| | What have you learned from your failed relationships?Page 1 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | What have you learned from your failed relationships? By that, I don't mean what a goof the other person was, but what you could have done differently.
For me, I learned to accept people for who they are and to not try and change them.
I don't think you can justify trying to change someone else, no matter how noble your intentions might be. Oh, you can ask for a behaviour change if something really disturbs you, but then you have to let it go. You have to let them be who they are. If you can't handle it, then leave...don't try to force the issue through manipulation.
Oh, I believe if you see someone doing harm to themselves or others, you need to speak up. If it's criminal, you need to contact the authorities. If there are steps to be taken, take them, but then let it go. Any changing that takes place has to in the heart of the other person.
In my marriage, I spent way too much time trying to change my ex husband, who was struggling with active addictions and an untreated mental illness. I wanted him to be well, to see the world as a place full of hope and happiness, and I tried so hard to accomplish this. Unfortunately, I didn't have the power to effect this change...and I didn't have the right to try and force feed him my belief system. So, we both ended up being miserable. Truly, I should have left him long before I did. He had a right to be unhappy and unwell if he wanted. (So says the law.) I let my pride and a misguided sense of loyalty get in the way.
So, after a lot of heartache over a lot of years, I left him. If I had of accepted him for who he was and not tried to change him, I would have left him long before I did. I could have started living the type of life I was meant to a lot sooner. Life is too short to spend it courting unhappiness. Never again!
What about you? | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 5:34:27 PM | I've learned that it's possible to love someone very deeply without being in love with them.
I've learned that when you have genuine emotion for someone you truly know well, it might change and grow , or fade a little over time, but it never really dies.
I've learned that a failed romance can be the source of some of life's greatest and most rewarding friendships.
I learned from my first marriage that sometime people (even if they don't mean to be) are simply toxic to you, and you sometimes just have to walk away without looking back, even if you care.
I've learned that love doesn't come around the bend every day. When you love someone, no matter what kind of form that takes, hold on to that with everything you have....it's what life is all about. Our connections to other people are all that are really gonna matter in the end. | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 5:36:11 PM | Most definitely I have learned a few times over from failed relationships....and am still learning.
These experiences have helped me to better define what I am looking for in an individual and what compliments the type of person that I am. | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 5:38:19 PM | I have learned not to try to be overly nice to these broads. I can be myself and be "civil", but not all "oh I'd do this and that for you". For one, it looks weak and for two... its no need to be that way. Yes, even I, the great Sparda, have made some mistakes in the past on my inevitable path to perfection.  | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 6:47:28 PM | @Pandy: Wonderful post! Thanks for sharing.
@Sparda: You can't give away too much of yourself to your "broads", or you'll lose who you are. We set ourselves up for heartache sometimes, don't we?
@Clownfish: Some people get presented with the same lessons over and over again, and never get it. How lucky you are to be in that rare group that actually gets it.
I don't get "it" easily. lol I often need to bang my head against the wall many times before I actually do absorb what I've learned. Unfortunately, I've made the same mistake in more than one relationship, sometimes knowing full well what I was getting myself into. Knowing something and accepting it are two different things.
Ironically enough, my next long term relationship after the dissolution of my marriage was with another active alcoholic. lol Glutten for punishment. Which brings me to the next lesson that I've learned:
Actions are more important then words. Watch what someone does, for there is often much more truth in that then what they tell you they're all about.
And the next lesson, when someone tells you something you don't want to believe....believe it. lol Don't waste energy on denial. | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 6:58:51 PM | | We all have the potential to be scum. It's hard not to stereotype in lieu of empirical observation. as to trust, I suggest you resist the compulsion to stereotype, or become a lesbian. Just kidding. | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:03:12 PM | I just ended a 16 year marriage. For me I was smittened the moment I met her and married after 3 years of dating. She spent the next years trying to change me and I tried my best to become the person she wanted. Anyways you can't spend all you time trying to change someone.
So What have I learned?
Don't spend all your energy trying to please others.
Please yourself first.
Don't stop talking.
Don't talk in anger.
Make time to be together. | |
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jdctx
| | Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:11:11 PM | | I learn that in a relationshiip there is always someone who loves the other more and the less is alway aware of it.. When you are the one who loves you offer your heart ini hope its well cared for..I can't control who I may fall in love with next and I don't want to surpress that feeling.. I just hope I can be more careful in how and when I choose to show my feelings. | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:38:49 PM | | I've learned I have so much to give and share, and bitterness is not a part of my life. My next love will benefit from what I have learned in the past, and I shall be an even better man for them! | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:52:57 PM | pandy, read my thread on the difference between love and in love.
Ok so here goes. I learned that trust and respect are earned qualities. They cannot be given right away and they must be maintained. I learned that there are things that I really should never have to put up with again. I learned not to get involved off the rebound.
I learned that you can have a great relationship, for a long period of time. As soon as someone stops communicating, or starts lying, its over. Thats the shame of it.
Thats good enough for now, I am off to another thread to start more trouble
PS.....I know you dont realize it Pandy, but I can tell from what you wrote, that you have used the love and in love excuse to get out of a relationship before. Best not to do things that way again. Just because people hurt worse and think things can be worked out when, in reality, you already decided they cant. Just advice from someone experienced in the love and in love game. I hurt worse because they both "loved" me walking out the door. It doesnt soften the blow | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 7:59:35 PM | I hope it HASN'T failed, but so far, I've learned to look deeper inside of myself,
I've learned to let go and to not panic and try not to drive.
I've learned that I've got years of crying bottled up inside of me that must come out to just get past what was to what is.
I've learned that I can be childish and mean, but hopefully forgiven.
I've learned that someone can touch you very deeply and mark your life forever, with just a couple of words.
Still learning.... | |
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cxs33
| | Joined: 11/16/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 8:57:03 PM | I've learned that I am 100% accountable for the relationship that I am in; good or bad.
Only I can control my happiness. It is not the responsibility of others to make me happy.
If something makes you happy (as long as it is not harmful to you or others) keep doing it.
Love is not enough; long lasting, good relationships, require work but both people have to want to do the work, no one can do it alone.
Communication, communication, communication...
Never settle, especially if you're lonely...no one deserves to be strung along while you wait for something better...
Never do for others in order to get something in return...this is not a game so don't keep score; it's not about winning or losing.
It's not just men and women that are different from eachother; everyone is different. Can you overcome the differences, agree to disagree and then focus on the similarities?
Speak up, don't be afraid to ask for what you want and need out of the relationship just because you think you'll scare the other person away. Compromising is okay but you should never have to sacrifice yourself; this is love we're talking about, not war.
Commit to the relationship everyday if it is what you want. Don't just commit when it suits your needs or when things are easy.
I could go on and on but I'll stop for now...
Laughter is the key to happiness so find a reason to laugh today... | |
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| What have you learned from your failed relationships?
Posted: 12/5/2005 9:27:28 PM | | I have learned to just enjoy everymoment and experience in life as everything happens for reason no matter if its good or bad. a lesson is to be learned. Keep the blinds open and let the sun shine threw and never ever settle for less. Everyone deserves to be happy. | |
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