| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/1/2005 10:02:06 PM | | a person very close to me is dying of cancer...she will be gone any day...im having a hard time dealing with it...she is like a mom to me and i am going to miss her so much...how do you say goodbye? | |
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marol
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Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/1/2005 10:04:04 PM | | its known to you both that she is leaving..just spend what time u can with her and say all the things you want her to know | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/1/2005 10:43:29 PM | I agree with Marol.
You know how much it's gonna mean to her, just you being her friend thru this, and you can be at peace with yourself, because you are a special, caring person.
I had a friend tell me a couple years ago that he's HIV positive. He was ashamed to tell anyone (his family doesn't accept him because he's gay). He was so afraid, because I was the only one he could turn to, and I told him he should know he never has to be afraid of coming to me. He knows I love him as such a wonderful person and friend, and I can tell you that means so much more to your friend than you'll ever know. Hang in there sweetie... I'm soooo sorry you two are going thru this!!!
Hugs,
Alicia | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/1/2005 11:49:21 PM | Hello Australiangirl. My Mom died of ovarian cancer 12 years ago, and I can understand where you're coming from. Mom suffered 1.5 years of surgeries, chemo, hospice at home. What I did was be with her as much as possible. We talked about the good times we had and I told her exactly what you said: that I will miss her terribly. I told her "I love you" all the time. She was on alot of morphine towards the end and could not communicate. I could not believe that God existed - how could such a beautiful, loving and caring person be put through so much suffering. That is until a friend talked me through it recently: "God ended her suffering and brought her home." You may want to say this to her, you may not. Understand the Grief Process you will go through:
1 Denial - numbness
2 Anger
3 Guilt - anger turned inward
4 Depression
5 Acceptance - you begin to believe you will make it through this
You may experience these in order and some simultaneously, perhaps not in this order. I learned this in treatment for my alcoholism (I am grateful to AA today). Be good to yourself. Mom today is my guardian angel. Peace to you from South Florida, Ben.  | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 1:13:07 AM | It will be important to her to hear that she was special and that she made a difference in someon'e life. It will be important to let her know that anything that needs taking care of will be looked after - so she won't have to worry. Also, hugs are really important and will help her to forget the pain. Long hugs. Maybe put on her favorite music and just sit with her. Maybe read some diverting, goofy stuff to her and have a couple of giggles when she is able to. Maybe recite the Lord's Prayer or the 23rd psalm if she is really distressed.
Good luck and God bless... | |
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AI03™
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Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 1:27:33 AM | SAYING GOODBYE TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE
Spend time with your loved one whether crying, laughing or silently holding hands. These experiences will provide rich and beautiful memories.
Grief is a process of healing that takes time. Learn to nurture yourself. Don't allow the pain to frighten you. The hurt can feel like a bottomless pit, but you do eventually feel better. To hurt from a loss is normal and okay.
Rest and take care of yourself, but beware of isolating yourself from friends, family and the living.
Throughout it all, remember that others can help. This is not a time to be alone. You're entitled to all the help you can get. A friend, family member, social worker, or a clergy person may be useful people to reach out to.
The task is to find ways to let that person live on in your memory.
Try not to worry about "Am I grieving correctly?" You'll do it in your own style and at your own pace. There is no correct way to grieve.
Don't deny your urges to exercise your faith, religion or spirituality. It may provide some needed comfort and answers.
A point of understanding and acceptance eventually occurs. Thinking continuously about what has happened and about your dead loved one does diminish over time. The intense feelings lessen, and memories become less painful. A renewed interest in other people and in life in general does occur.
Try to take better care of yourself now more than ever.And remember, it's okay to survive the death of someone you love.
My thoughts are with you. | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 3:19:48 AM | As my once 5 year old daughter said to me one day " As long as someone remembers him your daddy will always be alive " Aren't kids great!!!. Cherish every moment with her she has left.
If I should die tomorrow
Do not weep for me
Smile and rejoice in the yesterdays
If I should die tomorrow
Do not cry for me
Remember my essence and reflect
If I should die tomorrow
Do not be angry at me
Remember the happiness we shared
If I should die tomorrow
Do not hate me
Remember cool summer nights
If I should die tomorrow
I will look back upon my life
And be thankful of all we shared together
If I should die tomorrow
Let not the memory of me fade
Hold it close to your hearts
If I should die tomorrow
Let it be known I loved life
And all its mysteries
If I should die tomorrow
Cast my ashes across the land
So I may remain a part of this world
If I should die tomorrow
Set me free
R.W.Wood | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 4:16:43 AM | | thank you to everyone who has replied...im up at 4 am ...and it helps to read these replys..this will be the first death i have ever had to experience...it makes you cherish you life and everyone in it...im sorry that some of you have experienced losses of loved ones...it is such a hard thing....take care | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 4:34:09 AM | | u tell them that u love them and will miss them and u r glad that they were part of your life. Ppl deal with grieving in their own way but when my grandad died of cancer I decided to look at it in the way that he would no longer feel pain but peace and although he has left this life he still lives on ... this brings me comfort. I'm not really a religious person but god bless xjx | |
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jimb77
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Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 4:41:37 AM | | Did you see Lion King? You have to accept it as the cycle of life. Sad but we are leaving one day, one way or another? Did she have a good life? were you a good friend? remember the good & happy times. | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 10:14:53 AM | | Just wanted to say hi, just a thought for you,,,I bet this person is also worried about you, I had to go through this not to long ago with both my parents,I new both of them were not going to live more than a year, so I had time to prepare for their passing,but I will tell you one thing you are never prepared for when it does happen,suround yourself with friends and loved ones,Don't isolate yourself and talk to them let them no how you are feeling,,lots of hugs. I like that poem that one person put on here,it says it all. | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 10:20:07 AM | been there...just spend alot of time with this person and just say whatever you would like them to hear whether good or bad.....tell them you have appreciated what they have did for you and will miss them.......  | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 11:23:37 AM | This is hard, but try not to think about how much you will miss her, for now. Focus on her. Be there as much as possible. Let her know what an impact she had on your life and how you will never ever forget her. Focusing on her will also help with your own pain.
