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Posted: 12/19/2004 9:53:50 PM | | My boyfriend keeps hitting me and hitting me and then he tells me that he loves me, and I know I love him too. I wouldn't stand cheating on him so I go to the net for consolation. Someone help me... What should I do? I really love him but it happens over and over again. | |
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Posted: 12/19/2004 10:08:51 PM | if your bf loved you he wouldn't hit you. Get away right now this instant. leave and never go back. get a restraining order against him and break all contact with him. don't let him abuse you any more. there's nothing worse than a coward like that who needs to hit women. don't think him hitting you is your fault, because it isn't. it's his problem. again I say...
GET OUT NOW!!!! before it gets worse and is too late. | |
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Posted: 12/19/2004 10:21:43 PM | | its not that easy... I love him, I can't just let him go! And it wasn't my fault, he wouldn't hit me... | |
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Posted: 12/19/2004 10:27:41 PM | | Sweetie, it's not love you're feeling. It's called co-dependance. The longer you are with this person the more dependant on him you will become. I was in an abusive relationship for a year. Why did I stay because at the hands of the abuser you begin to belittle your own self-worth. You feel that you deserve this behavior. You begin to truly believe that this is the only person in the world that can love you. Move on now, it will hurt less than later. | |
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Posted: 12/19/2004 10:28:04 PM | | do you love yourself? would you let anyone else hit you over and over again. it's gonna be hard, but you ***haveto*** let him go. he's not worth it. there's no love from him to you, believe me..a lot of people will tell you the same thing...he's bad news...get out while you can. he would hit you anyway, no matter what you did...ever see that movie sleeping with the enemy??? | |
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Posted: 12/19/2004 11:22:21 PM | | Look I a person can say whatever they want but that dosent mean thats what they feel, what they feel comes out by their actions, in this case violence. I grew up watching my father beat my mother, and after it was over he would say " You always hurt the ones you love" to this day I have no respect for a man that cannot be a man and resorts to hitting a woman, yes my father included. I wish all the time I would have been old enough to stop it but I was much too small. My mother did though, she got a divorce as soon as she had enough, which was not soon enough. Look what I am saying is too get out of this situation as soon as possible, dont do it for any other reason but for yourself. I wish one thousand times my mother would have left sooner so that I wouldnt have to watch the things that went on, I lived with it for years, and let me tell you it dosent get any better. If you care enough for yourself to ask for help, you should care enough about yourself to get it and you are the only one who can do that, I hope you make the right decision | |
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Posted: 12/20/2004 1:21:07 AM | | look the same thing happend to a friend i knew he kept hiting her every day she would come over she would have brusises on her.If he loves you he wouldnt hit you, u need to call the police do something BE smart...u dont wanna keep getting hurl do u? | |
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Posted: 12/20/2004 4:36:24 AM | this is a subject that always pisses me off.
why?
I grew up watching my mom get beat like crazy from my dad, then alot of the boyfriends she had later in her life. when I say beat, I don't mean just slapped once. I mean punch after punch, for hours on end, listing to my dad beat the hell outta my mom as she screamed for him to stop, and to please not kill her...
but he never did.
this went on from the day I was born, till I was about 6.
at 6, my dad had beat my mom so d*mn bad, that she just went nuts.
he calmed her down, by pinning my sister, who was barely 2 at the time, under his knee, as she lay there screaming, as babies do... then had me locked under his arm, and was holding a gun to my head, screaming "I'll kill them all if you leave me".
somehow my mom got us away from him, but that part I kinda blacked out, cause my next memory of that day, was us in a cab, crossing a bridge, in which my dad was behind us in his truck, chasing us.
he smashed the cab into the gaurd rail of the bridge, and got out, waiving a rifle around, saying he would kill us all, even the cab driver...
the cab driver, backed out of the gaurd rail we were pinned in, and drove us to the airport, in which my mom flew us out of alaska, the only flight she could, to portland oregon.
the cab driver was so d*mn scared of my dad, that he flew with us, and lived with us in portland. the first few years living with him were ok, he was a stranger, and my mom and him moved together, cause it was easier that way.
but eventually those two started dating, in which I watched first hand my mom drove him nuts cause she was always hitting him, but he would never hit her back.
that lasted for about 2 years.
then one day, he just snapped, and began beatin up my mom, just like my dad.
they were in a constant war for a good year before he just up and disappeard one day.
he moved back to alaska, without telling us, just got sick of my mom.
it took me a good 20 years to realize, my mom had spent so many years of her life being beat up, that she didn't know how to have a good relationship.
when she had a good guy, like the guy that lived with us in portland, she had to sabotage it.
I saw her do this, many many times later, over the years, as she had boyfriend after boyfriend.
my mom died last year, barely 47 years old.
took her, till she was 45, to realize the cycle she had got herself into.
with the help of religion, stopping drinking and such, and trying to make amends for her past, she finally straightend her life...
kinda sad, cause finally she is happy in life, and dies of cancer.
