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Eborys
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Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 1 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 1:01:07 AM | It is deplorable how much it sucks for guys on dating sites for many reasons. There is usually a hugely uneven ratio of men vs women, with men in the great majority, so they are worthless dime a dozens. Girls dont initiate contact or are reluctant to so the guys have to do all the messaging and we face the most rejection and frustration. Think of how easy it is for a good looking woman on a dating site- all she has to do is post a few sexy pics and write practically nothing in her profile and wait for the 100's of daily e-mails to come pouring in and be as picky choosy to the highest degree as she likes. They probably get so much e-mail they dont have to do any searching, just reading and deleting and blocking. Its an ego boosting experience for women- they get to screen put, reject and delete as many good looking, quality guys as they please and only respond to the top creme de la creme model quality ones. And they often have outrageous expectations and standards like "he must be tall, handsome, intelligent, witty, goal-oriented, ambitious etc etc and all the usual bullsh it.
Even for a good looking, educated white guy like me, internet dating is a very humbling experience. Out of 10-15 e-mails I've sent so far, I've yet to receive a reply (AND I DO HAVE A GOOD PHOTO FOR MY PROFILE BY THE WAY). I know that's not that much but Christ, no replies from 15 e-mails has to tell you something. In real life I get a lot of looks and attention, and I am good looking, honestly, but online I feel like a nobody because I just get ignored all the time. Its like women have no interest in me whatsoever online. The good looking girls on this site, especially from my area are very stuck up and they only reply to you if you are 9+ out of 10 in a scale of attractiveness, no exaggeration. Its like online a guys' level of attractiveness takes a dramatic drop due to all the competition and other crap, so its about 100 times more difficult to find someone. It sucks for guys, plain and simple. And dont come and tell me that its the same for women too because that is bull sh it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 1:35:37 AM | Once, in a blue moon, you get lucky. Can't double post so see Adventures in Cyber Space in the Creative Writing forum. For what it's worth to you ... don't give up.
Steve | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 5:38:14 AM | I would tend to agree with you in certain aspects of what you say in your post. I have an interesting reply posted in" Dating experiences - Aggressive men. . . .like 'em or not?" that you may want to read. The important thing is to understand, that all of this is learned behavior. We are products of our surroundings and reflect aptly to that notion.
We as society, as a civilization have undergone many transformations over our existence in regards to the favorable opposite sex. Science tells us that by shear instinct, we seek out a partner that exhibits favorable features that will extend our gene pool into the next generation.
History has shown us otherwise with fads and trends in all classes of society over human existence that this is not entirely true. Hence, there was a period in the 1920's for instance where the preferable female mate of choice by many was a women of a larger body size.
Currently the candidate for the ideal female mate seems to be that of something between what is airbrushed on magazine covers or what we have crammed down our throats by the mass media on a daily basis!
Have you ever noticed that in movies, commercials,etc. . . .that you hardly ever see people that are considered obese or unattractive by today's standards being used to promote products or make movies? Even on most "reality" shows. . .they hand pick who will be on the show in relation to the marketing demographic. The fact that is blatant. . .is that the very most intimate thing that we seek, be it love, has a "FOR SALE" sign on it. And this has and will become more of a cash crop for those that seek commercial prosperity. .. . solely at the expense of each and every one of us! And yes, some women that fit the "GOOD LOOKING" by today's standards category, are reaping in the spoils of this modern day commercialism of humanity and can't get enough of it.
We are becoming a disposable society in mindset, where it is getting easier for each of us as "individuals" to break away from the common ties that have held humanity together, to being numb to the effects that we have upon each other. The term "independent" as an individual has come at a great cost to all of us and yet again this to has given way to offer another opportunity to capitalize on our emotions. . . .it's all about money!!!!!
I've been involved with online dating, on and off for some 5 years now. When I first discovered it, it was in it's true infancy. . .a hush,hush topic. It did not hold the appeal that is rising in it's favor now. Then again this industry has grown into a multibillion dollar venture for the top dating sites. I'm glad there are still sites like this around that offer some of the basic services for free. One thing you may have noticed, is look at the pictures of the women on the full pay sites as opposed to the free sites! I noticed there are more of what we consider "good looking" women that have profiles posted there as opposed to the free sites. Why do think that is????????? MONEY!!!!!!!!!
Cause yet again, the greedy almighty business machine has forged it's way into another area of our lives. I often wondered about this early on. . . .I mean how many of the profiles are legitimate and how many are creations by those companies to entice consumers to lay out their cash in hopes to meet with and form a relationship with one of the" beautiful people"!
And I see recently that my suspicions have been warrented. . .in fact it is being found that dating sites have been doing just as I have fore mentioned. How nice it is to see once again that our emotions are being exploited! Things we do to each other in this world just amazes me!
