| | If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?Page 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | It's my observation that whenever quite a few males on this system believe things aren't going as they should for them - not enough women are e-mailing them, women aren't responding to their anonymous IMs, women aren't jumping 'at the bait' quickly enough - that it is invariably about the man's looks. Ergo, women are shallow.
It is never - Is my profile stupid? Do you think I need to clean up my spelling, grammar, attitude? Could I be coming across too strong, too weak, too ... whatever?
It appears to be safer for men to assume it is collectively women's fault for being so shallow as to only be interested in physical appearance rather than entertain the thought that he might be unacceptable in some other category that is 'more than skin-deep' and within his power to alter or improve. | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 3:26:33 PM | I haven't done that myself, but I've seen the countless threads about it. If anything, I tend to blame myself a little too much when rejected.
What it comes down to is there are those people who just simply refuse to blame themselves or see any flaws in their own character. It's always got to be someone else's fault. Which is a shame, because it makes them bitter, and they don't learn and move on. | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 3:50:04 PM | Alot of folks are so full of themselves, it leaves little room for someone else.. or rejection for that matter. Too many fragile egos unable withstand rejection or accept the fact they are in fact not gods gift to the other sex!..
Sheesh people.. get out there, live a life and refuse to use the internet, email or your lack of responses to chat as a measure of yourself... Instead try something new and say hi Face to face to someone who captures your attention and take it from there...
At the very least, it'll be real. | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 4:00:14 PM | | I agree with the others in that it definately goes both ways, but I don't consider myself to be shallow in refusing to talk to people without a picture. Those who refuse to post a picture seem to have something to hide, and the internet is a convenient way to do it. If you were to meet someone in public, you wouldn't be able to hide behind a mask of good prose and animated smiley faces. Physical attraction is of extremely great import, and I personally consider it equal to a great personality. Why pursue something with someone if there is no chance of being attracted to them? Unless you are looking for nothing more than friendship, it doesn't make any sense to me. There are enough people in this world that no one should have to settle for less than what they want...I think the problem arises when people believe that EVERYONE should want to talk to them. The simple fact of the matter is that not everyone is going to like everyone. It's impossible. So just chalk those that reject you up to being in the pile of people that you have no future with, and move on. Try not to take it personally....everyone in life experiences rejection, it's the way you deal with it that defines you. | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 5:00:57 PM | why change your profile if you feel it is an extension of yourself.
so what if the grammar is wrong or its not perfect.
my profile makes me look like a moron for the most part...i dont care...im silly in the head and i express that....i never once thought a woman was shallow for not talking to me....i wouldnt expect someone to if i wasnt their cup of tea.
and furthermore....by being the nutjob that i am i recieve a few very nice emails which i have learned to respect...an example....
"hi chalkmaster, you are not my type at all but i do think you have a weird kind of charm. thanks for the laugh and i hope you find what youre looking for'
This email came from someone i never met or contacted before....does this make her shallow???? hell no...she was straight up and kind and wished me luck.
we all have a certain degree of shallowness...the difference is most people wont admit it to themselves...me for example...i wont date anyone if they have horns growing outta their head and a pointed tail.......already tried that...lol.
peace all | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 5:31:18 PM | The reason for making that comment, was at the start I did not post a photo. Without the photo some replied that they were interested but wanted to see if they were attracted. Therefore, demanded a photo before they would continue emailing.
At least two of the women said they were shawlow. One claiming to be a school teacher and another claiming to be an accountant. There were honest enough to say that they could not get down with someone unless they were attracted to them physically. Are we all not guilty of this at the start of a relationship?
Heck, I even drive an old rusty pick up truck by choice. That truck has been well used. People do not realize how handy a truck is. An old beat up truck will get used as a truck should for the fact you do not care about scratching the paint of the box. Sorry getting a little off topic. But with the truck I have had people judge me by the truck I drove. Even posted a forum. You should take a look at the results.
Now when you mention about spelling and grammar. Well is that not being shawlow or judgemental. You are basing the intellegence of a person on how they communicate on paper (computer). Do you ever really read what the person is trying to say or are you more interested in the grammer side. See I know one of my weak points is in the English literature. Not the greatest speller either. Would not win any spelling bee. Therefore, if I could meet a women who could spell and write well would be a bonus. Where she would be strong in English I would be strong in Math.
Now as far as coming on to strong, well that is understandable. Even had a taste of it myself. But how does a person know if they are coming on to strong or not. Is stating that a person is looking for life long partner coming on to strong. Wanting to meet a person in person after a few emails coming on to strong. I am sure most of us on POF has had or doubts about a few people on here. You can read a few forums about them. Would like to hear more about what you consider coming on to strong? By knowing can only help.