I grew up in a extremely violent atmosphere.
every one of my earliest memories revolve around someone getting beat.
my mom, literally would try to kill my sister sometimes.
I would get in the way, and let her hit me.
it hurt yes, and I hated her for years for hitting me, as much, and as hard as she did.
the stories I can tell you, would probably sound unbelievable to you.
I have almost no good memories of my mom, or family.
the violence that surrounded me was so constant, that I was dead inside, long before I was ever 10. I grew up without a mother, or father, just a person that beat the hell outta me alot.
I am very cold, and direct, as a result of this life.
I have no forgiveness for things, I am also very fast to deal with something if I think it can hurt me, I have no problems ending relationships on the spot, I have no problems quickly and completly removing people from my life, if I think they are bad people.
I also grew up with my own issues.
I was a thief all my life.
I was basically abandoned from the time I was 10, cause I could be outside for days on end, hanging with friends, getting in trouble or whatever I wanted, cause my mom was usually too drunk to see what was going on with me.
I was also severly suicidal.
not the cute kinda suicidal where I tell you I am sad, and you try to comfort me, but the kind, where I silently though of ways I could kill myself, with the respect for my family so they could still have a open casket funeral for me...
basically I was crazy.
I was so messed up in so many ways, I could barely tell the difference between love, or hate.
I told my mom I loved her, not cause I did... but so she wouldn't try to beat my that day, or my sister. I hated her.
all this is the tip of the iceberg, I have a million and one stories I can tell you about it all.
not cause I want to, but cause I don't want to see you fall into this....
I've watched almost every girl I care about, get treated in this same manner at one time or another, by thier dads, or boyfriends...
I watched my best friend spend years with a guy that would repeatedly beat her, and force her to have sex with him, then lock her in his boat for days on end.
I've seen this too much in my life....
I see your in what I call the "Idiot Stage" cause right now...
your broken, in spirit and in life.
something in you makes you feel like you need this guy.
so you tell yourself stupid things, to justify him hitting you.
you ignorantly hope he will change.
and foolishly believe he will...
the truth is, you won't pass this stage till something so bad happens that you just shake yourself awake. somewhere inside you, you know all this is wrong...
but for whatever reason, your not listening to yourself.
theres nothing any of us here can do for you.
we can't come there and make him stop doing this, and be prince charming.
we can make you call the cops, get a restraining order, call your brother, uncle, dad or someone to stay with, we can't call the womens shelter for you.
the fact is, you are your solution.
just you need to do something about it.
as long as your being a total dumbass and saying "I love him" or "He loves me" or I deserved it... then your already lost, and theres nothing you can do, but wait till that one thing wakes you up inside and you finally see what a dumbass your being.
I honestly wish I could take my heart out, and put it in your chest, so you could see things the way I do, and have the strength to just do whatever it takes to move on, and get this kinda thing outta your life...
but till you actually realize, for yourself, that this guy doesn't love you.
your stuck...
just like my mom was.
please, be different. don't think love is enough.
real love, doesn't involve beating the one you love when your angry.
but the solution, is just you...
till you wake up inside, and see things clearly, your just stuck. | |
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Posted: 12/20/2004 5:20:07 AM | | sweetie there are lots of ways to express affection and hitting isn't one way. you may love him but he has some issues with abuse that he should deal with. good luck | |
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Posted: 12/20/2004 6:38:24 AM | If ya love him, then sit him down and tell him that the abuse has gotta stop. Tell him if he keeps treating you this way, then your gonna take some action.
If he apologises but still keeps doing this after you'e told him how your feeling - then you know he can't possibly love you.
Although you love him, I think it's time to walk away from all that stuff...and turn over a new leaf :D | |
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Posted: 12/20/2004 8:43:07 AM | Hi Roxanne
I am Australian too .... tell your boyfriend that I love him and I want to hit him on the back of the head 1,000.00 times. OK ?
This will show how much I love him.  Even though I only like girls but I like to hit men who hit girls .... so tell this loooooser to email me ... ok :)
And if you let him do this to you ... then good luck to you, you make a great couple and deserve each other !
Cheers !!!! | |
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Posted: 12/20/2004 2:19:59 PM | | hey girl, been there, stayed for 4 years, hid it from everyone who cared about me, each time it was worse and it wasn't getting better while he was in prison for armed robbery i threw his stuff out and moved on my way i realised that really was not love. | |
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Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| STOP THE ABUSE NOW!
Posted: 12/21/2004 12:27:04 PM | It's not love your feeling it's the fact that you have become comfortable in the relationship and your scared to get out and take those first steps on your own. Leave as soon as possible. He will never stop the abuse, NEVER. Don't kid yourself into thinking he will or if maybe you do everything just the way he likes it he won't hit you again, he will. Once you leave you will look back one day and shake your head and wonder what the hell you were thinking for ever staying in such a violent relationship. You are waisting the best years of your life in a dead end situation. I cannot stress this enough as I have been there myself and waisted 7 years of my life thinking things would change or he will stop or things would get better.........THEY DON'T, THEY NEVER WILL. PLEASE LEAVE HIM. My heart goes out to you, you deserve better, and you will find someone who treats you the way you were meant to be treated, with love and respect, not with name calling and fists.