Not to say that there are not some legitimate people on dating sites or that it doesn't work. I have had one relationship that was formed from meeting online. . . .lasted about a year. And others that have become friendships that have spanned the entire length of the time I have been at online dating sites.
I've found that a good mixture of online dating and dating the conventional methods are a decent approach. One kinda cancels out the other and allows one to remain Sane! Just know that your not the only guy on these sites that has had this experience. You write almost verbatim, what I have seen others write before about the experiences that they have faced on these sites. Even for myself, I have been down this road more times that I care to admit, yet I have gain great wisdom from it all!
Most of the women you are writing to are not going to respond to you and that in itself should tell you something about their character. . I'd stay away from them all together. It may be more of a mindset change, yet I personally go for the average girl that displays a uniqueness about her that is unparalleled in comparison to the cookie cutter trophy girl that every man supposedly wants these days. You'll find a more genuine, realistic woman without outrageous expectations and more realistic requirements that I think are a little easier to work with.
And the most important thing, is to devise the ability to not let online dating become any more personal than you have to. . .don't take it personally if you write a woman and you never hear from hear. Just keep moving forward and ahead and you'll find her. . . .nothing good comes easy. Once you do find her .. . .you'll see she was worth everything you've gone through thus far.
Good Luck to you | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 7:13:15 AM | My experience on POF has been entirely different from yours, and if you look at my photos you will see that I am not gods gift to women. (As one woman reminded me not so long ago.)
If I were to hazard a guess you are only contacting the girls who look like supermodels. That's your first mistake. Cast a wider net. Secondly, if the eborys profile is your real profile and not just one put up to b*itch about the dating experience on POF I see no photos on your profile. Even worse, I see nothing about you. Why would a woman waste her time if there is nothing there to interest or attract her. Thirdly, women are no different than men. They want the most attractive set of features in a prospective mate, just as men do, so learn to present yourself in an attractive way. Choose photos that are flattering to you. Write something interesting and appealing about you in your profile. If you are not getting results from these two important tools then ask somebody on POF to give you some tips. Most importantly, recognise that it is your job to contact the women. Not the other way around. You say that you've only sent out 15 e-mails. That's pathetic! You've got to work a lot harder than that. Also, learn how to catch their eye when you e-mail them. Put up a good title. Try to be natural and interesting in your message. These are all skills that you need to develop if you are going to be successful in your search for a relationship. Finally, don't put yourself across as being needy. Women avoid needy men like the plague. Be positive and don't take your self so seriously. And the most important piece of advice: READ THE FORUMS AND FIND OUT WHAT WOMEN WANT. | |
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Eborys
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Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 11:07:07 PM | | I have sent messages to women without any photos- no reply, and I have sent a very polite message to one particular girl, just one message and she just deleted it and blocked me. I did an experiment a while ago, I took a photo of a guy who had a 9.4 out of 10 rating in attractiveness and made a profile with it, a very boring stupid profile with hardly any writing in it and the day I put it up I got over 25 e-mails and was bombarded with IM's constantly. Compare that to my own real profile- a good looking, educated, white male with a well written profile and I've gotten that many e-mails in a year. Shows how superficial women are. Girls judge you by your photo and that's it for the majority of them. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 11:10:13 PM | | I am so tired of hearing guys complain about how internet dating sucks for them..how is it any better for us women sometimes??..We tend to get a lot of sexually suggestive messages from pervs and such or when we decide to meet up with a guy he has one intention only.How does that make it good??..Yeah so we get messages..but they aren't ones we'd like to be getting all the time.Internet dating is a win/lose situation..you either just ignore messages you do not appreciate or do not attempt to internet date. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 11:23:16 PM | | times have changed. i remember about 7 years ago when the whole online dating was just getting started. i would send out emails and get reply's. i would meet women over coffee within 3 days of talking to them. sometimes it was plain flat out sex, other times is was just hanging out and doing things together. now its hard to even get any of them to email back. even a short reply of "not intreseted" is better than nothing but that rarely happens. trying to get them to use a IM lately is like pulling teeth when they do reply to a email. using email is like sending something real mail now. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/28/2005 11:54:17 PM | If you get checked out a lot in real life then you should also show that here. Take some good pics of yourself and always attach them to your emails. Sorry but girls wanna see what you look like and they want to have a good look at you. When we are getting 20 emails per day the ones that will stand out for us are the ones that have somthing good to say, along with a profile that matches our personal interests and lastly and very important some good clear pictures of yourself. And don't get discouraged if it take us a x amount of time to find a good match calculate it will take a guy probably twice that amount of time simply because of the ratios you mentioned.
patience is your best friend right now so embrace it.
