| what's wrong with saying "thanks but no thanks"
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:32:08 AM | How many times have you seen a profile that interests you...crafted a well thought out e-mail...sent it...
only to see "read/deleted"...
Am I the only person who actually responds to ALL e-mails sent...
I know that the "sour-grapes" thing to do is "they wouldn't be worthwhile because they're so obviously rude"
but I'd really like to get a "thanks but no thanks" response...no explanation needed and none asked for...
just "not interested"...
I always respond to e-mails with a "thank you but I'm not interested" note...am I the odd man out here? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:44:25 AM | | It won't happen. People seem to not use thier manners on the net. I guess if you can easliy avoid a person with a click of a mouse, why be polite. Good to know from my point of view, I GREATLY value manner's in a person. On here I can tell if the other person has them or not. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:47:08 AM | nothing...unless you are responding....wait...."un-repsonding"....to sparda...in which.....worst case scenario....you might get called a "broad" in public...... | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 9:47:50 AM | | Nope. You're not the only one. I also send a reply. It may not be the response the original sender was looking for , but I DO reply. Never nasty or rude, simply"thanks, but no" or a short note to let them know that I did ACTUALLY read their profile. Especially if they had something in it that was interesting to see. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 10:26:42 AM | After you get a few nasty responses to your 'Thanks, but I'm not interested and I wish you luck finding the the girl you're looking for' letters, you start getting a little leery of responding at all.
I frequently drop a quick note to people I've seen here on the forums - and frankly, I don't care if they respond or not. Some have, and they're great to correspond with. Some haven't and it's no big deal. Of course, I do realize it's a far different thing to send a 'hey, great post!' note and a 'hey, I'd really like to meet you' post and the expectations are different... but the principle is the same. If they don't respond, assume they're not interested and move on. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 12:07:37 PM | It's not like you have been introduced, have friends in common, or are *physically* in a place where it is assumed that everyone has a common interests. Therefore, I don't think the etiquette rules you apply in those situations are applicable online, it's more like a stranger approaching you on the street. If I am not uncomfortable with the person, I will respond in a friendly manner. Otherwise, I may cross the street or just ignore them.
I reply to 90% plus of my emails. But some people don't take "no" for an answer very easily, which is tedious. Also, I prefer to see read, deleted over receiving a rejection notice, so I'm not really convinced that a "thanks, but no thanks" response is the kinder way to go.
Why make such a big deal of it? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 2:02:49 PM | I reply to EVERYTHING I get.. I dont care if they're unattractive or not... they'll just be more friend material...
but I'm working on a record of "read/deleted" or "unread/deleted" messages.. lol.
oddly enough, its more the average looking that do that, and found that the more attractive ones will reply *Shrug* | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 4:48:47 PM | It's okay...I'm "old school" lol, I read and reply...maybe people don't want to give the other side hope or maybe they just can't take 5 seconds out of their time to write "good luck on your search..." | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 4:56:11 PM | There is no excuse for rudeness even on the Internet...but I have been blasted both ways; I always write the person back and I will say "thanks but no thanks", only to receive an SOB of a response telling me how shallow and ****y I must be if I could decipher from a profile and photo that we wouln't be a match. One guy followed it up with "and to prove you're not **** I expect you to meet me tonight at "such & such' and see how wrong you are!"....
Uh, I'm thinking I was able to hit the nail on the head just from the profile if that's the response I got back...needless to say I didn't show LOL
However those are few and far between, I still always acknowledge everyone..... | |
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Raven1
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Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 11 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 5:23:07 PM | Why make such a big deal of it?
Why?
SIMPLE, because people (the mongrels that condsider theselves people anyway) in today's day and age lack manners!
Whether it be on the net on in "reality".
Want an example?
Hold a door open for someone as you enter/exit a shopping mall (or anywhere else for that matter) and see how many of them actually acknowledge you and say "thank you"!
