| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 4:04:04 PM | I met Paul when I was 21. He was 19 at the time. We were both in college. He was one of the nicest men I knew. Always a gentleman. The kind of man you dont think still exist in the twenty first century. At the time, I was going out with a guy named Stanton. I was in love with Stanton. Stanton was a real **stard. Our relationship ended when I found Stanton in bed with Shelley,
my longtime best friend and confidante. I felt betrayed. I was lost.
My college was FAR away from home. I had no friends. My grades began to slip up. I actually tried to kill myself. Paul stopped me from doing that.
He helped me get back on my feet. Showed me some tough love. He was there for me. Paul even tutored me to get my grades back on track. I could always count on him. Paul was a nice guy but a loner on campus. He was nice-looking so I couldn't figure out why he didn't have a girlfriend. He didn't seem to have any guy friends or female friends for that matter. I was the only person he talked to. He was one of the smartest people on campus.
Paul and I became good friends. Paul encouraged me to hit the dating scene and a few months after my breakup with Stanton, I met Anthony.
Anthony was a good-looking guy with a sense of humor. I fell in love, again.
I moved in with Anthony six months later. We had a child together,
Mark. Anthony wanted to marry me. My heart broke again when he died in
a car accident. Once again, Paul rescued me. Both financially and emotionally. I had never met a kinder, better man. He was a constant presence in my life. Mark thinks of Paul as his father figure and I encouraged that. I even met Paul's parents. They were nice people. They've been together for thirty years and were glad to meet the lady their son couldn't stop talking about.
One day, I confessed to Paul that I loved him. He told me that he loved me but there was something wrong with him so he couldnt be with me.
I was shocked. He came back and told me that he wanted to be with me no matter what. We made love. For awhile, I was the happiest gal on earth.
Paul and I had a child together, little Jeremiah. We moved in together.
I was living with the perfect guy. Years passed. One day, I found my beloved Paul on the rooftop of our building. He looked like he was about to kill himself. I was worried. He just brushed it off, looked into my eyes and told me that he loved me. I was suspicious that something was going on with him.
I found his diary and couldn't help but read it. I was shocked.
Apparently, Paul had suffered a lot of abuse as a child. Also, he
was living with a malignant type of cancer. He hadn't told me. I learned that he had taken a big insurance policy benefitting the children and me.
Paul was planning to kill himself. I love this man. I dont want to lose him.
He's the kind of guy who would give half his wallet to a poor guy or
buy food for the homeless out of his own pocket. He is a great guy.
He's very sick and hasn't told me yet. He's had that cancer for years. I never suspected because he looked great. Paul always helps people. I've never seen
anyone help him.
I love this man but this situation overwhelms me and I dont know what to do ? | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 5:08:35 PM | | Your story leaves me floored.You have my deepest sympathies.Could you maybe go to a local church and see what they could for you and maybe they can put you onto othersorts of help? | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 5:21:49 PM | | WOW.. there are still angels among us.. maybe it is your time to be stronge with him and for him. he needs your help and now is the times to lift this great man up.. walk with him and encourage him. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 5:36:42 PM | I am so sorry for you honey and Paul. I am going to pray for you without ceasing until what ever needs to take place does. Talk to him please. Talk to him so that you have nothing to regret. He is dying but the most important thing is the legacy he leaves behind about how he lived and who he loved.
Let him know that you are on his side and that you will love him until the sun does not shine any more and beyond that. I have you and yours in my prayers. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 5:39:34 PM | I don't know Jenni, it's a tough thing.
I had something similar with the girl I considered my first love. We fell in love and moved in together when she was 16 and I was 19. I found that she had a very serious congenital heart defect and that she wasn't expected to live past about 30 years old. Over the next 4 years she spent nearly a year and a half in and out of intensive care at UofM hospital.
To make matters worse were her parents. They belonged to some church that believed in arranged marriages, didn't believe in medical care etc. They harrassed her and told her that she would go to hell for interfering with "gods will". It was doing serious damage to her health due to the stress.
Eventually the doctors convinced my girlfriend that she needed to get a restraining order to keep her parents away from the hospital. It was amazing how much her health improved. The doctors became much more optimistic and even suggested that she could double her life expectancy and even gave us hope of having a child if she kept improving. This was almost 20 years ago so she might even have been able to extend her life to a nearly normal span today.
Finally (Tammy) came home from the hospital. I took care of her and made sure she got to her appointments at the hospital. She eventually got healthy enough to care for herself during the day so I went back to work.
Within a couple of weeks Tammy took a turn for the worse. Finally I came home one day and she was gone. Apparently Tammy's parents found out what our phone number was and that I wasn't there during the day and they basically came and forced her to leave. Inside of a month she was married to a guy she didn't know, inside of 6 months she was pregnant, and inside of a year she died. In that year I got several midnight calls from her saying that she wanted to come home but was afraid. In my eyes her parents killed her as surely as if they had poisoned her.
I never knew where Tammy was buried until about 3 years ago. In a strange twist of fate I was attending the graveside service for my aunt. After the service ended I turned and took about 3 steps looked down and there was her headstone. Now I can visit her grave every July 11th (her birthday).