aslo: what's with the "'I'll fill it out soon?" can you try a little bit? 'cause if you don't give a shiiit why should we? LOL | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 12:22:15 AM | | Well I don't know about others, but all in all I think I'm doing ok at this. I send out a few emails and on average I get about 2 out of say 8 or 10 that message back and we chat. I meet up with them and well no real luck finding the "right one" yet but you never know..she might be the next one! Point is you have to be yourself and well I am naturally funny so I convey that in my emails and replys. Who doesn't need a good laugh anyway?? I guess you could say I can hold my own at this...wait that doesn't sound right...see there I go again!! LOL | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 1:53:28 AM | | Its absolutley true that it sucks for guys. Women get so much more mail, that its really useless to e-mail most of them. If a guy doesn't have a pic, he won't get e-mailed, period, no matter if his profile shows that he really is gods gift to women. But if you put up a decent pic with no profile, you will get a few responces from some shallow chicks, but even then no one worth your time since they only messaged you because of your pic. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 6:52:02 AM | | So Eborys are you saying your pissed off that women behave in exactly the same way that men do? Men do that ALL THE TIME. The look at the pics and if the woman isn't a stunner not only will they ignore them, worse they will e-mail cruel and hurtful comments. The only difference is that the women don't whine about it nearly as much as the men. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 7:21:53 AM | | Boy, do you have it wrong! First, how can you possibly know how many e-mails I get? You can't, you are assuming!! Second, if you profile is anything like your post then that anger will show through and no one will respond. Third, if you think that men don't look first and then maybe e-mail then you are way off base! I don't get tons of e-mails because I'm older and don't fit the "model" image most men want. I get so sick if older guys posting their "less than terrific" stats and then they want the models to respond. Well, it just isn't going to happen. I too have sent out lots of messages and MAYBE I'll get 1 or 2 responses for every 25 or so I send out. I have gotten sexually explicit messages, rude, crude, cruel!, insulting ones as well, bet you haven't had that happen to you. Being called a "Dog" isn't the best ego booster one can experience!! So spare me your whining, it's a free site, you haven't lost anything, either keep trying or go away. The fact is this cyberdating is only what you make of it. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 7:47:24 AM | | Hi, I just have to say that not all women are superficial. I think the reason you may not be getting responses is because in your profile you haven't even taken the time to fill out any info! Women look at that and think ok, this guy isn't on here looking for anything substancial. Or see it as lazy! As far as the pics go, I think most people like to have an idea of who they are talking too. If there is no pic up, it makes us wonder what you are hiding! It doesn't matter who you are (male or female) if there is zero attraction, the relationship, date, whatever it is, isn't going to work. I personally am looking for someone who has a great personality and someone i am attracted too! I think that is as real as it gets. You are being silly by creating a "fake profile" to test your theory. Sure women are attracted to good looking guys! Why wouldn't we be. But also try to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone who is good looking in one person's eyes may be ugly in the next. Good looks alone might grab someones attention at first, but women i think in general are looking for a total package! | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:21:31 AM | ^^^^^ GOLDEN GURL ~ sweetie you just saved me a hell ova lot of writing time and energy on this thread!!!!! 
I agree whole heartedly with everything that you have said.
ALL WOMEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL
WE NEED SOME KIND OF EFFORT PUT FORTH IN A PROFILE TO EVEN KNOW IF YOU ARE IDEAL FOR ME (if you write nothing - how will I know what kind of gem you truly are?)
I have said this many many many times - so one more will be a charm!
Being a writer words are VERY important to me. It tells me that you are taking this seriously. It illustrates that your interested enough in this "online process" to put your best foot forward and give it an honest effort. I mean honestly ... if you were at a function or event and saw a woman that you liked and wanted to get to know further are you truly going to get anywhere by just standing there? mute...all night???? HARDLY! So why would you think it would work out in a profile (standing there and writing nothing) same idea.
WOMEN ARE DEFINITELY LOOKING FOR THE TOTAL PACKAGE!!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!!
Your personal opinions and judgements aside, not ALL WOMEN are looking for the 6 pack God! Some of us need mental stimulation as well! Which again ties into being able to express yourself in a profile. If you don't care to make the effort why should others make the effort to get to know you? IM NOT trying to be rude or crude here, as I am not that kind of Lady. All im trying to do is shed some light on this for you!
I cannot speak for other women here but I for one have ALWAYS taken the time to converse back with another individual who has taken the time out of their day to either IM me or email me... ALWAYS!!!!
The last thing I wanted to say here is this..... please have faith! All kidding aside I truly to sympathize and empathize with those of you who have run into phonies here. There seem to be an awful lot of them MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE!!!!! This process is not idiot proof just yet.... but if we all give an HONEST effort perhaps the pond can be rid of it's sharks soon enough!!!
