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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/19/2005 10:54:25 PM | ok. i've been on the dating scene for a while now off and on and i've never met a girl that's wanted a nice guy that's ever actually REALLY wanted a nice guy. is that just something that girls say to look good, or is it just a natural human impulse that they want a nice guy and go for the bad assed guys? i don't get it! i've been told by countless women that i'm such a nice guy and that i should have a nice girl...problem is they're either married, dating someone, twice my age, or halfway across the world! what is going on here?!?! someone please enlighten me... | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/19/2005 11:04:05 PM | | Yes most women do want nice guys, girls just don't know it yet. Younger women are impressed by machismo instead of strength of character. What kind of girls are you dating? Maybe you're not dating the really nice girls. Look past just looks. I don't say that there shouldn't be attraction, there must be. But, if you are dating the flashy, flighty, ever-guy-is-after-them types, they have so many guys all the time that they go for the "flash" too. More mature, settled types of girls ARE really looking for nice guys, the nice guys just usually aren't looking for them. I speak from the voice of experience. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/19/2005 11:10:12 PM | thin is i am looking for those kind of gir's, but i can't seen to find any that will even look at me! maybe i am looking in the wrong places and at the wrong kind of girls, but for the most part it would seem that all of the girls that are even remotely in my reach are either too busy or too afraid to even talk to me or take a chance to get to know me. it's really a downer to find a girl that seems to be looking for a guy like me and when i try and chat with her i get" oh, yoiu're not my type". it is really getting frustrating! but i can understand what you're saying tho.most girls are looking for the flashy physical guy with a big ego and a wallet to match for the most part. either that or like i said before they're too scared that the nice guy may turn out to be a murder or a rapist os some kind of psychopathic weirdo.
i think that ppl need to lighten up a little, so they can get to know who's standing next to them instead of being scared of them. | |
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ZeXy
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Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/19/2005 11:38:55 PM | Once you break your morals, lose your dreams, and get what you want by any means neccessary...
Life becomes so much easier. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 12:11:02 AM | What exactly are the characteristics of a 'nice guy'?
What if by being yourself you're not being nice? What is more important, being nice or being yourself? Sometimes people are nice for all the wrong reasons. Is that a nice thing to do?
What does it mean to be nice?
sorry for all the philosophical bologna, but when a girl asks for a nice guy or a guy says he is nice, I honestly don't know what the heck he/she is talking about and I wonder if he/she knows what I mean when I say nice. if people have two different concepts of what nice is, dont you think there is going to be some confusion somewhere? | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:54:58 AM | in their teens, 20s and 30s you will lose out by being to upfront, open & honest. Only later in life are those traits valued.
So, in the mean time - be mysterious, unpredictable, dont talk about your feelings and you will do fine.
Tony | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 8:44:46 AM | "Nice Guy" is too generic a term. It can be a euphemism taking the role of a doormat in a relationship (co-dependant) or a code word for engaging life in a (too) non-confrontational way.
London Tony hit on a valid point. There is a definite pattern to physiological development within the typical human life-cycle. You're in your late 20's and it may be that you are out of step with the subconscious needs of the females around you.
In other words a persons' 20's and 30's are all about worldy acquiring and late 30's and 40's are all about sharing (of course this is a generality).
You might try googling Erikson's theory of psychosocial development for background as well as "Nice Guy" -it's a vernacular term for a physiological condition of some men in male/female relationships. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 9:16:06 AM | | don't give up haha and don't go to the dark side, there are plenty of women out here looking for someone who will treat them with respect caring, and love. U don't need to be rich, although employed would be good. you don't need to be brad pit, although if you have a nice smile that will help i'm sure. just be yourself because if you change to find the one you want you will be happy for alittle bit but then all the pretending will get very tiring, and you will not be happy. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 9:21:31 AM | Woman do like nice guys, girls dont! :) I want a nice guy but I do need some attraction to him! I think woman who are in there 20's and 30's do like the bad boys! Maybe its because they have a low self esteem, or it's a challenge, or they like drama to help them feel
alive. I personally will not date a man who plays games, or is angry, and I truly dislike liars, not the little white lies, we all tell those. Ex: our age, weight, things like that. Its the hurtfull lies that I hate. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:26:54 AM | From The voice of experience on the male side -- It is true even later in life that even women do not react as well to the "nice guy" . They all say that a "nice guy" is what they want but most have no idea what a "nice guy" is , instead they want someone to amuse them or to pay for them but they are not impressed generally by all those real qualities which they say that they want which are stability , intelligence , character , etc. If it was just a humourous personality or someone to challenge them that they said then that would be more honest. They also react well to a man who likes children but not to him so much if his children are still at home with him because the woman wants a man who will be good to her children -- and believe me I have had the experience even though my children , now grown , were mostly with me -- the woman wanted her child(ren) to be on an equal or higher footing with me than my own children . You know how long those women lasted with me !! Women in general need to wake up . Their past stupidities play a role for most men too-- be careful whom you date and have "relationships" with, ladies!! What may seem "cool" or "different" and pushes the bounds of acceptability is really stupid because you win a Darwin award -- forever afterwards visually missing from the gene pool !! Later on in life no one wants you !!
