| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 9:42:56 PM | So all you men out there.......please.......enlighten me!
Why is it that everyone nowadays just wants a fu*k buddy or someone casual???? Is it because you dont want to feel like you have a ball and chain on stuck to your leg???
Well i'm here to tell all you that not all of us women want to be psycho, jealous, pain in the a*** girlfriends! Some of us might actually want to have a NORMAL relationship, you know, one where you see each other more than once every couple weeks and do more than have sex when you do see each other! Is that such a scary thought??
I would love to know what it is that scares men so much about a relationship........please help! I just dont understand. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:11:54 PM | why?I STILL TRY TO TELL EVERYONE THEN I AM GOOD GUY,LOOKING 4 SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP.BUT LOOK LIKE KNOWONE BELIEVE IN LOVE ANYMORE,AND HONESTLY IDON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE THEM TO BELIEVE ME...THAT TO BAD 4 THEM...LOL,,,, I STILL TRY DOO...............CIAO COSIMO | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:14:09 PM | Semi-random, but its funny! Both sides complain almost equally about not being able to meet someone compatible.. I think if people were a bit more honest with themselves and others, it would go a bit smoother. That, or everyone who's single needs to start wearing color coded bands when they're looking. Wouldn't that be nice and easy?
But yes, there are some of us out there yet. Sounds like your friends managed to find a few :) | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:15:53 PM | I think part of what you are experiencing is the fall out from divorce laws, especially custody and child support issues.
Divorce is the ultimate intrusion by state into church, thus legislating morals and ultimately the safety or NOT of commitment. Marriage was around long before the US, Canada, etc ever wrote laws about divorce or even had courts systems. The laws have in a sense, evolved men in what you have today. Men afraid to commit. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:33:41 PM | Might be some truth to that, but I think a lot of guys (especially in her age range) probably haven't experienced enough of that to be soured by it.
At least, I don't think I am. But, I have heard enough stories of guys getting screwed over by girls to be at least cautious about it. I mean, it goes both ways, but..
Any other opinions on that? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:45:30 PM | I agree with Seattle-- except men aren't afraid to commit-- Men just don't want to, and don't need to. Personally, I have no fear whatsoever of commiting-- but it's the "unspoken agreements" that lead to disaster. Assumptions lead to resentments. Somebody's "fantasy" life didn't get realized. It must be someone else's fault.
I'm sorry to say, but in many cases there's more to lose than to gain in a relationship these days --The people most hungry for a relationship are often broke, have no credit, are rebounding, have no car, have no place to live, have addictions, are dependent personalities, or can't get laid any other way.
Totally independant people with substance and sanity usually have very very few needs, and really don't want to share when "sharing" really means "giving." Often, they've been taken advantage of, and really don't want to compromise-- and don't really have to. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 10:56:36 PM | Everbody watches and hears about it today TooTalk. Its no longer a small percentage of our culture.
To commit to marriage/palimony (commitment) you have to walk in realizing that the probability is that after 9 years, close to 70 % of all marriages will end in divorce (Most stats quote 7 years and 50%) and the "normal" financial split is 45% Female / 55 % Male plus child support plus the "Standard Plan" for child custody is typically 75% of time children spend with Female / 25% Male.
Not very motivating for men to commit and raise families.
I also spoke with a marriage counselor at a Washignton State required corse for all people getting divorced that have children. He was teaching the seminar which was called "For the kids sake". I asked the question who is asking for the divorces? His answer was 67% women between the ages of 35 to 45. So although there is committment and romance in the beginning, the women seem to be wearing out between those ages on marriage. Leading to the tough divorces that we men hear about that lead us away from commitment.
I guess my point is, there needs to be balance and fairness brought back to this system in order for men to feel good about commiting again. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 11:01:32 PM |
Men just don't want to
I disagree.
I'm looking for a relationship because its what I want. No really! Maybe not kids just yet, but someday, hopefully. I don't fit any of your negatives, except maybe a teensie bit dependent, but I despise it when guys (or girls, for that matter) let themselves be whipped or dominated in a relationship. And I don't want a girl that won't let me do my own thing, or is incapable of doing hers. Not a healthy relationship, imho. I just want someone that I can depend on when I need them.
