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 IWant2MakeYouHappy
Joined: 10/29/2005
Msg: 1
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' TheoryPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Doing a little browsing one night ans I stumbled upon an article titled "Top 10 Mistakes Guys Make Around Women". I didn't give it much though, but decided to read it because it was concise and came across what I didn't expect the #1 reason to be.

#1: Being a Nice Guy
"Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys? Of course you have. Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU. What's going on here? It's actually very simple...Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION. And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you. I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT. Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want."

Now personally I don't give this theory/oppinion anymore credit than I would my college janitor, but then again A womans oppinion on the subject would be far more valuable than my own. So how about it ladies? Give your oppinion on if you think this is true or not, both for you personally, and for women in general.
 Handsomesque
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 2
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 11:55:26 AM
It's a little inaccurate. Women do want nice guys... what they don't want are guys who think that being nice is all they have to be. Generally speaking, I don't do too poorly with the ladies, and I consider myself a nice guy. I treat everyone with respect, but I don't simply roll over and agree with anything a girl says in a pitiful effort to get in her pants. I talk about the stuff I'm interested in, as opposed to just talking about her and whatever she likes. It's not like I dominate the conversation, but I'm engaged in it, rather than just going along with her.

Girls do wants nice guys... but they don't want a doormat.
 Green_eyes1981
Joined: 10/7/2005
Msg: 3
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 12:01:45 PM
I would love to be with a nice guy but its not only a nice guy I want. I want someone witha personality and ambition, someone who's sure about themselves and doesn't take the nonesence too literaly. I've dated the bad boy wanabees and hated it. Also what I hate, are those who say that they're a nice guy and are more of a "moron" type.

I love honesty and comfidence but not arogance or machoism...
I also find the nice guys are too quiet and agree to EVERYTHING you say. And if you don't agree with them on something they get upset.
WHAT THE *****...why can't guys be themselves. If you're normal, then there's someone out there for you that will like you for who you are. But just don't be a complete jerk...
 Catch A Star
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 4
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 2:38:13 PM
Then I must be right behind them. I have had the good luck or good sense to pick nothing but wonderful men. They may not have been perfect for me in the long term, but I have learned or taught something from/to them. My girlfriends have sometimes made comments about the men I choose, but then aren't so quiet when they are crying on my shoulder because of the treatment they received from the bad boys with the stubbled cleft chins and cavalier attitudes.

I always thought that women tended to pick men that spoke to their heart, whereby men pick women for their beauty. I think maybe both genders have issues with being either shallow or considered boring. Bring on the good guys. I always have way more fun with them!
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 5
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 3:43:13 PM
The key is to be nice and fun, not nice and boring. Exciting and fun is very often a quality the jerks have, and we mistake it for nice and fun because we want them to be nice and fun, but then find out they are fun jerks. lol Nice and boring is ok, but well, boring.
 Blastkist
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 6
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 4:16:51 PM
I think it's safe to say that our tastes in people change over the course of our lives. When I was younger, I loved the dangerously rebellious man. Oh he was an exciting, riveting, sexy beast and catching him was the ultimate achievement...moving on to middle adulthood, I caught him and realized that he was eventually going to be rebelling and dangerous with me...moving on , I have suddenly realized that authentic people who are authentically benevolent is what attracts me most. No pretend illusions of oh , look at me, aren't I bad? Oh, look at me, I'm such a nice guy.

I'm still having a difficult time accepting that actual adults still do this, self-labelling. It's really very disturbing. Hearing a grown man say "I'm a really nice guy" reminds me of the little boy saying "see mommy? I am a good boy!"
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 7
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 4:20:45 PM
LOL Blast, I can't tell you how many guys have said to me "I'm really nice". They usually turn out to be the polar opposite. New theory...nice people will show you they are nice, instead of telling you.
 Blastkist
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 8
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 4:31:11 PM
You know, I'd be lying to say that I do not find some measure of goodness within myself but I have yet to remember ever having told anyone "I'm a really nice lady"...