There are my two cents in the matter.....that at the end of the day....really mean nothing at all :)
~ Carissima ~  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:35:37 AM | yea right this does suck but its getting like that every where you go  woman seem to have more paitence in meeting guys but cant wait to get you in love so they can mess with your head why do we put up with it well i think it has to do with that freind we hang out with who does most of our thinking we need to leave him out of it for a while  and i bet it would turn around it makes it hard for us out there that realy do want to meet a good freind any gook ideas from other guys or gals would make this more fun would help because this does suck and is making me not want to try  | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:42:09 AM | ^^^^^^ IBJEFFU 
awwww sweetie, sounds like you are having a tough time. Dating is really difficult no doubt. I don't think any of us have the "rule book" by any stretch. But all we can do is try.
Again NOT ALL WOMEN ARE EGOMANIACS or OPPORTUNISTS...just like not all men are miserable lying aszzholes and players. It would be wrong to judge or stereotype us all as a general population.
I think the forums is a great place to start meeting the RIGHT kinds of people!
So you are headed in the right direction.
I for one have met some incredible guyz and galz here. Some so close that I truly dunno how I ever managed to live my life without them in it!
Making great friends is the right thing to look for. After all LOVE is FRIENDSHIP on FIRE!!!!
Good luck to everyone!!!!
~ Carissima ~ | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:59:16 AM | Ok, Ok........maybe no replies because after checking out your profile.......I see.......there is none and where the heck is this so called good looking photo?? Come on. You might want to actually say a little something about yourself. A little sales pitch never hurt anyone. If you're as wonderful and good looking as you seem to think.......tell us!!
Let me know if your luck changes after you make a few changes of your own. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:11:58 AM | I have to agree with the OP on this one. I'm a newbie on this site, but I've been on Yahoo, Match, Matchdoctor, and a few others I can't remember, but they are all the same. I can accept I'm not the best looking guy and I'm not the richest guy, but I have a few things that a lot of people don't anymore, good old fashioned morals, ambition, drive, creativity, and a bunch of other qualities I try to convey in my profile. It doesn't really matter, because the total package for most women isn't a guy like me, it's the Tom Cruise look-a-like that's a doctor with a Lexus and a personality you'll only find in an ugly but funny guy. Lets face it, the pretty people are used to being treated differently. Yeah, guys aren't the only ones brainwashed by the media about what is attractive. Yes, I know that women get vulger messages, but not ALL of them are, I think guys would almost rather have vulger messages than no messages, at least someone was looking at ya. Every woman I have taken out or talked to from a web site has said they get at least a dozen messages a day (and no these aren't even model types), when a guy like myself is doing good to get one a month (and yes I send out plenty of polite non-generic messages). You think vulger messages are bad, there's a woman on yahoo that finds the most pathetic profiles and puts them on a website she created just to make fun of them! So as least vulger messages don't get posted along with your profile for the world to make fun of (and no, mine didn't make the cut). All in all, women have a significant advantage on these sites, but then they do in person too.
just my .02 | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 10:18:38 AM | as far as what frankie said:
READ THE FORUMS AND FIND OUT WHAT WOMEN WANT. There is no one thing that women want nor is there one thing that men want. Talk about what you are looking for and see if you can find women that are expressing similar interests as you are looking for. It is a simple fact of life that both men and women will be searching for someone that they find attractive. It's been engrained into us since the dawn of the human species survival of the fittest and all. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 10:18:49 AM | as far as what frankie said:
READ THE FORUMS AND FIND OUT WHAT WOMEN WANT. There is no one thing that women want nor is there one thing that men want. Talk about what you are looking for and see if you can find women that are expressing similar interests as you are looking for. It is a simple fact of life that both men and women will be searching for someone that they find attractive. It's been engrained into us since the dawn of the human species survival of the fittest and all. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 11:22:24 AM | Wow. You are so bitter.
Since you get lots of looks and attention in the "real world" why not save yourself the miserable frustration of being ignored online, and take your sad profile down? | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 11:27:13 AM | I am not saying this because I am black, but what has 'white male' got to do with anything? does that mean you expected more emails?
What is good looking to me, is different to another female, so you cant tar us all with the same brush. So I am guessing the lack of response is because your profile lacks any humph or interest. | |
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| Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women.
Posted: 11/29/2005 12:13:31 PM | well, you are 38 and i assume you going out with older ladies 38 plus. Not too surprising that you would have success . Most guys consider over 38 females to be too old. in most cultures, guys dont date females over 20. we really have a low standard of living when you consider this
to langley132
Nope, I just met a girl that was 32...sorry to crush that theory... | |
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