Most of my friends are married now (one's working towards his second) or getting ready to jump on that boat, and none of them fit into your relationship seeking boat either. Well, not more than one of your points at least :P
Not to say that there aren't a lot of guys out there like that, but I don't think its as widespread as you make it out.
Whether there is more to gain than lose, I'm not sure I can argue. I guess it depends on what you want out of it? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 11:05:42 PM | Hmm, those are scary stats. If you don't mind, I'll be digging some up of my own to see what I can find. I'd be curious to see what types of relationships are most likely to succeed?
Its not so much fairness in the system that would worry me, as the odds of my wife losing interest in me. Thats a scary concept to enter a marriage with. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/16/2005 11:18:02 PM | #1 reason given by women filing for divorce: Don't feel appreciated/don't want to be married anymore.
It's that Reality and Fantasy are two different things.
Plus, why not? She'll likely still get the money, the house, the kids, and a supplemental income. And everybody's doing it. What if her "real prince" (who finds her absolutely perfect just exactly the way she is), is just around the next corner? And plus, there's so much social pressure to be an "independent woman." | |
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Jan762
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Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| Hang in there, they aren't all like that....
Posted: 11/17/2005 2:52:12 AM | They have probably never been in love or if they have, they are probably afraid of the pain if they should ever loose it again. The only thing I am afraid of is never risking feeling that pain again. Lyrics of a song echo in my head. I'm not a big country fan, in fact I do not listen to much country at all these days...but this song by sung by Garth Brooks hit home. Life isn't just about the pain we've felt in loves lost, its about remembering and cherishing the go moments we had even if they ended in pain...because the bliss for me was worth the pain.
The Dance
Written by: - Tony Arata
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Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance | |
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stats
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Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore, here we go again ?
Posted: 11/17/2005 3:44:26 AM | | stop blaming men,for this,it works both ways.i know women that are out to just have what you refer to as bed buddies.i think the majority of guys and women would prefer to have the deal of a friendship or relationship,that encompasses all aspects ,not just the physical.sounds like you have met some of the wrong guys that dont match what you want in life.move on. | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 4:23:42 AM | I'm sorry to say, but in many cases there's more to lose than to gain in a relationship these days --The people most hungry for a relationship are often broke, have no credit, are rebounding, have no car, have no place to live, have addictions, are dependent personalities, or can't get laid any other way.
Totally independant people with substance and sanity usually have very very few needs, and really don't want to share when "sharing" really means "giving." Often, they've been taken advantage of, and really don't want to compromise-- and don't really have to.
Or some of us just want to have someone to share our happy lives with.
It's sad to see that so many men have a negative view of relationships, generally because they picture girls as being needy or clingy, and that they as the man have to give too much.
Maybe, just maybe, you've dated the wrong girls.
I do understand part of it. If you date a girl like me, I want you to pay most of the time, etc, and I do know how fast money goes. But on the other hand, if you're spending that money on the RIGHT girl, it's not so bad. In my case, I usually make sure I pick out cheaper places, always make a first date very cheap, etc. And it's more than worth the investment, because I am one of those super loyal girls that will never leave your side as long as you keep me happy.. and keeping me happy doesnt involve money or material posessions. If partway through the relationship you go broke, I will still stay by your side.
It involves that 'giving' thing you don't like.. only I want to be given your heart and your trust, not your money.
And plus, there's so much social pressure to be an "independent woman."
Independance has nothing to do with sharing your life with someone. There isn't a lot of pressure out there to be a single mom, is there? | |
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| Why doesn't anybody EVER want an actual relationship anymore???
Posted: 11/17/2005 4:39:58 AM | | Women do not want relationship either! I tried my best and they do not want sex, nothing! I don't know why most women are here for. As for men, after they got burned over and over with games, have to pay half their income on child support, do you think they'll go for a commitment once again? Sex, no strings, no headaches! | |
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