There is absolutely no way that a man has to sacrifice his morals either but those morals should not be obvious up-front in a relationship but dealt with appropriately as the time comes because you definitely want to avoid the "holier than thou" problem which would scare off most people . To Winston -- Good Luck , someone will be there for you !! | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:47:53 AM | thanx man i have to agree with what you said, and i appreciate the advice. and i got a nice chuckle about the truth in the part about the "Darwin Award". i like that and it's so true. women mostly like the men that tend to do things taht are not within societally acceptable boundaries, and ergo, will become unaccepted later on in life.
thanks for the kind words and Cheers!
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:49:15 AM | | Yes honey girls want nice guys in public but quite frequently want a bad boy in private. So if you can do this you are in lol. Hope this was some help | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:59:22 AM | thanks for the insight benchfluff. that's something that i had actualy realized and had not actually remembered, and is a very important point.i have to keep that in mind and maybe i'll start having better luck! lol!
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 11:19:21 AM | I agree with benchfluff, strange name by the way. We woman do like them bad in private scituations. Outside of that, healthy minded females like nice men. I like a bad boy in bed but a good boy outside of the bedroom. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 1:44:51 PM | winston877,
be patient, and enjoy getting to know women. Like men, they want to experience life so don't be impatient. It's when you least expected that you will meet the person that you've been searching for. Don't take it personally, I'm sure if your upfront with them they will inturn see that you're someone that can be trusted. Remember that this is the Net and not everyone seems to be whom they clain they are. My take is be yourself and stay nice and don't resent the turndowns.. think of it this way .. its their loss that they're not taking the time to get to know you. Stay cool and have fun and meet new people ... perhaps one of them will be the one. Hope that helps... | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 2:44:04 PM | Dear Winston,
Yes, there really are women out there that do want nice guys. I am one of them. I am purposely only responding to men that seem to be sincere, honest, not shallow, and not trying to impress me. Plus, I am including men that are not picture-perfect, may have a nice little receding hairline, might be a single father, could be a little shy, might be a little overweight but still attract me. And most of all, guys that respect boundaries. I am learey of those who put on their profiles things like, "I have absolutely no baggage, and financially secure, am livin' life and lovin' it," and stick silly pictures of their cool cars or have photos of themselves without a shirt on, or silly things that they think impress women. They are NOT looking for a nice girl, and if they are, they are going about it wrong.
So, from a nice girl, I will say this. A nice girl wants a man who is genuine. And nice girls are not even girls, we are mature women (ages 20-80), we are grown ups, we have lived lives, we have loved, and we have taken our "baggage" and chosen to remember all the things from love and loss that make a human being beautiful, and molded by life's unique experiences so that all of us may choose to take those experiences and become deeper and mature people who care about others around us.
And quite frankly, the same is true for the nice guys, isn't it?
One other reflection. Are there any nice guys out there? I think there are. But nice guys prove it by waiting for something other than quick sex. And that may be harder for men (I think we are built differently), but nice guys do that because they have integrity. And they don't just do it for "some" women. They do it for all women because they have a code of values.
So, here's to all the nice girls and the nice guys out there.
Winston, don't give up! There are shallow people out there (I have met them too, including omg, the married ones that are pretending that they are single)... But if you maintain your own values that you believe in, and if you look beyond a woman's looks to her heart, you will find that person. I have to believe that. | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 2:53:43 PM | I gotta say that there's a difference between being a "nice guy" and "good guy".....