;) | |
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Posted: 12/21/2004 12:37:00 PM | | oh my dear i feel sorry for u but you have to giv up on him and his love 4 you and start a new live with a new dicent guy ...Take care | |
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Posted: 12/21/2004 2:03:26 PM | | Hitting is not part of love, as much as you love him, Hitting is not giving love back, People go to jail for hitting other people, you need to get away from him and file the proper legal papers to keep him away from you.... and take a step back, You will find someone that loves you for who you are and will be able to show his emotions with out violance | |
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Posted: 12/21/2004 2:33:03 PM | | The gentleman who posted the previous comment is exactly right. Get away from this ***hole, he is never going to stop, it will just get worse, and someday you will end up in the hospital or the grave. There is no reason in the world for a man to hit a woman. You are so young and have a full life ahead of you, DO NOT let him ruin your life. There are millions of men who would treat a woman like you like a goddess, do not waste one more second of your life with this ***hole. | |
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Posted: 12/21/2004 4:33:00 PM | | Yo just take advice fro tha dawg and knock that mothaf**a out wit the closest hard object.....I'm so sick of grown a** men hitting women like man. IN JUST PLAIN ENGLISH FUCK THAT NIGGA UP! | |
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Posted: 12/21/2004 9:23:12 PM | | Get out of the relationship....it will only get worse....my ex started out doing the same thing..eventually he controlled every area of my life.I had no friends..he called my job everyday to make sure i was there...i rarley saw my family....and my kid watched him beat me...honey..loves not suppose to hurt...its not love..its control..... | |
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 19 | |
| Abuse
Posted: 12/21/2004 11:56:04 PM | | Get a set of his an hers socks full of horsesh*t and beat the crap outta each other for x-mas. OR....get out of there cause the guy is a control freak and had issues to deal with for himself long before he can ever "love" anyone. The only thing this guy "loves" is having control over YOU. And you don't "love" him...you like being controlled so that you don't have to face the consequences of your own decisions. Would you put up with this crap at home from your PARENTS??? Probably not...so why do it here??? | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 5:09:54 PM | DON't go for it ! YOU CAN SAY NO! HE AIN"T GOT THE ONLY P around you know and furthermore, if he isn't big enough to walk off he ain't man enough to love/ ALL YOUR CHOICE BABE and at 18 why waste it on a selfish spoiled little bratt
BABE THEY ALWAYS SAY I'm SORRY IT WON"T HAPPEN AGAIN/ SURE IT WON"T (HA)!
LEOPARDS DON"T CHANGE THEIR SPOTS
THAT IS GOD WE BOTH LOVE WOMEN BUT HE REALLY DESERVES A THOUSAND LOVE PATS WITH A BALL BAT | |
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Posted: 12/22/2004 6:29:37 PM | roxanne: your b/f does indeed love you... he wants you in his life: but this is so he can beat you up.
Some love is no good. Understand this.
All love is not the same. It varies with each different person.
After you get away from this guy, remember that the value of love must be judged, not just accepted...
Regarding Love: "Caveat Emptor" (Buyer Beware) | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 7:44:50 AM | Dear Roxanne,
I understand what you are going through.... you are scared and confused like I was 4 months ago. I am safe for now ...ex in Jail.
He threatened to Kill me, came after my son and I with a crowbar....We were lucky to get out of the house alive... I still blame myself to allow him to be part of my life he could have hurt Our Son(he is 3) . I hope and pray my son will not remember the events that occured...He also told me many times that no one will love me as much as him.
That he is sorry... he doesn't want to do drugs anymore etc
Now he is a raging maniac... because I said it's over...
He doesn't want to let go.... he said if I can't have you no one can have you.
Police have him charged with many charges.
You can nver change him to be a good person... I tried and failed.
Why did I stay... For my Son.... I wanted him to have a Dad....Big mistake on my part.
I was with him for 4 years....I was scared to leave.
I am Safe for now.... everyone is going to run him out of town.. or deal with him... for him to leave me alone.
Please get out now! You can't change him! | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 7:49:45 AM | Run.. Run... find a decent guy... run away and don't look back...
~~Dragon Rider~~
As the Dragon Spake, Magic Happens
Merry Christmas | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 8:00:20 AM | | *but i love him*...give me a f*cking break.....this has got to be the most ignorant thread yet. This chump is obviously a piece of shiit, and a to strike a woman. yeah i love people too, but i love myself more and f*ck getting hit. Cowgirl the f*ck up and be waiting for him when he gets home behind the door with a baseball bat...beat the f*ck out of him once and then leave. hell never mess with you again......... | |
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Posted: 12/23/2004 8:02:06 AM | Amen Navy... 100% concurrence...
~~Dragon Rider~~
As the Dragon Spake, Magic Happens
Merry Christmas | |
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