simply I'm not interested, instead some just tend to vanish, bolck or offer several excuses. After all I thought the point of these sites is for meeting taking a chance your not gonna hit it off with everyone but hey thats the fun of trying. Am I alone in this thought? | |
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| 2nd thoughts...
Posted: 12/19/2004 8:03:39 AM | Some people are more timid than others about telling someone there just aren't any sparks there. I think it is less about being rude than it is about being scared how the other person is going to take it.
Personally I tell the woman up front that I am a big believer in chemistry. We go out for lunch the first time we meet(from dating sites or chats) and we will both know by the end of lunch if we have any "spark" or not. I haven't met one nut that way and sadly, no I haven't met anyone I have chemistry with either but I have made some good friends. | |
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| 2nd thoughts...
Posted: 12/19/2004 8:09:46 AM | Simple. Go on the first date as friends. Don't make any sexual remarks or lead him/her on. IF they ARE a player. . .after a couple of date, they will get fed up and leave you alone/aviod calls. The point in being a player is having sex/cheating. Don't give it to them and they will leave. Only the true "knights in shining armor" will stay by your side. | |
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| 2nd thoughts...
Posted: 12/19/2004 8:55:31 AM | thanks, that is a new way to view that type of situation, I think that sometimes we need another opinion to see things for what they are, not what we think they are | |
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Posted: 12/19/2004 9:43:51 PM | | I think when I finally get to the point where I meet someone online, and we do agree to meet, that we have an understanding, that if within the first hour, we decide that there is nothing going on in the chemistry department, we can both be open and just say..Hey, I think we can be friends..but Im not feeling it. I dont know if that would work, but it sounds like a great way to keep it real and honest, and not waste more time. | |
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Posted: 12/20/2004 6:30:46 AM | Its annoying as all heck when you go out with someone, whether there is chemistry or not, and then they just vanish, disappear, or just ignore you. Just be up front and say "hey you are a nice guy/gal, but I just don't feel it". It irritates the he** out of me when people do this. I always talk to a person for a bit online and the phone (love a sexy voice) before I agree to meet them in person. Yes you can tell that if there is chemistry when you meet in person. There may be chemistry when talking to someone, but it can be very different when you meet in person. But seriously, if you aren't interested will it really kill a person to send a quick e-mail and say "hey I am not interested" ... 
sorry thats my vent for the day!!! | |
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Posted: 12/21/2004 9:02:39 PM | | Hi lacy! Everything you said makes perfect sence,alot of guys or girls are scared to say i am not interested,even i had trouble with that in the past but i realised that telling someone how you feel and just being honest with them is the best way and i also found out that they respect you alot for telling them the truth instead of running like a scared freak.I had alot of second thoughts with all the girls ive dated exept for one woman that i have met on hear and she is the best and i love her so i wish you the best! | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 12:51:20 AM | | i guess there are so many ways to see things. I guess being a straight forward type of girl i appreciate the open way, but since the world is full of people who view things differently and some of those do not take rejection too well can make for a uncomfortable experience, sure it hurts but hey it changes the game if 2 people dont feel the same. but still a thanks no thanks is nice anyways. ... hey venting can be a good thing healthy really if done right and not at the expence of another. | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 2:08:28 AM | hi
i read ur masges
i like ur thoughts
u know i c innocency in ur face
ur very cool minded
and love thirsty girl
i think
ur very innocent
ur heart want to make good friends
im here
i wan to join u
will u be mine frind
i will be woiting for ur reply
u know
ur not that which u look many things r hideen in u
ok
which i c
ur innocency made me ur lover
plz contact me
my mobile no is 009203336535788
my mial adrees is farrukh_habib@yahoo.com
my mail adress ur_very_special2hotmail.com
call me if u can | |
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| 2nd thoughts...
Posted: 12/22/2004 2:58:25 AM | what the----?! lol, looks like you've got an admirer girlie!
Yeah, I feel that it should be stated "it's an initial meeting, and I intend on meeting different people,to test the waters." Now how would a guy respond to that? It's being very honest, and the best way to go about it. But seems like there are ones that would find some type of offense in the pre-meeting honesty. Like they wouldn't even want to waste their time if they knew you had intentions of meeting more than them. What about that? | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 8:39:05 AM | I prefer to get to know someone online for quite a while. I guess I'm afraid of coming off as a creep looking for quick sex. I'm very out front about what I seek. I want a long term relationship that will produce a child, I don't want a playmate.
I'm a lot quicker to meet some one I like as a friend and have met several local girls on the friendhip level. One of the girls I met is now engaged to a marry a friend of mine. That started as a friendship with no expectations of anything more. She comes out and we watch movies or go out on the raft. I take her son fishing and we have bonfires here on the shore.