Ya know I don't think I will ever know the depth of the ways that experience changed me or if they were even for the worse or better. Strangely I wouldn't trade that horrible experience for anything in the world. Instead I cherish the good few years we had together. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 8:02:20 PM | | hi, hun my name is george from cartersville ga. my heart goes out to you. im not here to take his place by no means. but if you ever need someone to talk too.my email is lifeline8772002 2 yahoo. god will provide the strenght that u need. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 8:49:49 PM | If I read you right, Paul hasn't told you anything yet about his illness. You need to respect that and find a way to get him to tell you in his own way. Reading his diary betrays his trust and he sounds like the sort of person who wouldn't like that. When you get him to tell you then you can face it together as a family - and let him know that he's not alone in this.
Whatever happens always remember how lucky you are to have found such a wonderful, special man and that nothing will ever take those memores away.
Not sure what else to say. Thinking of you all. Hang in there. The strength will be there when you need it. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 9:13:07 PM | | I tend to agree with Caroline. Yes, I understand that by confronting Paul you would have violated his privacy in a way- with him deducing that you read his diary- but there's something much more important than that at stake. Besides, you already know, so it won't help either of you if you keep that knowledge to yourself. Go to him, tell him, be there for him, and keep loving him, like it sure seems to me you've been doing. Don't leave anything unsaid, because believe me- you would regret it, and so would he. That's the most important thing. At least, that's how I see it... | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/20/2004 9:42:04 PM | "As i walk through the valley of the shadow of death"
Be there for him , that is your purpose , you are an angel and its time to spread your wings and fly with this fellow angel even if it is a sacrifice. Thats why we love. My heart goes out to you and i truly look at my life differently , im inspired.
My 2 cents.
Daniel. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/21/2004 5:37:52 AM | | Love him, support him, and touch him, for he walks in the path of an enduring light. Remember THE MAN on that Cross. Seek refuge, friends, and treasure what you have been given. For love that is true, conquers all. Most of us live in darkness, and await the light. My heart goes out to you, and your friend, your lover, your angel. The blessing of it is impossible to measure. The endless love becomes your light to hold deep within your soul. You will not ever forget it, and the soul never dies. | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 11 | |
| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/21/2004 5:42:43 AM | Jennifer... he already gave you the open window to ask about his illness when you first met.
"He told me that he loved me but there was something wrong with him so he couldnt be with me."
Tell him about his diary,that you read it. Trust won't matter anymore if he dies and you don't say anything to him.
When you really don't want people to find out things you don't write the thoughts down and leave the pages where they could possibly be read. I think he wants you to know. What a burden to keep all that inside from the person he loves the most. I feel great sadness for you both.
Suicide would make the insurance policy null and void. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/25/2004 8:18:26 PM | | He hasn't told you because he has a self less nature. He doesn't want you to change the way you treat him or how you think of him. He knows if when he passes that will hurt you and wants to shorten the duration of your pain. He doesn't want the change that he knows will happen. It's not that he doesn't love you enough to tell you, he loves you enough to try to protect you. It is a very hard position to put someone in. But your right, you are lucky enough to have a true heart in your life, cherish it, learn from it, and pass it on through yourself and your children. Most of all, don't give up, miracles happen every day and if you don't get the miracle you dream for, realize that you have been given the miracle of knowing someone so special. Realize as well, you are giving him the love and warmth that he was so desparatly seeking, even if you didn't notice, you give him the comfort to sooth his heart. Best wishes and prayers for you both. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/25/2004 9:25:47 PM | Jennifer,
My heart goes out to you. Ruby is right, talk to him that you are aware of his illness and that both can try to go thru this together, try to find a way to get a cure and that you want to be part of it. That you treasure and love him and you want to spend quality time with him. As some had said, miracles happen every day. Don't lose heart, we will pray for you. He has a selfless character which is admirable and in a way you are very fortunate to have someone like that. Cherished the good time that you have with him which will become your fondest memory in the future..
Best wishes,
Hui Ching | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 12/26/2004 9:02:34 AM | | Best wishes, lady. Your husband sounds like a real gem. Hold onto him. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 1/29/2005 6:25:33 AM | Thanks. We are going on a vacation together. thanks to
all of you and your replies. good luck, all ! | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 2/12/2005 5:23:11 AM | | your story made me cry seek help in relatives and friends and continue to show your love you are an amazing person never forget that my thoughts and prayers will be with you oh and find someone to give you a big hug | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 2/12/2005 11:24:27 AM | | Jennifer, he is trying to protect you still by making you think everything is normal and ok. Make promises to him and keep them. Show your love for him in every way. Come back and tell us how things are going, cause some of us have been there and we can at least listen. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 2/12/2005 12:43:18 PM | Call me a skeptic...but this is all true????....
unquestioningly everyone here has accepted what has been said as totally believeable.....
some very trusting people here....Too trusting....
On the net...not everthing is real....
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 2/14/2005 1:45:41 PM | | I am a skeptic myself but I believe her. I wish them both the best. peace. | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 2/14/2005 3:03:34 PM | | He's probably looking out for the best interest of his family, but I'd like to state that if he kills himself, your family won't see a dime. Oddly enough there was an episode of CSI where a guy had lost his job and had taken out a huge insurance policy on his life under her name. He tried to make his death look like a homicide/hunting accident. But the CSI team was able to find out that he committed suicide... so the grieving wife whom they had thought at first got the policy herself and might have killed him, got no money. The man killed himself becuase he loved his wife so much :X Wow... | |
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| Love of my Life is Dying
Posted: 2/14/2005 3:14:41 PM | | most ins. companies will not pay if death is caused by ones own hand. | |
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