Nice people are just nice. They don't advertise it.

The second a guy says "I'm a nice guy"...he has just committed his first offense with me. What you WISH you were and how you REALLY show up are two completely different scenarios. Let others tell you who you are to them and remember that everyone has their own "take" on your personality.

Oh to heck with it...I'm a really nice lady, but cross me and I'm your worst nightmare babycakes!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 9
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 4:33:41 PM
blast Oh I so relate to that. That's a fatal error with me. I don't tell men I'm a nice lady either, that's up to them to decide whether they think I am or not. In fact I don't tell them what I AM at all, they have to make up their own minds. But yeah, tell me you're a nice guy and I'll send ya packing! Don't tell me you're funny or you're smart, BE funny or BE smart, I'll decide for myself. UGH!
 ChocBoyWonder
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 10
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 11/18/2005 6:23:23 PM
I used to think this was the case. Its all up to the woman and what she really wants. If she is feeling you, then this will be irrelevant. This is simply an explanation from someone(s) who just have the worst luck.
 THELONEWOLVE
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 11
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:30:22 PM
nice guys dont finish last.Infact they get the gift of love at the finish line.The not so nice guy that seems to finish sooner is continually running the race over and over again.The nice is a turtle and the other is a rabbit always stopping for carrots.Thats the theory!
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 12
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/15/2011 9:18:36 PM
Being nice is not always being good. You have to be self confident, that is what attracts people to others. Look the President of the United States, have you ever seen a more confident individual than Barack Obama? No matter how many times he fails he gets back up and starts again, even on a bad day he swaggers; he positively oozes with confidence and that is why so many people like him.

Being nice is great, being confident is better; women are attracted to bad boys because they are outwardly confident; they make the moves and take the risks and they expect victory and won't settle for less. By all means be the nice guy, but don't just be nice be confident. If you're meek and quiet and hide your intentions you will always be disappointed.
 The_Song
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 13
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:37:16 AM
I think everyone is making the mistake of thinking been a " nice guy" means been a doormat. Been a nice doesn't mean you have to agree with everything the other person says or does. Nor does it mean you can't be confident and have your own personally. As long as you have a good personality and have confidence in yourself and stand up for yourself and believe in your own value you should be fine, if your a nice guy or not.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 14
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:48:53 AM
It's is not about being nice it is about being confident enough, to let your excitement and enthusiasm show through.
The number one thing that attracts me to someone is: in the fact that they are not afraid to show interest. This comes through, by the way someone looks at you with their eyes.
When someone is into you, they sparkle, that is what I am looking amongst other things....lol
 Kskillzlol
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 15
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/16/2011 11:11:12 AM
This article explains my take on it:

http://fyiliving.com/research/which-facial-expressions-are-the-most-sexually-attractive/

I read that a few days ago and I started thinking about the men in my life who I respect, like my dad. They are often very emotionally cool. It's not that they never smile, but the majority of the time they just have this chill cool demeanor about them. Looking at stars in movies too, when playing an attractive role they are always very cool. Even when they do smile it's a very "cool" smile. I don't know how to phrase it myself without saying "cool" but I think the article states it as expressing pride.

The nice guys I know, like my brother, are very eager to please. They're always willing to laugh at a stupid joke because they want you to like them. This just comes across to me personally as being low on the respect scale, as much as I do actually like him.

I think being nice and being a good person are two different things. Guys can be genuinely nice because they want to be likeable, or they can be genuinely a good person. I don't know the answer to your question... but there is some food for thought.