There is someone I'm considering meeting. I'm kind of afraid of dissapointing her. She's a 28 year old beauty and an accountant and I'm a 40 year old in a dead end factory job. Ive explained that I'm not muscle bound, my knees creak when I stand up, I struggle to pay my bills, I don't live in a mansion and I have two beater pickup trucks. Ive explained that I don't live a "classy" lifestyle. She still says she wants to meet me so she can't be all bad.
She says she's had her fill of guys who are her so called equal. They're all self important, arrogant, self centered, and just plain pricks. Our hopes and dreams are much more in line with each other. I want to get married again, have a couple of kids and open a greenhouse/nursery, maybe do some landscaping and deck and dock construction on the side.
I'm cautiously hopefull and hoping that I won't be afraid to speak to her when we do meet. | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 9:07:20 AM | | Don't be afraid, strangerstill, after reading many of your posts I think you have a lot going for you. Just take a deep breath and enjoy yourself. Proceed with caution but not fear. | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 9:26:29 AM | | It's easy to be outgoing on the internet. | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 9:30:33 AM | I didn't say I thought you were outgoing, I said I thought you had a lot going for you. I think you are intelligent, you have sensitivity, you can empathize. I see from your pic you can enjoy yourself..
Just because you aren't who you'd like to be all the time, doesn't mean someone else won't like who you are.
Hmm, I think I'd better print that out and put it on my wall, lol... | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 9:55:30 AM | LOL .. neopolotin you might be onto something reg the admirer 
but as for the rest you have a good point here I guess that there are both wrong and right ways to handle a situation. but by being honest and stating up front it helps to put the facts on the table, I would hope that they feel the same way too reg the option of meeting more than one person,till you find someone you want to move to the next level with, BUT if you do meet and hit it off... THEN throw that statement on the table that would be a red flag in my book. I would hope that the reality of these sites is you wont find the "one" on the first try... Be nice but hey | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 9:59:52 AM | | strangerstill.... Good luck to you and hope it works for you, but if not keep the positive attitude and hold your head up and try again keep us posted on the situation if you like. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 17 | |
| 2nd thoughts...
Posted: 12/22/2004 10:41:31 AM | | Hmmmm , got to get the first contact to my profile first before getting that initial date or phone call , you guys are lucky to have these problems at least . | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 2:02:50 PM | | i havent met anyone that hits me like a tone of bricks!! No sparks, no appeal to my liking in men, I have a hard time saying I am not interested in you, i just say i am not interested in a relationship i think i am kidding myself, truth is yes i am i just havent met a guy that rocks my world!! But i have a pile of really nice guy friends and maybe that is better who knows!! | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 11:18:55 AM | I agree with the being straight forward to that person and no not in a mean way just enough to get ur point across and still have room to be friends......I am a firm beleiver in being friends for awhile and if something happens it happens.......Take my sister and her husband......they have known each other for 17 yrs and he is not y sis type she was in to the tall skinny skateboarder hetian hippies......my bro in law is on the heavier side of the hetian hippie......for the longest time he wasnt appealing to her and than one day I caught her wearing the same outfit that she did the day before and when I mentioned it to her she said that Andy hasnt seen her wear it yet.......6 mos later they were married.......so point is they might not be appealing to you right off the bat but as you hang out with them or talk more with them see them in everyday life something may pop out of the woodwork.....being straight forward with someone is gonna be more efficient and earn you more respect with that other person than lying to them or trying to lead them on.......that is my final thought on 2nd Thoughts......LOL......HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone be safe this weekend......later...... | |
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| 2nd thoughts...
Posted: 12/23/2004 3:18:31 PM | Because being direct is difficult.
Technically though, vanishing/blocking/excuses MEAN the person is not all that interested.
Thanks to Oprah and her episode "He's just not that into you", I now see *all* the signs...like if I email someone and they take more than a day or 2 on a regular basis to respond, I know I'm not very high on their "list".
I am *ALWAYS* very prompt to respond to emails, phone messages, whatevs. But alot of times the people don't reciprocate, and thats just rude. But in my head I would make excuses for them instead of just realizing that I'm not very important to them. Sucks to come to that realization (with friends, love interests, etc), but at least now I don't waste my time with those people, when I *should* be finding people who'll put me high on their list.
People make excuses, but we ALL know if you're into someone, you don't let any excuse get in the way...
Just learn to read the sign and not be discouraged. | |
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Posted: 12/26/2004 3:30:14 PM | I think the whole vanishing and blocking thing is too harsh. If you dont want to be in someones life as a lover or partner whats wrong with keeping in touch? You hit it off as friends first. I tried this aproach and yup I still have some great friends, and I am thankfull for it. Who knows time changes all of us, why burn a bridge??
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