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 5:53:33 PM | la loba said:
...quite a few males on this system believe things aren't going as they should for them - not enough women are e-mailing them, women aren't responding to their anonymous IMs, women aren't jumping 'at the bait' quickly enough - that it is invariably about the man's looks. Ergo, women are shallow....
It's 'cuz men are louder bellyachers than women. Many women when faced with repeated rejection either drop out or break out the tough scaly broad persona -- but I don't see them actually whine (there are notable exceptions, though) as much as many guys , who after blanketing the medium with a hundred emails in a week, decide women are shallow or frigid, and then start a forum topic on the subject. | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:03:48 PM | La Loba...for one, some women get tons of emails a week, for some its typically an ego booster for them, with no real intention of meeting anyone in person.
And another, probably they are more shallow, because...well, they got the pick of the litter here. Where as in real life...they are limited in their choices, so chances are she will be more than likely to "Catch some lunch or go for coffee with some guy she meets in person out in a public venue.
It seems the whole online dating thing is getting old, even with me, I USED to make an effort to tailor make my emails when I find a woman to email...now I just copy and paste a brief synopsis of myself, and add on the rest in regards to her personally.
Even at that, it grows rather weary.
Even if I DO finally get to corresopnd with women online, they flake out, never to bee seen again...or they find some excuse not to meet you.
ONe time I had a couple of women that for some reason , seemed content on being my online email buddy and even a phone buddy (sorry, but once we start talking on the phone, I expect meet in person, once it gets to that point....I'd hope we meet). | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:17:20 PM | | Where are these women online simply for an ego boost? How do you come to this conclusion?? I think it's a very bold assumption....probably the product of bitterness. Isn't it interesting when someone complains about things like this ("why doesn't he/she want to meet me", "why is this online thing not working" etc.) they always are focused on what's wrong with the people they're trying to contact? NEWSFLASH>>>>> more than likely, the whole world doesn't have something wrong with them. It's probably YOU. And if someone isn't successful dating through other avenues, like singles mixers or the bar, why do they assume they'll find success online? Dating is dating.....the only positive for online dating is that you can easily manuever through those you're not interested in and be very specific about what you're looking for. It's not like a magic dating wonderland. And is it really all that different from the real world? Only in that here, people for some reason feel they can say things they would never have the gall to say to someone in person. I wonder how many people you could walk up to on the street and call them shallow to their face, just because they 'weren't that into you'. | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:22:42 PM | MAYBE WE SEEM SHALLOW CAUSE WE MAKE ALL THESE SEXUAL POSES AND SHOW OUR TITS THEN WE GIVE THE GUY THE WRONG INPRESSION OF WHAT WE ARE ASKING FOR. CAN'T BLAME HIM.
That is so true with some. But I have to admit that there are a few photos of both men & women that I have seen that are done in good taste. The guy looks to be a muscle builder and showing off his muscels. He has posed without clothes on but you still cannot see anything if you know what I mean. They are poses were he has been careful not to show his man hood. He is consentrating on flexing. There is also a women who posed over a wood stove. Not sure where the photo was taken. But to me it is almost like posing for art. Done in good taste. She has also blacked out parts but you get her side view. Believe she stated that she was in her 20's. There is also an attractive female who pose lying down with a blanket partially covering her. You cannot see anything and you can. Done in good taste. But some of the others I seen, I shake my head at them. They are the ones that I think are on the wrong site. Maybe they should try friend finder instead. | |
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| If rejected why do SOME men immediately believe women are shallow, that it's all about looks?
Posted: 11/20/2005 6:53:01 PM | dogmommy
I thought this forum was on how women are shawlow just like men. I know I became off topic at one point. But what does looking yourself in the mirror have to do with women being shawlow? The op mentioned that it could be because of grammer as well. Well to me that is shawlow. Why do both parties have to be excellent at grammer. Are they both going to keep a long distance relationship going and write to each other. I do not think so. Are they going to write to each other and leave it on the fridge. Not that often. If it is a healthy relationship they will talk at the dinner table. Or at night in bed. Wherever but they will talk. It is called communication. So why does the written word means so much to a women who is single and looking. I know many relationships that work out for the better because where one is weaker the other is stronger in. For example, my sisters brother-in-law has a business he runs. His wife is very fluent at the written word were he is not. He spent two years at Mohawk she has her PHD in child phycology. They are still together and have children. Do not think she judges him for his grammer. They are married we on searching on here are not. Worked for a fellow who spent three years at Mac. His wife is a lawyer. He runs a business. His wife does the books. They compliment each other and are happy. Where one is weak the other is strong. But why does a women become so defensive about being called shawlow for. No women can claim that they are not shawlow. The reason is already stated in the post above. | |
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