You'd be suprised but how many don't.....some even just give you a funny look (as if they've just gone senile and lost their mind completely)
Happens all the time. It's as if those types of people think you owe them or something. You do something nice out of politeness and manners not expecting anything in return. HOWEVER, out of the same mannerly conduct they should at least have manners enough to be polite and thank you.
It's the same thing on the net. People lack manners.
Example: you could be chatting away on Msn Messenger with someone and then all of a sudden you get no replies for 20-30 mins and then they come back.
They then tell you "sorry the phone rang" or "I had to go do something".....LOL
Whether you're speaking to someone on the phone or communicating with them through a computer the same rules of edicut still apply. I don't know how people fail to realize this.
If your on the phone with someone and have to do something or answer another line do you not ask that person to hold.
Do you not excuse yourself somehow?
Well it's the same thing on the computer. There's no difference.
With that being said; how hard is it to write a simple reply. Sometimes I see the same faces on here time and time again (everytime I log in).
If you have that much time to always be on here how do you not have the 30 seconds to 1 min it takes to compose a simple message?
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 5:33:30 PM | | Same here, I respond to any and all letters sent to me. It is not only heartbreaking, but disheartening to get a "read/deleted" kind of response. If a woman isn't interested, fine. I wish she would just come right out and say it. Oh sure, sometimes they're obviously trying to politely turn me down, that's cool with me. I bow out gracefully. No need to waste energy on the wrong person. But I think honesty should be used more often. The only time I think read/delete should be used is if the message is incredibly rude in nature (often women deal with overly sexual messages) or a response may only lead to an aggrivated aggressive response (men tend to deal with this from women they're not interested in romantically and in turn get heat put on them for being shallow or something). Other then that, if the response is purely innocent or kind hearted, why the read/delete? That's just rude in turn I think. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 6:31:55 PM | People seem polite enough. Maybe your emails are just too boring. I will write a letter to anybody, very hot women to big and unattractive if I have something to say. I find it works better if your email is funny or you tease them. Even if they don't find you attractive, or if you are not their type, they will almost always respond with a comeback. Maybe your letters are boring or awkward. Or maybe there is just no attraction? I usually won't write back if the women isn't attractive (its not going to go anywhere, no sense in wasting time), but usually just if the conversation is boring and lame. I will write to or get written back to more often on other sites, but I think its more important to just have fun and talk to different people. I don't think it works too often if you are forward and say something like 'you look very pretty and i love how your profile says you're intuitive. i am seeking a lovely woman and you are very attractive. i have never seen such a hot woman before and it would make my day to get with you. i'd like to meet you for coffee tomorrow.' I think most woman would find that boring and awkward? What are you going to do anyways, stare at her and talk about the weather? Besides, when you are just having a good time, you wont worry so much about how your profile looks, whats wrong with me, what am i not doing etc.
Oh another thing, if a woman doesn't write you back, whats wrong with that? If she was interested, SHE WOULD HAVE WRITTEN YOU BACK. So when she doesn't, can't you take a hint?! Its not rude, its how it works. Its a waste to read an email back saying 'no thanks', if I got one i'd really be sitting there thinking 'ok, and her point in emailing me this, is....?' Do you expect the woman to TELL you why shes not interested? Well for 1, she probably can't put her finger on it in the first place, 2 maybe she doesnt want to hurt you and get a nasty letter back, and 3 why the hell should she?
Someone said people don't thank you for holding the door open? Well why do they need to, its not like they asked you to... I know where you're coming from... I REALLY can't help not hold the door. Almost everyone says thanks. People who don't are usually the awkward, introverted type anyways. Or maybe you only hold the door for super hot babes lol? Maybe they saw you let the door hit some old lady in the face? LOL LOL | |
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MattMo
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Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/11/2005 6:48:22 PM | Well.....I have had the same problem too. It's a shame we can't name names here!
I think my problem...or theory....is that maybe I e-mail chicks too hot for me?!?!
Maybe they are just expecting that "cut guy" with his shirt off???
I aways get "read...deleted"....
Makes me mad because I am not the fastest typer and I really try to act sincere and ask questions.
Makes me want to do the usual "what's up"......but I don't think that will get me anywhere either.