It is the cycle of life, but the hard cycle. We are all going someday, it's just really hard for the people we leave behind. There is a whole greiving process and each area of grief takes time. Sad, mad, glad, they all come into play at some point. God Bless you and yours. | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 11:43:57 AM | Hi!
My Mom died a very short time ago .... cancer as well. When she began to get sick, she moved in with me (my father passed away many years ago) and I made certain famiy spent as much time as possible with her. We listened to her and did, gladly what ever was necessary. We enlisted help and spent as much time as possible with her. When things progressed, she was admitted to hospital. We were with her right to the end. A few days she only woke sporadically, but we were there, right to the end. Whe she passed on, we could see the relief and knew she was better. .... Just be there, even if just a word or a hand hold... it will make a difference for her and it will mean everything to you when the time comes. It is not easy at all ..... but it is not difficult either. What you give of yourself will come back to you later .... every time you think about her, and you will be moved and a better person for it.
I genuinely wish you the best and knowledge of understanding in what you are going through. You will get through it and move on, but they will remain with you always. | |
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AI03™
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Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 16 | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 12:32:28 PM | I am very sorry for your loss, I pray that God will comfort you and your family. I am almost in tears here because i have been trying to figure this out for almost 10 years, I wish I can help you. I just wish you to hang in there and be optimistic , i too am trying my best and it's not easy.
Hope things get better
God bless you | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 1:34:32 PM | I'm sorry someone you love in your life is dying. Dying is a natural part of life, and unfortunately it comes too soon for some. Death is a painful and traumatic experience for those suffering the loss. If she's in the hospital or in hospice, take them up on their offers of spiritual support. Talk to others suffering this loss with you . Pray for a peace about your loss and grief.
'See I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared' Exodus 23:20 | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 2:06:30 PM | | i work in a nursing home and often deal with famlies and friends of my patients that are dying and i have foudn that no matter how much you are prepared for death you really never are when it happens its still a shock. so if i was you i woudl spend quaility time with her tell her how you feel about her and write her a letter as well it does help but to be honest from my experiences there is no way to tell anyoen how to deal with death. just remember her hte way she was and the things you two did together. we are here for you and to support you. | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 2:16:42 PM | | my grandmother died just recently and we were all there beside her to confort her it was hard but just knowing that the pain had stopped and she was resting confortably ment the world to all of us . be there for that person it hurts but the pain diminishes in time. | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 2:29:45 PM | You never say good-bye. You live giving that person full respect and treat them like any day.
A buddy of mine was dying of cancer, he told me. I don't wanna die knowing how sad I am making all of you. Let the days go just like any, so I can go out being happy.
That night he passed away, and you know -- he was happy, we were happy -- just like he wanted.
Never say good-bye, just say " See ya tomorrow " so they have something to look forward too, even if they do pass on
I lost both parents by the time I was 18, I lost 80% of my aunt's and uncles, I have had a niece pass away, and I have lost 13 friends, and I never once said good-bye to them. | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 2:48:07 PM | I too lost someone I loved very much to pancreatic cancer. We were supposed to get married and suddenly he broke it off. He didn't want to see me suffer the hurt. I did get the time to say goodbye and let him know how much I loved him. I am at peace with myself, but it doesn't make it any easier. Enjoy the time you have together, share your feelings...you won't have any regrets...Just many happy memories. I wrote this...try to think of things this way...
Angel By My Side
We spent wonderful times together;
Love and respect we shared.
But, all that came to an end,
In a way that no one would be prepared.
The Lord took you away from me
And with it a piece of my heart too,
But that is a part of life
And there is nothing that I could do.
You may have left in body
and things just won't be the same.
Memories of you will last always.
And your spirit will surely remain.
You are in a better place: heaven
Because here your job was complete.
You will truly be missed by all, and
Hopefully, again someday we'll meet.
To me you are now a breath of fresh air,
The sunshine in the sky,
A raindrop that falls,
But most of all, an angel by my side.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend. | |
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marol
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Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 6:02:03 PM | | i tend to agree with the saying goodbye thing..when i visited my father in the hospital and was time for me to leave...i looked back and he was also looking back as i was walking out the door...and he waved to me, i smiled and left.... we both knew that was the last time we would see each other on this earth..and it was more like,.. well see ya later | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 6:19:56 PM |
a person very close to me is dying of cancer...she will be gone any day...im having a hard time dealing with it...she is like a mom to me and i am going to miss her so much...how do you say goodbye?
Live with them as much as You can,Love them as much as You can..there is no doubt it is going to hurt..Remember ..I'm sure this Person loves You enough,to tell You that they Do not want You to Be sad..They will no longer Be in Pain...When The time comes let them go on to their next journey | |
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| how do you deal with someone dying?
Posted: 12/2/2005 6:26:29 PM | | Honey, there is no such thing as good bye. Religiously, we go to a far happier place than this. Scientifically. we are energy. We can not be destroyed, only trasformed. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, always a part of the ever changing universe. Hug her, hold her hand, tell her you'll miss her, and you love her. Because life on earth is a blink of the eye. Be glad you had her as long as you did. Someone will come to fill the emptiness. And she'll probably be hanging around as your guardian angel. Blessings, love and Light. ps Just went thri it myself | |
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