I think the guy a few articles up gave a good example. When Barack Obama gives a speech he isn't smiling and laughing. He has a stone cold look on his face of pride and confidence. Like the article says, when men express pride it comes across as attractive to women and deserving respect to men. Look at Hillary Clinton on the other hand. I didn't really watch to many of her speeches, but I have images in my mind of her with this stone cold prideful look on her face and I think of her as a total bitch. I personally dislike when women show pride or overbearing authority. Apparently it's not because I'm a sexist ass hat, but it's genetically grounded. The article states it, and common sense states it. I work with kids, and it's common knowledge that it is a lot harder for women to switch into a role of authority than it is for men. The women I do tend to admire though, are the nicest sweetest girls in the world. My current boss is the sweetest woman I can think of off the top of my head, but I still respect her because she is confident. Just more food for thought.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 16
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:06:30 AM
I have a friend that gets alot of play on the dating rounds - she decimates them like a weed whacker.
Early on I asked her why we didnt date. (because she kept refusing the outings but was always ready for a workout)
'You're a nice guy, I don't date them'
I thought being a nice guy is what girls wanted, the whole romance thing, etc
'Nope - I can train my dog to be nice; I want the whole package, I want the money, the trips, the houses, the cars, and the fat c*ck'

so there you have it. Nice guys you are applying for the position the pet already enjoys.
caveat of course is if you have the money, the houses, the fat c*ck, THEN you can be the NICE guy
We still work out for long bike rides and hill training - but indeed, I cannot keep up with who the flavor of the week is this time.

and do a thread search, women are choosing convicts over the nice guys - why the F*ck would you ever want to aspire to be the NICE guy?
Luckily, none of this shiate translates overseas. Enjoy your domestic puddle.
 Megan06825
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 17
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/17/2011 5:50:40 AM
hasn't the "nice guy" thing been done in here dozens of times?
 Vamperella
Joined: 4/27/2010
Msg: 18
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/17/2011 7:58:37 AM
Indeed...i wish somebody would define 'nice guy'...because all the guys that consider themselves to be nice guys are the ones that seem to do the most whining and crying like little biatch boys about always coming last.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 19
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/17/2011 1:06:59 PM
You go, Vamperella. Exactly correct.
 JustAGuy1970
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 20
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/19/2011 5:39:09 PM
I've been lumped in with the "nice guys" for years, and you know what it doesn't matter to me one bit. If living your life like a decent human being is considered being a "nice guy", then I'll wear the badge with honor. You have to be true to who you are as a person. If you're a decent man be a decent man, don't try change your ways for societal reasons.
 Flying_Changes
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 21
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/19/2011 6:48:55 PM

Indeed...i wish somebody would define 'nice guy'...because all the guys that consider themselves to be nice guys are the ones that seem to do the most whining and crying like little biatch boys about always coming last.


This.

Every self-described "nice guy" I've known has turned out to be a doormat. Passive, overly eager to please to the point of being obnoxious. We like "nice" or "good" to include the right personality traits BEYOND "nice."

I have a friend who keeps urging me to date a mutual friend because "he's so nice." And yeah, he IS really nice, but that is quite literally the only trait he has working in his favor.

Be a good guy. Don't decide that it's the wrong route completely. But be a good guy who is something besides "a good guy."
 merchantcarnival
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 22
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/19/2011 7:01:25 PM
Women like drama, hot and cold, not knowing what's going to come next. Nice guys, or even good men that aren't nice guys, are predictable, treat them right all the time, never give them drama etc. .
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 23
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Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/19/2011 11:09:52 PM

Women like drama, hot and cold, not knowing what's going to come next. Nice guys, or even good men that aren't nice guys, are predictable, treat them right all the time, never give them drama etc. .



No they really don't like drama, and if they do something is wrong with them.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 24
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Posted: 7/20/2011 3:18:56 AM
Personally I've found that the guys who call themselves "nice guys" do things for you to further their own agenda not because they care about you as a person, they want that hot girl, not because she is a good person but because she is eye candy and flatters their vanity/ego. I want a man who is a good decent guy, not some bad ass who well treat me poorly, someone who is confident in themselves with good core values, similar interests helps, can have a intelligent conversation and who doesn't follow me around like a puppy.
 CumberlandIsTheBestLand
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 25
Interesting 'Good Guys Finish Last' Theory
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:10:53 AM
I think the OP comes from David D'Angelo.
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