I think in the end.....it just comes down to looks and if that person finds you attractive. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 5:34:51 PM | lococoyote: The ignoring aspect has nothing to do with people writing boring emails…if some one writes to you and shows interest, there is no valid excuse to ignore them…..
It’s a dating site, you have a right NOT to want to date everyone who writes to you, but it is still incredibly RUDE to ignore someone who has gone to the effort…..
I say that the people doing the ignoring are falsely full of themselves and this is just part of who they are….they assume because it’s internet dating, their actions should not be held against them, but I would disagree….there is no difference if a woman/man walks up to you in public and says ‘hello’ and you just look at her/him and turn and walk away without saying anything, than to reading and deleting an email with no response….rude is rude in any fashion…
And maybe if it helps these people to be selfish, than they should realize that friends of friends are on these sites and maybe someday when they go to the trouble to write their email and it’s ignored, it will be because one friend told the other, ”Don’t bother writing him back, he’s a jerk! I wrote to him and he read it, deleted it, and did not have the decency to say “no Thanks”. Their actions might be shooting themselves in the foot…. | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:09:28 PM | I think my problem...or theory....is that maybe I e-mail chicks too hot for me?!?!
Maybe they are just expecting that "cut guy" with his shirt off???
that, my friend, is a WHOLE 'nuther thread... | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:12:30 PM | This thread has been done and done and done again...please see all the other posts on the subject.
The end result of all past threads is that there is no correct and perfect way to handle this. Yes, in an ideal world, everyone would respond to everyone's email. But this isn't an ideal world. In an ideal world, they would also read your profile before writing an introductory letter, tell the truth in their profiles, not send an intro. email based solely on appearance...etc. etc. etc...
We've vaguely established a roughly 5:1 ratio of men to women on this site. I know for a fact that there are many women and likely men that get much more mail a day than I do.
From my own experience only: when I first started PoF, I would receive about 20 +/- new emails daily. I prefer to read the profile before I read the letter, to find out whether or not the person who wrote me even has anything in common with me or my goals. If not, I read the letter out of curiosity but it has to be spectacular to make me want to reply. If I read the profile and we have a lot in common, I may reply simply because it is a good, obvious match. However, of those 20 messages a day, about 5 of them would be an almost identical, "liked your profile, if you like mine, lets chat," or "you're hot, lets chat"...something like that. So, in the beginning, I was reading 20+/- profiles daily with 20 +/- letters. There was no way I had the time to also reply to all of them. Say, for example that this is the first day... the second day, you have to reply to the people who are sending you their second letter (which you replied to the day before), and then you have the new 20 emails again. Add that up to the end of the week and you're at the computer for hours upon hours...
So, the only answer, if you want to politely "thanks but no thanks" everyone, is to create a form letter and copy and paste them all. How is that less rude than a simple delete? Frankly, I have tried this and I have also tried individualizing each rejection notice for each email...what happens in that case? You get emails back from people ARGUING with you... or YELLING at you... I am not going to be yelled at just to be polite when the people can simply check their sent messages to see whether or not its been deleted yet. I could maybe understand if they had no way to check whether or not their message had been read/deleted etc., but it's one, simple click for them to see this as opposed to however long it takes a person to write an email (more than once, in most cases). So yah, how on earth is this rude? | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:21:49 PM | With that being said; how hard is it to write a simple reply. Sometimes I see the same faces on here time and time again (everytime I log in).
If you have that much time to always be on here how do you not have the 30 seconds to 1 min it takes to compose a simple message?
Because often the .."Thanks but no thanks" can be and is followed by an e trying to open a converstaion...or why? or an insult..or the three in that order...
Should I make up some reason why I am not interested..or just say "thanks but I do not think we are a good match"? or what..I am honestly asking.
I don't like hurting feelings..but i do not want to go back and forth when I have alreay said I am not interested..and you never know which it will be.
Have answered ads and not gotten a response...and I see it as similiar to if I smile at him and he does not smile back..Am I then entitled to an explanation?