It all depends on what you consider a nice guy to be. I consider them to have no back bones, they walk on eggshells around women... do anything and everything to please them, regardless of his own well being; he'll shower girls with gifts as signs of affection when he isn't even dating them, places the girl high on a pedestal, is usually clingy and needy and is always after her attention (yuck), he'll even go as far as changing who he is, to fit her mold...etc..etc.. All of these things are very unattractive and most "nice guys" do these things and don't realize that they are sabotaging themselves from finding a really great girl.
The good guy treats his girl with respect but isn't afraid to speak up if she does something that he disagrees with. He never NEEDS a woman but will always welcome a good girl that can enhance his already fulfilling life. The good guy will be a an equal to her and they will compliment each other in the relationship. He's a romantic, but not a doormat. He loves her, but isn't blinded by an infatuation of her. He'll do things to show he cares for her (as long as she's earned it), and will never ever let her or anyone disrespect him.
Then we all know what the Jerks are. They have alot of qualities that make them attractive to women. They don't put up with any sh!t, and are the bad boy types... Younger women love these guys, but will grow tired of them eventually once they realise that it's going nowhere.. this usually comes with age.
No one can help what they are attracted to. You just be the best guy you can be, and stop placing all so much importance on getting a girl. Become happy and fulfilled as a single guy, and in doing so you'll instantly become more attractive. Good luck, man. | |
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gvo
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Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 3:04:04 PM | Well. . .I want an honest guy. I don't want a guy that seems SO "nice" he is hiding something hahhahah I say 'I' and not 'WE' because I speak for myself! EXPERIENCE has taught me that even NICE guys are human duuuude and most of them hold a whirlwind of frustration inside them.
We will know when we find the right one. . every other one is an experience meant to teach us, guide us to what we need!
Ps. Define the NiceGuy? | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 5:59:37 PM | This was sent to me some time ago:-
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The debate of "nice guys vs. jerks" has been raging for quite a long time. The nature of being a "nice guy", however, is commonly misunderstood. It is believed that being polite, considerate, friendly, tender, romantic, etc. is what being a "nice guy" is all about and thus those qualities should be avoided, as it is the "jerk", the rude, the inconsiderate, the impolite, the rough guy who always gets the girl while the "nice guy" is waiting outside in the pouring rain with flowers in his hand.
It doesn't mean that women prefer rude over polite, inconsiderate over considerate, etc. It all becomes clear when we look at a very important issue often overlooked when trying to define what makes the "jerks" beat the "nice guys" when it comes to getting the girls. It is sexuality - the "jerks" are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings, while the "nice guys" hide their sexuality as a part of their agenda of being friendly, polite, and courteous towards women.
Peta: "It dawned on me as it has, that the androgyny is key. Women fall for **stards because they don't turn off the sexuality.. "nice" guys think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny & sending all nice guys to LJBF-land" (ljbf= lets just be friends)
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What do you think?
Tony | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:08:08 PM | | i want a nice guy but alot of them want perfect woman guys like that i say go to walmart and you can purchase one for a mere 10 dollars ask the clerk for the barbie section | |
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| do any girls actually want nice guys?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:25:47 PM | Yup.... All the nice guys hide they're sexual desires. Being sexual is normal and is a healthy part of any relationship.
The nice guys are out trying to wine and dine the object of their affection in hopes of getting some "action" as if it were a reward for taking her out :rolleyes:....
The jerks are sexual by nature, and don't hide that fact. They push the right buttons and get the girls, most of the time.
It's all up to the particular woman.. The ones who are constantly showered with attention by tons of guys (the really hot girls) can have whoever they want, and will pick the guy who has the most to offer her in every aspect.
To all the guys who are having real problems getting girls, you should probbaly do alot of soul searching and figure out how you can become a better man. Stop trying to get a GF and start becoming a whole person. You'd be surprised who you'll meet when you're too busy with your own life to worry about being single. | |
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stats
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Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 25 | |
| do any girls actually want nice guys?winston877..............
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:27:05 PM | Women yeah,you wonder what some of them are thinking sometimes im sure.I have to tell you there are alot of us women that are looking to find a nice guy.Sure sometimes we pick a bad boy,but its the nice guys we want.Dont change ,keep being who you truly are.Women have told you how nice you are you say?so hang in there because you will find a woman that will want you and you will want.maybe have some of your women friends help set you up?i know i keep my eye open for friends that may be suitable on this site.it takes time.
remember nice girls want:
someone that respects them and they will respect you
to come home to with their arms open to cuddle with you,etc'''
spend time with and grow as partners in life.
good luck | |
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