I don't think so. And I don't expect one..IOW I approached but he is not obliglated to reply to me. And I never even check if they read and deleted..I just checked reponses.
One tack to spend some..but not a tremendous amount of time on e mails and send more of them...Then whatever answers you do get great...
this is jmo J | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:23:33 PM | Once again I say communication is communication and because it's email is no different:
It's no different than having someone walk up to you in public, smile and say hello and you simply stare at them and walk away....period. Maybe in some cases that response in public is warranted like someone coming up and interrupting you while talking to friends or eating, (Although I still don't see me doing that) however on a dating website you are in fact inviting people to write to you if they are interested.
There is always an option to turn your profile OFF and then only write to the people YOU ARE interested in. But if you are going to invite almost anyone to write to you, than it's rude to ignore them...if you see nothing wrong with it, add a sentence in your profile that says “If I'm not attracted to you I won't respond to your email.” (What, you don't want to put that because it might come off as rude?)
Of course you’re free to do that and free to ignore emails and we are free to think it's rude..... different people with different opinions... | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 6:33:21 PM | Judy:
I personally would just say thank you, but I don't see us a s a match and then any nice closing you want to add....AFTER that anything rude that comes back is all them and you can always block that person and not respond if they are rude.
I have been ignored and also been written back with the "No Thanks' thing and I never write them back to ask why….it's a dating site, they have a right not to be bugged as to why they don't see us as a match...
I am on two other sites that have actually written out a canned response for the other person to click that says "Thanks but I don't see us as a match, good luck on your search"....and even at that people won't click the button.....and yes there have been guys tell me they prefer to be ignored than to be told "no Thanks"....since they are in the minority, I'll keep doing it the way I am....
I say just try to use common sense manners and leave it at that...there will be weird scenarios no matter what.... | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 8:05:16 PM |
How many times have you seen a profile that interests you...crafted a well thought out e-mail...sent it...
only to see "read/deleted"...
Am I the only person who actually responds to ALL e-mails sent...
I know that the "sour-grapes" thing to do is "they wouldn't be worthwhile because they're so obviously rude"
but I'd really like to get a "thanks but no thanks" response...no explanation needed and none asked for...
just "not interested"...
I always respond to e-mails with a "thank you but I'm not interested" note...am I the odd man out here?
Sorry Bud it can't happen. I was on this site a long time ago and I learned if you take the time to send a nice rejection letter, EVERYONE sends back a "So whats wrong with me letter". They try to drag you into a war of you trying not to insult them and be rude while they egg you on... SUX | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 12/12/2005 8:23:32 PM | I say just try to use common sense manners and leave it at that...there will be weird scenarios no matter what....
I respect your opinion..but see what jokergod said..
I used to always send a "thanks but no thanks"...and "here will always be weird sceanrios" is
true ..from some....and that is why I no longer do..it leaves ya more likely to experience that
and I got tired of it. The man may think how rude..but I am thinking if I do send it am I going to get that rude reply? When I express an intrest and do not get a repy..it's ok.
Jmo J | |
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OhShea
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Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/13/2006 1:05:33 AM | How about the completely juvenille retorts one gets to a POLITE "thanks but no thanks" when faced with an email from someone you aren't interested in?
Let's look at this latest winner I just received only moments ago.... 
"u r only gettin interest on the net lady and obviously not in real life.. U r the one who needs good luck, not me.. I prefer my women on the lighter side.. good luck to u"
Sorry... but looks like I'm going to adopt the policy of many of the other people on here & just do a quick "read/unread-delete" next time I get a message from someone I'm NOT interested in... who needs the abuse after taking the time to say "thanks but no thanks" in the nicest possible way?  | |
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| what's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks
Posted: 6/13/2006 2:11:49 AM | I respond to all except the whole "how big are your boobs?" and insulting ones - they don't really warrant a response in my opinion.
Oh yes there is one man who keeps making stupid nurse/patient jokes with me - yeah like thats never been done before - so I don't respond to him ,hoping , in vain, that he gets the effin point! | |
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